Before I share my A Day in the Life, I would like to issue a warning and a disclaimer.
Disclaimer first: I am not attempting to start a stay at home versus working mom thing. I have done both. They are BOTH difficult. I think you have to do what is right for your family, so please understand that that is not what this is about. Please remember this in your comments also. Everyone has the difficult decision of what to do for their own families and I want everyone to feel loved here. I never have understood why this subject always gets people going when we should support each other in parenting.
Ok...so here is the warning. You are walking along and you come across someone you haven't seen in a while. You exchange pleasantries and inevitably the subject of what you do for a living comes up. So, she tells you that she is a stay at home mom to three wonderful children. So you talk a little longer, share what you do and before the conversation ends you ask her the question that is often asked...
"So you stay home, I don't think I could do that, I would be so bored...I mean, What do you do all day?"
I often am at a loss as to what to say to this question. And you would be surprised how often it is asked. The question typically comes from someone who is either single, married with no kids, or married with one child. Is it an innocent question? Are they jealous cause they think I must get to do whatever I want all day? Are they just being mean or are hugely naive? I will say that a man has never asked me this question. Levi may ask me what I did or how my day was, but he has never phrased it this way. Smart man.
So where is the warning? Here it is:
FOR YOUR PERSONAL SAFETY...
DO NOT ASK THIS QUESTION!
Here is my typical response to this question: Cute Smirk..."Haha, well you know I do have cable and bon bons" said with a mysterious laugh. Or "Well, I do go work out...gotta work off those bon bons..hehe" etc. Usually followed with a more serious answer of, "I get to volunteer a lot with my kids' schools and activities, play with my three year old who is still at home, and take care of the house and shopping for the family." What is the response I get? "Oh...well, it was great seeing you...blah, blah, blah." Apparently I must not have anything to conversate about since I must not have a brain for my chosen occupation. (note sarcasm)
One day....I am going to $@&^* slap someone, or maybe make my head go in circles like the exorcist chick, go all ape #$%, just stare blankly at them and walk away, or make up some ridiculous lie about how hard it is to grow hemp in my garage. Deep breaths...seriously...I think I will print this out and give it to them.
A Day in the Life
7:30 Rise from slumber to raucous laughter in the living room accompanied by a small crash. After ascertaining that everything is okee dokee and that all 7 children currently in sleeping bags across the living room floor are indeed awake...I shuffle off to the kitchen to make breakfast. Before you say anything about the late hour...keep in mind it is Spring Break, and I stayed up supervising a birthday sleep over until 12:00 am. I make coffee first...because really, I can't do this without coffee. And then pull out the inner waitress and ask..."Waffles or cereal?" 3 waffles, 4 cereal, and coffee (for me).
8:30 Children are fed, dressed, sleeping bags are rolled up, dirty clothes are stuffed back into bags, dishwasher has been started and the wild animals are playing in the backyard. 2nd cup of coffee. Check email, blogger, gmail, facebook...five minutes tops...screaming from the yard.
"Can I get the ball...it went over the fence?"
"Yes"
"She said we can go"
Uh...no "One...you, (pointing at oldest)...go get the ball."
A chorus of "Ah man's" follow.
Wash wine glasses and slice open finger on wine glass that you did not realize was broken. Standing with hand under running water, bleeding profusely...kid three enters:
"I gotta go potty!"
"Then, go".
Kid two enters:
"Mom, the ball again."
"Send "oldest" to get it and get me the first aid kit"
"Why?"
Kid two is given the look, as he often likes to ask why instead of doing what he is told to, and I point to the bleeding finger he realizes that he better get me the first aid kit before he gets in some serious trouble.
10:00 Finger doctored, kitchen counters and dishes cleaned, ball retrieved from over fence five times, toys picked up, washing machine started, four children picked up, three left behind...not five minutes...I'm bored.
11:00 Game played, kids busy playing, project of the day begins: Spring Clean Master Bathroom. Remember we are getting ready to sell the house so I am going through everything and tossing stuff and packing stuff for a garage sale as well as making sure the house is ready to sell. Polish Hollywood light in the near dark (so that I can maintain my retinas)...turn on the light...realize it is covered in streaks...turn off light...buff...turn on light...etc. etc.
"Mom!!!!!!!!"
Seriously..."What!!!!!!"
"Come quick"
Child one pointing excitedly at video game...look at this!
