We had an opportunity, through his work, to go to someplace very cool for very cheap. Unfortunately, he dropped the ball and didn't turn his name in in time. He texted me to let me know and I said: bummer. I then asked a few blogger friends what to do cause I was spitting mad. My typical response would have been hurtful..."Thanks a lot" or "Great, thanks.", etc. I am obviously trying to be less hurtful to my husband. I got some great advice...He likely knows how disappointed he has made you...would it help if you said anything? Or did these wonderful people know what I was starting to realize...I would have been saying something just to be hurtful because I was hurt. I was hurt that he didn't make it a priority. I was hurt because he knows that we can't afford to go to places like this and he dropped the ball. The thing is he got home and I could tell that he was upset. He was talking about all these little things that he hasn't had time to do because things have been so busy. He apologized for messing up and I said, "It's okay, maybe next time."
I had asked him if he could text or email a little during the day...nothing big...just a little hi to let me know he was thinking of me. I told him I thought it would help us stay connected since we don't get to spend much time together during the week. He hasn't done that and a friend suggested that I should do it first...show him what I mean. So, I have sent him a few texts or emails and tried to make them short and letting him know how proud I am of him. Nothing. I KNOW he is busy...but he can't respond? I am a little frustrated by that. Just..."I love you too"...and I am talking like once every couple of days people...not every hour.
Last night we had practice, so I emailed him to remind him that we likely wouldn't be home when he got home and let him know where dinner was. I didn't hear anything back and we headed off to practice. We got home and he still wasn't there...no biggie...must have been a long day. He calls at 7:45 and says he is still 20-30 minutes away. Ok sweetheart...do you want me to warm up dinner for you? He said no, it actually worked out really well that you had practice cause there was this bowling thing after work today and the boss really wanted me to go. I wish I could describe his tone to you...it was like he was walking on eggshells. The thing is...that just made me mad. When he got home he was telling me that he had a great time. He got a text from them that someone had beaten his score...I said you know, you could have stayed...you could have texted me to let me know and that way I wouldn't worry or think you were hiding it. Now don't get me wrong...he doesn't have to call to ask permission. I just would have appreciated if he had even let me know.
Instead he acted like I was going to blow up when I have told him repeatedly the last few weeks that he should schedule some "fun" time for him. I was getting upset because he thought I would be upset. I know...it doesn't make much sense to me either. I am glad that he got to go out and get to know his new coworkers. I wish he had been more sure of himself...does that make sense? He probably thought that I was mad that he went...not the case...just upset that he would blame his boss, not just tell me beforehand...like he had to hide it, act like it was serendipitous that we had practice anyway (he wouldn't have been home for practice anyway), and be all better tell her gently or she might explode. I might have exploded but it wouldn't have been for the reason he thought...everything he was doing was making it worse.
Okay I am brushing off the 12 feet of snow from my van right now. I'm on my way to shake you! I'd spank you...but you'd like it too much.
ReplyDeleteNo feeling guilty about how you feel. You just posted the sun doesn't apologize...blah, blah, blah....BUT you have to share....tonight. Susie and I have coined a phrase BCF ( bossy caring friend..a girlfriend HOH). So this BCF says DO WHAT I TOLD YOU THIS MORNING !!!! ahem. Getting off my soap box now and going to continue avoiding my husband ( what? do as I say, not as I do! )
Love~willie
Trying our best is what it is all about for all of us. Reactions to everyday circumstances is a good way to gage our learning level. Sounds like that is what you are doing. After a while the new way becomes habit.
ReplyDeleteI am not sure how long you have been doing DD, but with all of the changes he may still feel unsure of what he is supposed to do. What will upset you and what won't? Try to take your feelings out of it and just explain to him matter of factly why it would have been better if he let you know where he was. I know it is hard.
ReplyDeleteAll of my best,
Blue Bird
Hi Bea, sad that you are going through a rough patch, If you can just stay calm and tell him how you are feeling and why you are upset, don't bottle it up else you will be silent like we are at the minute:(. I know I am not exactly leading by example but I know I am wrong, be brave girl and speak. Love and a hug jan,xxx
ReplyDeleteHaving experienced similar things, I feel for you. Yes, they may be little things in the whole perspective of life but they are important to you and they are valid. Your feelings, big or small, are valid and you do not need to apologize for having them. Try to share your feelings. Best wishes and hugs, Terps
ReplyDeleteUpset that you're feeling upset...I so totally get that!!!! (Notice the number of exclamation points). Can you tell him that you love him and you're glad he had a good time even though you're upset at yourself for feeling upset?
ReplyDelete2nd BCF here!
ReplyDeleteI think that I over-think what I talk to MM about. Like you, I would want to put this away b/c I could see that he was already feeling bad about it. But add in the stuff with the bowling and walking on eggshells around you...and you around him and you both end up stuffing stuff down. It's getting all mumbled together now and if you don't address it soon, will take a bigger conversation to get through it. Not a fun way to spend your weekend.
When MM disappoints me, I'm learning how to tell him straight up and he has this same weakness--forgetting to take care of something like booking off vacation time. I'll tell him that I was disappointed but he is forgiven and ask him how I can help him remember better next time. It sounds so cheesy but it works for him.
I wonder if the bowling stuff would not have been as big of a deal for Levi if he wasn't already feeling down on himself and worried about how you might react.
I'm rambling...more coffee...sorry Bea.