Where have you been all my life?

I have a new love affair: Coconut Oil!

I have finally listened to voices of reason and knowledge and tried something that I will admit kinda freaked me out.  I first read about it here on Average Married Dad's blog...but I wasn't completely convinced.  Why? The oil word messed it up for me and the fact that it is solid...so strange.  You cook with it and you want me to put it where?

Here is the deal...I have very sensitive skin...my dermatologist tells me it is due to my red hair...makes me want to smack her.  I didn't used to have a problem with lubricant.  I had enough of my own...but three kids, hypothyroidism, getting older?...whatever the reason, I sometimes need it now.  I have tried so many lubricants it is not even funny!  That crap is expensive to try the first time and throw the bottle away...felt like I was throwing away money.

I have tried all the ones in the grocery store and the only one I could use was KY Sensitive and it is ridiculous sticky and may not cause immediate burning or irritation like some, but think it was contributing to chronic issues.  Plus it's full of parabens which I am trying to rid my life of.

Then I read about it's uses here at Frankly Speaking.  Then I had someone else tell me she used Coconut oil and that she has sensitive skin also...third time's a charm or female to female advice?  Not sure, but I thought...what the heck, I'll give it a whirl.

Amazing...not oily like I thought it was going to be...and my skin is better!  Plus we can use as it as a massage oil.  There is a slight odor that bugged me at first...I lit a candle the first time and now I am used to it.  So go get some coconut oil and...

Well...enjoy!

Romance for your husband

Here lately, I have been trying to surprise Levi more.  I am loving this...maybe even more than him.  I hope that he continues to be awed and I can continue to make his mouth drop.

As we are packing and getting ready to go on a trip sans kids, I surprise him with an announcement:

"Honey, I need for you to pack whatever you would like for me to wear at night.  If you don't pack anything, I plan on going naked."  (smile and saunter out of the room)

His face was priceless...a little shock and then like a kid in a candy store.

Now, let's see if I have any surprises in the suitcase...or nothing;)

What 15 years of marriage has taught me...

This month Levi and I will celebrate 15 years together...there were moments I wondered if we would make it, moments where I wondered if I had made the right choice, moments of disappointment, sadness, hurt feelings, and despair.  There were also moments of joy, laughter, passion, beauty, and a love so strong that it seems to fix everything.

Love this Ed Sheeran song..."Thinking Out Loud"

Here are 15 things that I have learned from 15 years of marriage:

1.  Marriage is not a fairy tale...happily ever after is not truth.  Now this doesn't mean that you won't be happy...but you won't be happy all the time.  It just isn't possible, so it is best that you don't have that expectation.  Marriage is not all rainbows and butterflies.

2.  Marriage is hard work...your mama did not lie!  It is hard work to stay on a path together, it is hard work not to let your ego get all worked up, and it is hard work to choose to be selfless and forgiving and loving towards someone who can push your buttons like no other.

3.  Marriage does not magically change bad habits...before you get married, if there is something that your significant other does that drives you crazy...they will continue to do it after you are married...do not expect that you will be able to change them.  So if you can't live with it, don't get married.  You can only change yourself...marriage does not change that.

4.  Marriage can survive difficult circumstances...IF you are willing to work for it.  When you come out whole on the other side, you will be a better person for it and you will have a better marriage for it.  It takes both of you to be willing to work.  Be patient...don't give up too easily.

5.  Marriage takes three...I am convinced that our marriage would not have survived some of its trials without our faith in God.  I realize that some of you are not believers, but I personally could not do this without God.

6.  Marriage does not mean the end of dating...It is very important to date your spouse, especially when you have children.  You need to remember why you got married in the first place so that you don't wake up when the kids are gone and wonder who this stranger is lying in bed next to you.  The grass is greener where you water it.  My mother in law taught me this...my in laws divorced when their children went to college.

