Well, it is almost time for Levi to start his new position...and this is how we feel. We have been trucking uphill for the last few months waiting to here the news and details and this is where we find ourselves at this moment.
Imagine yourself here...anticipation, anxiety, fear, waiting for the inevitable...hoping this ride is worth the long wait.
I would rather get past this rather stomach turning part and on to the good stuff. I am prepared...or as prepared as I am going to be (considering I have family coming in town this weekend for my middle and youngest's birthday).
This past week has not been a good one for either of us...we are both stressed, worried about the future and I am at a loss. I am trying to be strong for him, reassure him that everything is going to be alright, that he is going to rock this new position. But then I feel like I am hiding from him...hiding my fears, my worries, my stress...which leads to a wall between us. I don't want to dump on him...especially now when he is so stressed out.
Where are the intimate moments between us...the ones where we see each other clearly, the ones where we feel close and joyful?
How can I be strong and not control everything and everyone and build up those walls of protection?
We shall see what the following weeks look like...do they like this?
or this?
oh, just tell me when it's over!
Until then...what are some ways that you help each other when one or the other of you is stressed out? I will take all the help I can get:) We made a plan that will ensure that we spend quality time together as a family, that we each get time alone, that he has something that will help him with his commute, etc...but I am afraid the next few weeks will be stressful anyway as we all adjust.
Because I am trying to tear these stupid walls down, I am rather sensitive and have had my feelings hurt a lot this week. He is on edge and we have not been connecting. I would like to think that our next few weeks will look like this:
But, really...
I am a realist...
what kind of ride is this?
Oh Bea,
ReplyDeleteSweetie, this must be a very difficult time. My feelings get hurt very easy, and when they do, I am putting up walls like I am an expert mason. Heres goes the old broken record, go to Levi and tell him how you feel. Tell him that you need to lean on him for a little bit, because of your fears, that you ned reassurance.
Leave your realistic self outside tied to the sofa leg, and ask him to just cuddle you for a while. Allow yourself to express the vulnerability that you feel, Bea. It is okay.
I know that you feel like you need to be strong for him, but letting all those feelings out often makes one feel resolved, putting an audible voice to them is often what shrinks worries down to a workable size.
big hugs
lillie
You are so right Lillie...and that is exactly what I did. I told him that I did not want to unload on him and that I believed in him, but that I was nervous that I was not going to be able to be the strong wife he needed me to be. It was awesome...and I do feel better.
DeleteThanks,
Bea
Bea, this roller-coaster ride is going to need both of you hanging on to each other. I agree with Lillie, you definitely need to express your feelings. Let him know that you feel the need to be strong for him. Communicating those feelings will not only keep you from building a wall with them but will allow him to express his feelings also. You are in this together and together, you will ride it out.
ReplyDeleteBlessings,
Cat
Thank you Cat for the awesome advice...I was able to share with him...he didn't say much, but thanked me for being an amazing wife...and we held each other. He seems a lot more confident after our talk...I know it will still be hard, but I feel a lot better about it.
DeleteBea
Oh Bea, I do know how you feel. Levi is stressed and the last thing you want to do is add to it. I have to try to make sure that Brice understands that I appreciate what he is doing for us. I have found (he finally admitted) that he feels a lot of guilt leaving each week. It does cause a lot of stress for both. The best thing you can do is let him know you support what he is doing, but at the same time these are your feelings...and ask him specific questions about his. I know you get tired of hearing it...but one day at a time. It really will be over before you know it.
ReplyDeleteThank you Betsy,
DeleteI know that must be a struggle for you and hope that some day he won't have to travel so much for y'alls sake. Thank you for reminding me to take things one day at a time...I often forget that:)
Remember the windsock *wink*. I'll be right here if you need me.
ReplyDeleteLove the Renovations.
Love Ya!
Willie
Haha...I told him about that...it made him smile...
DeleteThanks
Love ya too!
Bea
I'm a firm believer in that if you anicipate the worst, the worst it what you will get. The mind is a powerful thing. Try focusing and seeing all the good things this opportunity will afford you.
ReplyDeleteJust hang onto and talk to each other - love will get you through.
Wise advice sunnygirl...I'm usually a prepare for the worst, hope for the best kind of girl...but yours sounds much better:) I am a lot more positive in real life...You all get my deepest fears...because it feels so safe.
DeleteThanks,
Bea
Oh Bea, I feel for you....I really do. I can't add much to the wonderful advice you have already been given....but, I think you do need to go to him and let him know how you feel....that you are worried. Allow yourself to feel whatever emotions are churning inside you....and let them out. I know you want to be strong for him, but for you to be able to get through this....your honesty is going to be so much more helpful than a brave face.
ReplyDeleteI have complete faith that you all will get through this. You have talked....have a plan....and yes, this is going to be hard....change always is....but embrace it, and look at this as an opportunity to bring you all closer together....
Much love...
~Lucy
You wise, wise women sure know what you are talking about...we had an awesome conversation last night and I am feeling much better...he seems better too.
DeleteThank you!!
Love and Hugs
Bea
Smart ladies around here! I hope you had a good talk with Levi Bea. This will be tough but I will be hoping for some surprise blessings for you along the way.
ReplyDelete