Passing Ships and Pecking Chickens

"Ships that pass in the night, and speak each other in passing,

Only a signal shown and a distant voice in the darkness;

So on the ocean of life we pass and speak one another,

Only a look and a voice, then darkness again and a silence."

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Ivan Aivazovsky

 

I think that I have figured out what is wrong with me.  No smart ass comments necessary.  I realize I left myself open there.  I think that the reason I am feeling unloved or unappreciated is because we are but passing ships.  This week has been rather busy.  We have slept next to each other every night and for that I am grateful, but that is about it.  I also know that my love language (From The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman) is acts of service followed closely by quality time...not getting much around here of either.  Before you chastise me for not thinking of poor Levi...I am.  I know that he is working hard for us and I know that he doesn't like the drive either...I also know that his love language of physical touch followed closely by words of affirmation is probably not getting met either.

 

 





We don't even kiss anymore...we are like chickens going after the same speck of feed...peck, peck...peck.  I kiss my family that way...not exactly the sort of kisses that I would like to share with my husband.  I realize that this is two hens kissing...no offense meant to lesbian chickens.

 

Kid activity...you take these two...I take this one...peck, nice dinner...pass out...no peck, kid activity...you take these two, I take this one...peck, finish the taxes...finish your homework...I take bedtime duty...peck, work activity...no peck.  Due to work activities, kid activities, homework, taxes, normal kid crap, etc., we have eaten together...once.

 

Once.

 

I know, I know...I should feel lucky that we even get to see each other at all.  I should be happy that he has a job.  I know this will go by fast...but let me wallow a moment in the fact that we are only a month in and this sucks.

 

It has been a week since we have had any "adult time"...oh, I tried.  The night we actually got to eat dinner together...I flirted, we had awesome conversation...we got the kids to bed, I went to get ready for bed and Levi was passed out.  Cold.  Ugh.  And before you think that I took forever getting ready...I went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth.

 

Due to stuff we have this weekend that cannot be changed we probably won't see each other until Saturday night.  And we don't talk on the phone during the day...he is very busy and also has a hard time when he is at work thinking of anything but work.

 

He's tired...I get it...so am I.  The resentment is starting to build.  I do everything at home.  He doesn't even take his plate to the sink anymore or take the trash out and we hired a yard guy.  My middle child called him a girl the other day for wiping the toilet before the Superbowl visitors arrived.  To coin a southern phrase: "Oh Hell No!"  He huffs and puffs at the kids and me like a dragon with a temper.  Not living in the land of Honalee around here..no sir. 

 

 

Mountains battling in The Hobbit

 

So this morning, he tries to wake me up at 5:00 am for a little attention.  I want you to close your eyes and think of someone you know that is not a morning person...ok...now, multiply that person by two and you might get some idea of how NOT a morning person I am.  I also took allergy medicine last night which means it was probably worse.  Let's just say that I wasn't very receptive and he gave up.  Now I have the Mt. Everest of guilt I am carrying around for basically saying no battling right next to the Mt. Resentment of "What about me?".

 

 

 

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Finding an area to live has not been an easy chore either.  I drove around in the area that we thought that we might like and it was just strange...driving down one street there is a gated community on one side, a trailer park on the other and in front of you is a field of cows.  Seriously! Is there not a happy medium!?  I can't afford a gated community, would like a little more room than a trailer, and cows...well, that's not my thing.  (no offense intended if you live in a 4,000 square foot house behind a fence, a trailer, or with cows...cows are cool...to visit...at the farm...not a farm girl here)

 

My middle child's favorite thing to do at the moment is whine, and it is so annoying...and here I am doing it...sorry, and thanks for listening...I feel better now.