7.  Marriage does not make your spouse a mind reader...You must learn to communicate effectively...still working on this one:) but I understand it as a truth.  I have worked hard (two years of practice) not to be a cactus or a steamroller and part 2 (most of the time)...now to effectively communicate issues and learn when to shut my mouth too.

8.  Marriage means different things to my spouse than it does to me and that's okay...I want to be loved and appreciated whereas respect and sex are extremely important to my spouse...They make him feel loved.  I truly wish I had understood this concept in the early years of marriage.

9.  Marriage requires tenacity to be successful...Never give up...thank goodness I am one stubborn woman because boy were there times that I felt like giving up.  I am sure that my husband had similar times.

10.  Marriage is better if you fight fair...You will fight.  That is just how it is.  My mother, whom I consider my marriage expert, taught me this.  She is on her third marriage, but has now been married almost 40 years.  She said you should follow fighting rules: no name calling, no cursing, and the "D" word is a dirty word that should not be thrown around just because you are upset.

11.  Marriage is better when you laugh with each other...don't take life so seriously that you forget to have joy.  Laughter really does make you feel better and when you can laugh together it bonds you...we have busted out laughing in the middle of a tiff and wondered what we were fighting about.

12.  Marriage is fluid...I will change, my spouse will change, our problems and challenges will change...and thank God for that.  If things weren't changing then there is no growth.  From someone who freaks at change...this is a bit distressing, but I remind myself that we can grow together and that it is a great thing!

13.  Marriage has taught me that you can love someone and still not like them sometimes...and that's okay.

14.  Marriage teaches you every day...I am constantly learning something new about me, about Levi, about our children and what we are teaching them by our example.  I learn things from my friends' and families' marriages also...what to do, what not to do, what can happen even when you do your best.

15.  Marriage gets better with age...The longer we are married, the better we get.  Plus the older you get the less of an idiot you are.  I shake my head at my 20 something year old self...but I wouldn't have it any other way.

We wouldn't be where we are had we not done everything the way we did it!

I love this song by Casting Crowns..."Broken Together"...The only way we'll last forever is broken together.

Signs Your Wife Wants It

Have you ever had this argument with your wife:

Husband: Hey babe, we haven't had sex in a while.

Wife: Well, I wanted to last night!!

Husband: Why didn't you say something?

Wife: Why didn't you notice?

I guarantee you if you find yourself in this situation then last night when you were snoring off in dreamland, your wife was awake and feeling frustrated.  But if she had just woken me up, you say...or she had just said something, you say...

This is one of those moments in life where I feel the need to apologize to men everywhere.  Even I think of these moments in my marriage and wonder if women aren't just a bit crazy.  The thing is I know my girlfriends have had similar arguments with their husbands as well.  You are not alone.  Now I am not speaking about those moments when your wife lights all the candles, plays "Let's Get it On", and is laying across the bed in lingerie looking at you with come hither eyes...if you can't figure that out...you are on your own.  I am talking about those other times when your wife may be putting out some subtle clues but you just aren't cluing in.

So men...pull up a chair...I am going to give you a little help in decoding your wife's subtle clues that she wants some:

Clue #1  She has been touching you...a lot.  Has she been reaching for your hand...rubbing the back of your neck while she sits beside you...touching your knee, elbow, etc.   It doesn't really matter where, but if she is finding an excuse to touch you when she doesn't normally, then she wants some.

If she has thrown in a butt grab or brushes against the package or finds a reason to press the breasts against your back while she reaches over your shoulder for something on the counter...she wants some...and I might add that you might need to pay better attention cause these are actually not so subtle.

Clue #2  She has been grooming...a lot.  She has brushed teeth, hair, shaved, lotioned, perfumed, etc. thirty minutes before bed.  Now, if she does this every day before bed, then this list won't help you...we are confusing that way...you are looking for things out of the ordinary here.  The thirty minutes before bed gives you a clue too...I have three kids...on a normal day my pre-bed routine is to brush my teeth and fall into bed and sometimes I am so exhausted I skip the teeth...I do not perfume before bed or do excessive grooming unless I want some.