"Awesome!" (said with mild enthusiasm) "Honey, I am trying to get the bathroom cleaned...I promise I will play with you and kid 2 in a little while. Try not to call me unless it is an emergency and what is an emergency?"
Said like he has said it many times before with eye roll: "Someone is hurt, or about to be hurt, or someone is about to break something"
12:00 Light finished, mirror cleaned, sink and counter cleaned and only interrupted 4 times, mind you once it was to reapply a band aid to my finger since I realized half way through wiping off the counter that I was in excruciating pain, because apparently oxyclean on an open wound is not a good idea and I am bleeding all over the clean counter. On a positive note...my wound is very clean but now stings like....well, you know. Lunch.
1:00 Movie started, lawn man paid, cabinets emptied and wiped down...
"Mom, can I help?" said by child 3 who let me tell you is no help.
Sigh..."Sure honey. Hand me that stuff and I will put it back in here."
"No, I want to do this." Said while holding up bottle of cleaner with the nozzle pointed at my face. This, for those of you who do not have the privilege of having a three year old is a delicate situation. One that could end badly for me...I gently and calmly handle the situation and return the bottle to a high location and turn to find that the child has climbed into the cabinet.
"Look Mommy!" said with glee.
2:00 Washing machine started again. Wood cabinets polished, Shower scrubbed, Toilet scrubbed, Linen closet culled and organized, all with my left hand because using my gashed right pinkie with cleaners hurts like a, well, you know. Arguments refereed, toys picked up, game found, crisis averted.
3:00 Kid 3 again...
"Mom, play dollhouse with me."
"Honey, give mommy five minutes, I just have to mop."
"I want to mop!!!"
Bathroom mopped with the "help" of three year old. Dollhouse played.
4:00 Clean up time. Kid 1 put in charge for mommy's five minute shower. Children survive and I even accomplished some much needed ladyscaping. Kids outdoors to play again. Clean, although I didn't really have time for make up, in a dress, with matching red and black panties and bra underneath, seated on the couch with a snack, drink, and the remote. Ahhhhh....a girl can relax......
"Mom!!!" Kid three followed closely by kids two and one...
argument explained,
snack noticed,
argument forgotten...
snack retrieved for kids 1, 2, and 3.
Seated again...with snack...HGTV...ahhhhh....dog throws up on the carpet.
5:00 Mess cleaned, snack eaten, laundry changed out, whooped some rear end on a video game with the oldest two. Dinner started and wine poured.
6:30 Dinner and Clean up
7:30 Levi arrives, plate made, wine poured, showers and baths begin.
9:00 Bedtime for the children.....Can I get an Amen!
9:30 Talk time with Levi. Hot Sex.
10:30 Run to the bathroom before bed and contemplate just sleeping in my nice clean bathroom....
Ahhh...hmmm...wonder what I should do tomorrow. Good night clean bathroom:)
Does this happen every day? No, sometimes I don't finish anything. I suppose that one could say that all I did was clean a bathroom, but if one wants to live I wouldn't suggest it. I spent time with my children, accomplished my project for the day, taught some lessons in patience, and had hot sex with my husband. I will call that a good day. I will have to be a little honest with you. I truly did think that my house would be absolutely perfect, that I would have time to do crafts and activities with my kids all the time and make four course meals every night for dinner. That isn't exactly how it works. I will also say that Levi and I chose this for our family. I probably will not stay home forever, not that I think that I have to go back to a paying job, but that I will want to.
Bea, this was a great post. As a stay at home mom myself, I have heard this question asked also. A few years ago I did have to work outside the home and as much as I dreaded doing it, I loved it!! In many ways it was a relaxing escape, even though the job itself was very high stress. I used to tell my boss if I had a wife at home, like he did, life would be perfect. ;) In the evenings I had to leave and come home to my REAL job my family.....and I wouldn't trade that job for anything.
ReplyDeleteMy boss told me when I left, to replace me he was going to put an add out looking for.....a stay at home mother of 4 children with a wide age spread....so she can do 6 things at one time, handle whining managers and employees, all while remaining calm. ;)
So true Betsy! I do miss the satisfaction of a job well done. Although since I was a teacher before staying at home I still did not talk to adults much:)
DeleteSometimes I wonder what I will put on my resume when I go back to work...might have to think of a creative job description of what I do now...some days aren't so calm, but I try:)
Hey Bea..."What do you do all day!" ROFL When my boys were younger, I heard this also.
