Renovation Reality

Have you seen the show on DIY called Renovation Realities?  It is one of my favorite shows...and not because of the renovations themselves although that is fun to watch as well.  You have to love the before and afters.  Working hard to achieve a common goal and all that.

The real reason I like the show so much is to watch the way the couple interacts with each other.  You get a front row seat and insight into their marriage.  You see firsthand how they deal with stress.  My husband and I have decided that we could never go on this show or survive a home renovation where we do the work.  We do paint well together, but redoing an entire kitchen might just see us end up separated.  We have vowed to hire others more qualified and live in peace.

I have noticed that there are a few couples, that although they make silly mistakes in the renovation, their marriage seems to have a solid structure. They all seem to have a few of the same qualities:

1. The husband exudes a certain confidence (even though they have no idea what they may be doing)
2. The wife (although possibly quite nervous) trusts her husband to make the right decision.
3. The husband apologizes when he makes a mistake.
4. The wife does not harp on it or insult her husband's intelligence or abilities.
5. The husband listens to his wife when she shares a suggestion and lets her try things (even when she is doing a questionable job).
6. When they are tired, exhausted, frustrated they are fairly successful at not taking it out on each other.

Conversely, a lot of couples' relationships seem to be built on sinking sand.  Although I laugh (cause come on, sometimes it is lol funny), I feel sorry for them.  I wonder if when they watch the show they cringe at the way speak to each other or if they feel justified for acting the way they did.  In these relationships they sometimes have the following qualities (I am generalizing a bit):

1.  The husband exudes either arrogance (I don't mean the good kind) or mouse like qualities.
2.  The wife typically points out every little thing that their spouse does wrong or cries every time her husband makes a rude remark.
3.  The husband either over apologizes for every criticism his wife shares, trying to keep the peace or never apologizes because he does no wrong (at least in his eyes).
4.  The husband or wife brings up every time in the history of the relationship that the other made a mistake.
5. The husband or wife does not let the other try anything because they feel that they will do everything better.
6. When they get tired, exhausted, frustrated they cry, throw things, curse, yell at each other, etc. etc.

Well, my marriage is under renovation.  There are too many times that I cringe at the words I use and the mistakes I have made. I want the qualities of the solid structure marriage.  I have no idea how to get there, but will be sharing with you and taking the steps to try.  I will say that at this point my husband has no idea that we are under renovation. I know that some of you may disagree and I fully intend to share this with him at some point, but for now he does not know about this blog, does not know that I am working to surrender, and does not have a clue that we are under renovation and sadly because it has gone on for so long does not realize that we need it. 

I am sure that he will suspect something soon, but I am making changes slowly (hopefully to ensure that I stick with it and also not to run some kind of shock and awe campaign:))

At times I feel bad for hiding this from him, but we are at the point where no matter how I phrase it, he will blame himself, he will feel like he has failed again, and I do not want him to feel that way anymore.  I feel like I will know when it is safe to share my intentions.  I need to change first so that he can lead and I will be more willing to follow.

Off to renovate...hopefully you can laugh with me along the way and not cringe at my mistakes too often:)
Bea