Fond Farewell

Hello bloggers, readers, and friends...it's time...time for me to move on.

My life is super busy and I am beginning a new, exciting venture that will take up a lot of time.  I feel like I will not be able to devote much to this blog and it would just end up being something that I feel guilty about not doing and keeping up with.  My plate is so full and I kept dropping things.  I would look at those things and feel awful and try to shove them all back on the plate.  And then it hit me...why don't I just take some things off the plate and lay them down.  Now my plate is more manageable and I am not feeling so awful about all those things I was dropping all the time...I can focus on less to have more...and truly enjoy and do my best at everything left on the plate.  After taking several things off the plate, I realized that it is okay...nothing bad happens, I can pick them up again someday or leave them as a fond memory of something to be proud of. But it is okay to lay them down and take them off the plate.

I will miss you all very much and I wanted to say goodbye instead of just disappearing into cyberspace.  I want to thank you all for your positive comments and advice.  My life is better for having had all of you in it.  It has been an awesome three years and I have learned so very much about myself and my marriage.

I hope that you have gotten some joy for having read here...even if it was just a little laugh at my expense.  I hope that you have felt like you are not alone in your struggles as you read about mine.  I hope that you have felt like you could be honest and open here as that was always my intent.

My husband and I have a relationship that I can be proud of.  That happened here.  And I can't thank you enough for your support.  Oh, don't get me wrong...we are far from perfect, friends, but we have the rest of our lives together, God willing, to make things better.  I am certain we will make mistakes, but I feel so amazed at our growth in the last three years.

If I take up the "pen" again someday, I will seek you out, as you all have been the most supportive, loving, sounding board a person could ask for.  I thought about something I could leave you with...What to do?...got it!...you would be surprised if I didn't leave you with a bit of cheese right?  I am all things cheesy...so I will leave you with a song.  

Best wishes friends on your journey home..."wherever" that may be.

The Last Goodbye

by: Billy Boyd

I saw the light fade from the sky
On the wind I heard a sigh
As the snowflakes cover
My fallen brothers
I will say this last goodbye

Night is now falling
So ends this day
The road is now calling
And I must away

Over hill and under tree
Through lands where never light has shone
By silver streams that run down to the sea

Under cloud, beneath the stars
Over snow one winter's morn
I turn at last to paths that lead home

And though where the road then takes me,
I cannot tell
We came all this way
But now comes the day
To bid you farewell

Many places I have been
Many sorrows I have seen
But I don't regret
Nor will I forget
All who took that road with me

Night is now falling
So ends this day
The road is now calling
And I must away

Over hill, and under tree
Through lands where never light has shone
By silver streams that run down to the sea

To these memories I will hold
With your blessing I will go
To turn at last to paths that lead home

And though where the road then takes me,
I cannot tell
We came all this way
But now comes the day
To bid you farewell

I bid you all a very fond farewell

Beautiful Mess

Our family has been very busy lately, what with the end of school, sports, graduations, birthday parties, strep throat, swim lessons, teacher gifts, doctors, dentists, orthodontists, eye check ups, work, field days, field trips, etc., etc.  But when is life not pretty busy for any of us really?  We try to fit in time to relax and just go with the flow...some months that works better than others.  May is not one of those months, but June looks better.  May was a mess!

I got a new job which I am very excited about.  It is one based on commission and will take a while to get going, but is something I can be passionate about doing.  I will continue to teach preschool part time during the school year until I can do this exclusively.  I had to really stick myself out there for this and am very happy that I stepped out of my comfort zone, but also a bit nervous.  It will be an adjustment for everyone as I work towards full time work again.  The house will probably be a mess.

I sat the other day and watched my children and husband run around the backyard and play while I sipped some wine after a particularly long, stressful day full of kid whining, mistake making, errand running, dog puking exhaustingness (I know that isn't a word, but it should be!).  As the sun set, I kept laughing at stuff the kids would say or things my husband would do and thought, "They are such a mess...my beautiful mess."  (Just to clarify for you non-Southern folk...mess in this context is a term of endearment, not an insult.)

Levi and I have had some fun times lately despite our busyness.  He continues to find me attractive even when at times this month I have been more of a hot mess.  We have good days and bad as far as closeness goes, but I know this will always be part of the ebb and flow of any relationship.  Life is messy and I am still learning that I can't control that...I can't change that...and am hoping to embrace it.

With all this mess this past month, I heard this song and just thought it fit.  The video is strange, but I love the lyrics and the folk/indie sound.  Isn't this what sharing your life with someone is all about?...we share the each other's mess.

Talking like we used to do

It was always me and you

Shaping up and shipping out

Check me in and check me out

Do you like walking in the rain?

When you think of love, do you think of pain?

You can tell me what you see

I will choose what I believe

Hold on, darling

This body is yours,

This body is yours and mine

Well hold on, my darling

This mess was yours,

Now your mess is mine

Your mess is mine

See you in the marketplace

Walking 'round at 8am

Got 2 hours before my flight

Luck be on my side tonight

You're the reason that I feel so strong

The reason that I'm hanging on

You know you gave me all the time

Oh, did I give enough of mine?

Hold on, darling

This body is yours,

This body is yours and mine

Well hold on, my darling

This mess was yours,

Now your mess is mine

Bring me to your house

Tell me sorry for the mess

Hey, I don't mind

You're talking in your sleep

Out of time

Well, you still make sense to me

Your mess is mine

Your mess is mine

This body's yours and this body's mine

Your mess is mine

Romance for your husband: Such a tease!

I sent Levi this picture at work this afternoon:

Along with this text:

Me: Hey babe, hope you are having a great day...I was thinking about wearing this tonight

Levi: Where are we going???

Me: Nowhere, it's for after the kids go to bed...ONLY this...what do you think?  Would black heels be better?  Do you not like the lip gloss?

Levi:  Oh no...that's good...I like everything!!

I then sent him a picture of my lips with the lip stick/gloss on in a kissy face.

Man this sure is fun;)  Not sure where this teasing girl is coming from, but she is having a VERY good time with her husband!

Why does he do that?!