ReplyDeleteWent to a business dinner with my ex and one of the women at the table asked me what I did for a living. When I said I was a stay at home mom, she said "but what do you do all day?" My answer was, "I take care of my family...what do you do all day?" One woman laughed and she and I had a great conversation while the rest of the women proceeded to speak to each other and freeze us out. Such lovely ladies...not.
Great post! Good luck on 'managing your time better!' *giggling*
Blessings,
Cat
Now Cat....Are you testing me?:) Shall I pull out my can of whoop ass?...which is so funny because I have never hit anyone in my entire life:) Thankfully, most people "get it". Some people just don't put value on what I do...I guess I shouldn't let it get to me.
DeleteBea
Oh Bea, what a great post, How the hell did you have the energy for t he hot sex? Babe you are a star. I was a stay at home mum of two boys and I loved it. When the oldest was seven I started ( restarted really teaching dance and they both came with me and joined in. I wouldn't have left them no matter what. Family is the best job of all. Now my boys are grown up I keep hoping for a grandchild or two to do some of it again:). Gosh if someone had asked me what I did all day I think I would be tempted to punch them on the nose ( isuppose thats a spankable offence though:( ) I hope you enjoy your children's childhoods as much as I did mine, love Janxx
ReplyDeleteJan, Thanks!! I am not sure where I got the energy, but the ladyscaping sort of put me in the mood:) I was tempted all right, and I have never punched anyone before...and I wouldn't even be spanked for that as we don't do discipline over here:)) Some days I wonder what I am doing and others are a true joy. I suppose that is life though, isn't it?
DeleteBea, THAT question could only come from someone who's never done it, end of story!I have been a career woman, a stay at home mom, and then a career woman again. I LOVED being at home with my kids, but when I went back to work PT, there were days I was so relieved to be able to dress up, talk to adults, function in a vauguey orderly world. IMO there is NOTHING harder or more important than being a stay at home Mom!!!
ReplyDeleteSara
I do miss the working world...although I didn't talk to adults much since I was a teacher. I will be able to do that again some day, but I am truly enjoying my time with my kids now (while they still want to hang out with me:))
DeleteI just wish everyone could appreciate what I do and not judge me...I suppose that is life:)
LOL. You sound just like me when someone says "Oh you are a teacher. It must be nice to color all day, get off at 3:00 and have the summers off."
ReplyDeleteBucko has restrained me from slapping someone before. Good luck with your self control. :D
That is funny...I was a teacher too! You don't walk up to accountants and say "Man, your April probably sucks, but what do you do the rest of the year?" Ugh...people!
DeleteThe next time say something like "Wanna trade" or just slap them silly, whatever works.
ReplyDeleteI have been VERY tempted:)
DeleteBea
Oh Bea, you noodlehead. You cannot clean with a bad cut like that, especially with stuff like Oxy-Clean! I'd agree though, a perfectly clean bathroom is worth it.
ReplyDeleteA few months ago I cleaned and painted one of our hallways. ONE. LOL. My husband kept asking why I kept going and just standing in the hall. I could have slept there...it was such a sense of accomplishment to just get one thing done.
Working moms and stay at home moms alike are worth their weight in gold and anyone who doesn't get that needs to be handed a half dozen children of many ages and left alone with them for the day.
Hahaha...well if the dang bandaid would have stayed where it was supposed to...:)
DeleteIt is nice to get something done and you don't realize how bad something looked before you fixed it or cleaned it and then you just want to enjoy the clean before the kids just mess it up again:)
I saw this show on tv once that was trying to convince teens to wait before having sex/kids and they had to babysit together a small group of children...it was hysterical!
I stayed at home when my 3....born within 4 years of each other were little. I considered myself luck to be able to do it...but easy..no way! Hang in there, it is worth it.
ReplyDeletehugs abby
Thanks abby! We are very blessed to be able to do it financially...I have a lot of friends who would love to stay home, but have to work. I am enjoying it, but just wish some people were not so judgemental about the choice I made.
DeleteI was a stay at home mum with my children, Bea. It was possible for us and we placed tremendous importance on it. I know exactly what you are talking about - it was the hardest and most important job of my life. It makes what I do now look incredibly easy.
ReplyDeleteOur nephew recently had his first child, a daughter - when Ian and I went to see the baby and take our standard gift, I happened to hear Ian ask his nephew, a big burly lad of 25 who has hands like dinner plates, if he had any idea how many tea parties were in his future? It really made me smile.
