So Levi was concerned over the Christmas break about their excessive video game use and he decided that they needed time limits...I reluctantly agreed. I kinda thought...Hey, it's Christmas break, but I understand how easy it is to form a bad habit. He also wanted them to play outside and work off energy. It has been up and down around here ranging from 35-70 degrees F (1-21 C for you Canadians) so there is no excuse for not having some outside time. So I told him that I thought that he should share these new rules with the kids.
They seemed okay with it at first, but a few days later when my oldest was at a very important part of his game (and they are all important parts:)) he was not too happy about having to turn it off:
Dad made a stupid rule.
This is the rule ___________, and we will follow it and if you continue to argue you won't have your afternoon time.
But you're the mom...aren't you in charge?
Ouch!...lovely parenting moment here.
This might take a while to fix.
You've got to both take responsibility for rules and discipline, but do your best to let him have the final say and be the main "bad guy" when push comes to shove. Also, it does help if you start calling him "Captain" or something similar in front of the kids (wife does that for me) as it reinforces the family social structure. Encourage him to take steps toward his new role. BTW, good rules he's implementing!
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure you need names but the children will eventually learn to look to their dad. Actually, with your new situation coming up it might be easier because you can defer to "Ask Dad when he gets home, or you'll have to check with Dad, or I'll ask Dad if that's what he wants.
ReplyDeleteAs he asserts himself more and you step back more, it will be a natural progression.
You did well supporting him, Bea :) I was a single mom for a time before Ward, and when they said that I would tell them - Ward leads our home, he makes the final decisions. You're free to discuss it with him. They accept this rather well now, they see that I honor it, and they see that he is honorable :)
ReplyDeleteAnd as AverageMarriedDad said, perhaps a name that signifies respect - Ward is Daddy, all the time, in front of the kids, in public- that's who he is. (When the kids asked why I call him that - they walked in on a conversation early in our relationship, I asked how a Daddy was supposed to make you feel- well safe and loved. And that's how Ward makes me feel. They accepted that quite easily, and it eliminated the need for me to be conscious of what I called him where).
Oops! Guess the answer for that would be "I'm in charge when your dad isn't here but we still enforce his rules." I'm sure you and Levi will get the kids on board soon.
ReplyDeleteLove the kitty pic! :D
Blessings,
Cat
I am kinda chuckling here...because this is right where we are with the kids. The twins were getting exasperated with my answer, "You need to go talk to your dad and see what he says." They looked at me and said, "WHAT is he the boss of the whole world??" Yep it was totally funny coming from them....but at the time I had no clue how to answer it. I do like what Cat said..... And I think you did a great job supporting the rule :)
ReplyDeleteHugs....
~Lucy
i'm actually laughing. cos that's what happened in my family too. and dad used to say - go ask your mum... she's in charge of your outings.
ReplyDeleteand really, i think that's why i have a i-am-woman-hear-me-roar view of life. i grew up in a matriarchal society.
sucks to be me eh?
oh you poor thing good luck to you both
ReplyDelete