Merry Christmas

I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas!!  Here are my favorite Christmas songs of this year:

Cloverton's Hallelujah

Mamacita, Donde Esta Santa Claus

Dinner and a Movie Again?

We know we are supposed to continue dating our spouse to help ensure a long and happy marriage...we know this right?  Tell me you know this...

Okay, but does this happen to you?

Wife: I think we should go out this weekend.

Husband: Hmm. (or some other unintelligible mumble)

Wife: Babe, did you hear me?

Husband: Sounds great, let's do that.

Wife: Cool, what do you want to do?

Husband: I don't know, what do you want to do?

Blah, blah, blah...we all know how this conversation goes and then what do we all end up doing?  Yep, dinner and a movie.  Tell me I am not alone here:)

Levi and I have been working hard on doing something besides dinner and a movie.  We try to take turns planning dates but I will admit to you that the planning still is more me than him.  I am learning to be cool with it...the more I do, the more he seems to do even if I still am doing more.  Still following me here?

So I found this website and wanted to share with you all because I think it is AWESOME!!  A bit cheesy, but so fun.  And isn't that what we all want...a little more fun in our lives with our spouse?

www.thedatingdivas.com

They have all sorts of ideas and free printables.  Most of their ideas are FREE.  We love free around here...they do have some things for sale, but hey, we all have to make a living, right?  They have a ton of free date ideas too which is something we could have desperately used early in our marriage when we had no money.

Levi and I are not doing Christmas gifts for each other this year but we are stuffing each other's stockings and I found some cute certificates and date ideas for him to use during the year.  They also have cute ideas for kids and family time.

Hope you find something that works for you!

Average Married Dad Book Review

I am constantly looking for unique gift ideas as we do not need more stuff in our house and I am going to share some ideas with you this week before Christmas in case any of you are struggling with this as well.

Okay, so in case you haven't figured this out, I am not a dad, or a man for that matter, but I like to read the male perspective.  It helps me to relate to my husband...like studying a difficult subject, I immerse myself in it...well, I still don't 100% "get" my husband (and probably never will), but I am getting better...I would give myself a B+.
If you are looking for a gift for the man who has everything I highly recommend Alex Peck's new book (writer of Average Married Dad blog):
Average Married Dad's Guide to Health, Wealth and a Sexy Marriage (there is a link on his blog)

He says his audience is 30-40 somethings but I really think that this book can benefit 20 and 50 somethings as well.  In fact, I really think that any man that is about to get married should read it!  Then they should keep it to look back to as a reference.

The book is broken up into 5 sections: Health and Wellness, Marriage, Financial Matters, Parenting, and Putting it All Together.  I have always gotten overwhelmed at the wealth of information on the internet about eating right and exercising and how it often contradicts itself.  I found AMD's research to be thorough and explanation to be easy to understand.  His message isn't to go join some ridiculously priced gym or some famous person endorsed eating plan, but is brilliant in it's simplicity.  Anyone can do this! He also bravely talks about your mental and emotional health and how stress can negatively impact your life.

I have always tentatively explored blogs in the "manosphere" and often do not return.  AMD's blog is different in that he shares the realism of male/female relationships and interactions without the bitterness that is often seen.  It is obvious that this man loves his wife and kids and he is not carrying around the "I hate women" chip on his shoulder.  The section on marriage gives a man a sense of what his wife will find attractive and how he has been misinformed all his life.  He delves into some difficult subjects such as divorce, sex, infidelity, porn and how self-improvement goes a long way towards creating a happy, healthy relationship.

In his section on Financial Matters, he shares his personal story about some of the financial mistakes and pitfalls in his own life and lays out a plan for financial success.  His ideas on staying out of debt, making good consumer choices, and saving for the future I found very interesting.  I will admit to you that while reading the investing section, my eyes sort of glazed over, but Levi has found this section to be very informative.  Obviously Levi does the investing in our house...Thank the Good Lord above!!!

