As I begin to plan Levi's 40th birthday and realize that mine is only a couple of years away, I am surprised that I am not upset, not worried, not freaked out. In fact, other than a couple of little things I would rather not deal with like new wrinkles, slower metabolism, and those grays that I keep "blending" with highlights, I am actually happy about it. (I know I have two years left, so ask me in a couple of years if I am still happy about it.)
Happy about turning 40! I know you all probably think that I need my head examined, but there are certain things in life that just get easier as you age. Losing weight not being one of them...gravity kinda sucks too. I think as I get older I get more and more comfortable with who I am and don't worry so much about what other people think. I wish that I could have learned the lessons that I learned in my 30s in my 20s, but I suppose that growth is meant to happen slowly and after much life experience.
There are things I wish I could tell my 20 year old self:
Stuff does not make you happy and in fact this stuff and clutter can stress you out. Experiences are what you will remember.
You cannot make everyone happy. It is not your job and will only be disappointing when you try. You can be there for them, but you can't make their decisions for them...they will learn their own lessons.
Constant criticism of your husband's choices is not "helping". For someone who is quite intelligent and boasts common sense...you have not thought this one through and if you aren't careful your marriage could fall apart.
You are a good mom, but you will make mistakes. Give yourself a break. I don't know if you are going to screw up your kids or not, but you are doing the best you can and they know you love them.
Be happy with what you have. Envy does not become you and eats away at your joy.
Your true friends love you for who you are and not what you can do for them. Choose carefully and stay true to yourself. Trust your instincts...they are fairly accurate.
Your husband is a strong, smart, loving man...I know you wonder sometimes if you made the right decision...you did.
Trust God and stop fighting it...he knows what he is doing.
Do what you love. Don't forget that you aren't "just a mom", you are also a wife and a woman with interests and needs.
Be happier in your skin...sure it isn't perfect, but if you are whining about it now, just wait until three kids, two c-sections, and 18 years later...and sweetheart, step away from the French bread and the chocolate...oh hell, who am I kidding...keep the chocolate!
Girlfriend...say the serenity prayer about a billion times more because it doesn't matter how much you try...you cannot control everything. Sometimes things are just not going to go your way and you know what?...it won't kill you. Let go of your need to control everything...you will be happier.
Oh and although you may not believe it, there is more than one way to accomplish something...I know, I know...your way is the best way, but not the only way...so give others a chance...namely your husband.
Don't waste so much time trying to please people who don't appreciate you. Don't waste so much time worrying about things you can't control. Don't waste so much time stressing over stuff that hasn't happened yet. Don't waste so much time!! Time is precious.
Make family and friends more of a priority...you don't know when they will be gone.
If you are going to hear God speak to you, then you have to shut your mouth!
Trust your gut...it's been pretty smart. If something is giving you the heebie jeebies then avoid it. You don't owe anyone an explanation.
When I told Levi what my post was about he added: "Tell her to put her shoes away, they drive me crazy." ~evil smirk...evil laugh~ ~the look~ Just kidding...okay, okay I will put them away...alright those too, and those, oops, how did those get there?!
Enjoy the things that come easy to you...not everything will...don't be afraid to work hard for those that don't.
Other people's choices hurt...sometimes so much that you don't know if you can take it. You are stronger than you think you are. They make their choices and you aren't responsible for them, but it doesn't mean you are perfect either, so don't forget to learn from your own mistakes.
If I could save my 20 year old self the pain of life experience, then I would...my heart goes out to her, but honestly, I wouldn't be the person I am today without it. So what have you learned that you wish you could tell your younger self and would you if you could?
The thing is Bea, we are constantly learning new things and how to deal with them differently. Great post and lots of life lessons you've mastered.
ReplyDeleteVery true...always learning. Lol, I wouldn't call them mastered:) I know them but still have much to practice!
DeleteWow...you have done well one so young...something i tell my grown kids...it's all about the memories...and i tell myself..you have done your best....relax...
ReplyDeletehugs abby
I have a feeling I will be trying to tell myself to relax for many more years to come:)
DeleteI was asked to give career advice recently to the young people at work and the most important thing I had to say was to make exercise and healthy eating a priority as you start your career.
ReplyDeleteI loved turning 40. My closest friends are the same age so it was a great excuse to have a year of celebrations. Enjoy Levi's.
Thanks! It is a few months away, but starting the planning now...wish I had stayed active once the kids came...Now I have a lot to make up for!:)
DeleteLOL Bea...wish I was still a few years away from my 40th. I love what you had to tell your younger self...great advice but we can still learn from it at any age. Hope Levi has a wonderful birthday celebration.
ReplyDeleteHugs and Blessings...
Cat
;) Thank you...I have to tell myself these things still, although they are easier now for sure. I hope he does too!! We have a couple more months but I am trying to plan a big bash:)
DeleteI wouldn't tell my younger self anything because let's face it that stubborn bitch wouldn't listen! ( Sunscreen might have been something I wish I embraced though). Seriously where I am, good or bad is because of where I was....I like it here now. I didn't like it always before, but I suppose I was meant to be here now.
ReplyDeleteWhen I look in the mirror now I think remember how you'd like to talk to your 20 year old self and tell her to wear the bikini? Your 70 year old self is telling you the same thing now.
I didn't mind turning forty. It was just another birthday.
LOL! I think you are right...mine would not have listened either. I wore sunscreen, but not on a daily basis...think I should have done that...especially on my neck and chest. Sun damage sucks.
DeleteI think you are right my dear and I am looking forward to being wiser:)
Love,
Bea
Great life lessons Bea! I'm with Willie ... don't think my 20 year old self would have listened. Life is a constant learning curve.
ReplyDeleteHope Levi has a wonderful birthday celebration.
Hugs
Roz
Thanks Roz...I am not much of a party planner...hence starting months in advance:) Hopefully he will enjoy it though:) I don't think my 20 year old self would have listened either...makes me wonder what my older self will tell my current self?
DeleteBea
Great advice all around, especially putting away your shoes (my wife has an aversion to that as well). The older I get, the more I realize and am working on happiness from the inside versus the outside, and enjoying the small moments that make life beautiful. Also, one thing is take photos of those moments so that we can remember them when they fade from memory.
ReplyDeleteLOL...maybe it is a woman thing, the shoes just come off wherever so I end up with shoes all over the house...drives Levi crazy...it's the clutter.
DeleteNow if I could just organize those photos as I take them instead of letting them pile up...I should have told my younger self that!
Small moments...I like that. You are right...those moments are what life is all about. Some of my favorites are just when Levi and I and the kids are sitting around and something gets us to laughing...great times.
You've learned some great things, Bea! :) Enjoy your 40's. I loved them- was incredibly busy with all of the kids, but it was a fun time. And I think what everyone is saying is very true- we should stop growing when we stop living. Always new things to learn, memories to be made, fun to be had, and loving to be heightened. I thought that I would not take well to turning 50. Well, I'm past that now and it was a non event. Better than ever! :)
ReplyDeleteThat shoes thing. Rob is always complaining about the same thing in our room/bathroom. I'm getting better. LOL! Many hugs,
<3 Katie