If she has spent the day getting a mani/pedi, waxing, haircut, dresses up for no reason, puts on makeup when she doesn't normally and you don't notice...oh honey, I feel for you.  Your wife is feeling great about herself...this is your moment...don't screw it up.  She may also be trying to otherwise boost her confidence...please, please, pretty please notice!!...or her confidence may just get flushed down the toilet...she will feel unloved and unwanted.

Clue #3  She is wearing the good pajamas.  Yep, no t-shirt and flannel...she is wearing the ones that match and don't have holes.  She wants it.  Now, before you get too excited...check your laundry hamper...if it is full, then it may just mean that she hasn't done the laundry yet and that is the last clean thing in her drawer...you will have to look for other clues.

If she is wearing nothing and she normally wears something...baby, you got bigger problems than I can help you with if you can't figure out she wants some.

Clue #4 She made you your favorite meal and you are watching your favorite movie/favorite show/favorite sport with her...she is attempting romance...she wants it.  She also wants you to notice for goodness sake, so say thank you to her for making your night!!

She made you your favorite meal, watched your favorite movie and dropped the kids at grandma's...she wants it wild...don't be dense...take her on the stairs, or the kitchen table.

Clue #5  Her bra matches her panties...or she is wearing the good panties...she maybe even changed into the good panties from the ugly comfy panties she wore all day...she wants you to unwrap her gentleman...she shouldn't have to throw on a bow.

Add this with the good pjs or lingerie for goodness sake and you might want to ooo and aaah a bit.  Combine it with grooming and your favorites...she is way ahead of you buddy and has likely been thinking about it all day...you might want to sprint to catch up.

Clue #6  Little noises or stretching or both...okay, so you both hop into bed after a long day and she begins a little stretching, moaning mmmmm session with possible incidental foot rubbing your leg under the sheets.  I am instructing you to roll over towards her and take your fingertips and lightly stroke around the waist area, neck area, or upper leg...if she doesn't pull away and throws in a little mmmm...she wants some...proceed.

If she is rubbing or touching you and it is not incidental...um, hello?

Clue #7  Little things that are particular to each individual wife.  Well, heck...that isn't much help...let me give you an example.  I notice when I am feeling amorous, I play with my hair a lot...twirl it with my fingers, etc.  I have a friend who only plays with her hair if she is anxious so this wouldn't work for her.  So, know your wife...watch her...is there anything she does more often when she is "in the mood"?

Share below to help out your fellow males.  And ladies, did I forget anything?

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Okay...I get it...wives should learn to initiate and not be so subtle...so WHY OH WHY does she not just say something...

Reason #1 She wants to be pursued.  She wants you to be the dominant one...she wants to be wanted. She wants you to be crazy about her...so crazy about her that you are willing to work a little to get it.  If she initiates, it puts her in the dominant role and she may not feel comfortable there...or she just wants to be the one to feel your strength.

Reason #2 She is afraid you will say no or be turned off by her initiation....body issues, confidence issues, etc. can all add to this fear of initiating.  I have a friend who will no longer be in the same room with her husband naked unless the lights are off...and she is a good looking woman!  We are afraid you will not want IT, which to us translates to you don't want US.

Reason #3 She has no idea how to do it...should she just show up naked, should she dance a little jig, what does he want me to do?  Agh...the pressure!  Should we have dialogue about ways you would like us to initiate...certainly...are we going to bring it up...not likely!  Maybe start with, "I had this dream the other night that you did_______.  That was hot!"  Give a girl a hint every now and again.

And for goodness sake if you notice your flower blooming, then enjoy the garden.

Playlist to Put me in the Mood

I love living in the era where we have a playlist everything and a soundtrack for our lives.  And thank goodness we no longer have to rewind and fast forward while we create the perfect mix tape.