As much as it may have seemed that way lately, marriage is not always butterflies, rainbows, and unicorns.  Don't get me wrong, things have been great here lately, but marriage is never a cake walk is it?  Is it?  Ever?  Cause that would be really cool, right?  Ah, but we live in the real world of expectations, desires, personalities, and opinions that don't always match up.

I need your help.  Levi has a habit that DRIVES ME INSANE!  I can't figure out why he does it?  I thought if I could figure out why, especially if it is something that I am doing, then I could help prevent it.

Let me give you some examples:

We were on vacation and I asked if he wanted to walk to a certain area to explore.  He said it was too far.  I said okay.  He said no, let's go ahead and go.  I said no, we don't have to.   He said no, that sounds fun, let's go.  I said okay and we go.  Well, he starts acting like he is mad about being there.  He is acting annoyed and sucking any fun out of being there.

Another example:

We are on our way to a party that he said he wanted to go to when asked the week before.  On the way there, he tells me he never wanted to go.  And you are telling me now? What do you want me to do about it now?  Why did you say you wanted to if you really didn't?

I could list more examples, but I think you get the gist.  It doesn't happen all the time, but when it does, I can feel my anger bubbling to the surface.  It takes a lot on my part to keep it from boiling over.  It takes a lot for me to get angry, but when I do, it isn't pretty; especially when I feel like someone's issue being directed at me is unjustified.

If you don't tell me, how am I supposed to know? I really hate when you say you want to do something and then act mad at me when you are doing it?  I have said these things to him and yet he still does it.

What I can't figure out is why?

seems a bit passive aggressive? he is really mad at himself, but taking it out on me?

is he just being too nice, wanting to make me happy, but not telling me how he really feels because he is afraid to upset me?

is it because of the years of stealing the pants from him, now he doesn't want to rock the boat? path of least resistance and all that?

What is the deal?  and what can I do about it?

More romance for your husband

I didn't update you on how my last romance post turned out...oops.  I was true to my word and did not pack myself any pajamas on our trip.  I did find several surprises in my suitcase and wore them and also nothing at all certain nights during our week long trip without kids.

It was like a reboot.  I had been struggling with libido issues.  The past month, however, has been amazing!!  Spring has sprung at Bea's house!

We had a kid birthday party to attend this weekend and as much as Levi did not want to attend, he did.  He hates birthday parties.  But when your godchild is having a birthday, you probably should be there.  Even though he wasn't too happy about it and was the only male in attendance (the kiddo's dad was at work), he was playing with the kids and helping out.

As inappropriate as my timing may have been, I found his enthusiasm in being such an awesome dad and godfather incredibly sexy.  I wanted to somehow let him know how I was feeling so when he came over to take a break I gave him a huge hug and whispered in his ear.

"I'm wearing a thong."  He loves it when I wear a thong, but honestly it doesn't happen very often...usually when I need to do laundry.

He pulled out of the hug and gave me the "oh really" look.

"Blue and lacy," I whispered and smiled mischievously.

He grinned and then he was pulled away by the kids again.

Over cake and ice cream he was eyeing me appreciatively, and I kept catching him giving me a curious look and eyebrow wiggles.

In the middle of a kid birthday party may not have been the ideal place to tease him, but it was fun and got us both excited for night time to come.  He kept asking me what was the earliest the kids could go to bed when we got home.  Um...not 6:00!

And the results...I would do it again;)

Where have you been all my life?

I have a new love affair: Coconut Oil!

I have finally listened to voices of reason and knowledge and tried something that I will admit kinda freaked me out.  I first read about it here on Average Married Dad's blog...but I wasn't completely convinced.  Why? The oil word messed it up for me and the fact that it is solid...so strange.  You cook with it and you want me to put it where?

Here is the deal...I have very sensitive skin...my dermatologist tells me it is due to my red hair...makes me want to smack her.  I didn't used to have a problem with lubricant.  I had enough of my own...but three kids, hypothyroidism, getting older?...whatever the reason, I sometimes need it now.  I have tried so many lubricants it is not even funny!  That crap is expensive to try the first time and throw the bottle away...felt like I was throwing away money.

I have tried all the ones in the grocery store and the only one I could use was KY Sensitive and it is ridiculous sticky and may not cause immediate burning or irritation like some, but think it was contributing to chronic issues.  Plus it's full of parabens which I am trying to rid my life of.

Then I read about it's uses here at Frankly Speaking.  Then I had someone else tell me she used Coconut oil and that she has sensitive skin also...third time's a charm or female to female advice?  Not sure, but I thought...what the heck, I'll give it a whirl.

Amazing...not oily like I thought it was going to be...and my skin is better!  Plus we can use as it as a massage oil.  There is a slight odor that bugged me at first...I lit a candle the first time and now I am used to it.  So go get some coconut oil and...

Well...enjoy!

Romance for your husband

Here lately, I have been trying to surprise Levi more.  I am loving this...maybe even more than him.  I hope that he continues to be awed and I can continue to make his mouth drop.

As we are packing and getting ready to go on a trip sans kids, I surprise him with an announcement:

"Honey, I need for you to pack whatever you would like for me to wear at night.  If you don't pack anything, I plan on going naked."  (smile and saunter out of the room)

His face was priceless...a little shock and then like a kid in a candy store.

Now, let's see if I have any surprises in the suitcase...or nothing;)

What 15 years of marriage has taught me...

This month Levi and I will celebrate 15 years together...there were moments I wondered if we would make it, moments where I wondered if I had made the right choice, moments of disappointment, sadness, hurt feelings, and despair.  There were also moments of joy, laughter, passion, beauty, and a love so strong that it seems to fix everything.

Love this Ed Sheeran song..."Thinking Out Loud"

Here are 15 things that I have learned from 15 years of marriage:

1.  Marriage is not a fairy tale...happily ever after is not truth.  Now this doesn't mean that you won't be happy...but you won't be happy all the time.  It just isn't possible, so it is best that you don't have that expectation.  Marriage is not all rainbows and butterflies.

2.  Marriage is hard work...your mama did not lie!  It is hard work to stay on a path together, it is hard work not to let your ego get all worked up, and it is hard work to choose to be selfless and forgiving and loving towards someone who can push your buttons like no other.

3.  Marriage does not magically change bad habits...before you get married, if there is something that your significant other does that drives you crazy...they will continue to do it after you are married...do not expect that you will be able to change them.  So if you can't live with it, don't get married.  You can only change yourself...marriage does not change that.

