Reflections of my Sexcapades

So I finally told you all how our 30 day sex challenge concluded.  I want to share with you now what I learned...I love lists and am copying from notes so sorry for the list...just seemed the easiest:

-My husband loves sex:

As if I didn't already know this one, but I don't think that I grasped how much he actually loves sex and how much it means to him...he seemed giddy at times...GIDDY...that is not a word I would use to describe my husband in ANY way...reserved, quiet, studious, serious...now THOSE are words I would, but no, the man was GIDDY about our little experiment.

-My husband loves sex with me:

I am coming to grips with the fact that he truly cannot be seeing what I see in the mirror every morning.  I would ask him to get his vision checked, but I have also accepted that I will not question or argue with what he says is hot...it's insulting and hey, if he doesn't see it, then why the hell am I going to point it out!  I just wish he would tell me where he got those wife goggles cause I would like a pair...we could market these things and make a fortune!  I would love not to see the 25 extra pounds, stretch marks, spider veins, cellulite, etc. that make me avoid mirrors while naked:)  Doesn't mean I won't stop trying, but I WILL try not to obsess about it.

-Sex is possible before 6am:

News to me...but we managed to have sex more then, when we were refreshed from sleep, more often than the evening when we fell into bed exhausted.  I am not going to lie to you all and tell you that I all of a sudden LOVE morning sex...I don't particularly want to be struck with lightning.  But seeing Levi leave for work with a hop in his step was pretty awesome...although I still grumbled and whined until I got coffee and typically could not relax enough to have an O in the morning.

 

-Sex is possible even when you are irritated as all get out:

As much as I wanted to tell myself that I was not using lack of sex as a punishment when Levi would piss me off...I have come to the conclusion that I was.  I didn't do it in a mean spirited way, but would be so irritated that the thought of being warm and receptive repulsed me. He very rarely pisses me off these days, but it does happen and always will of course.  Now I know that I can lay that aside and be with him...and it allowed me to talk more openly too.  I am truly embracing that my body is for him and his for me, even when I am imagining possible things that I can throw at said body.

-Quantity versus Quality:

Levi enjoyed the quantity.  I enjoyed the quality.   Because we had so much morning sex, the quality wasn't all that great for me for those times.  Now, don't have a conniption...I still enjoyed it, but didn't have O in the morning.  It really wasn't Levi's fault...it was me.  I had a hard time relaxing even behind a closed, locked door worrying that kiddos were going to come a knockin' and typically we were in a hurry. It takes me longer than 10 minutes to get warmed up, too.  Those mornings were all for Levi.  Sometimes that was okay.  Sometimes it wasn't and left me feeling cheated.  I am not saying that it should have, but it did.
I want to be honest with you.  I want others to know that it isn't just them.  Occasionally, I don't even want to O and encourage Levi that it is just me and then other times I am disappointed and then feel guilty for being selfish. 
I may upset the guys here a little, but I will give what I hope is an honest opinion that I know that other women might share, but it can be irritating when you want to O and don't have the time to devote to it.  Most men get to 99.9% of the time (once you start), so you really wouldn't understand what it is like not to when you want to.  It might be just as frustrating as not getting it enough.  I want that to sink in a minute...
Imagine that after you get your wife to O she says, "Okay, all done." and proceeds to pass out before you get to finish or has to run off to work several days in a row.  Yes, it feels like that.  I get that sometimes you can't help it and finish before you intend to...I am not speaking of that but do help a girl out afterwards if that happens.  Levi and I just didn't have the time in the morning to devote to it and I knew that going into it.  It was okay, but after a few days I needed that quality time where I could relax and we had the time for me to get there.
But those days that we had quality sex?...those left me happy and satisfied for days.  So I have deduced that Levi wants quantity and as long as I get some quality in there then we will both be happy with our sex life.  I also sure wish I was one of those women that could O in two minutes without four play too, but such is life.