We have very similar views on parenting and I enjoyed reading about parenting from the father's perspective.  So many of the books that I read focus on how to mother your children, but don't focus on the father's very important role in the your child's life.  He also discusses how parenting must change as your child ages and the lifelong lessons that need to be taught.

His Putting it All Together section is really just a sum up of the book.  I think it is worth the investment and recommend reading his blog as well.  His audience is probably mostly men but he never discourages a female perspective.  I assume that most of my readers are female...so buy this for your man:)  It would make a great Christmas gift.

Thankful

Happy Thanksgiving!!  May you all be safe, have fun, and be happy:)

Best Wife Ever

First, I want to apologize for disappearing...I hope I did not worry any of you and appreciate the emails that I have received checking in with me.  I promise you I would not leave without saying goodbye...I have this weird quirk about saying goodbye and get really irritated when people leave places without saying goodbye, so I can tell you for certain that I would never do it:)   If I ever decide to stop blogging...you all will know.  I have been insanely busy and am still adjusting to working part time on top of my usual kid/wife busyness.  Things have slowed a bit for me just in time to get busy for the holidays.  I have so many things to tell you all and hope to catch you all up soon, but first...

I am currently the best wife ever...(at least in my house).  I have been working on a major surprise for Levi's 40th birthday since August.  I racked my brain for ideas on what I should do for his gift and was stumped for a good long while.  But there was something that I had been thinking about doing for a long time...I mentioned it here two years ago!!  (Man, it took me a while to work up the guts to do this!)  Then I read about it here and thought it would be the perfect 40 year gift for my VERY  visual husband.  Boudoir Photography.

But...
but...
Oh yes, I had all those buts too...I can hear you, you know.
"I could never do that because..."
I have no boobs,
I am too fat,
too old,
too skinny,
too insert negative descriptor here.

I can tell you that I am absolutely, by no stretch of the imagination perfect.  I wear a size 12, my boobs are not as...high as they used to be, I have cellulite, stretch marks, and wrinkles.  I have some gray hairs creeping into my red (cough, cough, I mean, "natural highlights").  I have no tan.  I have a 3 kid pooch and a c-section scar.  I have no booty.  I could go on, but the important thing is...

MY. HUSBAND. THINKS. I. AM. HOT.

And isn't that really all that matters....well, ...

It certainly would help if I thought it too.  But guess what, after this experience I can see a bit what he sees.  My photographer has her own professional hair/makeup artist that comes to the photo shoot.  And after my little "makeover", I felt beautiful...I felt like a woman again...not "just a mommy".  I chose lingerie that would cover what I wanted covered and show off my assets.

The photo shoot took place in a hotel room that I chose (and got free using card points...sweet!).  So after it was over and I was all made up with awesome hair, amazing wrinkle covering makeup and a hotel room for the night...what is a wife to do?  Date night of course.  But a very special date night.  When Levi and I had finally had our little discussion about sex (here), he had mentioned how fun it would be to pretend to be strangers and hook up.

So....I wore something he had never seen, wore perfume he had never smelled, completely surprised him coincidentally on a night after a really crappy week at work, and sent him a text telling him to meet me at the hotel bar.  He arrived first and I went and sat on the opposite side of the bar.  It took him a full two minutes to notice me and his eyes got huge (remember I had my makeup and hair done)...I wish I had photographed that moment, but it will forever be in my memory.  I came up with an alter ego and when he came over to me, I introduced myself and he smiled so big and came up with his own alter ego on the spot.  His was much better and he didn't even have time to think of one like I did, or maybe he has had this alter ego saved up?  I couldn't stop laughing...it was the most fun night we had had in a very long while.  We went out to dinner and I invited him back to my hotel room...wink, wink.