4.  Marriage can survive difficult circumstances...IF you are willing to work for it.  When you come out whole on the other side, you will be a better person for it and you will have a better marriage for it.  It takes both of you to be willing to work.  Be patient...don't give up too easily.

5.  Marriage takes three...I am convinced that our marriage would not have survived some of its trials without our faith in God.  I realize that some of you are not believers, but I personally could not do this without God.

6.  Marriage does not mean the end of dating...It is very important to date your spouse, especially when you have children.  You need to remember why you got married in the first place so that you don't wake up when the kids are gone and wonder who this stranger is lying in bed next to you.  The grass is greener where you water it.  My mother in law taught me this...my in laws divorced when their children went to college.

7.  Marriage does not make your spouse a mind reader...You must learn to communicate effectively...still working on this one:) but I understand it as a truth.  I have worked hard (two years of practice) not to be a cactus or a steamroller and part 2 (most of the time)...now to effectively communicate issues and learn when to shut my mouth too.

8.  Marriage means different things to my spouse than it does to me and that's okay...I want to be loved and appreciated whereas respect and sex are extremely important to my spouse...They make him feel loved.  I truly wish I had understood this concept in the early years of marriage.

9.  Marriage requires tenacity to be successful...Never give up...thank goodness I am one stubborn woman because boy were there times that I felt like giving up.  I am sure that my husband had similar times.

10.  Marriage is better if you fight fair...You will fight.  That is just how it is.  My mother, whom I consider my marriage expert, taught me this.  She is on her third marriage, but has now been married almost 40 years.  She said you should follow fighting rules: no name calling, no cursing, and the "D" word is a dirty word that should not be thrown around just because you are upset.

11.  Marriage is better when you laugh with each other...don't take life so seriously that you forget to have joy.  Laughter really does make you feel better and when you can laugh together it bonds you...we have busted out laughing in the middle of a tiff and wondered what we were fighting about.

12.  Marriage is fluid...I will change, my spouse will change, our problems and challenges will change...and thank God for that.  If things weren't changing then there is no growth.  From someone who freaks at change...this is a bit distressing, but I remind myself that we can grow together and that it is a great thing!

13.  Marriage has taught me that you can love someone and still not like them sometimes...and that's okay.

14.  Marriage teaches you every day...I am constantly learning something new about me, about Levi, about our children and what we are teaching them by our example.  I learn things from my friends' and families' marriages also...what to do, what not to do, what can happen even when you do your best.

15.  Marriage gets better with age...The longer we are married, the better we get.  Plus the older you get the less of an idiot you are.  I shake my head at my 20 something year old self...but I wouldn't have it any other way.

We wouldn't be where we are had we not done everything the way we did it!

I love this song by Casting Crowns..."Broken Together"...The only way we'll last forever is broken together.

Signs Your Wife Wants It

Have you ever had this argument with your wife:

Husband: Hey babe, we haven't had sex in a while.

Wife: Well, I wanted to last night!!

Husband: Why didn't you say something?

Wife: Why didn't you notice?

I guarantee you if you find yourself in this situation then last night when you were snoring off in dreamland, your wife was awake and feeling frustrated.  But if she had just woken me up, you say...or she had just said something, you say...

This is one of those moments in life where I feel the need to apologize to men everywhere.  Even I think of these moments in my marriage and wonder if women aren't just a bit crazy.  The thing is I know my girlfriends have had similar arguments with their husbands as well.  You are not alone.  Now I am not speaking about those moments when your wife lights all the candles, plays "Let's Get it On", and is laying across the bed in lingerie looking at you with come hither eyes...if you can't figure that out...you are on your own.  I am talking about those other times when your wife may be putting out some subtle clues but you just aren't cluing in.

So men...pull up a chair...I am going to give you a little help in decoding your wife's subtle clues that she wants some:

Clue #1  She has been touching you...a lot.  Has she been reaching for your hand...rubbing the back of your neck while she sits beside you...touching your knee, elbow, etc.   It doesn't really matter where, but if she is finding an excuse to touch you when she doesn't normally, then she wants some.

If she has thrown in a butt grab or brushes against the package or finds a reason to press the breasts against your back while she reaches over your shoulder for something on the counter...she wants some...and I might add that you might need to pay better attention cause these are actually not so subtle.

Clue #2  She has been grooming...a lot.  She has brushed teeth, hair, shaved, lotioned, perfumed, etc. thirty minutes before bed.  Now, if she does this every day before bed, then this list won't help you...we are confusing that way...you are looking for things out of the ordinary here.  The thirty minutes before bed gives you a clue too...I have three kids...on a normal day my pre-bed routine is to brush my teeth and fall into bed and sometimes I am so exhausted I skip the teeth...I do not perfume before bed or do excessive grooming unless I want some.

If she has spent the day getting a mani/pedi, waxing, haircut, dresses up for no reason, puts on makeup when she doesn't normally and you don't notice...oh honey, I feel for you.  Your wife is feeling great about herself...this is your moment...don't screw it up.  She may also be trying to otherwise boost her confidence...please, please, pretty please notice!!...or her confidence may just get flushed down the toilet...she will feel unloved and unwanted.

Clue #3  She is wearing the good pajamas.  Yep, no t-shirt and flannel...she is wearing the ones that match and don't have holes.  She wants it.  Now, before you get too excited...check your laundry hamper...if it is full, then it may just mean that she hasn't done the laundry yet and that is the last clean thing in her drawer...you will have to look for other clues.

If she is wearing nothing and she normally wears something...baby, you got bigger problems than I can help you with if you can't figure out she wants some.

Clue #4 She made you your favorite meal and you are watching your favorite movie/favorite show/favorite sport with her...she is attempting romance...she wants it.  She also wants you to notice for goodness sake, so say thank you to her for making your night!!

She made you your favorite meal, watched your favorite movie and dropped the kids at grandma's...she wants it wild...don't be dense...take her on the stairs, or the kitchen table.

Clue #5  Her bra matches her panties...or she is wearing the good panties...she maybe even changed into the good panties from the ugly comfy panties she wore all day...she wants you to unwrap her gentleman...she shouldn't have to throw on a bow.

