My husband shuts down because it is easier than trying to fight the monster, which is the exact opposite of what I need him to do. I am "right" so everyone else is, by default...well, "not right." I did catch myself on multiple occasions and managed to bite my tongue before saying something insanely rude...which is better than previous occasions when I did not even realize that what I was doing was wrong.
Things I learned from this vacation:
1. I need to ask for help: Oh, I am a stubborn woman. This is ridiculously hard for me but I need to learn to do it and not be ashamed that I was unable to perform a task on my own. For example, when we get ready for vacation I: plan the vacation, book the doggie hotel, make sure the kids have enough clothes, make sure the kids have things to do in the car, pay the bills, prep the van (oil change, etc.), buy supplies, pack everything and everyone except Levi, clean the house (cause I hate coming home to a messy house), ask the neighbors to check the mail, pack snacks and drinks, AND I NEVER ask for help. Maybe if I learn to ask for a little assistance then my control monster will not be freaking the heck out!
2. This is a little off subject, but I will never complain about my gas prices again...the rest of the country pays entirely too much for gas!
3. If I could just chill...I would have a lot more fun: I get anxious before traveling...very anxious. Like maybe someone should hand over a Valium. My stomach gets upset and I worry about everything. What if the car breaks down? What if kid 1, 2, or 3 gets sick? What if we get in an accident? What if someone gets lost? etc. etc. ...ad naseum, etc. I really don't settle in on having a good time until around day 3 or 4 (even in the happiest place on earth) and then it is usually time to start heading back home. I would guess that my constant worrying does not allow Levi or the kids to fully relax either. I suppose part of it is the amount of money spent on the vacation makes me nervous that any of it be ruined by unforeseen circumstances.
4. I didn't really travel as a kid: My parents never really took us anywhere. We would visit family of course, but not really much else. I look forward to traveling right up to a few days before when the trigger is pulled and my control monster gets loose. I want everyone to have a good time so I worry about anything going wrong. I want my kids to remember these trips forever and give them something I didn't have as a kid. Is my trigger being pulled because I need to practice traveling? Hmmm. Maybe I should try lots of day trips. Plus the kids seem to have fun doing the simplest things like playing on a playground or the hotel pool after you have spent a crazy amount on a vacay.
5. Apparently we share Spring Break with Canada...I think I was vacationing with half of Ontario and they are not afraid to drive a very LONG distance! But thanks Canada for all the awesome licence plates we got:)
6. I worried and nothing happened: So I worried for nothing. Now, don't get me wrong...it was good I was prepared...I had all the medicine I needed and even had to take a kiddo's temperature on the way home and had a thermometer, etc. But the worry, the upset stomach, and all for naught. It was difficult to relax and just enjoy...partly my constant need to count my kiddos in the crowd, stress and worry over money spent, and partly because it doesn't come naturally to me. I have to think about relaxing...I seem to live in a stressed state without even realizing it.
7. I need Levi to not shut down. I need him to tell me to calm the heck down. I need him to tell me that everything is going to be all right and he will help to take care of everything that comes our way. I need him to tell me to relax, that it's okay, that everyone is having a great time, that I am not responsible for everyone's happiness.
8. Family vacations are awesome...but so are vacations with your spouse: We were able to get away last fall and had an amazing time and we were able to get away to have dinner on our own to celebrate this time, but it wasn't quite the same. I was worried about the kiddos and we were exhausted. It was nice and we were able to have a lovely dinner, but not quite the same as getting away on our own. The great thing about family vacations is I hit close to 16,000 steps on my fitbit every day:)
9. I need to figure out how to reign in the monster. Yep, that is pretty much it on that one...haven't figured it out yet. Anyone? Bueller?
10. I think sometimes that Levi likes my control monster, cause he can relax and she does everything: Ouch, but true. So what do I do to help him understand so that we can all enjoy the vacation or am I doomed to let the control monster out of her cage every time we travel?
