I wanted to start by saying thank you for all your support last week as I tried to figure out where I was getting stuck. Your words of encouragement mean a lot to me. Marriage is a difficult journey sometimes and I am glad that I have figured out a way over this bump in the road. Remind me of that when the bump comes up again:)
We also survived Levi's first week of commuting...so far so good. He has some books on CD that you all recommended and is really liking that! I am to go to the library and check out some more so any recommendations would be appreciated.
I just love this cute little guy.
Levi and I were having an awesome cuddly talk last night and I asked him how I was doing on the respect issue. I have learned that respect is probably need #2 with my man. I am sure that you can guess what need #1 is:) We got that down...in fact we had some fun with a belt the other day...don't get too excited, it was over before it started really...(not the fun, the belt)...that was...well, it was hot. Someday I will tell you about that, maybe, considering I can't even type the "O" word...we'll see.
Man, I get off topic easily...that pops up in my head and I am wishing Levi was home! So, respect. I asked Levi if there was anything that I was saying that he felt disrespected by. He could only think of one and went on and on about the changes in me and how nice it is to come home. The one that he thought of was that I was telling a friend on the phone that something at the house was still broken. I said, well, it is. He explained that he hadn't had a chance to get to it and that telling my friend that it was still broken was like telling her that I couldn't rely on him to fix it. THIS IS HUGE people. He doesn't share like this with me.
(I am still confused by this one...I get not telling my friend...but I am getting frustrated about him not fixing it.)
Anyway, so my little bubble is all happy and I ask him if there is anything else that I do that is disrespectful. He thought for a moment...my head on his chest all cuddled in bed...I looked a little like this:
Here is our conversation: Levi is in italics
Well, you sigh, a lot, when you think I am doing something wrong.
(I am thinking: does that count...I don't actually say that and then I remembered...I asked him if there was anything I do...ah, crap)
You roll your eyes.
Wh...
You slam stuff around when we are arguing.
Bu...
You try to take over with the kids.
I....
Oh and the look. (he is really warming up to his subject now)
What look? (I must say here that I probably was giving him the look...he just couldn't see it)
The, My gosh, are you an idiot? look.
Oh.
Ah honey, one step at a time. (I seriously think he was going to say some more here and thought against it.)
And my little bubble went...pop. Don't worry about me...it was a very lighthearted conversation, but it appears that I have a little more work to do in the respect department.
I am a very expressive person...I talk with my hands and make crazy facial expressions. When I laugh...you can guarantee that it isn't some little giggle. So, I guess I didn't think about how my expressions could be causing disrespect. Oh...and my look probably looks something like this:
Probably given after he swears up and down that we have no ketchup and I have to get up and grab the ketchup that is right in front of his face. Insert eye roll...crap! I did it again:)
I'm sorry, i know this wasn't meant to be funny, or maybe it was, but i'm sitting here giggling. cos that's just a MAN THING. Like not being able to buy a gift on time.
ReplyDeleteIt's happened to me and BIKSS before. Where's the (whatever) and i'm walking up to him and picking it up RIGHT in front of him. uh huh. it SO happens!
It was meant to be funny and a bit sarcastic...no worries!
ReplyDeleteWhat is amazing to me is that my sons do it already! It starts young...must be that Y chromosome.
Guess I need to do my look where he cant see it though:)
I can say, as a man, I tend to not look that hard for things.
ReplyDeleteI admit, if I know that she knows where it's at, if it isn't immediately obvious, I will ask her.
Glad the first week of commuting went well...
Sorry to horn in, but I swear, and I don't mean this disrespectfully but if it doesn't jump out and call his name, he can't find it. I'm so glad you owned up Ponyboy - may I just say you are not alone in this boat.
DeleteHaha no problem! This anonymous afterall. ;)
DeleteAre you sure you are not living in my house. That conversation sure sounded familiar and sorry to say very "right on the head" with my expressions.
ReplyDeleteLOL..We have many of the same issues. I guess everyone does. I haven't become brave enough to ask him to list mine though. ;)
ReplyDeleteROFL Bea - Sorry to laugh but this conversation sounds very familiar. Levi's right - one step at a time.
ReplyDeleteThink it must be genetic that men as for something right in front of their noses. My favorite line is always "if it had been a snake, it woulda bit ya!"
I'm the same way with my hands, if I can't move them, I can't talk!
You're doing fine so blow the bubble back up and float a bit...
Blessings,
Cat
Aah, my heart hurt for you a little bit because it's so hard to feel that bit of discouragement but you know what? I know my husband never used to tell me the things that bothered him. He stuffed it away as just the way things were.
ReplyDeleteThings are different now and I think our men learn how to gently tell us the hard stuff and we learn how to hear it...and then take those little steps. I'm with Cat, this is all really very encouraging and you are doing great so blow that bubble back up and float on!
Hard stuff to hear, but good that he's opening up! TTWD takes time and patience and effort...and some humility, I've learned!
ReplyDeleteSara
I have to agree that men can never find anything. Car keys, glasses, work gloves, credit cards, the list is endless. It's definitely a man thing! I am a 'finder'. Always have been. I've been known to get on my hands and knees and search for contact lenses in the old days before the daily ones came out! So you see, we actually work in harmony if things get lost. If you think of it that way, and don't let yourself get exasperated it can help, not all the time, but at least some of the time. I do hate it when Starman simply can't be bothered to look for something properly though. I think that does earn an 'eye roll'. And frankly, too bad!! He is, after all, an adult.
ReplyDeleteI think your communication is coming along great though. The whole point is that he is telling you what irritates him. Just an aside, does he ask you what irritates you too? It must work both ways. For example, Starman can't get in a car without fiddling with the buttons and switches. He does it all the time. It drives me mad! If it's his car that's okay, but if it's mine, hidden tiger begins to wake up. So we've discussed it. I know, it's a very small thing. But he has now made it into a joke. I no longer get riled. Therefore I no longer yell at him. Therefore no disrespect. We are in a win win situation. Easy peasy.
Way to go Bea!
Many hugs, Ami
Yeah I have a sighing problem too
ReplyDeleteI have personally been flabbergasted by the things that Ian has told me since beginning dd. I had no idea how many little things I did on a daily basis that made him feel disrespected and at times, unmanned. I remember hearing some of them, and feeling terrible, but also empowered, because knowing about them means that we can change, and that is positive.
ReplyDeleteKeep the positive things coming, sweetie - this is good stuff.
hugs
lillie