Add this with the good pjs or lingerie for goodness sake and you might want to ooo and aaah a bit.  Combine it with grooming and your favorites...she is way ahead of you buddy and has likely been thinking about it all day...you might want to sprint to catch up.

Clue #6  Little noises or stretching or both...okay, so you both hop into bed after a long day and she begins a little stretching, moaning mmmmm session with possible incidental foot rubbing your leg under the sheets.  I am instructing you to roll over towards her and take your fingertips and lightly stroke around the waist area, neck area, or upper leg...if she doesn't pull away and throws in a little mmmm...she wants some...proceed.

If she is rubbing or touching you and it is not incidental...um, hello?

Clue #7  Little things that are particular to each individual wife.  Well, heck...that isn't much help...let me give you an example.  I notice when I am feeling amorous, I play with my hair a lot...twirl it with my fingers, etc.  I have a friend who only plays with her hair if she is anxious so this wouldn't work for her.  So, know your wife...watch her...is there anything she does more often when she is "in the mood"?

Share below to help out your fellow males.  And ladies, did I forget anything?

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Okay...I get it...wives should learn to initiate and not be so subtle...so WHY OH WHY does she not just say something...

Reason #1 She wants to be pursued.  She wants you to be the dominant one...she wants to be wanted. She wants you to be crazy about her...so crazy about her that you are willing to work a little to get it.  If she initiates, it puts her in the dominant role and she may not feel comfortable there...or she just wants to be the one to feel your strength.

Reason #2 She is afraid you will say no or be turned off by her initiation....body issues, confidence issues, etc. can all add to this fear of initiating.  I have a friend who will no longer be in the same room with her husband naked unless the lights are off...and she is a good looking woman!  We are afraid you will not want IT, which to us translates to you don't want US.

Reason #3 She has no idea how to do it...should she just show up naked, should she dance a little jig, what does he want me to do?  Agh...the pressure!  Should we have dialogue about ways you would like us to initiate...certainly...are we going to bring it up...not likely!  Maybe start with, "I had this dream the other night that you did_______.  That was hot!"  Give a girl a hint every now and again.

And for goodness sake if you notice your flower blooming, then enjoy the garden.

Playlist to Put me in the Mood

I love living in the era where we have a playlist everything and a soundtrack for our lives.  And thank goodness we no longer have to rewind and fast forward while we create the perfect mix tape.

I have a playlist for rainy days, happy days, driving and now I would like to have a playlist for our bedroom.  Wink, wink...thanks to the friend who suggested this might get my head right to help me get in the mood when the mood is elusive.

So here are a few ideas in no particular order:

Ed Sheeran Kiss Me
Dave Matthews Band Crash Into Me
Labrinth Beneath Your Beautiful
Metallica Nothing Else Matters
Lana Del Rey Young and Beautiful
Lana Del Rey Video Games
U2 One
Chris Isaak Wicked Game
Lorde Royals
Sensual TVA
Cure Pictures of You
Katy Perry Unconditionally
Ellie Goulding Love me Like You Do
Depeche Mode Somebody
Delilah Inside my Love
Guns N Roses November Rain
Counting Crows Colorblind
Taylor Swift and The Civil Wars Safe and Sound

I am still working on this and could use some suggestions...music that puts you in the mood? Help me broaden my horizons...no "Let's get it on" or "Sexual Healing"...those songs make me giggle.

Lazy Ladyscaping

One should not ladyscape in a hurry...let this be a warning to all of you!

I know that some of you are still buried in winter...literally and figuratively, whereas where I live things are beginning to show signs of coming spring.  It can still be quite chilly for us thin blooded folk down south, but we have also enjoyed some lovely afternoons in the 60s and 70s here lately.  With spring approaching, I begin to think about retiring the fuzzy socks to the back of the sock drawer, pulling out the capri pants, and pushing the few long sleeved shirts I own to the back of the closet.  Oh I can't do any of that yet cause next week it could well be freezing...such is the weather round these parts, but I have started thinking about it.

I have also thought about how long it has been since any wax or tweezers have gotten anywhere near my eyebrows, how my gray is beginning to show and it may be time for spring highlights to help blend those babies. I have been wondering how long it takes your pinkie toenail to grow because the nail polish that you swore you put on recently has grown off...not chipped off people, but GROWN off.  How long has it been since I have shaved my whole leg, not just the lower half?

Something happens during winter...like ladyscaping goes into hibernation or takes a holiday.  I just want to curl up on the couch and sleep because it is dark by 6:30.  I don't seem to care what is hidden beneath my fleece pj pants, and old navy hoodie.  I decided it was time for a little inspection...a beauty inspection as it were.  Eyebrows...hmmm...not a unibrow...yet.  Note to self: schedule time for an eyebrow wax because if I had to tweeze all these hairs I would be here for an hour and tears would be streaming down my face.  Gray hair...I swear there are another 20 gray hairs on my head that have sprouted since yesterday.  Note to self: time to schedule an appointment to blend my "natural highlights".  Did you know that redheads gray faster than any other hair pigment?  Yep, lovely little fact right there...grumble, grumble.  Skin: Ewwww...my skin is looking like the Mojave Desert...time for some lotion.  Nails: When was the last time I painted those toes?  Note to self:  time to schedule an appointment for the lovely ladies at my nail salon to make huge tips for getting these winter calluses off...may take a while.  Legs: Holy Moley we are shaving those today!  Which leads to...dun, dun, duuuuuun...

Shock, awe, didn't I just? when was that?  I should really look down there more often...oh and poor Levi!  I stood in front of the mirror for my beauty inspection while my facial expressions moved from shock to disbelief, to pity for my poor dear husband.  I needed to do some serious ladyscaping...
NOW!
Problem was...I only had 15 minutes before I had to leave to pick up my kids.  Okay, I tell myself, everything else can wait, but we have to shave these legs and ladyscape the nether parts.

As I shave my legs, I wonder AGAIN at how much it costs to do laser hair removal.  I quickly rush through the ladyscaping bit as time ticks away and hurriedly throw on clothes and head out the door.  I did not even have time to check out my hard work until it was time to go to bed.

Remember my warning:  One should NOT ladyscape while in a hurry!!