 

-30 days of sex was surely a challenge with a capital C:

I was very disappointed at first that there were many days that we did not have sex.  In fact, at the beginning I was downright bummed about it...then I got over it.  I began this hopelessly optimistic that we could do it every day for 30 days straight...I ended excited that we had had more sex in December than we had ever had before.  After the early disappointment, I wondered why in the world I chose December of all months to have our sexcapades...by the end I was happy that I chose December because with all the busyness we have a tendency to drift apart and we were the closest we have ever been in the month of crazy yuletide cheer.


-Phone Security:

I learned how to put a code lock on my phone because sometimes you make notes that you don't want others to see.  Yikes!

-Connected: Feeling disconnected sucks...I hate it, it puts me on edge and I feel very insecure.  When we are connected...it energizes me and makes me feel loved, safe, and able to take on the world.  Sex helps us feel connected and both of us have been communicating better without the grumpy responses that set off our defensiveness.  I hope that we can continue to challenge each other all our days.

 

I hope that you take up a challenge just for the sake of challenging yourself.  I hope you learn something about yourself in the process.  My next challenge?  I am doing a planking challenge I saw on Facebook so that maybe I can get my tummy to NOT look like the Pillsbury Doughboy's.

Hoo hoo!

Conclusion of the Sexcapades

I would like to start by saying that I hope that all of you had a joyous Christmas and a happy New Year.  I am sorry that I haven't been around.  Having guests and my kiddos constantly about has made it difficult to blog, let alone blog about sex...so this post is a bit delayed.  May I present to you the conclusion of our 30 day sex challenge in all it's glory:)

 

Day 16:  nada...again!  Okay so this challenge isn't going exactly how I wanted it to, but I could not have picked a busier time of year to challenge myself...next time I am picking June!

Day 17: Funny Joking Sex...I am not sure that I have ever had this sort of sex but it was fun and hysterical and included some attempts to jokingly suggest that we scoot over in the middle of it so that he has to sleep in the wet spot and laughingly chastising him about the fact that it should always be his responsibility to get the towel and it ALWAYS needs to come out of the cabinet and not from the floor.  All this in absolute good humor and teasing...needless to say I had a towel thrown at me and was then told afterwards that he had wiped the floor with it, I then jumped to his side of the bed and stuck my tongue out...we were rolling...guess you had to be there.

Day 18: Fell Asleep in a Tangle while Making Out...we were just so tired!!

Day 19: Morning Quickie...Levi is walking around like he is on Cloud 9

Day 20: nada...someone almost saw all my "notes" on my phone!!! holy cow what would they have thought?...my notes are mostly nada and morning...although I am sure that it wouldn't take them long to figure out quickie and maintenance!

 

Day 21: Morning...Levi leaves every morning with quite the smile on his face.

Day 22: nada

 

Day 23: Morning...AGAIN?  Levi seems happy...I seem to be getting a bit bored. (I'll explain this in the following post)

Day 24: nada

Day 25: nada

Day 26: Beautiful Slow Awesomeness...Now, I am floating on clouds:)

Day 27: Morning...Have I mentioned that Levi loves morning sex, while I don't like to speak with anyone until I have had two cups of coffee?  I should get the wife of the year award.

Day 28: Morning...Very, Very Quietly...like hunting rabbits...Lol I crack myself up, but the kids were awake and watching cartoons so we had to be quick and quiet.

 

Day 29: nada...Christmas Eve...we were up building crap for Santa until 2:00 am...I don't think Santa is going to get anything that he has to build on Christmas Eve EVER AGAIN!! His elves did not look like this!

