Blessed are the Peacemakers

Awww family...those lovely people that you might not even be friends with if you weren't sharing the same genes.  That sounds kinda bad...I do love my family.  And they are actually pretty functional instead of dysfunctional.  But even when you have a great family, there is still drama, someone is still having issues with someone else, and everyone plays a role.

I am the Peacemaker...the middle child duty.  I hate drama and conflict.  I typically avoid it like the plague, but with family sometimes it finds you hiding in the closet.  We have some strong opinions and strong personalities in my family and sometimes...well, sometimes they don't agree.  Here is where I usually come in and help everyone come to a compromise.  I have got everyone figured out...the proud, the stubborn, the lonely, the attention needer, the goody two shoes, etc.  Every family has them.

My mom says that I have always done it...even when I was little.  This year I did it again.  It was a minor issue...well, I thought it was minor, but some people were all up in arms over it.  But this year my peacemaker side almost collided with my mama bear side.  If my peacemaker hadn't been able to fix it, then mama bear was coming to the party...that would not have been pretty.  You other mama bears know what I mean.  It was a close run thing.  Because someone was being ridiculously stubborn, my kids might have missed out on something that they were looking forward to just because someone was being a spoiled brat.

It got me to thinking about all the roles we play in life.  I like everyone to get along, but am not much of a leader.  So although you would think that having more peacemakers in the world would be more peaceful...not much would probably get done.  If we had a bunch of happy go lucky social butterflies then everyone would be quite entertained, but again not much would get done.  If we lacked the highly intelligent but not very social leaders we would surely feel it.  Don't get me wrong...I am a highly intelligent peacemaker and sometimes social butterfly...wink, wink...but leadership...no.  We all have many roles but some come more easily to us than others.

The roles we play are important and family interactions give us a glimpse at why the world has issues.  I wonder how my family will interact when they are older.  I have a picture in my head of how I would like that to go and I am sure that I can influence it somewhat, but my children will have their roles and gifts and negative aspects too.  So will their spouses and their children.  Levi is a quiet, laid back and relaxed leader.  He is also a perfectionist and is hard on himself.  My oldest is a leader but also very opinionated.  My middle child is the comedian but often uses it to cover up insecurity.  My youngest is a drama queen but also very loving.  I am a peacemaker but can also be a bit of a smarty pants.

My goal is to teach them how to resolve conflict...but I hate conflict, so I haven't really been giving them the chance to have any.  Why?, cause I can see it coming a mile away...Levi is amazed at this ability.  Mommy vision...he calls it.  I can gauge a child's mood and just know what is coming.  I will often be heard telling one kid or another to think about what they are about to do.  Levi looks at me all confused and the kid sighs and stomps off.  He is like...what just happened?

This year I am going to work really hard on letting them have some conflict and helping walk them through it without fixing it for them.  Because sometimes I wonder if my adult siblings and parents and siblings in law are even capable of resolving conflict on their own sometimes.  I don't mean that to sound egocentric on my part, but you wouldn't believe some of the stupid crap that they would have let be major issues.  I think that may be a big problem in the world...people don't know how to problem solve, compromise, and can't see how something they do or say can make someone else feel.

I think I have done my children a disservice sometimes and thankfully still have some time to resolve that.  I am going to try this year not to jump in so quickly to make everyone happy and problem solve for them.  It is hard to hold mama bear back sometimes though...she doesn't like her kiddos to hurt, but we learn things when we hurt, right?  And I think some of those things can be important...why is so and so mean, why I am not good at such and such, why do I do that when they mess up.

Hopefully in 20 years or so we won't be arguing about which house, what to eat, and why won't so and so ever change.  Who am I kidding? I am sure we will, but hopefully we will be able to resolve it without making it a major issue.  Wishful thinking?...

What's your role?  Your gifts?...here's to rocking your gifts in the new year:)  And hopefully getting along with your crazy family!