Hey Big Spender

I have a lovely new computer...so lovely, in fact, that I feel like I traded in a Pinto, wondering at any moment if it might blow up, for a Ferrari, that has so many bells and whistles that I can't start the car.  I now have a Mac and am slowly learning how to use it considering that I have always used Windows.  It is also a laptop which I have never had before.  I tried to steer my dear Levi to get me a smaller screen, but he insisted on getting the larger one, which I will admit to you all that I am sure I will be happier with, but holy cow this thing comes with a mighty high price tag.  And therein lies an issue that has been hanging around for a while.

Let me give you some background.  I will try to keep it short.  When Levi and I got married we were both employed and Levi paid the bills.  I spent what I wanted and so did he.  I didn't realize that I was overspending until finally one day Levi said that we were in debt.  It wasn't much but I was worried.  I had gotten into debt in college due to poor choices and roommate circumstances and had to humbly ask my parents for a loan which I did pay off.  He also seemed stressed at the bill paying and money planning and I offered to take it over.  He seemed relieved.  Paying the bills changed my views of money and I became much more frugal which all in all helped our situation.  We then made a few poor choices here and there, a couple that I had said we shouldn't make and they seem to add up.  Then we moved for work and we decided that I would stay home with our young son.

Then our second child came along a few years later and we were in debt of about $5,000 plus cars and house.  Kid 2 came by emergency c-section and had to spend time in the NICU.  We had great insurance but we still paid over $6,000 out of our pocket.  Then my oldest needed surgery.  We owed nine different doctors/hospitals and had to pay each a little something every month.  The problem was we were living paycheck to paycheck.  We ended up having to use credit cards to live while paying off doctors.  We finally paid all of our medical bills 18 months later and were left with about $10,000 in credit card debt.

I tried following the plan of many financial planners to pay off the highest interest cards first, but it was taking forever.  Our high interest card was the one that had the most on it.  Then I was invited to a class called Conquering Debt God's Way.  Regardless of your religious beliefs this guy (Bruce Ammons) made sense.  He said the problem with paying things off this way is that most people don't have an interest problem, they have a cash flow problem.  He said to pay off the smallest debt first regardless of interest and then take the amount and apply it to the next highest debt, etc.  He also had a lot to say about cutting your budget, working extra, and all around considering debt to be the enemy and declaring all out war on your bills.  (He also had an awesome idea for owning your dream house and paying it off that would have been a lot easier had we started when we were young in case you are interested.)

In one year we had paid everything off but one car and our house.  We were working on cushioning our savings and then it was time to move again.  We bought some furniture on 0%.  No biggie, we know that we will pay it off before it is due, but then we had to do some unexpected work on the house...again we qualified for 0% and it was stuff that had to get done.  We usually pay cash for everything these days, so these payments were eating into our monthly cushion I like to keep for unexpected car repair, etc.  And then the computer dies.

We could have paid to have it fixed but it is so old that it is no longer supported my Microsoft and would have required more than it was worth.  Levi has always wanted a MAC for home.  He has one for work and he was all for getting a MAC.  My concern was the ginormous price tag.  I get it, they are awesome.  I shared my concerns and suggested buying a $300-400 laptop we could pay cash for and saving up for an Apple.  He thought about it for a week and then we were in the Apple Store choosing a new computer.  And now I am left with figuring out where this payment is coming from and make sure we pay it off before our 0% is up.

We can afford it, but I feel like these habits are sending us in a bad direction.  I feel buried.  I have asked Levi to help with the decisions that I am making.  He does take care of retirement planning and 401K choices, 529s, etc.  But the monthly budget, bill paying, and future planning (vacations, etc.) are all me.  I have asked for help, I have threatened to just hand everything back to him, I have asked that we sit down once a month to just go over the budget, etc.  He would say yes, but it never happens or if we do sit down he seems stressed and/or put out because I always have to force it.  I don't even mind paying the bills.  I just want his input.  We don't really argue over money, he doesn't disagree with the choices that I make, but I feel weird telling him not to spend such and such or when we are buying something then I am the one that decides on what sort of financing we will be choosing.  I feel like I am leading where money is concerned and I want him to be the leader of our home.

So what to do with my new big spender?  Give up the bills and leave everything to him when he doesn't want it?  Beat a dead horse and have the "talk" again about getting together to discuss finances on a regular basis?  Print out a monthly report so that he sees where we stand and leave it on his pillow?  Is it wrong of me to feel so stressed about this lovely "gift"?  Is it really a "gift" to me or just him getting what he has always wanted wrapped in "I want you to have the best"?

Maybe I shouldn't let it stress me out so much, but I feel like we should have a solid budget so that history does not repeat itself.  I can't come up with a way to communicate this to him.  I have tried.  He works very hard for the money we have and I am glad he trusts me to handle the money.  I just want to talk about it.  My Levi is a man of few words...words are superfluous to him...the fewer the better.  I need to talk about things and through things in order to make decisions and process feelings. How can we come to some middle ground on this issue?

The good:
We don't argue about money which is one of the many reasons for divorce.
We agree on where the money should go most of the time.
We have to agree on something when spending over $100 on one item. (I have a friend whose husband comes home with huge purchases without consulting her and it causes a lot of stress on their marriage)
We don't impulsively buy
We don't hide purchases from each other
We share all accounts

The bad:
We don't really talk about money for the budget
We don't really talk about long term goals
We don't really talk about our plans for our future together

WE DON'T REALLY TALK

I have no idea how to solve this problem.  Any thoughts or ideas are most welcome.  I would appreciate words that will express to him the importance of this subject to me without coming across in a negative way.  Sometimes I think that I am saying something well and it is coming across as disrespectful.  I can tell by Levi's reaction but can't imagine what I have said that is wrong.  I also may need some help with accepting his reluctance and pushing through that without getting my feelings hurt.

(I had some cute pics to put in this post, but couldn't figure out how to right click my "mouse", LOL)