Day 30: Christmas Awesomeness and Levi thanking me for my awesome Christmas outfit and 30 days of fun:)

So what did I learn from all this?  A lot!  And I will be writing about it tomorrow:)

I'm normal!! and Sex challenge Update

Well, I may not be normal, but my thyroid levels finally are!  A YEAR!  A YEAR, but my levels are in normal range.  I think I should throw a party!  I still have to take medicine every day and I can imagine that it may have to be tweaked from time to time, but it is definitely a goal that I have wanted to meet for a very long time.  I have also lost 10 pounds in the last two months!  I think I should have another party...with a vegetable tray!!  I am now at my pre-babies weight...which mind you is still overweight, but for the past year that ten pounds that seemed to hop right onto my belly area overnight had not gone anywhere...not even budged, no matter what I did.  I was starting to think that I was going to have to live with that ten pound lump in my front forever.

Now, I still have a long way to go and have a few issues with the medication, such as I apparently cannot go without breakfast and need to include protein at every meal or I have crazy adrenaline rush feelings that after passing make me really tired...not a fun feeling, but will be trying the protein push to see if it helps.  Levi had some thoughts as to how I could get more protein at breakfast...yea, sure babe.  I am also still not regular and will need to go see THAT doctor again, ugh!  But I am trying not to focus on all that and just be happy that I can finally say that I am my thyroid is normal!

UPDATE:

Here is an update on our 30 day challenge...we are halfway done and I have been bummed that we have missed more times, but maybe there is something to learn in that...still thinking on it cause it only makes me irritated at this point...I am a fill in all the blanks sort of person.

Day 10: nada...although alternatives were enthusiastically offered (I have Ovarian Cysts which can be very painful and had a particularly bad month that messed things up for a few days-he knew I wasn't feeling well and praised my offering of alternatives)

 

Day 11: nada again (same reason)

 

Day 12: sleepy morning sex (We had some awesome morning time...that slow, quiet dreamlike kind)

Day 13: cockblocked (The kids had their sexdar on today...We started to get frisky in the morning until the three year old knocked on the door, when Levi got home he began a seduction in our closet until the middle kiddo needed something, at bedtime our oldest needed "talk" time with Daddy as he is having a couple of issues at school...EVERY TIME we started something a kid was in the way...we gave up...sometimes they are just little Libido Suckers)

Day 14: morning art on a canvas (I don't know why, but this one makes me blush...I'll let you figure it out)

 

Day 15: kinky fun (Levi is not very kinky, but sometimes he surprises me...ohh la la!)

Gender Neutral?

When I first began to submit to my husband's leadership in our marriage, I asked him if there was anything that I could call him that would remind me of what I was doing and help him feel respected.  Some people use Captain and I threw that out as a suggestion.  He thought for a moment and responded with Sir.  I can say that I am not very good with this, yet, and I am going to try harder to use it.  It feels awkward and not endearing, and I will admit that sometimes I can't help but say it sarcastically, which would sort of defeat the purpose of using it. 

I was reading something somewhere the other day that some people are trying to make "Sir" gender neutral.  Say What?  I wish I could link to it, but cannot seem to find it.  Commenters on the article were mostly young twenty something women whom I can only wish I could speak to and smack some sense into.  Before you think I am being overly judgemental, just know that I probably would have jumped on that train in my twenties too.  I would be smacking them out of love to wake them up.  Sir is a term of respect, at least where I come from.  Ma'am is also a term of respect.  If someone said "Yes Sir" to me, I would be greatly offended.

Why is it that we want the world to be "Gender Neutral?"  Why can't we accept men and women for what they are and appreciate our differences?  I am not speaking of equal pay for equal work etc.  I am talking about appreciating that we are wired and built differently and that it is okay.  Where is the line or balance of gender inclusive language and ridiculousness? Every time you turn around you are met with women whining about how men should be or think more like women and men whining about how women should be or think more like men.  God made us different for a reason.

If you need a gender neutral term to use, let me school you in a Southern phrase that works regardless of gender and any gender can make use of it.  It would be what I would use to describe men and women that can't seem to accept gender differences.

Bless your heart!

PSA...and Underwear

So I was shopping in one of my favorite stores today TRYING to finish my Christmas shopping.  I was looking for stocking stuffers.  I refuse to buy the kids junk for their stockings, but don't want to spend and arm and a leg either...which leaves me extremely frustrated, especially as they get older.  Ugh...sorry for the whining.

