Conversations in my Head

So, I know that communication is crucial in a successful marriage, but I haven't figured out how to say what I am trying to do.  Here are some of the conversations going on in my head.  These convos aren't real...no, I was not stupid enough to say some of these things, although I have been close on numerous occasions. 

Conversation #1

So, honey, I have decided to submit to you.

What does that mean?

It means you are in charge.

In charge of what?

Well, in charge of stuff, everything. (this is where I start to get flustered and therefore get louder which indicates to my hubby that I am upset...when really I am upset with myself for not being able to explain)

(This is where my husband stares at me with deer in headlights eyes thinking through the last week to see where he messed up and what bomb I am about to drop in his lap)

Conversation #2

Hey babe, I think we should talk more.

What do you want to talk about?

Well, I feel like I do everything and I am tired.

(This is where my husband lets out a big sigh and feels again like he has somehow let me down)

Conversation #3

Honey, I am sorry that I try to control everything.

Babe, you are doing a great job.

Thanks, but I am tired of doing everything.

What do you need help with?

Well, I need you to tell me no sometimes, and "I got this" sometimes, and "we are going to do this" sometimes and I need you to know when I need that.

(deer in headlights...again)

Conversation #4,5,6, etc.

Sweetheart, I need you to grow a set, lead the family, blah, blah, blah
......................................................................................................................

Ok, so obviously none of those conversations are going to go over well.  So far I am sticking to the following three things:

If you can't say something nice, don't say nothin at all (Thumper rule)
When I break the "rule", I apologize. (I had no idea how often I was breaking this rule until I started paying attention to it)
I will not tell my husband how to drive (Thanks Irishey for the advice to break these into small doable parts...)

I will say for those of you who read "I wish my mouth was where my heart is", I have an update.  When my hubby got home, I apologized for the way I spoke to him and did not say another word about the weekend.  I took kid #1 on his special weekend and did not ask my husband what he was doing with kid 2 and 3, did not suggest, did not roll eyes, did not sigh, did not complain, nag or otherwise draw attention at all.  My husband, changed his plans and took the #2 and 3 kid on a special day and then went to his friends for dinner as a family. When I got back, I did not gloat, I did not say "good".  I asked if they had fun and if the kids liked it, listened to him tell me about it, looked at pics and told him about our weekend.  And all of that should not have been that hard for me, but was extremely difficult.

I read the book "The Surrendered Wife" (great reading), as suggested by Mick at Mick and Lynda's place.  I thought: this is easy, I can do this, how hard could it be?  God has a sense of humor.