As I was changing for bed, I caught sight of things.  Oh. Dear. Lord.  I have a rather long c section scar that is typically quite well blended, but somehow in my hurried ladyscaping and the way my scar is, my nether hair that I have tried to shape into somewhat of an equilateral triangle has taken on the distinct shape of a butterfly.   I wasn't sure at this moment whether to burst into tears or burst out laughing.  I wonder to myself if I should just give waxing another try and leave this to the professionals...but it doesn't take long before the remembered debacle of that incident sways me to the negative.  Did you know that redheads typically have very sensitive skin?  and very thin skin?  I looked like I had the measles for weeks because it broke blood vessels in my skin...yep, not pretty.  Shaving it is...even though it does sting...and a whole new round of belly laughs ensues as I realize that that brings a whole new meaning to "floats like a butterfly, stings like a bee."

My dear husband comes in at this point wondering if I have truly lost my mind...I have tears down my face laughing hysterically while I look in the mirror at my naked self.  I explain my hurried ladyscaping and apologize for my lazy ladyscaping as of late.  I also explain that the butterfly is not on purpose and promise to fix it.  He really didn't care, but was very happy that I shaved my hairy legs.

As I bring the rest of my beauty habits out of hibernation, (hopefully with more success!) I wish all of you warmer weather and plenty of TIME for ladyscaping:)

Dance With Me

I am not sure there is much sexier than a man that can dance.  I surprised Levi with a Salsa lesson.  Levi and I have danced before so I knew he had rhythm and I love to dance, but neither one of us has danced Salsa before.  He did not disappoint.  My man has moves.  Once I got over trying to lead, that is.  I am sure you all are not surprised.  He kept having to whisper, "Stop it." in my ear...that alone was pretty sexy.

We had so much fun...we laughed, we worked hard, and we even had moments where we completely forgot there was anyone else in the room.  I wore a flawy skirt so when he spun me, it spun with me.  He later told me how he liked my skirt:)  It was an amazing workout, too.  The instructor showed us several turns and fancy moves and then we moved on to a mini Kizomba lesson.  Um...wow...that is hot!  I had to learn to channel my inner Latina...I am not Latina, but I feel like we all have this inner Latina somewhere inside that exudes sexiness...I am going to have to work on that, she's in there somewhere.

Here is a video of Kizomba (pronounced keezomba): (Pakito and Elisa Kizomba)

Notice his right hand...he is actually guiding her hip movement with his fingertips, forearm, and his hips.  Our instructor started the lesson by showing the gentleman how to move our hips in a figure eight motion using the fingertips and heel of their hand.  Ladies are supposed to lay there heads gently on the side of their dance partner's and keep their hips close to his so that she can mimic hip movement.  As you can imagine, things got a little steamy really quick.  It is a very intimate dance and went a long way to warming things up for later activity...wink, wink.  We really just learned the basic moves, but I think we are going to sign up for a Kizomba lesson.  Levi went into this skeptically but he ended up loving it too.

This is one of the songs we danced to...I am usually an alternative rock sort of girl, but if this doesn't get your hips moving then I don't know what will.  I love this Kaysha version of Diamonds better than Rihanna's:

What is it about dancing?  Is it the closeness? The intimacy of your bodies moving together? The music?  Your leader's strength and protectiveness?  You are safe in his arms, he will guide your moves, hold you close, and hopefully not step on your feet.  And there is just something about the small of your back...right, ladies?  Something about your man's hand gently guiding you on the small of your back...what is that all about?  It's like there are nerves there that send tingles to interesting places.  I am also a shoulders and chest girl...I think because it shows a man's strong areas and you are definitely up close and personal to their chest and shoulders while dancing.  Dancing...it's like sex...just standing up with clothes on.

This might go down as one of the best dates ever.  We may have found a new activity to enjoy together...we both were a tad nervous going in, so we had to push past that to really enjoy ourselves.    I can't wait for our next lesson or at least our next practice session.  Go dance!

 

Whoa...hold your bloody horses

I thought a lot about what to title this post...it could have been, "Be careful what you wish for" or "Isn't this what you wanted?" or "Reign in the freak out" or "Deep breaths and a glass of wine" or "What are you really upset about?".  It could have been called a lot of things, but I decided to just call it Whoa...that is what I was saying to myself before I lost my shit.

I am actually quite proud of myself for being able to say whoa and not lose it.  If this situation happened a couple of years ago then it would not have even been on my radar to say whoa and calm myself.  It would have ended with me feeling guilty and horrible and Levi feeling defeated.  What happened? Well, let me give you a little background in case you are new around here.  I want my husband to lead, not be so passive, and I want to surrender unhealthy control that I try to have over my life.  I have been trying to get him to make some family decisions that I have felt like are all on me.  One of those things is money.  We hardly ever have arguments about money probably because we hardly ever talk about money.

I recently tried to see if he would take over paying bills and making the money decisions partly because it makes me a stressed out, freaked out mess.  He wanted me to continue to take care of the money partly because I am the one who spends it.  I don't overspend mind you, but I am the one who shops for the family.  Groceries, kid stuff, clothes, car maintenance, etc.  He pretty much buys gas and the occasional lunch for himself.  He isn't a spender and I originally took over the bills because I was and it really helped show me how to manage money.  I am good at it.  He wants me to continue to take care of it.

When we were first married we came up with an agreement though about large purchases.  We had a couple friend of ours who would get into large fights because he would come home with big purchases without even talking about it first.  On a whim he would come home with a $3,000 TV for example and she would be left wondering how to pay for it.  We agreed if we were going to spend more than $100 on one item that we would talk first, unless it was a gift that we had discussed budget on.

Well, we had an issue at our house...not an "I have to fix this immediately issue" like a broken appliance or plumbing or something.  Levi took initiative on the issue and that was great!  I thanked him for taking care of setting up an estimate, etc.  So on my way home from work we spoke on the phone and he told me what the estimate was.  It was quite sizable at $500.  I said, "Okay, I guess we should call around for other quotes?"  He said, "Oh, I already told them to do it."  "Oh," I said and we talked for a few minutes and got off the phone.  They were already taking care of it when I arrived.  We had also been tentatively planning an anniversary trip soon...just keep that in mind and I will explain.

