Apple Trees

 

 

 

You have probably all heard the phrase: "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree".  It is commonly used to describe how children mirror their parents.  When I was a teacher, I would get a good glimpse of this idiom.  When all the parents would come to Open House, I could almost always match up apples with their trees.  Sometimes good apples and good qualities...sometimes bad qualities (as a teacher I tried not to see the apples as bad). 

 

Hopefully you won't think me terribly judgemental here, but when Levi and I are out and experience something such as a rude, loud parent with their rude, loud child we look at each other and say "apple trees".  We know what we mean, but those around us don't.  Don't misunderstand, there was a time when I would walk through a store and see a three year old throwing a fit and I would wonder why the parent didn't take care of it...but that was before I had children.  That would not have been and certainly isn't now a time to use "apple trees".  That is a time to look on with a knowing and sympathetic glance unless it is 10:00 pm and you have decided to bring your entire family to Walmart and your two year old is exhausted and you are browsing the DVDs.  That is your own fault, but I digress.  Let me think of an example for you...

 

We were out to dinner last week and were seated by another family with two adults and two teenagers.  The mother was being extremely rude and picky to the wait staff and so was her daughter.  The father and son hardly looked up from their mobile devices to notice.  Apple trees.

 

Now that you know the context...our own children are surely not immune to the apple tree statement...in fact we probably give each other "that" look quite often.  We can easily see the good and bad qualities that we have passed on to our children...some that we can change and some that are just a part of their beautiful personalities whether we like it or not.  We like to say that we are making sure that they are well rounded...what's a well rounded kid without  a few quirks? 

 

My three year old's favorite phrase is "I can do it myself!"...I know, not unusual by any means.  It is more than that, though.  She is very stubborn, willful, and vocal.  She is also sweet, loyal, and loves to help others.  "Apple tree".  It is like I have a little mini-me running around the house.  We all have one don't we?  When we see ourselves in someone else, though, it can be a bit disheartening.  I know what she will struggle with because I have done so and still do.

 

 

My favorite phrase is "I can do it myself!"  I am stubborn, willful, and vocal.  I am also sweet, loyal, and love to help others.  My mother laughs and laughs when I am dealing with one of my daughters moments.  Very funny mom.  My stubborn streak is more than a mile wide.  I DO NOT LIKE BEING NEEDY.  The thing is that this surrendering stuff requires a bit of neediness doesn't it?

 

I have reached a point in this road that the voice inside is screaming at me to not let go of the stubbornness, the willfulness...the I can do it myself attitude.  But in marriage, you can't do it yourself...that is the whole point isn't it?  I don't like to have to work at something...my middle child got this one too.  I would rather not try something that I am unsure if I will be good at it or not.  He is also very cautious and you can see him check things out from the sidelines until he deems it safe enough to join in, but he likes to play on the outskirts so he can retreat if necessary...now if he is good at something then he jumps right in, but if he is in anyway unsure, then he holds back.

 

I was talking to a dear friend yesterday (cough cough Wilma) and she rightly pointed out to me that this was another wall I was hiding behind.  I realized that this is the bit that I was holding on to (like the lovely donkey above)...the part that says I don't have to or shouldn't be vulnerable to my husband, I don't have to or shouldn't share my inner feelings with him, what if you aren't good at it, you can do it yourself, remember?  You don't need anyone else.  That voice is very loud right now...I guess cause I had to dig a while to find her that she has found her voice.  She is holding on to that last little bit of my whole heart that my husband deserves.  Stubborn, willful and vocal.

 

So this is what I realized and wrote to my friend yesterday...

 

I can't undo it either, can I?  I can't undo that as much as I don't want to admit it, that it is better for us. 

 

It is better for us if I need him sometimes and don't try to do everything myself.  It is better if I let him lead in the dance...it is time to let that last little bit go.  Under all that emotional baggage that I let go a couple of weeks ago...who knew that I would find this little tidbit...layers, huh?  I asked her how long I could pout about it. 

 

 

Her wise reply: 24 hours  So here goes...watch out for my lower lip so you don't trip on it.