On to my Public Service Announcement:

I was strolling along and spied this in the ladies pajama department...uh, WOW.

Now, I hope that I will not offend anyone here...I get it, they look warm and snugly, you can wear these in front of your kids, but unless you live in the arctic or alone with a bunch of cats...your husband is not going to be having sexy thoughts about you while wearing these.

I once got an over sized pajama tshirt from my parents that had a particular character on it.  I loved it.  It was comfy, the kids thought it was cool, but when I happened to ask Levi last year if there was anything I wore that he hated...the only thing he could come up with was that pair of pajamas.  So I ditched them...do yourself a favor...just don't buy these.

Unless of course, your spouse thinks footie pajamas are hot...then by all means, go for it.  I happen to know that mine would probably fire up the grill for these.  But I do like to put some spicy things in his stocking...usually for me to wear.

So I put a few things in my basket:

Now Levi does not expect me to wear lingerie every night or all night...he happens to think tank tops and a pair of boxers are sexy...so easy to please...in fact he would rather me sleep naked...with the little ones that doesn't happen.  This however was the kind of material that you could stay in all night...very comfy feeling.

Here lately he has mentioned SEVERAL times that he thinks I should wear thongs for him.  Ugh...really?  Ok...eye roll...so I threw a few pair of those in there too.

 

I know these aren't necessarily the prettiest things ever but I just can't do lace up the butt.  He'll get over it:) 

 

As much as I love his body...I do NOT want to see HIM in a thong, but these particular underwear are the BEST THINGS EVER!!!  I HIGHLY recommend them for your man:

 

 

 

They are SNOB bamboo boxers (they come in briefs too) and they are apparently Canadian...so may be easier to get in Canada, but I have to order them online.  We picked them up on vacation recently and should have bought more.  They are incredibly soft! LOVE THEM!!

 

I usually throw some other things in there too towards the bottom that he has to peek at without pulling all the way out...otherwise we would both be mortified!  I ordered this for his stocking this year:

 

 

I have never been disappointed with this brand.  They have all kinds of things...and they all taste good...not nasty with after tastes or anything.

 

I try to stick a few boring things in his stocking too so that he can take some things out...otherwise the kids would be all nosy. 

 

What do you fill your husband's stocking with?

 

 

So irritating! Now let's have sex.

Here is an update on Levi and I's sex challenge for each other...you can read it about it here.

 

Day 7: nada, again  (We were both "busy" tonight.  I was trying to pay bills, check Facebook, read blogs, pick up around the house.  Levi was playing video games...it's his decompression time.  We ended not falling into bed until 11:30 and promptly fell asleep.)

 

Day 8: Morning Short Shower Session (In the morning, Levi made a rule...say what?  "We have to go to bed earlier!"  I tentatively replied, "Ok."  "We need to be in bed by 10 every night."  "Sounds good." I surely replied.  He proceeded to take me in the shower.  It was alright.

 

Day 9: Warm Tingles (How do I explain warm tingles...there are times when our husbands just hit all the right spots and a warm sensation just spreads throughout your body and you feel like you could do it forever and be happy.  I am not talking about orgasm, although if I get the warm tingles then I typically have excellent ones.  I suppose I feel very connected, very into the moment, what I quietly want is what he is doing and I am not having to tell him.  Not that telling him is bad...there are just times you really want it differently than you are getting it in that moment and need to speak up, but something about their ability to read you and give it how you want it without the words makes it better somehow.  aaaaand....maybe I am just crazy and on my own on this one.  But the cool thing about these warm tingles is that I was completely irritated with him and still got them!)

Epiphany...So I CAN be completely irritated with him and still have sex,

IF I push past the annoyance.