So, the rational part of my brain sprinted across to where the control freak part of my brain was waking up all "I know he didn't" and slammed the door on that chick.  And then as she began to get more and more worked up, Ms. Rational locked it and explained that she would need to calm down before she would be allowed out.  So as Control Freak Chick pounded on the door and screamed, Ms. Rational pulled over a heavy piece of furniture in front of the door, just in case.

Levi arrived home shortly after and looked a little nervous.  Ms. Rational yelled for Ms. Put on a Good Face that she was on.  She did not want to explain yet until she was able to get Control Freak Chick to hold her bloody horses.  Ms. Rational leaned against the heavy piece of furniture while Ms. Put on a Good Face listened to Levi's explanation of the estimate.  Ms. Rational heard Ms. Put on a Good Face do what she thought was a pretty good, "Great!" as a response and prayed that would be it for a while.  Instead Levi kept throwing out the occasional, "I really think they did a great job." and a "I really trust this guy, he seems to know what he is doing."

Ms. Put on a Good Face looked nervously back at Ms. Rational who was face palming as Control Freak Chick screamed obscenities in the background.  "I don't think he is buying it." she said.  Ms Rational gave Ms. Put on a Good Face an encouraging nod and wondered how she was going to manage this, but thankfully Ms. Feed Me showed up and got busy on dinner.  Control Freak Chick sat down fuming but took a break from pounding on the door, Ms. Put on a Good Face relaxed a little and Ms. Rational got out her clipboard and got busy with evening tasks.

This morning after everyone had a nice long nap, things looked a little better.  Ms. Rational had sat down with Control Freak Chick and logically explained that maybe this was a good thing, that she had wanted more vacation time and she needed to let go a little or she was going to have an aneurysm.    Ms. Rational had figured out that maybe she was just worried about how the money was going to affect their upcoming trip and that we just needed to talk to Levi rationally about the plan instead of questioning his judgement as that would be counterproductive.  Ms. Rational explained that maybe it would be better if she spoke to Levi and let Control Freak Chick sit this one out.  She promised that she would address the mutual rule breaking and how that had set her off and would explain her worries and concerns with how to adjust the budget and tucked Control Freak Chick in for some much deserved rest.

Ms Rational propped up her feet and had a much needed metaphorical glass of Cab.  So now we wait and hope that our conversation goes well and Ms. Rational doesn't lose her confidence in handling the situation as that always seems to wake up Control Freak Chick.  Ms. Put on a Good Face can't hold it together for very much longer.

Blessed are the Peacemakers

Awww family...those lovely people that you might not even be friends with if you weren't sharing the same genes.  That sounds kinda bad...I do love my family.  And they are actually pretty functional instead of dysfunctional.  But even when you have a great family, there is still drama, someone is still having issues with someone else, and everyone plays a role.

I am the Peacemaker...the middle child duty.  I hate drama and conflict.  I typically avoid it like the plague, but with family sometimes it finds you hiding in the closet.  We have some strong opinions and strong personalities in my family and sometimes...well, sometimes they don't agree.  Here is where I usually come in and help everyone come to a compromise.  I have got everyone figured out...the proud, the stubborn, the lonely, the attention needer, the goody two shoes, etc.  Every family has them.

My mom says that I have always done it...even when I was little.  This year I did it again.  It was a minor issue...well, I thought it was minor, but some people were all up in arms over it.  But this year my peacemaker side almost collided with my mama bear side.  If my peacemaker hadn't been able to fix it, then mama bear was coming to the party...that would not have been pretty.  You other mama bears know what I mean.  It was a close run thing.  Because someone was being ridiculously stubborn, my kids might have missed out on something that they were looking forward to just because someone was being a spoiled brat.

It got me to thinking about all the roles we play in life.  I like everyone to get along, but am not much of a leader.  So although you would think that having more peacemakers in the world would be more peaceful...not much would probably get done.  If we had a bunch of happy go lucky social butterflies then everyone would be quite entertained, but again not much would get done.  If we lacked the highly intelligent but not very social leaders we would surely feel it.  Don't get me wrong...I am a highly intelligent peacemaker and sometimes social butterfly...wink, wink...but leadership...no.  We all have many roles but some come more easily to us than others.

The roles we play are important and family interactions give us a glimpse at why the world has issues.  I wonder how my family will interact when they are older.  I have a picture in my head of how I would like that to go and I am sure that I can influence it somewhat, but my children will have their roles and gifts and negative aspects too.  So will their spouses and their children.  Levi is a quiet, laid back and relaxed leader.  He is also a perfectionist and is hard on himself.  My oldest is a leader but also very opinionated.  My middle child is the comedian but often uses it to cover up insecurity.  My youngest is a drama queen but also very loving.  I am a peacemaker but can also be a bit of a smarty pants.

My goal is to teach them how to resolve conflict...but I hate conflict, so I haven't really been giving them the chance to have any.  Why?, cause I can see it coming a mile away...Levi is amazed at this ability.  Mommy vision...he calls it.  I can gauge a child's mood and just know what is coming.  I will often be heard telling one kid or another to think about what they are about to do.  Levi looks at me all confused and the kid sighs and stomps off.  He is like...what just happened?

This year I am going to work really hard on letting them have some conflict and helping walk them through it without fixing it for them.  Because sometimes I wonder if my adult siblings and parents and siblings in law are even capable of resolving conflict on their own sometimes.  I don't mean that to sound egocentric on my part, but you wouldn't believe some of the stupid crap that they would have let be major issues.  I think that may be a big problem in the world...people don't know how to problem solve, compromise, and can't see how something they do or say can make someone else feel.

I think I have done my children a disservice sometimes and thankfully still have some time to resolve that.  I am going to try this year not to jump in so quickly to make everyone happy and problem solve for them.  It is hard to hold mama bear back sometimes though...she doesn't like her kiddos to hurt, but we learn things when we hurt, right?  And I think some of those things can be important...why is so and so mean, why I am not good at such and such, why do I do that when they mess up.

Hopefully in 20 years or so we won't be arguing about which house, what to eat, and why won't so and so ever change.  Who am I kidding? I am sure we will, but hopefully we will be able to resolve it without making it a major issue.  Wishful thinking?...

