I have been trying very hard to hold all my spines in. But boy having three kids (and just life in general) sure does make you tired. When I am tired, apparently I grow more spines and they come shooting out of me with great frequency.
My spines often come in the form of directives. Because, duh, I know how to do everything better. Geez...I even sound arrogant to myself. I have in the past two days done the following: told my hubby how to change a diaper (um we have three kids, I think he has figured it out by now), told him how to hand out Halloween candy (hang head in shame, oh yes I did), stated that I am the only one who does anything around here and no one listens to me (turning in to my mother much), complained in a whiny voice why I always have to be the bad guy with the kids, and the list goes on and on and on.
Tired, Frustrated, Tired, Overwhelmed, and Tired some more. My husband's suggestion...do less.
SERIOUSLY!! That's all you got!
Hello, my name is, well, not really Bea, (but you get the picture) and I am a cactus. It has been one hour since I last let out a spine.
It does keep people out and keeps me safe, but it is also very:
lonely
isolating
solitary
desolate
I want to be the towels when you first get them out of the dryer,
hot chocolate with marshmallows on a cold day,
chocolate while you are PMSing,
caffeine when you are tired,
a good book during a rainstorm.
I want to be warm, uplifting, comforting. What is interesting: My friends would describe me as such. My husband and kids whom I love more than anything...I am not sure that they would describe me this way. But herein lies the goal.
So off to get the real towels (not the metaphorical ones) out of the laundry, because this girl has a crapload of stuff to do today.
Do less, Pfttt.
By the way, anyone have suggestions for a pretend name for my hubby?
Pincushion?
ReplyDeleteLOL, very funny.
DeleteKevan.....ROFL good one, I'll bet Bea laughed out loud at that one.... :)
DeleteHi Bea :)
ReplyDeleteNothing can wear me out, stress me out....overwhelm me like my kids. I think that is the plight of moms everywhere. I am feeling it today, and here I sit on the computer trying to zone it all out...sigh.
We have a saying in our house, "You are being as cuddly as a cactus." Meaning you are not being nice, receptive, loving...etc. I can really relate to what your wrote....I have been accused of being as cuddly as a cactus many times ;)
It is lonely, but it is so hard to let go of all of that control. I don't know why we mothers do that....Ryan was always very capable too, but I felt like I could do everything better, faster....you know.
All I can say, is with time...as you get farther along in your journey it will get easier...promise.
Until then, be kind to yourself...be patient...and try to change slowly over time....you don't have to go all in.
I will try to think of a name for your hubby...right now I am drawing a blank.
Have a good day Bea :D
Thanks Lucy...they (my children) have been having one of those weeks...probably has to do with the amount of candy they have been inhaling:) I like that saying!!
DeleteI often thing it would be so beneficial if we could switch roles with our husbands for one week. I think we could both learn so much.
ReplyDeleteI read this and unfortunately I see me in so much of it as far as the attitude. My child rearing days are long gone. I am going to try to keep the cactus thing in mind.
Don't have any suggestions but how about something that will make you feel loving toward him.
I sometimes take for granted how hard he works, but when I feel buried as I have this week...I can't see it. It would be good if we were constantly trying to put ourselves in the others shoes.
DeleteHmmmm...still thinkin on the name.
I am right there with you - trying to be nicer and having a really hard time with it. Change doesn't happen overnight, and it isn't easy, the fact that you are aware and are trying means you get points.
ReplyDeleteThanks Mrs. Yes:)
DeleteI like to think of myself ( well LIKE isn't what I mean but you know) as my Bipolar B*tch of a dog. When she gets frightened, her hackles on the back of her neck go up, to scare away that thing- even if it is her own reflection. She's not a big dog, and to those that know her, it doesn't work. They just look away so she'll shut up sooner.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, if I walk in the room and tell her to cut it out, the hackles go down and she slinks away- she knows there is nothing to fear, and that I've got this for her.
Ttwd is like that. It does get easier ( okay not easy as you've already read my post today-different emotions but you get the picture) especially if/when you have an HoH.
As far as becoming the warm towel-> apologize for your actions. You can't be perfect all of the time, and your perfect is not his perfect. You did it last week, the apology, and you'll probably do it next week too. Soon, you'll be doing it less, because you don't have to. He'll appreciate it. It lets a little vulnerability out :) Knocks off a few spikies in your eyes ( and maybe his) but in your eyes counts more at the moment.
Sorry for the book, and the blatant advice- I don't normally do that. My friends view me better than I view myself so that is what I meant by in your eyes counts more at the moment.
Okay shutting up now.
Soggy Hugs Wilma
Thank you Wilma...the advice is very much appreciated:) Ttwd may not look like ttyd but I desperately want an HoH. I am tired of trying to control everything and have found such wonderful people to support me in my journey.
DeleteSoggy hugs right back:)
Bea
Oh and as far as the name goes, I've been telling all new blogger friends, choose wisely! Gawd forbid you stick him with a name like Barney! lol...Something manly like Rock ( what? it actually is a French Canadian name, don't think that is how it is spelled though) or Guy...lol Stay away from the likes of Wesley ( although I suppose it works for Wesley snipes). Pretty much anything that ends in in EE sound should be out! Bahahaa.
ReplyDeleteOh, OH!! I got it! It came to me when I was getting a snack ( my kitchen so many ah ha moments happen in there) BOB. New Bea and Bob. Think of it you sound like Superheros. Like Batman and Robin ( Okay so Robin's not much of a superhero, but that is what you are striving for...crap actually it would be Bob and New Bea) hmmm...doesn't quite have the same ring..back to the drawing board.
ReplyDeleteNed might work..Ned and New Bea...I can almost hear your theme song ( um don't post these eh?)lol Don't need your blog bogged down with Wilma ramblings
ReplyDeleteOops...posted these when I saw your name before I read them..hehe..I love the ramblings..you think like me girl! Will certainly take these into consideration. I tried to be sly last night and ask him if he liked his name and what he would want his name to be if he could pick whatever he wanted...that didn't work. :(
DeleteIt's so true that our families sometimes get our worst. I would also like to work on being the person I love being with my husband and children...
ReplyDeleteGood luck:) I have come to realize that this isn't the piece of cake that I thought it was going to be.
DeleteHi Bea,
ReplyDeleteThese things make you mortal, my dear. Motherhood and all the stressors that go with it, are some of the most challenging times in your lives. What is important is that we have the desire to change and bring our best. You are doing wonderful, Bea.
A name for your hubby? I will have to think on that :D
Great post, m'dearie
lillie
Thanks Lillie, you are always so uplifting and encouraging. I seem to be a bit needy in the mothering department here lately, but two in grade school and one in the midst of potty training has me pulling out all my hair and stamping my feet:) I am afraid my husband gets the worst of it, but your comments always make me feel better.
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