An Answer for Cat

On my Q and A for March post, Cat asked a difficult question.  The thing is the answer wasn't difficult to come to, but it was difficult to take.  I knew that she wanted Levi's answer too and knew that he would come to the answer easily as well, which wasn't easy to take either.  So instead of having a super long comment in my Q and A...I have answered it here.

Ok Bea...here's my question and I would really love to hear your answer and Levi's answer:

Do you think that if you had known about it when you were first married, you could have successfully incorporated TTWD into your marriage?
So I wrote this:

Hmmmm...I might need clarification on this one...we don't do TTWD or I guess we have our own version (I like to call it That thing without discipline:)), I suppose we are trying to practice more traditional roles? I began reading these blogs because their marriages had the things I wanted...communication, strong male leadership, strong, educated women who defer to their husbands, intimacy, closeness, etc. So can I rephrase the question to him as what we are doing now? Or did you know and wanted to know if we would have considered it then?
Hugs,
Bea

So she clarified for me:

Hey Bea...If you are trying to practice more traditional roles, you are doing TTWD...modified to suit your marriage! :D My question is basically...if you had read these blogs when you were first married, could you have successfully incorporated the changes you are making now into your new marriage. Does that make more sense?

My answer...

If I had come across these blogs when we were first married I would have thought you were all crazy, needed psychological assistance for your abusive relationships, and prayed for you.  I would have gone on and on about how your men must be horrible tyrants and that I worried for your safety.  I would not have been able to see it for what it is and what I see it is now. 

Now I see these relationships as couples that are willing to try anything to restore the intimacy that marriage should abound with, relationships with strong and gentle male leadership, strong women willing to do the very difficult task of deferring to their husbands, and relationships with healthy communication.  Are they always easy? No. And I see very brave people willing to share their darkest fears, willing to change their worst traits and share the struggles they have within themselves.  I see people willing to share their struggles in order to not only put their thoughts down to understand better themselves, but are also willing to help others and pull others up.

I read a lot of blogs when I first started thinking that I may not be doing things the way that I should.  When I first read here in this lovely community, I was a little shocked, a little apprehensive, but I read the lovely comments posted by all of you lovely people and I just knew this is where I could grow.  Thank you for helping Levi and I to grow our marriage plant...for being our water when we are dry, or sun when things are dark, the nutrients that enrich our soil. 

Levi's answer...(after I explained that Cat was indeed asking about our version of things)

There is no way that you would have been ok with this.

You are right, I think...Would you have wanted it, though?

Yes.

(And he hugged me tight and we feel asleep)