I didn't let him know the big secret though.  I was saving what my true purpose had been that day to myself.  I ordered a book of my photos for his birthday. Then he really knew the reason that I had gotten my hair, makeup, and hotel room:)  I also had a party for him with our friends and family this weekend.  That wasn't a surprise, but it was a blast.

And that is why I am currently the best wife ever.  He hasn't stopped saying it all weekend.  He was shocked by the book and couldn't stop flipping through it over and over and laughed when he realized what I had been able to keep a secret for so long.

I highly recommend doing this at least once.  It was an awesome surprise and changed the way I see myself.  Sure, I still have areas that I would like to work on and days I lack confidence, but Levi thinks I am sexy and this experience made me see it in a way I never have.  And don't think that I just waltzed in and disrobed with nary a care in the world.  I was terrified, and required some wine to relax.  The female photographer was great at helping me to feel comfortable and some of the pics were quite racier than I thought I could manage...and Levi loves them so it was well worth the nerves!!

I thought I would give you a little peek...

I know, such a tease, but the rest of this picture and the rest of the photos are for Levi's eyes only:)  I wish I could show you how well they came out even with my imperfections, but you will just have to take my word for it:)

(This one is really for Wilma (a fellow blogger who knows me), since she says my blog photo does not show my true hair color:)  There you go Wilma:))

She is Not Your Mother, He is not a Child

I have a couple friend of ours that has an issue.  One of those issues that make you wish you could point it out to them, but social norms say that it is none of your business, and that they should probably figure it out for themselves.  I have the benefit of knowing what each of them thinks about the issue and wish they would just talk to each other!...this would be a non issue if they would share a bit.  Theirs is not an uncommon experience and so I thought I would share my opinion here in case any of you are experiencing this as well.

His POV:
"She acts like she is my mother", "She treats me like I am a kid"

Get off your pansy, victim rear!  Now, other men may jump to the conclusion that she is just a managing female and in a way she has become a bit managing...I will agree.  Here are some tips if you find yourself saying these things to yourself or your buddies.  To be blunt:  If she acts like your mother, you should stop acting like one of the kids.  Most likely she is acting like your mother because you are behaving like one of your children.  She is feeling unprotected and is trying to control everything in order to feel secure.

1.  Pick up after yourself.  If she spends all day cleaning up after you and the kids she is going to lump you in with them in her head.  Use the hamper. Rinse your own beard growth hairs and toothpaste down the sink.  Wipe your piss off the seat.  Rinse your plate from dinner and put it in the dishwasher.  I am not telling you that you have to do the laundry, scrub the sink or toilet, or do all the dishes.  I am telling you not to be a slob and not be someone else in the house that she has to clean up after.  Thank her for all the things she does.  Sometimes that is all we need...just a "wow, hon, the house looks great!", or "thanks for doing all you do!" etc.

2.  Do what you say you are going to do OR communicate your intentions.  You say you want to pay the bills...pay them on time.  You say you want to take care of the lawn...don't wait until you get a notice from the HOA before you mow.  Basically, be responsible and communicate when you plan to accomplish something and then do it.  If something happens that you can't do it then, communicate when you intend to do it before she nags you about it.  Don't let the broken toilet sit for months without fixing it!

3.  Don't allow her to speak to you in a way that makes you feel like a child...say something to her for goodness sake...don't just whine about it...whining is childlike behavior.

4.  Act like a man.  Men are sexy.  Do sexy man things...lift heavy objects, car maintenance, lawn work, fix something with a manly tool belt on.  Not handy? Then take care of hiring someone to fix whatever it is that you can't.  You are still taking care of it!

Her POV:
"He needs me to manage him.", "I have 4 kids...three and my husband."

Get off your selfish high horse.  Women may jump to the conclusion that if he is going to act like a child then I have to treat him like one.  The problem is that we should be lifting them up, encouraging them and treating them like a child is only going to make them act like one.  If we continue to tear them down, make ourselves sound better than, smarter than, or more efficient than them, then we will only be kicking them from our high horse and they will continue to fall down.  A bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy.  He is feeling disrespected and wondering why he should ever bother if you are never happy with what he does.