 

 

My dear Levi....oh, you know it is bad when a Southern girl writes dear before her husband's name(wanted to make sure you Northern folk understand)...can be SO irritating.  I know I can be too, but that isn't what this story is about.  Levi screws with "the plan" sometimes.  I have a plan in my head...one that I know will benefit everyone in the situation as I have thought about this plan from all angles at once.  If he screwed with the plan for the benefit of all or even "the plan", I would be totally cool with it and even be turned on by his leading the situation.  But he doesn't screw with "the plan" to improve it, but because he gets "stuck".  How do I explain "stuck"?  Let me give you an example: 

Example 1:  We will be leaving town and I have spent the day doing laundry and packing.  I have the kids completely ready to go...meaning we have all peed and they have their car entertainment ready to go.  My dear Levi has come in and thrown his things in the suitcase.  I am loading up the car and tell the kids it is time to go and Levi says, wait, I have to do something real quick.  What does he have to do?  Prepare some safety feature for the house, no.  Unplug appliances, no.  He needs to update his 401K in our computer.  The kids are now whining and I am telling them to just give daddy a moment...10 minutes later I load the van and wait outside because my blood pressure is through the roof and it is better for everyone if I leave the house.

 

So this time we had decided that we would decorate our tree that has been sitting with just lights on it for a few days now.  We have had activities every night and this was a night that we had nothing to do and nowhere we had to be.  Our pre-lit tree had had some issues though and some lights had not lit.  Levi had strung the tree with some other lights for now and we would add "new tree" to our list for next year.  I put on the Christmas music and we sat down to dinner.  Levi said that he had to run a quick errand.  Ok, I said...the kids and I will get things prepped.  He got back from his errand at 7:30ish...now keep in mind we have young kids that are typically in bed between 8:30 and 9.  He said he borrowed a tool from a friend at work that could fix broken Christmas lights...cool.  He said he wants to fix them first.  Okay, I sent the kids upstairs to play and said I would let them know when it was time.  8:45 rolls around...okay, I am done he says.  Babe, we can't do the tree now.  We had been waiting to do the tree because he wanted to do it as a family...we have a school program one night and another activity Friday.  The kids are upset, it is time to go to bed, and Levi gets "stuck".  He just couldn't let it go.  Then he made a teasing remark about something as we were getting the kids to bed that really hurt my feelings.

Why am I telling you all this?  I am not trying to throw Levi under the bus...this is his annoying habit, but I allow it to drive me nuts, so I am equally to blame.  I am also quite certain that I have annoying habits too...hello, this blog is about reforming my control freakedness so I am fully aware of my faults. 

I am telling you this because I have realized that I have been using "I am irritated" as an excuse not to have sex.  Ouch.  I have not being doing this intentionally, but subconsciously.  But when I would get irritated I would put up the walls and I would think to myself, "You have been irritating me for the last hour and you think now you are going to have a warm body to hold, Ha!"  My feelings would be hurt, I would be disappointed about something and would let it "get in the way" of being open to sex.

Last night, I didn't.  My reasoning may not be the greatest...I did not want to go another night in our challenge without having sex...yikes, says something about me, doesn't it.  But you know what?  I realized something very important in the process. 

 

I was irritated and hurt and I let Levi know it, and then I had sex anyway...and it was really good.

Married Sex Challenge

I know, I know...I am not a sex blogger...geez Bea, you sure have sex on the brain lately!  Well, what should I say to that...I suppose I do.  Is there something wrong with that?  I think not!  Why do I keep blushing then? *wink*

 

Anyway, I hereby challenge you married folks to have sex.  Uh, Bea...we do that.  Yes, yes, but I am challenging you to do it 30 DAYS IN A ROW! 

Say What? Now THAT is a challenge.

How did I get this crazy idea?  Well, I read this blogger who did the same thing...I read all her posts...she is pretty funny, but I couldn't get over the fact that Day 1 her and her husband got in a fight and didn't have sex...SERIOUSLY?, I think I would have had to officially start the next day...that would drive me crazy.  There are magazine challenges and pastor challenges out there too...so I thought, hell, why not?

