Well, my stupid computer finally bit the dust. I asked Levi if I could take the darn thing outside and beat it with a baseball bat all office space style, but he advised that I might hurt myself. Sarcastic eyeroll. So, I am writing this post on my phone which is a major pain in the rear. And of course now that my computer is shot I seem to have time for and inspiration for posts. I have about 8 swimming around in my head.
I hope to have a new one soon, but Levi is a deep thinker and is taking his time making his decision on a new computer. It doesn't help that we disagree on the choices so I think he is doing what he should and weighing the options carefully. I have expressed my concerns and am awaiting his decision, but let's hope I can keep my impatient, bossy, snarky side calm, cool, and collected cause she is close to losing her $!&?.
Patience is a virtue...blah, blah, blah. I know, I know. I am on the first week of a yeast free, sugar free diet for health reasons (that is a whole other post) and I think I am having sugar withdrawals which is making me especially grumpy. I am a fun person to be around right now let me tell you. Let's hope that Levi makes his decision soon, shall we:)
Thursday, May 29, 2014
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
You Don't Say?
What are you saying when you say nothing at all? Well, apparently my husband and I have incredible imaginations. The only disagreements that we have had lately have been the things we hear when we aren't saying anything. Say what?
Let me explain with some examples:
I was all excited about something that I saw on the Internet recently and thought it would be a really good activity to do with the kids. It was called Earth hour. Basically you turn your lights off for an hour, but what it really does is teach awareness and get your mind going about things you can do for the Earth. Now, before I tell you the rest of this story, I should say that Levi had had a rough day and was visibly distracted. I should know better than to approach my dear husband when he is like this, but I was excited. My brain was not registering his mood. And as much as he loves the Earth, he also gets a bit annoyed with the global warming, tree hugging crowd. Okay, I am not making excuses for the man...just trying to explain a bit before we get into our conversation so you guys don't try to go after the jugular. So I tell him very excitedly all about this cool idea and how other countries are having acoustic concerts, park clean ups, etc. He looks over at me and says,
"I don't care."
Now, unfortunately what I heard and reacted to was, "I don't care about you." That is NOT what he SAID, mind you, but that is indeed what I heard. We made up and all is good, but the important part of this story is that when I told him what I heard even though that is not what he said, he appeared devastated. He assured me that that is not what he meant, he just was not in a place where he wanted to or cared to talk, he needed to decompress, and he should have told me that instead of saying what he did. He did not say it, but it still stings a bit when I think about it.
Another example:
We were about to leave and take the kids somewhere and when we returned we were going to have visitors in the house so I was hurriedly trying to put dishes in the dishwasher and pick up while yelling at our 4 year old slow poke to get dressed. Now Levi enters the scene and begins to attempt cleaning the microwave. We were leaving in 5 minutes. The four year old isn't dressed, there is stuff visible all over everywhere and he wants to clean the MICROWAVE! He asks me if he can use a Clorox wipe in the microwave and my reply is,
"No, it is better if you put a bowl of lemon juice and something I can't remember right now and heat it up and wipe it out."
Sure, it sounds innocent but I would suggest you use your imagination as to what my tone sounded like considering I was stressed, frustrated and annoyed and consider what Levi heard, which was, "What the hell are you doing? You are an idiot." I did not say it. I was not really thinking quite that either, although I will have to admit to you all as I did to Levi that I was frustrated that he was choosing the microwave to clean in order to "help me", when we had a daughter that wasn't dressed. I would also sincerely hope that our visitors would not be opening our microwave and would therefore not see last weeks menu splattered all over the place. I apologized and told him that I should have been more appreciative of the help but suggested that there were other things that I really felt needed to be done AND should have asked for help in the ways I needed it.
We have been married so long...fourteen years now...that we apparently don't have to say anything and the other will assume all sorts of things that may or may not be wrong based on what is and isn't said. We are working hard at our communication or lack thereof and trying hard not to fill in the blanks ourselves without asking what the other means. This does not come naturally to either of us.
It reminds me that I have really wanted to tell you all something very important...My silence does NOT mean indifference. I know that I have not been around lately, I haven't been commenting or responding. It does not mean that I don't care. I have been reading and your comments always mean a lot to me. I do not ever want anyone to feel that I don't care and I am truly sorry that I have not been able to "be around" more. I now work two days a week. I spend a lot of time in carpool trying to read about all of you while simultaneously giving practice spelling tests and fielding questions from my inquisitive four year old. We have something to go to four evenings out of the week due to sports, etc. My computer is on its last leg and frustratingly slow. Levi seems annoyed if I am on the phone or computer too much on weekends because he wants to spend that time with me and the kids. That, on top of the reality of my job of being the only one in the house that cleans, cooks, or shops and my medicine for thyroid and hormones is still screwed up. Okay, so that sounded like a ridiculous string of excuses, but I am just overwhelmed at the moment and can't seem to come up for air lately. I could promise to try to be around more, but I am afraid right now that it would be an empty promise.
But I want you to hear what I am saying and NOT what I am not saying.
Y'all are important and I am still here. Hope y'all are doing great and if you aren't then I want you to know that there is someone (perhaps silently) routing for you:)
What Say you my friends? Am I forgiven?
