Femininity:Carriage and Posture

I am coming up on my one year blogiversary soon and decided that I will try over the next few weeks to talk about some of the things that I have learned and am putting into practice.  After a while of being in and out of blogging, my mind has been racing with all of the post ideas.  It is amazing how when writing you can have dry times and then times of TOO many ideas.  I tell you this so that if I ramble, repeat, or following me begins to resemble a zig-zag path, you might forgive me:)

This week I want to talk about graceful femininity.  When I began to surrender last year I read many blogs on this elusive subject.  To some of you this seems to come quite easily.  At first, I did not even understand what it meant or why I should be doing it.  I sent a lot of query emails to ask what this was to others in order to gather the information to decide what I could do and what felt natural for me.  Some wear dresses and skirts all the time, some never leave the house without makeup, and more.  I have picked and chosen what will work for me and have begun to put them into practice.  I do not consider myself any sort of expert...I am just sharing what works for me.  I will talk later this week about why I have found it important.

Carriage: the manner of holding and moving one's head and body, bearing and posture

Sit Like a Lady

 

When I was a little girl I was often admonished to sit like a lady.  I ask you how in the world, when in a dress and required to sit criss-cross, was I supposed to be ladylike.  I began to roll my eyes at a young age...seriously!?  I just decided that wearing dresses was just too difficult.  I wanted to climb and swing and wrestle with my brother.  I was a quintessential tom boy.  At the dinner table, I grew tired of hearing sit up straight Bea, when you get older you will have a hunchback Bea, ad nauseum.

In high school I was a dancer and was a little more feminine, but still no where near sitting and standing like a lady. Because I danced, my posture was probably at its best here.  In order to maintain balance and elegance in the dance you had to keep your spine straight. 

Something happened in college.  A slouch was fashionable...so was wearing pajamas to class, but that is a post for another day.  As I aged and with each kid my slouch became worse...heavy breasts and a diminishing of ab muscles made it painful to sit up straight with my shoulders back.

Bones

 

I suffer from back and neck problems.  For a long time I blamed them on my large breasts and my lack of ab muscles.  I have some knee issues as well that I often blame on the extra 25 pounds that I carry around.  But after a visit to the chiropractor and while researching feminine posture, I have learned that my issues are probably more due to my posture.  My chiropractor schooled me on the long term problems that poor posture causes...including knee replacement and having to put pins in your neck and back.  Yikes!!  He says it effects your muscles as well.  It stretches some muscles to the point of pulling vertebrae out of place and some muscles that should remain activated (your abs) get weak which only exacerbates the problem.  From your neck down and your feet back up...our bones are all affected by the alignment of the others.

So, not only am I working on my carriage for femininity's sake but also for my health.

Slouch

 

It doesn't matter how nicely you dress, if you slouch, it doesn't look feminine.  So I suppose I am trying to sit more like a lady 30 some odd years after my parents admonished me to "sit up straight" and stop "slouching"!  Better late than never right. 

Important things about posture

Sitting - I have trouble with this one the most.  It is very easy to sit slouched and takes a lot of effort and reminding at first to sit properly.  Slouching is a hard habit to break!!

And when I first started trying to sit with good posture, it felt awkward.  It felt like I was sticking my breasts out unnaturally and it was difficult to remember to keep my abs tight.  I would catch myself relaxing into a slouch.  It has gotten better, but I still catch myself.  When I first sit, I try to rotate my pelvis forward (otherwise it is easy for me to get into a sway back position-which isn't good either), tighten my abs, roll my shoulders back and drop them into a relaxed position, and pretend there is a string pulling my neck straight up from my spine.

When I was in dance, in warm ups we would often stretch our backs.  Stand up straight with your feet shoulder width apart.  Hold your abs tight, and tilt the pelvis forward so that you aren't bending at the waist but by each backbone.  Roll your shoulders back and then drop them in a relaxed position (not forward, but not by your ears either).  We would then roll our heads down and reach down to touch our toes concentrating on each vertebrae as we went.  Then we would roll ourselves back to a standing position again concentrating on each vertebrae.  You can do that sitting as well.  It is probably Calisthenics or something, but it feels really good. (FYI-not a doctor here...take my advice knowing that:))  My chiropractor gave me lots of exercises to stretch and strengthen my back...ask yours what might be good for you.

I have also learned that crossing your legs is not good for you.  It restricts blood flow which can lead to varicose veins and also may throw your back out.  A better way to sit in a ladylike fashion is this:

At a desk or table, if you can without showing anything, it is better to sit with you feet hip length apart.



Standing and walking -

 

 

Try this experiment: Stand up and slouch...now walk holding the slouch.  Feel like Meg Ryan-okay, sorry, I love her, but she walks like a man.  Ok, now stand up straight and walk. You want some fries with that shake?  Which felt more feminine?...nuff said.

 

 

Body Language

 

Sitting in a slouching position expresses boredom and a lack of interest.  Standing in a slouching position can show a lack of confidence.  Men are attracted to confidence and someone who shows an interest in them.  But my husband knows I am interested in what he has to say, right?  Is he?  Think about how you feel when he has the same posture.  Are you attracted to him?  Do you feel like he is interested in what you are saying?