1. Bite your tongue.  Ask yourself this question...Am I really upset with him or am I irritated, stressed, overwhelmed, feeling insecure etc. and taking it out on him?  These phrases are really kinda passive aggressive.  Would you keep trying if someone insulted you every time you tried to do something?

2.  Realize that there is more than one way to skin a cat.   2+2=4, but so does 3+1.  Don't be so freakin' picky...if you are really bothered by the way he does something then suggest a switch in chores.  If it is getting done, does it really matter how it is done?  My mother taught me that if your husband is willing to help around the house, then for goodness sake don't critique his work, even if you have to redo it later.  And for goodness sake, say thank you!  Most likely he just does things different than you, but if he really is going to ruin something, then switch jobs.  Does it really matter how the towels are folded?  Does it matter if he drys your cashmere sweater?  See the difference?

3.  Focus on all the things he does right and show him respect.  Be very careful how you speak to your husband in regards to the things you feel they aren't doing.  Choose your words and moments carefully.  Be very careful how you speak about your husband to others.  Most people mean these phrases somewhat as a joke...there is a grain of truth in it though...think about how you are making your spouse sound to others.  Think about how he will feel when he hears it...some women do it right in front of their husbands...like my friend...and her husband laughs it off, but you can tell that it hurts.

4. Two words...natural consequences.  If he doesn't pay the bill on time, then he will have to pay a late fee.  My inner control monster would freak at this, but some people have to suffer the consequences of their action or inaction in order to learn.  He is a grown man...he'll figure it out.

I am sure this all sounds a bit preachy or harsh and I apologize for that.  The thing is, this was Levi and I not that long ago and I see it now and cringe knowing the damage that each of my dear friends are doing to each other.  I know how much I was stressed out and overwhelmed and felt like I was having to do everything.  I know now the pain my husband was feeling when I would speak to him this way or critique everything he tried to do.  I think about the poor example we were being for our children and hope it isn't too late to set a better example.  I just don't like to see people hurt each other...however unintentionally, so please forgive me my unsolicited advice:)

Writer's Blah

I keep starting posts and just can't seem to finish them.  I would call it writer's block except that I am writing a lot.  So, I guess I will just call it writer's BLAH.  I finish typing up a post and then just save it to drafts and move on.  I am not sure why, they just don't seem interesting, or they are something that I can't even understand so how would you, or they are missing something and I don't want to share until I figure out what that is.  I don't know for sure and maybe it is a combination of all of them.

For some reason I am having Publishphobia.  Is that a thing?  I just can't seem to hit that publish button.  I decided I had to write something, even if it was absolute crap, just so I can hit publish and hopefully get past this.

I think maybe some of it comes from the changes that are going on in my life right now.  I am doing a lot of new things at once, but there is a certain amount of trepidation involved.  I don't particularly care for change all that much, but I am trying to convince myself that change can be good.  I like routine and the comfort of it, but it isn't very exciting.

I have a part time job, still managing our home and kids and handling that okay, and am looking into another opportunity that I will just love if I am able to do it.  But I feel like I am stepping out into the unknown a bit.  And it's a little scary...okay, it's a LOT scary.  Levi is being extremely supportive and seems thrilled that I am hoping to get into something that I LOVE to do.  Maybe he is just excited about me finally getting a paycheck too:), but seems genuinely thrilled for me.  I am losing weight and looking and feeling great too...I even signed up to walk a 10K!  Yikes!

It's all great, so why do I feel so nervous? Am I scared to be good at something?  Scared that I will be bad at something?  Just adjusting still?  Please tell me you all have these moments...make me feel normal!

So here I go...stepping out to try these new things and hit freaking publish so that I can finally just take the plunge and get these drafts out into the world for goodness sake!