I know that some of you are still buried in winter...literally and figuratively, whereas where I live things are beginning to show signs of coming spring. It can still be quite chilly for us thin blooded folk down south, but we have also enjoyed some lovely afternoons in the 60s and 70s here lately. With spring approaching, I begin to think about retiring the fuzzy socks to the back of the sock drawer, pulling out the capri pants, and pushing the few long sleeved shirts I own to the back of the closet. Oh I can't do any of that yet cause next week it could well be freezing...such is the weather round these parts, but I have started thinking about it.
I have also thought about how long it has been since any wax or tweezers have gotten anywhere near my eyebrows, how my gray is beginning to show and it may be time for spring highlights to help blend those babies. I have been wondering how long it takes your pinkie toenail to grow because the nail polish that you swore you put on recently has grown off...not chipped off people, but GROWN off. How long has it been since I have shaved my whole leg, not just the lower half?
Something happens during winter...like ladyscaping goes into hibernation or takes a holiday. I just want to curl up on the couch and sleep because it is dark by 6:30. I don't seem to care what is hidden beneath my fleece pj pants, and old navy hoodie. I decided it was time for a little inspection...a beauty inspection as it were. Eyebrows...hmmm...not a unibrow...yet. Note to self: schedule time for an eyebrow wax because if I had to tweeze all these hairs I would be here for an hour and tears would be streaming down my face. Gray hair...I swear there are another 20 gray hairs on my head that have sprouted since yesterday. Note to self: time to schedule an appointment to blend my "natural highlights". Did you know that redheads gray faster than any other hair pigment? Yep, lovely little fact right there...grumble, grumble. Skin: Ewwww...my skin is looking like the Mojave Desert...time for some lotion. Nails: When was the last time I painted those toes? Note to self: time to schedule an appointment for the lovely ladies at my nail salon to make huge tips for getting these winter calluses off...may take a while. Legs: Holy Moley we are shaving those today! Which leads to...dun, dun, duuuuuun...
Shock, awe, didn't I just? when was that? I should really look down there more often...oh and poor Levi! I stood in front of the mirror for my beauty inspection while my facial expressions moved from shock to disbelief, to pity for my poor dear husband. I needed to do some serious ladyscaping...
NOW!
Problem was...I only had 15 minutes before I had to leave to pick up my kids. Okay, I tell myself, everything else can wait, but we have to shave these legs and ladyscape the nether parts.
As I shave my legs, I wonder AGAIN at how much it costs to do laser hair removal. I quickly rush through the ladyscaping bit as time ticks away and hurriedly throw on clothes and head out the door. I did not even have time to check out my hard work until it was time to go to bed.
Remember my warning: One should NOT ladyscape while in a hurry!!
As I was changing for bed, I caught sight of things. Oh. Dear. Lord. I have a rather long c section scar that is typically quite well blended, but somehow in my hurried ladyscaping and the way my scar is, my nether hair that I have tried to shape into somewhat of an equilateral triangle has taken on the distinct shape of a butterfly. I wasn't sure at this moment whether to burst into tears or burst out laughing. I wonder to myself if I should just give waxing another try and leave this to the professionals...but it doesn't take long before the remembered debacle of that incident sways me to the negative. Did you know that redheads typically have very sensitive skin? and very thin skin? I looked like I had the measles for weeks because it broke blood vessels in my skin...yep, not pretty. Shaving it is...even though it does sting...and a whole new round of belly laughs ensues as I realize that that brings a whole new meaning to "floats like a butterfly, stings like a bee."
My dear husband comes in at this point wondering if I have truly lost my mind...I have tears down my face laughing hysterically while I look in the mirror at my naked self. I explain my hurried ladyscaping and apologize for my lazy ladyscaping as of late. I also explain that the butterfly is not on purpose and promise to fix it. He really didn't care, but was very happy that I shaved my hairy legs.
As I bring the rest of my beauty habits out of hibernation, (hopefully with more success!) I wish all of you warmer weather and plenty of TIME for ladyscaping:)
Bless you for providing me with a good laugh Bea. Since no one else is here but us two, I'll share that you don't want to rush through manscaping either. If you only stay on the surface, so to speak, you don't have to deal with too many contours. For a guy, there are various shapes, all with exceedingly delicate skin covering them and all of it loose. With practice, you can get efficient at it in the shower, but not fast. There is nothing like toweling off and seeing red splotches on the towel. Try applying pressure to that cut to stop the bleeding. You can always use a steptic pencil. EEYOW!
ReplyDeleteHere is the good news/bad news about laser. You already know the sensitive skin part. If you don't get laser soon, it likely won't be a good investment. After a certain age *sigh*, the hair will diminish and even disappear. I know older women who shave their legs about three times a year. They don't really need to then either. And the nether regions become history. We are talking about the 60's for the most part, but you can see where spending the money in your late 50's may not be what you want as opposed to a tummy tuck or breast lift when gravity defeats muscle tone in a big way. I'll be taking my leave now so you can all hate me. I understand. Sorry. Just sayin'.
Yeoza...That is a delicate situation! No rushing is a good idea when dealing with sharp objects:)
DeleteThankfully/not thankfully I am not yet 40 and hair is an ever growing nuisance...pun intended. Problem is, I probably won't be able to afford it until it isn't worth it...like the Lasik I would love to have but am already having to remove my glasses to read the menu. Kinda pointless now:) Oh and Gravity sucks!!
Hair is a continued annoyance that seems to multiply every winter.
ReplyDeleteLOL Bea...thanks for the laugh...sounds so familiar. ;)
ReplyDeleteHugs and Blessings...
Cat
LoL Bea, thanks for the warning not to rush ladyscaping :)
ReplyDeleteHugs
Roz