What's your role?  Your gifts?...here's to rocking your gifts in the new year:)  And hopefully getting along with your crazy family!

Highs and Lows

As I reflect on my year while I sit in front of my fireplace with a cup of coffee, I realize that it has been one heck of a year of highs and lows.  Overall it has been a good year and a meh year all at the same time.  I try to convince people that I am a realist, but I lean heavily toward the optimist side.  In fact I am probably an optimist pretending to be a realist.  So even when certain things have been meh, I try to see the silver lining.

I have noticed that during the school year it is difficult to find time to write...it is much easier in the summer time.  But I have had so many things that I have wanted to blog about and just haven't found the time.  I really want to try to write more as it helps me to digest my life.  It may mean that my posts may be shorter and not as exciting, but I think it helps me process so forgive my lack of editing.

I like to end on a good note so I will start with the meh:

1.  Health...I am still dealing with a body gone haywire.  It is a work in progress and there have surely been ups and downs.  I am currently dealing with Perioral Dermatitis and can't wear make up or use any sort of moisturizer until it clears...it's been a few months now and is finally starting to improve.  I feel older than my years and it ticks me off.  My mood has been meh and I don't know why.

2.  Communication...Levi and I still communicate in fits and spurts.  I suppose it will always be that way, but I still think there is room for improvement.  We both still misunderstand, take offense, and get defensive when we shouldn't quite often...Or we sit in silence a little too much.

3.  Stress...Levi has had some difficulty with his job...the kind that makes you want to throw up your hands and so &*%$ it.  It has caused him to bring home "work" to me and the kids and stress boils over and causes conflict.  He is working on that and has switched positions to start. Although he got a raise, we lost a perk that is hurting a bit financially.  I have been a little stressed after going back to work part time and learning to adjust our routine and still paying the bills on my own.

4.  Bedroom...We started out the year very well, but here in the last few months the well has gone dry.  It is totally me and I am not sure what to do about it but I am working on it.  I really think I have a hormonal issue as many things some cyclical.  I am going soon to check my thyroid levels again because I am just so tired.  These days I would rather sleep than get it on and when we do, it is just meh.

Silver Linings:

1.  Health...I have lost another 10 pounds so that would be 20 pounds in two years...yes, it is slow, but steady and it feels awesome when my pants are falling off:)  I am eating better than I ever have and I am exercising.  Levi can't walk through the room without checking me out...boy does that feel good:)

2.  Vacations...We had some great vacations this year...a trip to Disney,  a few days unplugged lakeside, some overnight dates with Levi that have been QUITE memorable.

3.  Firsts and Excitement...I photographed my first wedding, attended my 20 year reunion, went back to work part time and LOVE it, posed in lingerie in front of a stranger for a once in a lifetime present for Levi, celebrated Levi's 40th birthday, realized that I have been writing this blog for two years and have come a long way, have been working really hard on connecting with Levi, have started to write for a travel blog and am hoping to turn that into becoming a part time travel agent.

4.  Home...I have been really working hard on getting rid of "stuff"  that we don't use around the house in order to spend less time taking care of and cleaning stuff and more time doing the things that we enjoy doing with each other.  It can be a struggle not to compare or want things I don't need so I am working on that.

So I am not really leaving you with any resolutions for the new year...I just need to keep doing what I am already doing and making progress like a turtle.  Turtle speed seems to work best for me so I will take it month by month...and although I certainly have goals and a picture of where I want to be, I will focus more on "just keep swimming" as Dory would say.  So here is to the new year and hope that you all just keep swimming toward your ideals as well.  The path may be a bit foggy but I trust that there is some sunshine waiting to greet me.

Merry Christmas

I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas!!  Here are my favorite Christmas songs of this year:

Cloverton's Hallelujah

Mamacita, Donde Esta Santa Claus

Dinner and a Movie Again?

We know we are supposed to continue dating our spouse to help ensure a long and happy marriage...we know this right?  Tell me you know this...

Okay, but does this happen to you?

Wife: I think we should go out this weekend.

Husband: Hmm. (or some other unintelligible mumble)

Wife: Babe, did you hear me?

Husband: Sounds great, let's do that.

Wife: Cool, what do you want to do?

Husband: I don't know, what do you want to do?

Blah, blah, blah...we all know how this conversation goes and then what do we all end up doing?  Yep, dinner and a movie.  Tell me I am not alone here:)

Levi and I have been working hard on doing something besides dinner and a movie.  We try to take turns planning dates but I will admit to you that the planning still is more me than him.  I am learning to be cool with it...the more I do, the more he seems to do even if I still am doing more.  Still following me here?

So I found this website and wanted to share with you all because I think it is AWESOME!!  A bit cheesy, but so fun.  And isn't that what we all want...a little more fun in our lives with our spouse?

www.thedatingdivas.com

They have all sorts of ideas and free printables.  Most of their ideas are FREE.  We love free around here...they do have some things for sale, but hey, we all have to make a living, right?  They have a ton of free date ideas too which is something we could have desperately used early in our marriage when we had no money.

Levi and I are not doing Christmas gifts for each other this year but we are stuffing each other's stockings and I found some cute certificates and date ideas for him to use during the year.  They also have cute ideas for kids and family time.

Hope you find something that works for you!

Average Married Dad Book Review

I am constantly looking for unique gift ideas as we do not need more stuff in our house and I am going to share some ideas with you this week before Christmas in case any of you are struggling with this as well.

Okay, so in case you haven't figured this out, I am not a dad, or a man for that matter, but I like to read the male perspective.  It helps me to relate to my husband...like studying a difficult subject, I immerse myself in it...well, I still don't 100% "get" my husband (and probably never will), but I am getting better...I would give myself a B+.
If you are looking for a gift for the man who has everything I highly recommend Alex Peck's new book (writer of Average Married Dad blog):
Average Married Dad's Guide to Health, Wealth and a Sexy Marriage (there is a link on his blog)

He says his audience is 30-40 somethings but I really think that this book can benefit 20 and 50 somethings as well.  In fact, I really think that any man that is about to get married should read it!  Then they should keep it to look back to as a reference.

