What 15 years of marriage has taught me...

This month Levi and I will celebrate 15 years together...there were moments I wondered if we would make it, moments where I wondered if I had made the right choice, moments of disappointment, sadness, hurt feelings, and despair.  There were also moments of joy, laughter, passion, beauty, and a love so strong that it seems to fix everything.

Love this Ed Sheeran song..."Thinking Out Loud"

Here are 15 things that I have learned from 15 years of marriage:

1.  Marriage is not a fairy tale...happily ever after is not truth.  Now this doesn't mean that you won't be happy...but you won't be happy all the time.  It just isn't possible, so it is best that you don't have that expectation.  Marriage is not all rainbows and butterflies.

2.  Marriage is hard work...your mama did not lie!  It is hard work to stay on a path together, it is hard work not to let your ego get all worked up, and it is hard work to choose to be selfless and forgiving and loving towards someone who can push your buttons like no other.

3.  Marriage does not magically change bad habits...before you get married, if there is something that your significant other does that drives you crazy...they will continue to do it after you are married...do not expect that you will be able to change them.  So if you can't live with it, don't get married.  You can only change yourself...marriage does not change that.

4.  Marriage can survive difficult circumstances...IF you are willing to work for it.  When you come out whole on the other side, you will be a better person for it and you will have a better marriage for it.  It takes both of you to be willing to work.  Be patient...don't give up too easily.

5.  Marriage takes three...I am convinced that our marriage would not have survived some of its trials without our faith in God.  I realize that some of you are not believers, but I personally could not do this without God.

6.  Marriage does not mean the end of dating...It is very important to date your spouse, especially when you have children.  You need to remember why you got married in the first place so that you don't wake up when the kids are gone and wonder who this stranger is lying in bed next to you.  The grass is greener where you water it.  My mother in law taught me this...my in laws divorced when their children went to college.

7.  Marriage does not make your spouse a mind reader...You must learn to communicate effectively...still working on this one:) but I understand it as a truth.  I have worked hard (two years of practice) not to be a cactus or a steamroller and part 2 (most of the time)...now to effectively communicate issues and learn when to shut my mouth too.

8.  Marriage means different things to my spouse than it does to me and that's okay...I want to be loved and appreciated whereas respect and sex are extremely important to my spouse...They make him feel loved.  I truly wish I had understood this concept in the early years of marriage.

9.  Marriage requires tenacity to be successful...Never give up...thank goodness I am one stubborn woman because boy were there times that I felt like giving up.  I am sure that my husband had similar times.

10.  Marriage is better if you fight fair...You will fight.  That is just how it is.  My mother, whom I consider my marriage expert, taught me this.  She is on her third marriage, but has now been married almost 40 years.  She said you should follow fighting rules: no name calling, no cursing, and the "D" word is a dirty word that should not be thrown around just because you are upset.

11.  Marriage is better when you laugh with each other...don't take life so seriously that you forget to have joy.  Laughter really does make you feel better and when you can laugh together it bonds you...we have busted out laughing in the middle of a tiff and wondered what we were fighting about.

12.  Marriage is fluid...I will change, my spouse will change, our problems and challenges will change...and thank God for that.  If things weren't changing then there is no growth.  From someone who freaks at change...this is a bit distressing, but I remind myself that we can grow together and that it is a great thing!

13.  Marriage has taught me that you can love someone and still not like them sometimes...and that's okay.

14.  Marriage teaches you every day...I am constantly learning something new about me, about Levi, about our children and what we are teaching them by our example.  I learn things from my friends' and families' marriages also...what to do, what not to do, what can happen even when you do your best.

15.  Marriage gets better with age...The longer we are married, the better we get.  Plus the older you get the less of an idiot you are.  I shake my head at my 20 something year old self...but I wouldn't have it any other way.

We wouldn't be where we are had we not done everything the way we did it!

I love this song by Casting Crowns..."Broken Together"...The only way we'll last forever is broken together.