Where you go, I'll go

When I became determined to follow my husband's lead, I expected him to jump at the chance.  I expected an enthusiastic...Finally!...to escape from his lips and for him to immediately take up those "pants" and run with them and I had my running shoes on, ready to go.

Well that isn't exactly how it has happened.

I was there with my running shoes on, stretched out, feet on the starting blocks and ready to follow wherever he might lead us and then...

nothing happened...hello, all the blood is rushing to my head over here!

At first, I thought, okay, I'll give him a little time...after all, I stole those "pants" and he hasn't had them on in a while...maybe ever.  Give the man a break, right?

So, I shook out my muscles, after all, I was getting leg cramps in the starting blocks...

I tapped my fingers on my thighs trying to contain the energy...

tapped my toes...ran in place a little...

put my flip flops on as it was obvious we wouldn't be running anywhere soon...

And I might have thrown the running shoes across the track in a fit of metaphorical temper...

became frustrated...

stewed...

have I mentioned I am not a patient person...

Then I would slip up...he would try to lead and I would fall back on old habits...give my reasons why I thought my way would be better and he folded.

I would apologize and secretly kick myself for not giving him a chance.

So I would wait again...

determined to wait patiently THIS time...

twiddle thumbs...

Agh! would you just lead already!!

afraid it would never happen...

During this process I was told, in their own words, by three different male bloggers that have taken the lead in their marriages, that my husband will not lead just because I want him to.

At first, I was like, "Say what?  Doesn't every guy just want to lead and have his say?  I thought that was like a guy's dream come true or something?

God knows I am a stubborn woman and needed to hear this several times from several people over a period of months in order for it to sink in.

Now that I started this whole thing though, I don't want to give up.  I NEED him to lead now.  Not because I can't do it myself (I've been doing that for years), but because something happens when he does.

I like the person I become when my husband leads and I follow.

I feel softer, loved, less stressed, and a contentment I can't explain.

But those pants sit there a lot...

waiting for their owner...

waiting, waiting....

And then I realize something as I stare longingly on the pants...

I am focusing on the pants...

Um, the pants that aren't mine...

Oops.  Well crap! Focusing on those pants was really like I was still fighting for them.

I should be focusing on my own clothing.

So I put on my girl pants, skirt, shorts, whatever.

And focused on those...and a funny thing happened...I heard him.

My husband is a loving, extremely intelligent, funny, and a QUIET man.

I am...well...not quiet for sure!  But, when I started focusing on my own "clothing" choices instead of those darn pants that I thought Levi should put on...I heard him.

He is leading...quiet as a mouse at times...but leading.

So I started listening, and following, and that girl is back...the one I caught glimpses of.

The soft one, the content one...and weirdly enough I feel prettier, too.

We still aren't running anywhere...Levi's pace is more like a sedate mosey.

So I put on my flats and try to show him that I will go where he goes.  I will not leave him or abandon him to go it alone...and isn't that what we all need anyway...someone to do this life thing with.

I got your back babe.