Husband: Hey babe, we haven't had sex in a while.
Wife: Well, I wanted to last night!!
Husband: Why didn't you say something?
Wife: Why didn't you notice?
I guarantee you if you find yourself in this situation then last night when you were snoring off in dreamland, your wife was awake and feeling frustrated. But if she had just woken me up, you say...or she had just said something, you say...
This is one of those moments in life where I feel the need to apologize to men everywhere. Even I think of these moments in my marriage and wonder if women aren't just a bit crazy. The thing is I know my girlfriends have had similar arguments with their husbands as well. You are not alone. Now I am not speaking about those moments when your wife lights all the candles, plays "Let's Get it On", and is laying across the bed in lingerie looking at you with come hither eyes...if you can't figure that out...you are on your own. I am talking about those other times when your wife may be putting out some subtle clues but you just aren't cluing in.
So men...pull up a chair...I am going to give you a little help in decoding your wife's subtle clues that she wants some:
Clue #1 She has been touching you...a lot. Has she been reaching for your hand...rubbing the back of your neck while she sits beside you...touching your knee, elbow, etc. It doesn't really matter where, but if she is finding an excuse to touch you when she doesn't normally, then she wants some.
If she has thrown in a butt grab or brushes against the package or finds a reason to press the breasts against your back while she reaches over your shoulder for something on the counter...she wants some...and I might add that you might need to pay better attention cause these are actually not so subtle.
Clue #2 She has been grooming...a lot. She has brushed teeth, hair, shaved, lotioned, perfumed, etc. thirty minutes before bed. Now, if she does this every day before bed, then this list won't help you...we are confusing that way...you are looking for things out of the ordinary here. The thirty minutes before bed gives you a clue too...I have three kids...on a normal day my pre-bed routine is to brush my teeth and fall into bed and sometimes I am so exhausted I skip the teeth...I do not perfume before bed or do excessive grooming unless I want some.
If she has spent the day getting a mani/pedi, waxing, haircut, dresses up for no reason, puts on makeup when she doesn't normally and you don't notice...oh honey, I feel for you. Your wife is feeling great about herself...this is your moment...don't screw it up. She may also be trying to otherwise boost her confidence...please, please, pretty please notice!!...or her confidence may just get flushed down the toilet...she will feel unloved and unwanted.
Clue #3 She is wearing the good pajamas. Yep, no t-shirt and flannel...she is wearing the ones that match and don't have holes. She wants it. Now, before you get too excited...check your laundry hamper...if it is full, then it may just mean that she hasn't done the laundry yet and that is the last clean thing in her drawer...you will have to look for other clues.
If she is wearing nothing and she normally wears something...baby, you got bigger problems than I can help you with if you can't figure out she wants some.
Clue #4 She made you your favorite meal and you are watching your favorite movie/favorite show/favorite sport with her...she is attempting romance...she wants it. She also wants you to notice for goodness sake, so say thank you to her for making your night!!
She made you your favorite meal, watched your favorite movie and dropped the kids at grandma's...she wants it wild...don't be dense...take her on the stairs, or the kitchen table.
Clue #5 Her bra matches her panties...or she is wearing the good panties...she maybe even changed into the good panties from the ugly comfy panties she wore all day...she wants you to unwrap her gentleman...she shouldn't have to throw on a bow.
Add this with the good pjs or lingerie for goodness sake and you might want to ooo and aaah a bit. Combine it with grooming and your favorites...she is way ahead of you buddy and has likely been thinking about it all day...you might want to sprint to catch up.
Clue #6 Little noises or stretching or both...okay, so you both hop into bed after a long day and she begins a little stretching, moaning mmmmm session with possible incidental foot rubbing your leg under the sheets. I am instructing you to roll over towards her and take your fingertips and lightly stroke around the waist area, neck area, or upper leg...if she doesn't pull away and throws in a little mmmm...she wants some...proceed.
If she is rubbing or touching you and it is not incidental...um, hello?
Clue #7 Little things that are particular to each individual wife. Well, heck...that isn't much help...let me give you an example. I notice when I am feeling amorous, I play with my hair a lot...twirl it with my fingers, etc. I have a friend who only plays with her hair if she is anxious so this wouldn't work for her. So, know your wife...watch her...is there anything she does more often when she is "in the mood"?
Share below to help out your fellow males. And ladies, did I forget anything?
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Okay...I get it...wives should learn to initiate and not be so subtle...so WHY OH WHY does she not just say something...
Reason #1 She wants to be pursued. She wants you to be the dominant one...she wants to be wanted. She wants you to be crazy about her...so crazy about her that you are willing to work a little to get it. If she initiates, it puts her in the dominant role and she may not feel comfortable there...or she just wants to be the one to feel your strength.
Reason #2 She is afraid you will say no or be turned off by her initiation....body issues, confidence issues, etc. can all add to this fear of initiating. I have a friend who will no longer be in the same room with her husband naked unless the lights are off...and she is a good looking woman! We are afraid you will not want IT, which to us translates to you don't want US.
