Get Smart

I have been having a rough week with surrendering.  I am still deferring outwardly, but inside I am fortifying and hiding.  I feel like it is what I have to do to survive these long hours and it really isn't fair to Levi.  I don't know what to do about it right now so as I hide out in my secret hide out phone booth, I haven't stopped trying to educate myself on improving our relationship, but he just isn't with me right now.  We still "got together" four times this week, I am still trying to make sure that his time at home is a retreat from the big, bad world, but I am not feeling loved.  That is pretty much it in a nutshell. I don't feel like he has the energy to fulfill my needs and I am slipping.

People may wonder why I am trying so hard and working so hard to "Get Smart" about my marriage.  So here are just a few reasons: 1. This is my job...I am a wife, mother, and home manager...I don't have another job right now so I should be doing my best at it.  2.  I want my children to have the best example possible.  3.  I want Levi and I, even when the kids are gone, to have an awesome, amazing, wonderful marriage and not be looking at each other saying..."Well, now what?".  So here are a few book reviews and some things that I have been reading lately.

I know that you all know that I have read The Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle.  When she describes her previous behavior, I could swear she was talking about me...kinda makes a girl paranoid...looking for the hidden cameras and microphones around here...This book has helped me a lot.  I won't get into it too much because I already write about it often.

I have also read the Married Man Sex Life Primer by Athol Kay.  You will get a mixed review here with this one.  Did I read it all? Yes.  Did it have good points? Yes.  Would I recommend it to a friend?  Mmmmm...depends.  Firstly, he is not Christian and although that doesn't mean that I don't value his opinion, it will mean that some of his assumptions will not align with my beliefs.  There are some things he suggests that I feel could damage marriage.  I won't get into that too much here, unless you are curious and want to email me, as they are my opinions.  The good stuff:  he has a lot in his book on biology...such as increasing your spouses sex drive, genius stuff on a woman's cycle and what we need during different parts of the month, and also the fact that whether we know it or not, we women need some alpha male stuff strutting around the house as well as beta love and attention.

My most recent reads:  For Women Only: What you Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men by Shaunti Feldhahn.  Eye opening stuff in here about the way our men think.  Her and her husband, Jeff Feldhahn, have a companion book: For Men Only: A Straight Forward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women.  Of course I read both...had to make sure that they were telling the truth about us right?  :)Both were quick, easy reads and used results of national surveys.  I love statistics...I made an A in my college statistics class...and I hate math.  But statistics, I get.  They write both books from a Christian perspective but could be enjoyed and interpreted by anyone.  It's not heavy on the bible for you that would be turned off by that.  One of the biggest shockers for me:  Most men (74%) would rather be alone and unloved than inadequate and disrespected.  Really?  That is totally opposite as most women by the way.  So what does this mean...that we try to love them when they want to be respected (That is how they feel the love) and they try to respect us when we really want to be loved (that is how we feel respected).  We can't make men into women and we can't make women into men.  There is a reason we are the way we are and we should learn to appreciate each other.  They give practical advice to women on how to show respect, the importance of sex and the need for our men to provide and protect, and the gentle reminder that our men are very visual and that we need to protect our marriage by making sure that our men are focused on us and that we are giving them something beautiful to focus on.  At least 70% of men that took part in their survey indicated that they would be emotionally bothered if their wife let themselves go...it hurts them emotionally.  They take it personally...but when asked if it mattered more whether they fit in their wedding dress again or if they were making an effort...over 83% said the effort mattered more.  Eye opening stuff here...I highly recommend both books.  I think that most of my readers are women, but the book for men is also very good and explains women quite accurately too.  It explains that we need constant reassurance of their love, how to listen and prevent arguments, how our brains work very differently, and how to help us deal with it.  There is also a positive ending in both books about what men and women would want their spouses to know...very good stuff here.

Hope you enjoy these books as much as I have and happy weekend to you all!