So, I told Levi about this challenge and he felt the same way I did...the couple only had sex like 2/3 of the 30 days...does that even count? He said...oh yeah, babe,  we could so do better than that.  Now, you may be thinking, uh, Bea...you know what he is up to, right?  Yes, yes, I get it.  But, hey, sounds like fun to me.  So we decided to do this together and now I am sharing with you in hopes that you might try too!

Levi and I discussed the rules...in order for it to count for us one of us has to get off and we have to be together.  It can be in whatever way we want, but not alone...so no, masturbating in the shower doesn't count.  It has to occur between 12:00 am and 11:59 pm to count for that day.  We added one the other night...if we miss a day then we can make it up another day by doing it twice.  So, this may sound like cheating, but Levi added it so I would stop obsessing about missing Day 4...more on that in a minute.

Now, Levi and I have a pretty healthy sex life most of the time, but I shared with you all that we were going through a bit of a dry spell and we were feeling more like roommates.  It had been just a handful of times in the last couple of months.  We have been crazy busy stressed which I think had a lot to do with it.  We usually would average a handful of times every week!  So this was unusual and it was making me uncomfortable that such a pattern was forming. 

We are on Day 7...here is what we have so far...have I mentioned that I am not a sex blogger?...please excuse my vagueness...smile...blush.

Day 1: Grumpy morning quickie  (I am not a morning person.  Levi, however opens his eyes and is ready to face the day and is always frisky.  We had been up until 12 and I had had to take an allergy pill.  We also had a houseful of guests and the kids did not have school so I could sleep in.  I was extremely annoyed when he woke up ready to face the challenge at 5:30 am and all I wanted to do was sleep.  I remember whining like a two year old, growling, and then of course, I had to get up and pee.  I stomped off to the bathroom and came out and Levi was getting dressed for work.  I asked him what he was doing!  I am up now!  Yes, I am quite sure that I was a sexy goddess that he was so looking forward to nailing.  I mumbled I am sorry and threw off my pjs...that was enough I guess, but I made it clear it was just for him.

 

Day 2: 15 minute maintenance moments before midnight  (Just had to practice some alliteration there...I say maintenance cause it was sorta eh for both of us...only he got off, I seriously just wasn't in the mood and was tired, but he did make a concerted effort to make sure that I enjoyed myself)

Day 3: 10 minute exhausted quickie (Seriously, can we get any more tired?...I could blame the tryptophan, but I think that our week of family and commitments was totally catching up to us and we had to leave early in the morning to travel to visit more family so we weren't thrilled with the lack of sleep and the morning ahead.  But, I will say that we made eye contact a lot and it was enjoyable while it lasted...we both got off)

Day 4: Nada (Ugh...this totally bugs me, but we had traveled 5 hours and spent the day with family who decided it was a good idea to brave the mall...I avoid Black Friday like the PLAGUE!  But what could I do...so 15! of us, including my three children (two of whom HATE shopping) wandered around the mall...Someone please give me a drink.  We layed in bed that night...not our own...and just couldn't...we both passed out.)

 

Day 5: Hour long, multiple position awesomeness! (I felt awful about passing out and was really irritated about it so Levi made a rule that we would just have to make it up by having sex twice one day...yes, that shall be a real hardship for you dear *note sarcasm*:)  We traveled back home and Levi flirted and kissed, and butt grabbed all day...which got me all excited about our evening to come.  I also had a chance to read on the drive...yes, I read romance...which helped me get in the mood as well.  I am quite sure I fell asleep with that cat ate the cream look on my face.)

Day 6: Hand job (I know, pretty lame...but I tried to make it as exciting as I could for Levi...I had reflux...it sucks to be old, and was just not feeling it, but I made sure he felt good)

So that is where we are so far...if you decide to try it, let me know so I can read how it is going for you too! I will keep you posted:)