Beautiful Mess

Our family has been very busy lately, what with the end of school, sports, graduations, birthday parties, strep throat, swim lessons, teacher gifts, doctors, dentists, orthodontists, eye check ups, work, field days, field trips, etc., etc.  But when is life not pretty busy for any of us really?  We try to fit in time to relax and just go with the flow...some months that works better than others.  May is not one of those months, but June looks better.  May was a mess!

I got a new job which I am very excited about.  It is one based on commission and will take a while to get going, but is something I can be passionate about doing.  I will continue to teach preschool part time during the school year until I can do this exclusively.  I had to really stick myself out there for this and am very happy that I stepped out of my comfort zone, but also a bit nervous.  It will be an adjustment for everyone as I work towards full time work again.  The house will probably be a mess.

I sat the other day and watched my children and husband run around the backyard and play while I sipped some wine after a particularly long, stressful day full of kid whining, mistake making, errand running, dog puking exhaustingness (I know that isn't a word, but it should be!).  As the sun set, I kept laughing at stuff the kids would say or things my husband would do and thought, "They are such a mess...my beautiful mess."  (Just to clarify for you non-Southern folk...mess in this context is a term of endearment, not an insult.)

Levi and I have had some fun times lately despite our busyness.  He continues to find me attractive even when at times this month I have been more of a hot mess.  We have good days and bad as far as closeness goes, but I know this will always be part of the ebb and flow of any relationship.  Life is messy and I am still learning that I can't control that...I can't change that...and am hoping to embrace it.

With all this mess this past month, I heard this song and just thought it fit.  The video is strange, but I love the lyrics and the folk/indie sound.  Isn't this what sharing your life with someone is all about?...we share the each other's mess.

Talking like we used to do

It was always me and you

Shaping up and shipping out

Check me in and check me out

Do you like walking in the rain?

When you think of love, do you think of pain?

You can tell me what you see

I will choose what I believe

Hold on, darling

This body is yours,

This body is yours and mine

Well hold on, my darling

This mess was yours,

Now your mess is mine

Your mess is mine

See you in the marketplace

Walking 'round at 8am

Got 2 hours before my flight

Luck be on my side tonight

You're the reason that I feel so strong

The reason that I'm hanging on

You know you gave me all the time

Oh, did I give enough of mine?

Hold on, darling

This body is yours,

This body is yours and mine

Well hold on, my darling

This mess was yours,

Now your mess is mine

Bring me to your house

Tell me sorry for the mess

Hey, I don't mind

You're talking in your sleep

Out of time

Well, you still make sense to me

Your mess is mine

Your mess is mine

This body's yours and this body's mine

Your mess is mine

Romance for your husband: Such a tease!

I sent Levi this picture at work this afternoon:

Along with this text:

Me: Hey babe, hope you are having a great day...I was thinking about wearing this tonight

Levi: Where are we going???

Me: Nowhere, it's for after the kids go to bed...ONLY this...what do you think?  Would black heels be better?  Do you not like the lip gloss?

Levi:  Oh no...that's good...I like everything!!

I then sent him a picture of my lips with the lip stick/gloss on in a kissy face.

Man this sure is fun;)  Not sure where this teasing girl is coming from, but she is having a VERY good time with her husband!

Why does he do that?!

As much as it may have seemed that way lately, marriage is not always butterflies, rainbows, and unicorns.  Don't get me wrong, things have been great here lately, but marriage is never a cake walk is it?  Is it?  Ever?  Cause that would be really cool, right?  Ah, but we live in the real world of expectations, desires, personalities, and opinions that don't always match up.

I need your help.  Levi has a habit that DRIVES ME INSANE!  I can't figure out why he does it?  I thought if I could figure out why, especially if it is something that I am doing, then I could help prevent it.

Let me give you some examples:

We were on vacation and I asked if he wanted to walk to a certain area to explore.  He said it was too far.  I said okay.  He said no, let's go ahead and go.  I said no, we don't have to.   He said no, that sounds fun, let's go.  I said okay and we go.  Well, he starts acting like he is mad about being there.  He is acting annoyed and sucking any fun out of being there.