 

I know my inner voice was trying to convince me that he should just love me however and I shouldn't have to work so hard to attract him, but then I continue to expect him to woo me. I realized it wasn't fair and that it can be fun and exciting to build up attraction. When I changed how I was looking at it, I had a much better attitude which I will talk more about later in the week.

 

Feminine Wiles as relates to Carriage

 

Wiles are anything we use to entice or lure.  How does how we carry ourselves entice our husband.  I have tried a few of these things with Levi...Wow, I had no idea how easy it was.  Now I can tell you at first, I felt ridiculous with a capital R!!  But now I find it fun.

 

 

When Levi is walking behind me, I focus on how I am walking.  I stand up straight and walk slightly exaggerated with my hips.  Then I look over my shoulder with a smile and sometimes say, "Enjoying the view?" 

 

 

If I am handing him something and he is sitting, I try to encourage him to look by showing him a bit of cleavage.  If he is sitting at the computer I will hug him from behind making sure to lean into him a bit leading with, well, you know.

 

I am not comfortable with my naked body.  But I am working on that and working on my posture and feeling comfortable with it.  Some of the things that I try to do while naked in the hopes that Levi can sneak a peek: (Obviously with kids in the house, I have to do these things before bed or when I know that they aren't going to barge in)

 

apply lotion

 

 

fixing hair

 

 

apply makeup

 

 

and thanks to some advice I got here:)...waiting in bed and I throw in a stretch for good measure.

 

I am going to share with you all that I don't feel comfortable at all and am completely self conscious, but Levi has never complained and says now he likes to come and watch "the show" when I am getting ready for bed or for the day.

 

Do you have any ideas about feminine posture or carriage?  Please share!  Later this week I will talk about feminine habits, dress, attitude and share why I think this is important for my marriage.  Have a good day!

 

 

 



 

  

 



 

Ask and ye shall receive...

I got a question...an anonymous question...not sure why it was anonymous since it wasn't that kind of question.  But I am still excited I got a question:)  Ask and ye shall receive:

My Happy Music List:

The Adventure/Angels & Airwaves
Mr. Bojangles/Jerry Jeff Walker
Shelter From The Storm/Bob Dylan
No Woman No Cry/Bob Marley & The Wailers
Somewhere Over the Rainbow/Israel Kamakawiwo'ole
Daylight/Matt & Kim
Crossfire/Brandon Flowers
Have a Little Faith In Me/John Hiatt
Wake the Sun/The Matches
Take A Chance On Me/Erasure
Read My Mind/The Killers
Some Nights/Fun.
Time To Move On/Tom Petty
I Will Wait/Mumford & Sons
The Boxer/(feat. Jerry Douglas & Paul Simon)Mumford & Sons
Little Lion Man/Mumford & Sons
Dog Days Are Over/Florence + The Machine
Somewhere Only We Know/Keane
The Lucky Ones/Brendan James
Home/Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros
Sugarhigh/Coyote Shivers
Wonderful/Gary Go
Laid/James
I Will Follow You Into the Dark/Death Cab for Cutie
Viva la Vida/Coldplay
Closer to Fine/Indigo Girls
Bizarre Love Triangle/New Order
Friday I'm In Love/The Cure
Just Like Heaven/The Cure
The Only One/The Cure
Little Talks/Of Monsters and Men
Lovers In Japan / Reign of Love/Coldplay
Good Life/OneRepublic
Wave On Wave/Pat Green
I Don't Want To Wait/Paula Cole
Rhythm of Love/Plain White T's
Junebug/Robert Francis
Kiss Me/Sixpence None The Richer
Sweet Disposition/The Temper Trap
Horchata/Vampire Weekend

Of course these are in no particular order and and my list changes often...some songs will move on to a different list and some are added and some stick around for the long haul, but all of them make me happy.  I am currently listening to them while doing my Swiffer dancing, toy lunges, and scrub squats...my own personal cleaning workout:)
What are your happy songs?  Maybe I can add them to my list:)

Perseverance

Nothing helps you get over your fear of failure like failing a little. 

I ordered my hiking book.  I hiked three times a week for two weeks.  And then came the first hike.  We went on Labor Day and I found a hike that would be kid friendly and we set off early one morning with a picnic, water, and ah crap we forgot the Off.  We stopped at a corner store and grabbed some Deep Woods.  For some of you, you may be thinking, ah, its just a little mosquito. I have seen some here as big as horse flies and they probably carry around a pint of blood...each...little bloodsuckers.  Anyway, we pull up to the area that we wanted to hike and they are closed.  CLOSED!!  Ugh, thankfully about 20 minutes back towards home is another hike from my book and we head off again.  We finally arrive and of course everyone has to make a bathroom stop so we are about an hour past when we wanted to start when we actually start...which of course means that we are all now sweating buckets.  The hike starts off very well and I am elated, joyful...nothing is going to ruin this.....even the dripping down my back...ewww gross, I know...sorry.  Until, I turn around when my son is calling me to look at something and see this...

