Levi and I had a great talk yesterday after our issues of the afternoon. This communication stuff is so new to us that it still feels very awkward. We would have previously never spoken about the issue after the fact and essentially swept it under the rug. We both apologized and explained our frustrations to each other. It was great, but I kept thinking: Does this communicating thing get any easier?
That moment when you realize that you have been with someone 15 years and you are just now learning how to properly communicate...Awkward.
Yes Bea, it does get a lot easier and less awkward. :) Hang in there...
ReplyDeleteBlessings,
Cat
Thanks Cat...it just feels weird:)
DeleteBea
Ian and I were not terribly good at the communication thing and it had been 27 years +.....but, once you get started it feels really good to talk things through and have no nasty things bubbling away on the back burner.
ReplyDeleteWay to go on following through and doing the hard stuff.
hugs
lillie
It definitely felt more intimate...like there wasn't this stuff between us.
DeleteThanks Lillie!
Hugs,
Bea
I've been with my wife for 15 years and I still feel like we suck at communicating. I think it's cause when you are so close to someone there are so many things that can affect that communication.
ReplyDeleteSo it needs to be constantly adjusted.
Then again, maybe that's just me and her.
I agree...I can see how it would have to be adjusted, especially as you add kids, work commutes, etc. You have less time and almost forget the things you need to talk about...but they are still there...you know?
DeleteBea
Remember me letter writer? I don't do that anymore :) . It gets much easier. Well it has for us anyway.
ReplyDeleteYou've got this.
Love Willie
He still hasn't written in the notebook...guess writing is my thing, not his:)
DeleteThanks sweetie for the vote of confidence!
Bea
Well Bea, I have to tell you for me that it hasn't gotten much easier. I once described it as being like dragging an anchor across gravel. Talking is nearly impossible for me, I do better sending an email. I can take the time to say exactly what I want to. Nick doesn't seem to mind this. But I admit that there are time that I don't even try. Shame on me, I know you'll do better.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
PK
Thanks PK, I think that there are definitely things that are just easier to write...at least for me. Especially when it comes to embarassing things...either something I have done wrong or bedroom topics:) Keep trying!
DeleteBea
Some couples go their whole lives. So you are already making strides. Just keep working at it and it will get easier. Think about doing at night just before bedtime. Turn down the lights, sometimes not having to face the other makes it easier.
ReplyDeleteTalking in the dark is MUCH easier:)
DeleteThanks sunnygirl!
Bea
It gets easier, sweetie -gets to be second nature as long as you'reboth being diligent, you'll get there :)
ReplyDelete(((hugs)))
We'll hope that he sees the benefits too...he is not much of a talker...but we feel so much closer without that junk between us.
Deletehugs,
Bea
Yes....it gets easier...and even more weird....you begin to ENJOY communicating <-------weird! :) You can do it!
ReplyDeleteWeird in a good way, right?:)
DeleteThanks Lucy!
I think some keys are getting things out in the open early, and not carrying grudges or "gunnysacking". Also, both parties need to calm their egos enough to no feel attacked under criticism and to work calmly and rationally toward a resolution. Just the other day, I was ticked at Mrs. AMD for what I felt was blowing me off after two straight weekend nights she fell asleep super early. I was able to express my dissatisfaction with that, and why and made peace instead of letting the frustration linger. We're doing better, but it takes practice.
ReplyDeleteYes, there is a lot of crap underneath that rug: unmet needs, resentment, hurt feelings...we have been tiptoeing around it for a while. Hoping he is willing to do this too...he doesn't talk much...but you are right, with practice hopefully this will be less weird.
DeleteGlad to know I am not alone:)
Bea
LOL, yeah, it took us almost 9 years, and we still suck at it. My poor sister is a year married and asking me for advice. I laughingly told her "wait seven or eight years, you'll get the hang of it."
ReplyDeleteThat's funny. The really bad thing is if you had asked me last year, I would have said we were pretty good at it. Denial is a powerful tool:)
DeleteYes, it does get easier. I promise!
ReplyDeleteIt also gets less awkward. Really...promise.
I really hope so Susie:)
Delete