I figure if the dang thing is going to be stuck in my head then it should be stuck in yours too...your welcome. Wow, those outfits...anyway.
I have realized that there is something ridiculously easy that I can do for Levi to make him feel respected and loved. Some of you will be shaking your head by the end of my little story wondering what the big deal was and others of you will understand. I hope there is someone that reads this that may more easily change some of their behavior to make their husband feel respected and loved too.
From the very beginning of our relationship, I had this obsession (okay, I confess, I still have it) with Levi saying goodbye to me in the morning. I would often still be in bed when he was headed out the door and would insist that he wake me up and kiss me goodbye. There were many times that I would call him in the morning when I awoke and he wasn't next to me. I would be upset that he didn't say goodbye, only for him to tell me that he did tell me goodbye, but I wouldn't wake up. That didn't surprise me as I often have entire conversations in my sleep. So every morning my dear Levi wakes me up (not a pleasant experience as I am NOT morning person) or stops my routine if I am already awake, and kisses me goodbye. Sometimes it is a quick peck and others a nice long kiss that makes us both yearn for the times bk (before kids) when we could run back to the bedroom before heading off to our responsibilities. I love it, I crave it, and Levi delivers EVERY MORNING. He doesn't complain about it, he doesn't make excuses about why he can't do it, and I would imagine that some mornings when he is in a hurry and I am up and somewhere off in the house and he has to come searching for me that it may not always be convenient.
I read in a book or blog or church or something somewhere, can't remember where, that wives should greet their husbands when they come home from work. I did it for a while and then got lazy, got busy, wondered why I had to drop everything to say hello to him; I was in the middle of something for goodness sake. Oh yes, I made all kinds of excuses, complained in my head (thankfully not out loud), and just didn't do it if it wasn't convenient for me. How incredibly selfish! I still remember the first time that I met Levi as he was coming in the door to say hello...he thought something was wrong. Ouch. The kids greet him, the dog greets him, does it really matter if I greet him? I am typically making dinner or cleaning something or helping some kiddo with homework when he walks in the door. It is not always convenient to stop what I am doing to properly greet him. Properly that is...I always say hello, I don't completely ignore him for goodness sake, but I don't always go to him and kiss him hello. He has just worked his tail off for me and the kids all day. And I can't leave the dinner on the stove for 10 seconds to say hello? Wow, doesn't make you feel too good about yourself.
How did I come to this epiphany? It came to me one morning as Levi came all the way upstairs to find me buried in a closet helping one of the kids find their school shirt for Spirit Day, on a day that he was in a huge rush for a big meeting, to say goodbye and give me a kiss. That is when it dawned on me and I vowed to change for good. It isn't always easy, or convenient; but no matter what, I stop what I am doing whenever Levi gets home to properly say hello. The joy in his face lets me know that he likes it, the kids see how important Daddy is, and I can VERY EASILY show my love and respect for him, show him that I missed him, and make him feel important. He never asked me to. He never bugged me to. He never made me feel guilty about not doing it. But I can tell he likes it and I will happily continue to do it for the rest of our lives.
Goodbye...Hello.
sometimes its the little things that speak the loudest...thank-you for sharing...very nice :-) Hugs Hope the sugar free is going well...
ReplyDeleteI think that's lovely! I always ensure we kiss hello and goodbye in this household - not just Dan, but the (grown up) kids and grandkids too. You never know when it will be your last - and as horrible as that sounds, we should never take each other for granted.
ReplyDeleteI always worked too, so I wasn't often in the position of waiting for Dan to arrive home and we shared lots of the bills, but on a Friday night I would always have a gin and tonic waiting for him. He would ring me when he got to the end of our lane, and I would make one right away as he had a very commute to where he was working.
I do hope you will continue with your greetings and that you will get years of pleasure out of them.
Hugs
Ami
FINALLY I managed to get your blog to load! Good grief I have been trying every flippin post you have written! Do you think Levi will buy me a computer? Oh right ...back to you
ReplyDeleteBarney was pretty good about the good byes. It wasn't until I made a conscious decision to do the hellos that he is adamant about the good byes. Even when we are in a bad place Ie I am being a b*tch he still seeks me out, tell me he loves me and kisses me good bye. One tiny thing that snow balls. It is wonderful how good things are contagious too!
love
willie
It is the small things that mean so much isn't it Bea. So happy you came to this epiphany.
ReplyDeleteHugs and Blessings...
Cat
Hello Bea,
ReplyDeleteI wanted to say thank you for stopping by my blog the other day.
Somehow, my page did not show me that you had your own blog or I would have done some background reading before offering an answer to your question. After reading some of your posts, I see that my response did not offer anything new for your situation. I promise I will consider a more thoughtful response and get back to you.
I am enjoying your writing. I find it interesting how total strangers can have so many similar circumstances, especially once you get into the second decade of marriage with three kids.
Take care,
Adam
The Big Dick Chronicles
Greetings Bea,
ReplyDeleteI wanted to say thank you for stopping by my blog the other day.
Somehow, my page didn't show that you had your own blog or I would have done some background reading before answering your question. I see now that my response offered you nothing new. I promise to give it some more thought and get back with you.
I'm enjoying your writing. I find it interesting how total strangers can have such similar lives, especially once you hit that second decade with three kids.
Take Care,
Adam
The Big Dick Chronicles
Yes! I love this. I read a book.... Love and Respect maybe....that talked about how important this is. Ryan, like Levi, is so good about the goodbyes....and somehow I have gotten it in my head he needs to greet ME when he comes home. I can be so selfish sometimes. Thanks for the reminder that I need to be a smiling face (lol!) when he comes home!
ReplyDeleteI'm good at this 3 days out of 5. I'll do better. :) It's such a simple thing and it seems like across the board, it means a lot to our men.
ReplyDeleteYou almost made me weep ( understanding I weep easily), I loved your post. Don couldn't understand why the hello and goodbye feels so important to me, with the accompanying kiss. He comes from a 25 yr relationship where neither of them took very good care if each other. I need to take care of and be taken care of. Since Dons return, he has been making the effort to do the hello goodbye kiss greeting. But it isn't natural to him at all. Yesterday, I came home from working all day then grocery shopping to a man who's engrossed in his exciting book that I was barely acknowledged, much less helped with groceries. So I went over to him in his reading chair and gave him a kiss on his head and said. " you seriously aren't going to help me carry in the groceries?" He smiled sheepishly and said. " I'm at a good part". At another point in our relationship I would have been angry pouting, ended up ass in air by evenings end and all self righteous about how he deserved the spanking , not me.
ReplyDeleteBut I have a whole new attitude since Dons come back. I accept what he can and can't do at any given point in time. And he's really been making the effort at other times. I behave submissively even when it's not going the way I expect or want it to.
When did I get so grown up? :-)