Okay...that is all I got for alliteration. Sometimes there are things that come up in life that I am curious how others feel on the subject. I was talking to a friend today...and the subject of faking it came up.
I received advice from my Grandmother right before getting married to Levi about never faking it...yes, I said my grandmother...yes, she is the coolest, best, most amazing grandmother ever. So, I have never faked it with Levi...ever. My grandmother has never steered me wrong:)
There are times though that I know that I am not....shall we say..."getting there". It may be stress, not enough warm up, kids making noise in another part of the house, etc. That's okay with me...sometimes it's all about Levi, (hey, I am enjoying myself) but this bothers him sometimes. He wants me to "get there"...I have even thought about faking it...but I never have. It just feels wrong somehow...like I am lying to him.
Anyway...I am curious...To Fake or not to fake...that is the question.
I have rules if you want to give your opinion on this question:
1. No Judging
2. Give your opinion...do not dog someone else's
3. Be Honest
4. Be Nice
So, What do you think?
I have to be nice? pffft :)
ReplyDeleteOK, as a man, here are my thoughts.
-Faking is not cool
-Making someone feel they must orgasm every time is also not cool
Soooooo....
If someone is subjecting you to the notion that you must orgasm, then to me it would be acceptable to fake it, but faking it for the sake of it I think is mean and not a good habit to be in.
I think ideally a conversation about the faker being responsible for her own orgasm and whether or not she wants one would probably be beneficial.
Yes, nice...there are some blogs I go to that people are downright mean to each other...I don't want anyone being mean:) You weren't mean...so we're cool:)
DeleteI do want to make sure that you understand that Levi does not think that I must "get there" every time...he just wants to please me. Maybe this is a woman thing...but sometimes it just isn't going to happen (this is not often for me). I just don't want him feeling like it is his fault.
As far as my friend is concerned...she fakes it sometimes because she has difficulty and she doesn't want him to feel insecure...I asked her how he would know what worked for her if she faked it. Does that make sense?
Yeah makes total sense.
DeleteI didn't mean you and Levi, I just meant in general.
I think you are dead on with what you said to your friend.
I am on the NO faking it bandwagon.....
ReplyDeleteAnd, I totally agree with what you are saying.....sometimes it is more for them anyway...and atleast for me, that is perfectly okay.
Faking it....would seem like lying..well, it is lying...and that is never a good thing.
I think maybe you just need to assure him, that even if you don't get THERE....that you are still enjoying yourself....and like being close to him....
I hated to just come right out and tell my friend she was lying, but I did tell her that he wouldn't know how to get her there if she kept faking it...I agree though, it is lying.
DeleteAs far as Levi...I hope he knows that I am enjoying myself:), but I totally get what you are saying...knowing exactly what to say is another matter.
Bea
First off....Faking my dear friend is lying...one of the big D's correct? Tisk, Tisk...Bea. You know better than that.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, I still don't know how someone can fake it. I mean, if you are not with a teenager ( Levi's not a teenager is he Bea? Because then we have like bigger fish to fry here)
What I am saying is, ya know...the muscle contraction thingie. Like can't a man tell when things start to move and shake and CLENCH? Or do some just jump back, and recoil whatever body part they used to get you in that state, the second you start flipping around like a fish on a dock? I mean I can understand if they fear for their lives, but I *ahem* happen to know maybe one guy that likes the um...well...ride? ( blush )
( how is that for relief Bea? )
In all seriousness. Faking is bad. Very bad. Not only is it not honest, which is the big factor here, things will never get better if you do that. Communication that it didn't happen and why is key. They need to know that it is not them, ( although, sometimes I want you yell...why? why did you just move from that spot?!!...or sorry) and it is the kids or life distractions. Personally for me it can almost be arrival time at the train station and then " oh, I really need to buy a new shower curtain" comes into mind...HUH? So not his fault. He needs to know that.
There is an excellent book called She Comes First, I kid you not. It is very interesting. The last section is a how to of sorts, but the first is about the mind of a woman. Personally I found it very interesting. We put so much pressure to 'get' there on ourselves, that sometimes it just doesn't happen. How many out there feel bad for them, because it seems to be taking so long for us? Did you know that on average 20-25 minutes...just saying..
Love TMI
Willie
You just made me laugh so hard that I had to run to the bathroom...hysterical! No, Levi is not a teenager:) I certainly have had some serious, posts lately and decided to post something more lighthearted...you provided the comic relief...my sweet Wilma...thank you!
DeleteOMG...I so know what you mean!! And by the time they move from the spot and you get them to get back to it...the good feeling is gone...ughhh. Mine isn't usually a shower curtain...but a child crying on the monitor...for a while there we thought she had sexdar...anytime...I kid YOU not...things were starting to get good...she would cry. I tell you we both wanted to crush the monitor:)
I will recommend that book to my friend...she does have 3 kids under 5...I think she is having trouble because she is exhausted. I might check out the book myself:)
Love ya!
Bea
Will is also very concerned with my pleasure. I, too, have thought about 'faking' in the past only because he does e v e r y t h i n g so incredibly well that if I can't get there it most certainly is not about his techniques! And so, I decided not to fake (lie) to him about it but rather talk about it.
ReplyDeleteI told him that sometimes, rarely, it just won't happen for me - and I need him to know that on those occasions nothing would make me happier than to turn the focus solely to him. And he said fine, but then he'd owe me one. ;) And I said, that is just fine with me! :)~
I am glad that it isn't just me with the "just won't happen" sometimes and that our sweet guys care about our pleasure!
DeleteThat is sweet that he owes you one:)
Well, I was told by my source of all things sexual, my husband - that I should never fake it, and because he made it sound so serious, I never did. He has always been like the FBI where it is concerned anyway,, always seeking confirmation by asking a silly question....
ReplyDeleteI never really considered the moral obligation a woman has to tell her partner the truth, I just accepted that there was no reason not to......
Interesting topic
hugs
lillie
That is interesting...I never thought to ask Levi what he would think about faking...maybe I will ask him...hmmm. I think I should tell me friend that maybe she should ask her husband...I am pretty sure that he would not be too happy about it. Maybe that will open her eyes to the fact that it is a lie.
DeleteHope I didn't freak too many people out...although, I find it kind of funny that I can't even type that word...and had to resort to "get there"...geez. I am a grown woman in my late 30s and have had three kids...you would think I could say it.
I wanted a light subject and when that conversation came up...I thought...that'll work. My posts...like my life...have been way too serious lately!
Hugs back:)
Bea