Another example:

We are on our way to a party that he said he wanted to go to when asked the week before.  On the way there, he tells me he never wanted to go.  And you are telling me now? What do you want me to do about it now?  Why did you say you wanted to if you really didn't?

I could list more examples, but I think you get the gist.  It doesn't happen all the time, but when it does, I can feel my anger bubbling to the surface.  It takes a lot on my part to keep it from boiling over.  It takes a lot for me to get angry, but when I do, it isn't pretty; especially when I feel like someone's issue being directed at me is unjustified.

If you don't tell me, how am I supposed to know? I really hate when you say you want to do something and then act mad at me when you are doing it?  I have said these things to him and yet he still does it.

What I can't figure out is why?

seems a bit passive aggressive? he is really mad at himself, but taking it out on me?

is he just being too nice, wanting to make me happy, but not telling me how he really feels because he is afraid to upset me?

is it because of the years of stealing the pants from him, now he doesn't want to rock the boat? path of least resistance and all that?

What is the deal?  and what can I do about it?

More romance for your husband

I didn't update you on how my last romance post turned out...oops.  I was true to my word and did not pack myself any pajamas on our trip.  I did find several surprises in my suitcase and wore them and also nothing at all certain nights during our week long trip without kids.

It was like a reboot.  I had been struggling with libido issues.  The past month, however, has been amazing!!  Spring has sprung at Bea's house!

We had a kid birthday party to attend this weekend and as much as Levi did not want to attend, he did.  He hates birthday parties.  But when your godchild is having a birthday, you probably should be there.  Even though he wasn't too happy about it and was the only male in attendance (the kiddo's dad was at work), he was playing with the kids and helping out.

As inappropriate as my timing may have been, I found his enthusiasm in being such an awesome dad and godfather incredibly sexy.  I wanted to somehow let him know how I was feeling so when he came over to take a break I gave him a huge hug and whispered in his ear.

"I'm wearing a thong."  He loves it when I wear a thong, but honestly it doesn't happen very often...usually when I need to do laundry.

He pulled out of the hug and gave me the "oh really" look.

"Blue and lacy," I whispered and smiled mischievously.

He grinned and then he was pulled away by the kids again.

Over cake and ice cream he was eyeing me appreciatively, and I kept catching him giving me a curious look and eyebrow wiggles.

In the middle of a kid birthday party may not have been the ideal place to tease him, but it was fun and got us both excited for night time to come.  He kept asking me what was the earliest the kids could go to bed when we got home.  Um...not 6:00!

And the results...I would do it again;)

Where have you been all my life?

I have a new love affair: Coconut Oil!

I have finally listened to voices of reason and knowledge and tried something that I will admit kinda freaked me out.  I first read about it here on Average Married Dad's blog...but I wasn't completely convinced.  Why? The oil word messed it up for me and the fact that it is solid...so strange.  You cook with it and you want me to put it where?

Here is the deal...I have very sensitive skin...my dermatologist tells me it is due to my red hair...makes me want to smack her.  I didn't used to have a problem with lubricant.  I had enough of my own...but three kids, hypothyroidism, getting older?...whatever the reason, I sometimes need it now.  I have tried so many lubricants it is not even funny!  That crap is expensive to try the first time and throw the bottle away...felt like I was throwing away money.

I have tried all the ones in the grocery store and the only one I could use was KY Sensitive and it is ridiculous sticky and may not cause immediate burning or irritation like some, but think it was contributing to chronic issues.  Plus it's full of parabens which I am trying to rid my life of.

Then I read about it's uses here at Frankly Speaking.  Then I had someone else tell me she used Coconut oil and that she has sensitive skin also...third time's a charm or female to female advice?  Not sure, but I thought...what the heck, I'll give it a whirl.

Amazing...not oily like I thought it was going to be...and my skin is better!  Plus we can use as it as a massage oil.  There is a slight odor that bugged me at first...I lit a candle the first time and now I am used to it.  So go get some coconut oil and...

Well...enjoy!

Romance for your husband

Here lately, I have been trying to surprise Levi more.  I am loving this...maybe even more than him.  I hope that he continues to be awed and I can continue to make his mouth drop.

