Whoa...hold your bloody horses

I thought a lot about what to title this post...it could have been, "Be careful what you wish for" or "Isn't this what you wanted?" or "Reign in the freak out" or "Deep breaths and a glass of wine" or "What are you really upset about?".  It could have been called a lot of things, but I decided to just call it Whoa...that is what I was saying to myself before I lost my shit.

I am actually quite proud of myself for being able to say whoa and not lose it.  If this situation happened a couple of years ago then it would not have even been on my radar to say whoa and calm myself.  It would have ended with me feeling guilty and horrible and Levi feeling defeated.  What happened? Well, let me give you a little background in case you are new around here.  I want my husband to lead, not be so passive, and I want to surrender unhealthy control that I try to have over my life.  I have been trying to get him to make some family decisions that I have felt like are all on me.  One of those things is money.  We hardly ever have arguments about money probably because we hardly ever talk about money.

I recently tried to see if he would take over paying bills and making the money decisions partly because it makes me a stressed out, freaked out mess.  He wanted me to continue to take care of the money partly because I am the one who spends it.  I don't overspend mind you, but I am the one who shops for the family.  Groceries, kid stuff, clothes, car maintenance, etc.  He pretty much buys gas and the occasional lunch for himself.  He isn't a spender and I originally took over the bills because I was and it really helped show me how to manage money.  I am good at it.  He wants me to continue to take care of it.

When we were first married we came up with an agreement though about large purchases.  We had a couple friend of ours who would get into large fights because he would come home with big purchases without even talking about it first.  On a whim he would come home with a $3,000 TV for example and she would be left wondering how to pay for it.  We agreed if we were going to spend more than $100 on one item that we would talk first, unless it was a gift that we had discussed budget on.

Well, we had an issue at our house...not an "I have to fix this immediately issue" like a broken appliance or plumbing or something.  Levi took initiative on the issue and that was great!  I thanked him for taking care of setting up an estimate, etc.  So on my way home from work we spoke on the phone and he told me what the estimate was.  It was quite sizable at $500.  I said, "Okay, I guess we should call around for other quotes?"  He said, "Oh, I already told them to do it."  "Oh," I said and we talked for a few minutes and got off the phone.  They were already taking care of it when I arrived.  We had also been tentatively planning an anniversary trip soon...just keep that in mind and I will explain.

So, the rational part of my brain sprinted across to where the control freak part of my brain was waking up all "I know he didn't" and slammed the door on that chick.  And then as she began to get more and more worked up, Ms. Rational locked it and explained that she would need to calm down before she would be allowed out.  So as Control Freak Chick pounded on the door and screamed, Ms. Rational pulled over a heavy piece of furniture in front of the door, just in case.

Levi arrived home shortly after and looked a little nervous.  Ms. Rational yelled for Ms. Put on a Good Face that she was on.  She did not want to explain yet until she was able to get Control Freak Chick to hold her bloody horses.  Ms. Rational leaned against the heavy piece of furniture while Ms. Put on a Good Face listened to Levi's explanation of the estimate.  Ms. Rational heard Ms. Put on a Good Face do what she thought was a pretty good, "Great!" as a response and prayed that would be it for a while.  Instead Levi kept throwing out the occasional, "I really think they did a great job." and a "I really trust this guy, he seems to know what he is doing."

Ms. Put on a Good Face looked nervously back at Ms. Rational who was face palming as Control Freak Chick screamed obscenities in the background.  "I don't think he is buying it." she said.  Ms Rational gave Ms. Put on a Good Face an encouraging nod and wondered how she was going to manage this, but thankfully Ms. Feed Me showed up and got busy on dinner.  Control Freak Chick sat down fuming but took a break from pounding on the door, Ms. Put on a Good Face relaxed a little and Ms. Rational got out her clipboard and got busy with evening tasks.

This morning after everyone had a nice long nap, things looked a little better.  Ms. Rational had sat down with Control Freak Chick and logically explained that maybe this was a good thing, that she had wanted more vacation time and she needed to let go a little or she was going to have an aneurysm.    Ms. Rational had figured out that maybe she was just worried about how the money was going to affect their upcoming trip and that we just needed to talk to Levi rationally about the plan instead of questioning his judgement as that would be counterproductive.  Ms. Rational explained that maybe it would be better if she spoke to Levi and let Control Freak Chick sit this one out.  She promised that she would address the mutual rule breaking and how that had set her off and would explain her worries and concerns with how to adjust the budget and tucked Control Freak Chick in for some much deserved rest.

Ms Rational propped up her feet and had a much needed metaphorical glass of Cab.  So now we wait and hope that our conversation goes well and Ms. Rational doesn't lose her confidence in handling the situation as that always seems to wake up Control Freak Chick.  Ms. Put on a Good Face can't hold it together for very much longer.