Hugs
lillie
That is so cute Lillie! It is funny how daughters can turn the toughest of men into mush and wrap them around their fingers. I am amazed at what my daughter can get Levi to do:)
DeleteI think you said it best in the beginning when you said all mothers should be supporting each other. Motherhood is the most rewarding and most challenging job ever. Period. Whether working mom or stay at home mom, it is more than a job, it is the work of love. I am a stay at home mom with two wonderful children who drive me bananas sometimes and who I would give my life for, and in addition, run a small business teaching dance part time...I wouldn't trade being home with them for anything. Now that they are in school during the day one would assume there is more time, but there is still always something to do. Some days I get lots accomplished...other days not so much. Just keep loving that family and pay no mind to what others think... :-) Hugs
ReplyDeleteThanks...I worry way to much about what others think of me. Including myself sometimes...sometimes I feel guilty for not financially supporting the family...well, mom's always have to feel guilty about something, right?
DeleteBea,
ReplyDeleteGreat post! I love what Terps said. I completely agree. I actually work full time outside of the home but my goodness, I admire all stay at home mamas. I actually call it "working inside the home." One day I was sitting at work talking with a friend about the sitter that keeps my youngest son about how she has been stressed lately and just doesn't have a lot of time and my friend said "Oh my gosh, I mean what does she do...she stays at home all day. I wish she could see what it is like working and keeping a house and taking care of kids." I was just blown away. I told her "You know, she is working, she just works inside the home. And we don't work inside the home so we don't know what it is like. I just know that it is a much harder job than people realize and I admire them for all they do." It really hacked me off because I think people just do not get it and just assume yall get to do whatever you want to do.
Great post bea and just keep on keepin on with what you are doing for your precious family!!
Belle:)
Thanks Belle! I always tell people that I work, I just don't get paid. I think one of the issues is that we never leave work...that is stressful because we are always "on" if that makes any sense. I have trouble relaxing in the evening because I know what I did not accomplish that day and am tempted because I am still at work to get up and do it. But I really try to do my "work" during the day and save the evenings for family time. Working moms have it hard too! I remember having to run errands during busy times, feeling guilty cause I couldn't be with the kids, feeling guilty cause I was enjoying not being with the kids:), etc., etc.:)
DeleteCan I stand and applaud?? No, really...I am starting the wave over here! Ryan and I chose for me to be a stay at home mom....no way I could I afford childcare for 4 on a teacher's salary...and honestly I want to be home. Yet, when I complain about a bad day...everybody and their brother tells me I CHOSE to do this....like I have no right to gripe. I remind them they also CHOSE their career...so from now on they can kindly keep their grumbling to themselves! ;)
ReplyDeleteI think this is the best thing I could have done for my family...but it was my choice. I would never choose this for anyone else or devalue anyone for doing something different. I agree with you, I have no idea why we should explain what the heck we do all day. I know what I do...Ryan knows and appreciates what I do...the rest of the world can go to...well, never mind! ;)
Ah, Bea...you are doing the best thing for your kids....and I promise one day they will know it. You hang in there....and if you need to vent to someone who gets it...well, you know how to find me :)
Hugs....
~Lucy
Thanks Lucy:) That is a good point about when people say that we chose this...like we shouldn't ever have a bad day just like anyone else!:)
DeleteThat is partly why I stayed home also...childcare was ridiculous, we moved, and my oldest was sickly. Then as we started to add kids, the cost of childcare was not worth me going back to work. When the kids are in school I will probably do something...I have no idea what, but we will cross that bridge when we get to it:)
I suppose there are those who judge others for working or take advantage of not working...I just get mad when people make assumptions about what I am doing. It really upsets me that they devalue what I do (to borrow a word from you:)).
Bea
I have said it before to my wife, I would rather work full time than work full time at home. Even now, and we both work, we joke between ourselves when the kids are a handful on weekends, "TGIM" Thank God It's Monday.
ReplyDeleteNice work on the ladyscaping by the way.
There are perks to working:) I dream of Monday sometimes also since my oldest two are in school. By the end of July I am ready to pull all my hair out...isn't school starting yet!!! I tell people I work, I just don't get paid.
DeleteThanks:) Levi enjoys the ladyscaping which means that I get to reap the benefits:)