Except, he is surrounded, not by dirt, but giant swarming mosquitoes.  I look at my husband with a look of such bewilderment and he suggests that we all just keep walking and not stop.  Deep woods OFF ain't got nothin' on these bad boys.  So we walk along and the mosquitoes sort of follow us and hover over each of us, but as long as we don't stop, they don't seem to land.  We walk for another 5 minutes or so and Levi comes alongside me to take my hand and he gives me a look of regret and understanding.



I suppose we should turn back. (trying to hold back tears...I know it is silly...doesn't matter)

mmm.

Before those bloodsuckers fly off with our youngest. (trying to lighten myself up)

smirk. (Oh my man of few words)

Ok guys, lets go eat our picnic.

Cheers and shrieks from the kids.

The kids were of course excited because now they could go and play on the playground as the mosquitoes weren't flying in that open space, and they probably kept the playgrounds sprayed.  We had a lovely picnic and the kids played but I was having trouble with my disappointment.  Levi came to sit next to me on a bench and took my hand again.  It was too hot to lean into him, but I wanted to. 

It was a good day.

Yes.

Thanks for the picnic.

Your welcome.

You know...it was a good walk.

But I didn't finish.

We'll come back.

I know.

Levi was so incredibly supportive without having to say much at all. 

I didn't get many pictures as I couldn't stop long enough to, but captured this one and my oldest told me a really cool legend he learned about the Spanish Moss (that isn't moss and isn't Spanish, btw):

 

 

So the next week it rained off and on, although that is really just an excuse...I could have found time.  And this last week I have had a hurt foot..  I slipped in a parking lot because I was wearing flip flops in the rain.  It was really rather embarrassing because I was having an argument with Levi who was about to take our son in to use the bathroom at a fast food place.  I said "the last word" turned and stomped off...I know, real mature, and instead of making my exit, I ate it.  My flip flop hit the wet stripe in the parking lot and well, it was not pretty.  It bruised the side of my foot and hurt to walk for a week.  Ok, it might be slightly comical now, but was rather embarrassing at the time.

 

So, needless to say, I have not earned my new shoes, which I am pretty bummed about, but I will be beginning again this week and have already walked this morning in my neighborhood, where I caught this photo:

 

 

Working on my perseverance- (or just plain stubbornness)

 

The path is always waiting for me...I just have to keep walking.

Bea







Land Sickness

 

Have you ever been on a cruise?  If not, go...no seriously...so much fun.  Anyway, if you haven't been on a cruise or any kind of boat for a long period of time you will have no idea what I am talking about, but bear with me.  If you have been on a cruise, you will know exactly what I am talking about.  When you get on the boat you have a day or so of getting your sea legs so to speak.  Even with the stabilizers the boat still sways a bit on the water.  Finally, you get used to it and you may not even notice........until.......you get off the boat.  Levi and I have been on a couple of cruises and typically for a week or so after we are home I have land sickness. 

 

I feel like I am still moving even with the earth under my feet.  I suffer from vertigo and if I get up to fast then I have a tendency to walk into walls.  Oh, who am I kidding...I sometimes walk into walls anyway.  Think...toddlers learning to walk and how cute it is when their bodies get a little ahead of their legs.  Yea, not so cute when you are a grown woman.  Just kinda looks like I am drunk.

Anyway, I have decided I have moving sickness.  After all the prepping the old house, selling the old house, buying a new house, settling into the new house, getting the kids involved in things so that their transition is easier, and trying to grasp some kind of new normal, I am off the boat, but I feel like it is still rocking.  I am the ONLY one still feeling this way.  Levi is great and enjoying his new commute, the kids are great and making friends in their new schools and activities, and I am running into walls. 

It's kind of like when you are dealing with some sort of emergency situation and you are a rock during the actual emergency and then fall apart afterwards.  I had to take an ambulance ride with my daughter a couple of years ago...scariest thing ever!  But I held it together through the ride, the exam and the discharge instructions...I did awesome right up until the doctor patted me on the shoulder and said, "You did good, mama."  And then I lost it.  Thankfully after he closed the door, but I looked like a crazy lunatic walking out to my car holding my daughter and crying the ugly cry. 

 

I was trying to figure out why I am having such a hard time adjusting when it dawned on me that it was because I really just started.  I have been spending this whole time focused on "adjusting" or helping others adjust that I haven't done so myself yet.  I am getting there and this week has been blessedly NORMAL!!  But in stressful situations my control monster comes out.  I try to control every little situation and it spills over onto the people in my life.  So basically, I am driving my family crazy.  My ten year old's hair was sticking up this morning and I was next to the kitchen sink.  I reached over got some water on my hands and started mauling the poor child to his great consternation.  "Mom, I can fix my own hair."  "Oh yeah, go fix it." 

I need to CHILL, as my boys like to call it.  So I popped a few songs on a playlist for my iPhone and am taking it easy today...well as easy as it can be with a three year old and household chores.  It's nice that the air has cooled... a few degrees anyway.  I don't start sweating as soon as I walk out the door, anyway.  I feel a nice long walk in my near future.  So here is some music to chill by, one that always makes me smile (partly because I wonder what kind of grass is growing under Tom Petty's feet):

...hope you enjoy your day me hearty...I mean landlubber.