As we are packing and getting ready to go on a trip sans kids, I surprise him with an announcement:

"Honey, I need for you to pack whatever you would like for me to wear at night.  If you don't pack anything, I plan on going naked."  (smile and saunter out of the room)

His face was priceless...a little shock and then like a kid in a candy store.

Now, let's see if I have any surprises in the suitcase...or nothing;)

What 15 years of marriage has taught me...

This month Levi and I will celebrate 15 years together...there were moments I wondered if we would make it, moments where I wondered if I had made the right choice, moments of disappointment, sadness, hurt feelings, and despair.  There were also moments of joy, laughter, passion, beauty, and a love so strong that it seems to fix everything.

Love this Ed Sheeran song..."Thinking Out Loud"

Here are 15 things that I have learned from 15 years of marriage:

1.  Marriage is not a fairy tale...happily ever after is not truth.  Now this doesn't mean that you won't be happy...but you won't be happy all the time.  It just isn't possible, so it is best that you don't have that expectation.  Marriage is not all rainbows and butterflies.

2.  Marriage is hard work...your mama did not lie!  It is hard work to stay on a path together, it is hard work not to let your ego get all worked up, and it is hard work to choose to be selfless and forgiving and loving towards someone who can push your buttons like no other.

3.  Marriage does not magically change bad habits...before you get married, if there is something that your significant other does that drives you crazy...they will continue to do it after you are married...do not expect that you will be able to change them.  So if you can't live with it, don't get married.  You can only change yourself...marriage does not change that.

4.  Marriage can survive difficult circumstances...IF you are willing to work for it.  When you come out whole on the other side, you will be a better person for it and you will have a better marriage for it.  It takes both of you to be willing to work.  Be patient...don't give up too easily.

5.  Marriage takes three...I am convinced that our marriage would not have survived some of its trials without our faith in God.  I realize that some of you are not believers, but I personally could not do this without God.

6.  Marriage does not mean the end of dating...It is very important to date your spouse, especially when you have children.  You need to remember why you got married in the first place so that you don't wake up when the kids are gone and wonder who this stranger is lying in bed next to you.  The grass is greener where you water it.  My mother in law taught me this...my in laws divorced when their children went to college.

7.  Marriage does not make your spouse a mind reader...You must learn to communicate effectively...still working on this one:) but I understand it as a truth.  I have worked hard (two years of practice) not to be a cactus or a steamroller and part 2 (most of the time)...now to effectively communicate issues and learn when to shut my mouth too.

8.  Marriage means different things to my spouse than it does to me and that's okay...I want to be loved and appreciated whereas respect and sex are extremely important to my spouse...They make him feel loved.  I truly wish I had understood this concept in the early years of marriage.

9.  Marriage requires tenacity to be successful...Never give up...thank goodness I am one stubborn woman because boy were there times that I felt like giving up.  I am sure that my husband had similar times.

10.  Marriage is better if you fight fair...You will fight.  That is just how it is.  My mother, whom I consider my marriage expert, taught me this.  She is on her third marriage, but has now been married almost 40 years.  She said you should follow fighting rules: no name calling, no cursing, and the "D" word is a dirty word that should not be thrown around just because you are upset.

11.  Marriage is better when you laugh with each other...don't take life so seriously that you forget to have joy.  Laughter really does make you feel better and when you can laugh together it bonds you...we have busted out laughing in the middle of a tiff and wondered what we were fighting about.

12.  Marriage is fluid...I will change, my spouse will change, our problems and challenges will change...and thank God for that.  If things weren't changing then there is no growth.  From someone who freaks at change...this is a bit distressing, but I remind myself that we can grow together and that it is a great thing!

13.  Marriage has taught me that you can love someone and still not like them sometimes...and that's okay.

14.  Marriage teaches you every day...I am constantly learning something new about me, about Levi, about our children and what we are teaching them by our example.  I learn things from my friends' and families' marriages also...what to do, what not to do, what can happen even when you do your best.

15.  Marriage gets better with age...The longer we are married, the better we get.  Plus the older you get the less of an idiot you are.  I shake my head at my 20 something year old self...but I wouldn't have it any other way.

We wouldn't be where we are had we not done everything the way we did it!

I love this song by Casting Crowns..."Broken Together"...The only way we'll last forever is broken together.