The book is broken up into 5 sections: Health and Wellness, Marriage, Financial Matters, Parenting, and Putting it All Together.  I have always gotten overwhelmed at the wealth of information on the internet about eating right and exercising and how it often contradicts itself.  I found AMD's research to be thorough and explanation to be easy to understand.  His message isn't to go join some ridiculously priced gym or some famous person endorsed eating plan, but is brilliant in it's simplicity.  Anyone can do this! He also bravely talks about your mental and emotional health and how stress can negatively impact your life.

I have always tentatively explored blogs in the "manosphere" and often do not return.  AMD's blog is different in that he shares the realism of male/female relationships and interactions without the bitterness that is often seen.  It is obvious that this man loves his wife and kids and he is not carrying around the "I hate women" chip on his shoulder.  The section on marriage gives a man a sense of what his wife will find attractive and how he has been misinformed all his life.  He delves into some difficult subjects such as divorce, sex, infidelity, porn and how self-improvement goes a long way towards creating a happy, healthy relationship.

In his section on Financial Matters, he shares his personal story about some of the financial mistakes and pitfalls in his own life and lays out a plan for financial success.  His ideas on staying out of debt, making good consumer choices, and saving for the future I found very interesting.  I will admit to you that while reading the investing section, my eyes sort of glazed over, but Levi has found this section to be very informative.  Obviously Levi does the investing in our house...Thank the Good Lord above!!!

We have very similar views on parenting and I enjoyed reading about parenting from the father's perspective.  So many of the books that I read focus on how to mother your children, but don't focus on the father's very important role in the your child's life.  He also discusses how parenting must change as your child ages and the lifelong lessons that need to be taught.

His Putting it All Together section is really just a sum up of the book.  I think it is worth the investment and recommend reading his blog as well.  His audience is probably mostly men but he never discourages a female perspective.  I assume that most of my readers are female...so buy this for your man:)  It would make a great Christmas gift.

Thankful

Happy Thanksgiving!!  May you all be safe, have fun, and be happy:)

Best Wife Ever

First, I want to apologize for disappearing...I hope I did not worry any of you and appreciate the emails that I have received checking in with me.  I promise you I would not leave without saying goodbye...I have this weird quirk about saying goodbye and get really irritated when people leave places without saying goodbye, so I can tell you for certain that I would never do it:)   If I ever decide to stop blogging...you all will know.  I have been insanely busy and am still adjusting to working part time on top of my usual kid/wife busyness.  Things have slowed a bit for me just in time to get busy for the holidays.  I have so many things to tell you all and hope to catch you all up soon, but first...

I am currently the best wife ever...(at least in my house).  I have been working on a major surprise for Levi's 40th birthday since August.  I racked my brain for ideas on what I should do for his gift and was stumped for a good long while.  But there was something that I had been thinking about doing for a long time...I mentioned it here two years ago!!  (Man, it took me a while to work up the guts to do this!)  Then I read about it here and thought it would be the perfect 40 year gift for my VERY  visual husband.  Boudoir Photography.

But...
but...
Oh yes, I had all those buts too...I can hear you, you know.
"I could never do that because..."
I have no boobs,
I am too fat,
too old,
too skinny,
too insert negative descriptor here.

I can tell you that I am absolutely, by no stretch of the imagination perfect.  I wear a size 12, my boobs are not as...high as they used to be, I have cellulite, stretch marks, and wrinkles.  I have some gray hairs creeping into my red (cough, cough, I mean, "natural highlights").  I have no tan.  I have a 3 kid pooch and a c-section scar.  I have no booty.  I could go on, but the important thing is...

MY. HUSBAND. THINKS. I. AM. HOT.

And isn't that really all that matters....well, ...

It certainly would help if I thought it too.  But guess what, after this experience I can see a bit what he sees.  My photographer has her own professional hair/makeup artist that comes to the photo shoot.  And after my little "makeover", I felt beautiful...I felt like a woman again...not "just a mommy".  I chose lingerie that would cover what I wanted covered and show off my assets.

The photo shoot took place in a hotel room that I chose (and got free using card points...sweet!).  So after it was over and I was all made up with awesome hair, amazing wrinkle covering makeup and a hotel room for the night...what is a wife to do?  Date night of course.  But a very special date night.  When Levi and I had finally had our little discussion about sex (here), he had mentioned how fun it would be to pretend to be strangers and hook up.

So....I wore something he had never seen, wore perfume he had never smelled, completely surprised him coincidentally on a night after a really crappy week at work, and sent him a text telling him to meet me at the hotel bar.  He arrived first and I went and sat on the opposite side of the bar.  It took him a full two minutes to notice me and his eyes got huge (remember I had my makeup and hair done)...I wish I had photographed that moment, but it will forever be in my memory.  I came up with an alter ego and when he came over to me, I introduced myself and he smiled so big and came up with his own alter ego on the spot.  His was much better and he didn't even have time to think of one like I did, or maybe he has had this alter ego saved up?  I couldn't stop laughing...it was the most fun night we had had in a very long while.  We went out to dinner and I invited him back to my hotel room...wink, wink.

I didn't let him know the big secret though.  I was saving what my true purpose had been that day to myself.  I ordered a book of my photos for his birthday. Then he really knew the reason that I had gotten my hair, makeup, and hotel room:)  I also had a party for him with our friends and family this weekend.  That wasn't a surprise, but it was a blast.

And that is why I am currently the best wife ever.  He hasn't stopped saying it all weekend.  He was shocked by the book and couldn't stop flipping through it over and over and laughed when he realized what I had been able to keep a secret for so long.

I highly recommend doing this at least once.  It was an awesome surprise and changed the way I see myself.  Sure, I still have areas that I would like to work on and days I lack confidence, but Levi thinks I am sexy and this experience made me see it in a way I never have.  And don't think that I just waltzed in and disrobed with nary a care in the world.  I was terrified, and required some wine to relax.  The female photographer was great at helping me to feel comfortable and some of the pics were quite racier than I thought I could manage...and Levi loves them so it was well worth the nerves!!

I thought I would give you a little peek...

I know, such a tease, but the rest of this picture and the rest of the photos are for Levi's eyes only:)  I wish I could show you how well they came out even with my imperfections, but you will just have to take my word for it:)

(This one is really for Wilma (a fellow blogger who knows me), since she says my blog photo does not show my true hair color:)  There you go Wilma:))