I have a playlist for rainy days, happy days, driving and now I would like to have a playlist for our bedroom.  Wink, wink...thanks to the friend who suggested this might get my head right to help me get in the mood when the mood is elusive.

So here are a few ideas in no particular order:

Ed Sheeran Kiss Me
Dave Matthews Band Crash Into Me
Labrinth Beneath Your Beautiful
Metallica Nothing Else Matters
Lana Del Rey Young and Beautiful
Lana Del Rey Video Games
U2 One
Chris Isaak Wicked Game
Lorde Royals
Sensual TVA
Cure Pictures of You
Katy Perry Unconditionally
Ellie Goulding Love me Like You Do
Depeche Mode Somebody
Delilah Inside my Love
Guns N Roses November Rain
Counting Crows Colorblind
Taylor Swift and The Civil Wars Safe and Sound

I am still working on this and could use some suggestions...music that puts you in the mood? Help me broaden my horizons...no "Let's get it on" or "Sexual Healing"...those songs make me giggle.

Lazy Ladyscaping

One should not ladyscape in a hurry...let this be a warning to all of you!

I know that some of you are still buried in winter...literally and figuratively, whereas where I live things are beginning to show signs of coming spring.  It can still be quite chilly for us thin blooded folk down south, but we have also enjoyed some lovely afternoons in the 60s and 70s here lately.  With spring approaching, I begin to think about retiring the fuzzy socks to the back of the sock drawer, pulling out the capri pants, and pushing the few long sleeved shirts I own to the back of the closet.  Oh I can't do any of that yet cause next week it could well be freezing...such is the weather round these parts, but I have started thinking about it.

I have also thought about how long it has been since any wax or tweezers have gotten anywhere near my eyebrows, how my gray is beginning to show and it may be time for spring highlights to help blend those babies. I have been wondering how long it takes your pinkie toenail to grow because the nail polish that you swore you put on recently has grown off...not chipped off people, but GROWN off.  How long has it been since I have shaved my whole leg, not just the lower half?

Something happens during winter...like ladyscaping goes into hibernation or takes a holiday.  I just want to curl up on the couch and sleep because it is dark by 6:30.  I don't seem to care what is hidden beneath my fleece pj pants, and old navy hoodie.  I decided it was time for a little inspection...a beauty inspection as it were.  Eyebrows...hmmm...not a unibrow...yet.  Note to self: schedule time for an eyebrow wax because if I had to tweeze all these hairs I would be here for an hour and tears would be streaming down my face.  Gray hair...I swear there are another 20 gray hairs on my head that have sprouted since yesterday.  Note to self: time to schedule an appointment to blend my "natural highlights".  Did you know that redheads gray faster than any other hair pigment?  Yep, lovely little fact right there...grumble, grumble.  Skin: Ewwww...my skin is looking like the Mojave Desert...time for some lotion.  Nails: When was the last time I painted those toes?  Note to self:  time to schedule an appointment for the lovely ladies at my nail salon to make huge tips for getting these winter calluses off...may take a while.  Legs: Holy Moley we are shaving those today!  Which leads to...dun, dun, duuuuuun...

Shock, awe, didn't I just? when was that?  I should really look down there more often...oh and poor Levi!  I stood in front of the mirror for my beauty inspection while my facial expressions moved from shock to disbelief, to pity for my poor dear husband.  I needed to do some serious ladyscaping...
NOW!
Problem was...I only had 15 minutes before I had to leave to pick up my kids.  Okay, I tell myself, everything else can wait, but we have to shave these legs and ladyscape the nether parts.

As I shave my legs, I wonder AGAIN at how much it costs to do laser hair removal.  I quickly rush through the ladyscaping bit as time ticks away and hurriedly throw on clothes and head out the door.  I did not even have time to check out my hard work until it was time to go to bed.

Remember my warning:  One should NOT ladyscape while in a hurry!!

