-My husband loves sex:
As if I didn't already know this one, but I don't think that I grasped how much he actually loves sex and how much it means to him...he seemed giddy at times...GIDDY...that is not a word I would use to describe my husband in ANY way...reserved, quiet, studious, serious...now THOSE are words I would, but no, the man was GIDDY about our little experiment.
-My husband loves sex with me:
I am coming to grips with the fact that he truly cannot be seeing what I see in the mirror every morning. I would ask him to get his vision checked, but I have also accepted that I will not question or argue with what he says is hot...it's insulting and hey, if he doesn't see it, then why the hell am I going to point it out! I just wish he would tell me where he got those wife goggles cause I would like a pair...we could market these things and make a fortune! I would love not to see the 25 extra pounds, stretch marks, spider veins, cellulite, etc. that make me avoid mirrors while naked:) Doesn't mean I won't stop trying, but I WILL try not to obsess about it.
-Sex is possible before 6am:
News to me...but we managed to have sex more then, when we were refreshed from sleep, more often than the evening when we fell into bed exhausted. I am not going to lie to you all and tell you that I all of a sudden LOVE morning sex...I don't particularly want to be struck with lightning. But seeing Levi leave for work with a hop in his step was pretty awesome...although I still grumbled and whined until I got coffee and typically could not relax enough to have an O in the morning.
-Sex is possible even when you are irritated as all get out:
As much as I wanted to tell myself that I was not using lack of sex as a punishment when Levi would piss me off...I have come to the conclusion that I was. I didn't do it in a mean spirited way, but would be so irritated that the thought of being warm and receptive repulsed me. He very rarely pisses me off these days, but it does happen and always will of course. Now I know that I can lay that aside and be with him...and it allowed me to talk more openly too. I am truly embracing that my body is for him and his for me, even when I am imagining possible things that I can throw at said body.
-Quantity versus Quality:
Levi enjoyed the quantity. I enjoyed the quality. Because we had so much morning sex, the quality wasn't all that great for me for those times. Now, don't have a conniption...I still enjoyed it, but didn't have O in the morning. It really wasn't Levi's fault...it was me. I had a hard time relaxing even behind a closed, locked door worrying that kiddos were going to come a knockin' and typically we were in a hurry. It takes me longer than 10 minutes to get warmed up, too. Those mornings were all for Levi. Sometimes that was okay. Sometimes it wasn't and left me feeling cheated. I am not saying that it should have, but it did.
I want to be honest with you. I want others to know that it isn't just them. Occasionally, I don't even want to O and encourage Levi that it is just me and then other times I am disappointed and then feel guilty for being selfish.
I may upset the guys here a little, but I will give what I hope is an honest opinion that I know that other women might share, but it can be irritating when you want to O and don't have the time to devote to it. Most men get to 99.9% of the time (once you start), so you really wouldn't understand what it is like not to when you want to. It might be just as frustrating as not getting it enough. I want that to sink in a minute...
Imagine that after you get your wife to O she says, "Okay, all done." and proceeds to pass out before you get to finish or has to run off to work several days in a row. Yes, it feels like that. I get that sometimes you can't help it and finish before you intend to...I am not speaking of that but do help a girl out afterwards if that happens. Levi and I just didn't have the time in the morning to devote to it and I knew that going into it. It was okay, but after a few days I needed that quality time where I could relax and we had the time for me to get there.
But those days that we had quality sex?...those left me happy and satisfied for days. So I have deduced that Levi wants quantity and as long as I get some quality in there then we will both be happy with our sex life. I also sure wish I was one of those women that could O in two minutes without four play too, but such is life.
-30 days of sex was surely a challenge with a capital C:
I was very disappointed at first that there were many days that we did not have sex. In fact, at the beginning I was downright bummed about it...then I got over it. I began this hopelessly optimistic that we could do it every day for 30 days straight...I ended excited that we had had more sex in December than we had ever had before. After the early disappointment, I wondered why in the world I chose December of all months to have our sexcapades...by the end I was happy that I chose December because with all the busyness we have a tendency to drift apart and we were the closest we have ever been in the month of crazy yuletide cheer.
-Phone Security:
I learned how to put a code lock on my phone because sometimes you make notes that you don't want others to see. Yikes!
-Connected: Feeling disconnected sucks...I hate it, it puts me on edge and I feel very insecure. When we are connected...it energizes me and makes me feel loved, safe, and able to take on the world. Sex helps us feel connected and both of us have been communicating better without the grumpy responses that set off our defensiveness. I hope that we can continue to challenge each other all our days.
I hope that you take up a challenge just for the sake of challenging yourself. I hope you learn something about yourself in the process. My next challenge? I am doing a planking challenge I saw on Facebook so that maybe I can get my tummy to NOT look like the Pillsbury Doughboy's.
I love your observations. I could use a pair of those wife goggles too.
