Moderation

I grew up Presbyterian...we have kind of a joke amongst Presbyterians in regards to vices.  Everything in moderation.  Hey, I am not saying that it is right.  I live in the South so this is very different than our Baptist and Catholic friends.  Shoot, Baptists around here couldn't even dance until recently.  Levi grew up Catholic and was lost in the tradition of it all.  We seem to gravitate to bible churches now.  I am not religion bashing and I am not going to get into a moral argument...just explaining where I am coming from.

I had "the" confrontation last night (after a couple of glasses of wine...moderation, remember).  I needed to talk to Levi about something I knew he was doing, that he didn't know I knew he was doing.  It really wasn't about what he was doing...but how much he was doing it and how it was making me feel.

I hate confrontation!  I think you could gather that by my last post.  I took a few deep breaths and just blurted it out and then tried to be very quiet...and sip more wine.

Let me give you an example.  We can probably all agree that fast food is not good for you, but every once in a while it probably wouldn't kill you...maybe.  But let's say that we noticed that a loved one was enjoying fast food every day.  The cumulative unhealthiness of fast food every day for a few weeks could really do a number on you and affect those around you.  You would probably want to confront your loved one about the amount of fast food they are sneaking and begin to wonder about YOUR cooking.

Are they not happy with my cooking?  Does my food not look appetizing?  Am I not offering enough home cooked meals?  These fast food places pay big money for awesome advertising...those burgers look incredible and everyone looks so happy eating them...but that really isn't what you get when you go through the drive thru.  It is a dressed up burger...not real.  Instead, you get food that you can become addicted to quite easily and can detrimentally affect your health, your ability to get up the stairs, etc. You may become used to getting your food so fast that eating healthy isn't worth the trouble.   I am using this purely as an example by the way...in case you haven't figured that out.

He told me of course he is happy with my cooking.  I quietly asked if there was something that he wanted me to cook that I hadn't been and if that is why he was enjoying fast food so much.  He admitted that he was probably enjoying fast food a little too often, apologized for the way it was making me feel, and then surprised me by saying that my cooking has been incredible, but he wishes we had more time to be together...just us...isn't that my line?  We are always so busy and surrounded by little people that we rarely have time to just enjoy each other.  It may have made meal time less satisfying.

We had an amazing conversation and I even brought up some recipes that I would enjoy.  He in turn shared some recipes and talked and laughed and shared more than I think we have...EVER.  I am surprised at how wonderful our conversation was...I was expecting defensiveness, anger, excuses...I don't know...anything but the conversation that had us feeling closer than before.  We have a long way to go in our communication, but we talked about some ways that we can bond without kids so that cooking feels more natural, more exciting, and we can add more variety.

I hope that he enjoys fast food a little less often and doesn't continue to try to hide it from me.  I was very careful with my words and spoke more of how it made me feel like he didn't appreciate my cooking or that he was unhappy with it, rather than condemning him for eating so much fast food.  He will have to come to terms with his drive thru habits himself.  I can only do so much.

I think he may feel more comfortable...he was actually nervous bringing up some recipes he felt were adventurous and in my head I was thinking...ha, you call that adventurous, you haven't seen some of the recipes I want to try!  I didn't say that of course but did give him a couple of the things that sound fun and yummy to me.

I am very pleased with how the conversation went and can't wait for more like that.  I know they may not always be pleasant, but I have a bit more confidence now and I hope he does too!