Reason #3 She has no idea how to do it...should she just show up naked, should she dance a little jig, what does he want me to do? Agh...the pressure! Should we have dialogue about ways you would like us to initiate...certainly...are we going to bring it up...not likely! Maybe start with, "I had this dream the other night that you did_______. That was hot!" Give a girl a hint every now and again.
And for goodness sake if you notice your flower blooming, then enjoy the garden.
Great lists Bea. Unfortunately, I've never been the subtle sort and am not good at hinting. Maybe I need to study up on these before I get into another relationship (if I ever do!)
ReplyDeleteHugs and Blessings...
Cat
I am quite certain that most men would prefer that we aren't subtle:) So when you find someone Cat, you just stay you!!:)
DeleteStay quite certain with that supposition, Bea, and you stay unsubtle like your blog, Cat. There is not shortage of men looking for more than subtle.
DeleteLoL Bea, great advice!
ReplyDeleteHugs
Roz
LOL..you are so right on.....hugs abby
ReplyDeleteThanks abby!
DeleteThis is such a great post - why oh why are we both so predictable and oblivious to each other.?
ReplyDeleteSo true...this crazy dance we do:)
DeletePLEASE! Don't make us have to be detectives every time you want sex. There is fun in seduction and the chase but not if we miss the hints. I really hate hearing, "Well, I wanted to last night but I thought you were tired/busy/not interested/had to get up early/wanted to watch your show and on and on." Just ask/suggest/demand. The most tragic though is "I finally had to take care of it myself." Had to? Was I home at the time? Oh, I was asleep and it was in the middle of the night and you didn't want to wake me so you had less than fulfilling sex and I had NONE. I don't know whether to thank you or just shake my head in disbelief. Bea means well, but this is the reality that deciphering mood perpetuates.
ReplyDeleteThen, as a wife to complain that "Oh, he just wants sex again," and not realize that you know that because he is less than subtle with his desires should tell you something about wanting it and getting it.
So easy to solve but we just can't seem to make that happen. How easy? In another context, "You hungry? Me too. What do you feel like?" Two questions that should be that easy to ask with the last one being the most exciting and inviting and we can't seem to do only that to get what is our heart's desire at the moment. One may argue, "Well, it depends on how healthy the relationship is to be able to talk like that," while totally ignoring that if you got what you wanted, when you wanted, how you wanted and with whom you wanted you might just have a healthy relationship.
Try just telling him this, "Sweetheart, your girl needs you to do her now/soon/tonight in a bad way." Practice saying that out loud until you can say it without pausing, stumbling or sounding uncertain. If you can't say it, write on something and give it to him. In almost all circumstances, he is getting way less sex than he wants and it is not likely this request is going to go unattended.
All over the blogosphere I read of former refusers and gatekeepers who say the changing to daily/frequent sex positively affected their marriages in ways they had not anticipated yet very few women will commit to a 90-day free trial of the program. We are not forward thinking enough to consider frequent sex a lifestyle change like we do exercise and proper diet. This really is not all that complicated. Why do we persist in making it so?
Oh I wish I knew the answer Dan, and trust me I am working on it;) just thought I would help a guy out with the clues...Levi actually picks up on some of these now and gives me a wink and says yep, you want some or yep, you are going to get some...I kinda like that he notices. I do occasionally throw out the non subtle hints...but sometimes I want him to notice that I dressed nice and shaved and plucked and lotions for him...something about him reaching over to put his hand on my knee while we watch tv and him realizing and doing the "mmmm, nice" makes a girl feel good....like a little dance. It should not go as far as being unsatisfied, but sometimes...there it is. A work in progress;)
DeleteI will add that Levi has his own signs sometimes and it seems more romantic than I need sex tonight...something about that makes it feel like you are just handy. I need you sounds better...or even boldly taking my hand and placing it somewhere and saying this is what you do to me...hot! He will also wear jeans and no shirt and shoes and give me cute little eyebrow wiggles cause he knows I think that is sexy. Sure, he could just say he is hungry but the dance is fun too and goes a long way to getting me warmed up. Maybe I should write a post on his clues too...
DeleteOh and one more...I have never taken care of it myself while my husband is home...just had to throw that out there.
DeleteI just meow like a cat in heat. Is that good enough for ya Dan? LOL.
ReplyDeleteGood enough, Wilma. Go for it. Just as long as you purr and rub up against my leg too. ;) Not like a Siamese in heat though. Only sexy sounding to another Siamese.
DeleteIt's easy for me. My wife never comes to my side of the bed, if she does, it's almost always go time.
ReplyDelete~PB
Lol...does she do anything else that you might have missed I wonder? So sorry we aren't more vocal sometimes PB:) That is probably what I would consider initiating...that and showing up in bed naked. Probably not what Levi has in mind when he wishes I would initiate more...but there it is:)
DeleteMore than probably right too, Bea. You're getting there though.
DeleteI love this and I am sorry to say it is so true for us...a conversation we have had more than once at our house. Yes, I will now ask directly but sometimes it truly is nice to be noticed just as I try to notice his subtle (and not so subtle) hints. :-) I just shared this post with my husband in an email for future reference. :-) Hugs
ReplyDelete