ReplyDeleteOur quantity increased dramatically once we got out of the preschool years but we have to remember to keep the quality there too. It's a balance.
When you figure out the balance...please let me know:) I still have one preschooler at home and am happy that some things do seem to get easier:) Did you get your man the Valentine gift we were talking about?:)
DeleteBea
Thanks for the reminder - just called. The guy was so sweet - he said, "darlin', we appreciate you." Can't wait to try them. I got a pair for myself too.
DeleteEnjoyed your observations about the 30-day sex challenge. You have a good flair for writing. And nice he has the wife goggles. But I was kind of disappointed he passed out sometimes without pleasing you. I love aftercare and cuddling afterwards and making sure she has every opportunity to have an O. Anyway, enjoyed the post and thanks for keeping the notes.
ReplyDeleteFD .
Thanks for commenting and the compliment...Levi shakes his head at me quite often when I blurt something random out and says..."sweetheart, you had half the conversation in your head again"...well, it appears that I do it in my writing too! I am currently rewriting a section of the post that caused confusion...I think Levi would have helped me reach O if he hadn't had to run off to work and I knew we wouldn't have time when we started. I will say he is not much one for cuddling:) no matter the time of day, but that is alright. I then didn't want to make any man feel badly for embarrassed for not being able to last longer as I understand that is a difficult problem so I added that little caveat. Please read that little part again because I realize that the way I worded it sounded like I was speaking of Levi, but was being hypothetical to try to explain to a man what it might feel like to get almost there and not finish. It ended up sounding like I was speaking poorly of Levi and I did not intend to.
DeleteBea
Sorry I misunderstood what you wrote. I didn't realize you were speaking of a hypothetical. I do feel that even if a man doesn't last that long, he can still continue to give his lover pleasure.
ReplyDeleteFD
No worries...my fault:) I completely agree.
DeleteWife goggles! I need some too.
ReplyDeleteTheir need to be desired amazes me as does the confidence it gives them. I'm going to go think about the quantity vs quality...maybe something I need to talk about with mine a bit. Thanks Bea!
It does give them a lift, huh? I hope your talk goes well! I have difficulty talking about sex. I turn 10 shades of crimson even after all these years:) another thing to challenge myself with I suppose:)
DeleteMy experience on that stuff, is that the more you do it, the less awkward it becomes. Pretty soon it'll be just another conversation.
DeleteOnce the kids start sleeping in and playing outside by themselves, it all starts looking up.
It sounds like it was a worth while experiment. I am glad it gave good insight and brought you closer and more connected. And thank-you for you honesty and open discussion about sex. Hugs
ReplyDeleteThanks Terpsichore:)
DeleteVery interesting experient Bea. Wish I had a pair of those 'wife goggles'! Loved your observations...thanks for sharing. ;)
ReplyDeleteBlessings...
Cat
I'm tellin ya, we could make a fortune:)
DeleteVery cool, and thanks for sharing. It warmed my heart and glad you had a good month...now take those lessons into the new year!
ReplyDeleteThanks AMD:)
DeleteWow Bea, sounds like you learnt a bit of of the challenge! I too so wish I had a pair of those 'wife goggles'. Love your observation that sex is possible even when you are irritated and that the challenge left you both feeling connected. Thanks for sharing :)
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Roz
Thanks Roz!
DeleteMorning sex! Morning sex!
ReplyDeleteNice work, I'd be curious to know if it increases frequency in your day to day life now. Not the morning sex, just sex in general.
Cool challenge, and I always have locked my phone with a code, not to hide dirty stuff, but I have always worried about if I lost my phone or had it stolen and it fell into the hands of a not so nice person. It would have pics of my family, my schedule, who knows maybe access to my bank accounts etc...
~PB
See...morning sex causes giddiness in men, should come with a warning:)
DeleteI liked the woman Oing and then turning over to sleep analogy. It's something I am never guilty of but a lot of men are. I have never seen this side of it addressed, but here goes.
ReplyDeleteStill not excusing the men, I wonder this: How many of those women do not want oral or manual help if they cannot or do not O PIV. Not blaming the woman, just wondering how many may not allow their husbands an option if they can't have it that way? I've never really seen that addressed. A man can only receive so much stimulation before his orgasms timing is beyond his control. If his wife is a persistent slow- or non-orgasm type during PIV sex, but she will not accept an option, what is there to do for her?
Hmmm, I can only answer for me and I can't be that unique among my fellow woman:) if I want to O then I can't imagine turning down other options (although I prefer PIV Os as they are just better...wives need to be willing to help themselves too! But when we only have five minutes then it is probably not gonna happen unless I am already excited like during ovulation times of the month. I need more than five minutes of foreplay to relax enough. Sometimes I don't feel like having one and that is okay, and not typically levi's fault. If I want one though I need to be open to all possibilities.
Delete"he truly cannot be seeing what I see in the mirror every morning." I would swear that thought came out of my head...
ReplyDelete