As I was changing for bed, I caught sight of things.  Oh. Dear. Lord.  I have a rather long c section scar that is typically quite well blended, but somehow in my hurried ladyscaping and the way my scar is, my nether hair that I have tried to shape into somewhat of an equilateral triangle has taken on the distinct shape of a butterfly.   I wasn't sure at this moment whether to burst into tears or burst out laughing.  I wonder to myself if I should just give waxing another try and leave this to the professionals...but it doesn't take long before the remembered debacle of that incident sways me to the negative.  Did you know that redheads typically have very sensitive skin?  and very thin skin?  I looked like I had the measles for weeks because it broke blood vessels in my skin...yep, not pretty.  Shaving it is...even though it does sting...and a whole new round of belly laughs ensues as I realize that that brings a whole new meaning to "floats like a butterfly, stings like a bee."

My dear husband comes in at this point wondering if I have truly lost my mind...I have tears down my face laughing hysterically while I look in the mirror at my naked self.  I explain my hurried ladyscaping and apologize for my lazy ladyscaping as of late.  I also explain that the butterfly is not on purpose and promise to fix it.  He really didn't care, but was very happy that I shaved my hairy legs.

As I bring the rest of my beauty habits out of hibernation, (hopefully with more success!) I wish all of you warmer weather and plenty of TIME for ladyscaping:)

Dance With Me

I am not sure there is much sexier than a man that can dance.  I surprised Levi with a Salsa lesson.  Levi and I have danced before so I knew he had rhythm and I love to dance, but neither one of us has danced Salsa before.  He did not disappoint.  My man has moves.  Once I got over trying to lead, that is.  I am sure you all are not surprised.  He kept having to whisper, "Stop it." in my ear...that alone was pretty sexy.

We had so much fun...we laughed, we worked hard, and we even had moments where we completely forgot there was anyone else in the room.  I wore a flawy skirt so when he spun me, it spun with me.  He later told me how he liked my skirt:)  It was an amazing workout, too.  The instructor showed us several turns and fancy moves and then we moved on to a mini Kizomba lesson.  Um...wow...that is hot!  I had to learn to channel my inner Latina...I am not Latina, but I feel like we all have this inner Latina somewhere inside that exudes sexiness...I am going to have to work on that, she's in there somewhere.

Here is a video of Kizomba (pronounced keezomba): (Pakito and Elisa Kizomba)

Notice his right hand...he is actually guiding her hip movement with his fingertips, forearm, and his hips.  Our instructor started the lesson by showing the gentleman how to move our hips in a figure eight motion using the fingertips and heel of their hand.  Ladies are supposed to lay there heads gently on the side of their dance partner's and keep their hips close to his so that she can mimic hip movement.  As you can imagine, things got a little steamy really quick.  It is a very intimate dance and went a long way to warming things up for later activity...wink, wink.  We really just learned the basic moves, but I think we are going to sign up for a Kizomba lesson.  Levi went into this skeptically but he ended up loving it too.

This is one of the songs we danced to...I am usually an alternative rock sort of girl, but if this doesn't get your hips moving then I don't know what will.  I love this Kaysha version of Diamonds better than Rihanna's:

What is it about dancing?  Is it the closeness? The intimacy of your bodies moving together? The music?  Your leader's strength and protectiveness?  You are safe in his arms, he will guide your moves, hold you close, and hopefully not step on your feet.  And there is just something about the small of your back...right, ladies?  Something about your man's hand gently guiding you on the small of your back...what is that all about?  It's like there are nerves there that send tingles to interesting places.  I am also a shoulders and chest girl...I think because it shows a man's strong areas and you are definitely up close and personal to their chest and shoulders while dancing.  Dancing...it's like sex...just standing up with clothes on.

This might go down as one of the best dates ever.  We may have found a new activity to enjoy together...we both were a tad nervous going in, so we had to push past that to really enjoy ourselves.    I can't wait for our next lesson or at least our next practice session.  Go dance!