Let me explain with some examples:
I was all excited about something that I saw on the Internet recently and thought it would be a really good activity to do with the kids. It was called Earth hour. Basically you turn your lights off for an hour, but what it really does is teach awareness and get your mind going about things you can do for the Earth. Now, before I tell you the rest of this story, I should say that Levi had had a rough day and was visibly distracted. I should know better than to approach my dear husband when he is like this, but I was excited. My brain was not registering his mood. And as much as he loves the Earth, he also gets a bit annoyed with the global warming, tree hugging crowd. Okay, I am not making excuses for the man...just trying to explain a bit before we get into our conversation so you guys don't try to go after the jugular. So I tell him very excitedly all about this cool idea and how other countries are having acoustic concerts, park clean ups, etc. He looks over at me and says,
"I don't care."
Now, unfortunately what I heard and reacted to was, "I don't care about you." That is NOT what he SAID, mind you, but that is indeed what I heard. We made up and all is good, but the important part of this story is that when I told him what I heard even though that is not what he said, he appeared devastated. He assured me that that is not what he meant, he just was not in a place where he wanted to or cared to talk, he needed to decompress, and he should have told me that instead of saying what he did. He did not say it, but it still stings a bit when I think about it.
Another example:
We were about to leave and take the kids somewhere and when we returned we were going to have visitors in the house so I was hurriedly trying to put dishes in the dishwasher and pick up while yelling at our 4 year old slow poke to get dressed. Now Levi enters the scene and begins to attempt cleaning the microwave. We were leaving in 5 minutes. The four year old isn't dressed, there is stuff visible all over everywhere and he wants to clean the MICROWAVE! He asks me if he can use a Clorox wipe in the microwave and my reply is,
"No, it is better if you put a bowl of lemon juice and something I can't remember right now and heat it up and wipe it out."
Sure, it sounds innocent but I would suggest you use your imagination as to what my tone sounded like considering I was stressed, frustrated and annoyed and consider what Levi heard, which was, "What the hell are you doing? You are an idiot." I did not say it. I was not really thinking quite that either, although I will have to admit to you all as I did to Levi that I was frustrated that he was choosing the microwave to clean in order to "help me", when we had a daughter that wasn't dressed. I would also sincerely hope that our visitors would not be opening our microwave and would therefore not see last weeks menu splattered all over the place. I apologized and told him that I should have been more appreciative of the help but suggested that there were other things that I really felt needed to be done AND should have asked for help in the ways I needed it.
We have been married so long...fourteen years now...that we apparently don't have to say anything and the other will assume all sorts of things that may or may not be wrong based on what is and isn't said. We are working hard at our communication or lack thereof and trying hard not to fill in the blanks ourselves without asking what the other means. This does not come naturally to either of us.
It reminds me that I have really wanted to tell you all something very important...My silence does NOT mean indifference. I know that I have not been around lately, I haven't been commenting or responding. It does not mean that I don't care. I have been reading and your comments always mean a lot to me. I do not ever want anyone to feel that I don't care and I am truly sorry that I have not been able to "be around" more. I now work two days a week. I spend a lot of time in carpool trying to read about all of you while simultaneously giving practice spelling tests and fielding questions from my inquisitive four year old. We have something to go to four evenings out of the week due to sports, etc. My computer is on its last leg and frustratingly slow. Levi seems annoyed if I am on the phone or computer too much on weekends because he wants to spend that time with me and the kids. That, on top of the reality of my job of being the only one in the house that cleans, cooks, or shops and my medicine for thyroid and hormones is still screwed up. Okay, so that sounded like a ridiculous string of excuses, but I am just overwhelmed at the moment and can't seem to come up for air lately. I could promise to try to be around more, but I am afraid right now that it would be an empty promise.
But I want you to hear what I am saying and NOT what I am not saying.
Y'all are important and I am still here. Hope y'all are doing great and if you aren't then I want you to know that there is someone (perhaps silently) routing for you:)
What Say you my friends? Am I forgiven?
Monday, March 17, 2014
Triggers
My control monster has triggers. And nothing sets her off faster than traveling. Traveling, or more so getting ready to travel, makes me: an otherwise sweet, pleasant person into...well, a lunatic. We just got back from a lovely vacation...one in which we had to drive two days to get to, which left me with plenty of time to contemplate my own craziness. Okay, so I am not really crazy, but my control freakedness is off the charts. When my control monster takes over, it is not pretty.
My husband shuts down because it is easier than trying to fight the monster, which is the exact opposite of what I need him to do. I am "right" so everyone else is, by default...well, "not right." I did catch myself on multiple occasions and managed to bite my tongue before saying something insanely rude...which is better than previous occasions when I did not even realize that what I was doing was wrong.
Things I learned from this vacation:
1. I need to ask for help: Oh, I am a stubborn woman. This is ridiculously hard for me but I need to learn to do it and not be ashamed that I was unable to perform a task on my own. For example, when we get ready for vacation I: plan the vacation, book the doggie hotel, make sure the kids have enough clothes, make sure the kids have things to do in the car, pay the bills, prep the van (oil change, etc.), buy supplies, pack everything and everyone except Levi, clean the house (cause I hate coming home to a messy house), ask the neighbors to check the mail, pack snacks and drinks, AND I NEVER ask for help. Maybe if I learn to ask for a little assistance then my control monster will not be freaking the heck out!
2. This is a little off subject, but I will never complain about my gas prices again...the rest of the country pays entirely too much for gas!
3. If I could just chill...I would have a lot more fun: I get anxious before traveling...very anxious. Like maybe someone should hand over a Valium. My stomach gets upset and I worry about everything. What if the car breaks down? What if kid 1, 2, or 3 gets sick? What if we get in an accident? What if someone gets lost? etc. etc. ...ad naseum, etc. I really don't settle in on having a good time until around day 3 or 4 (even in the happiest place on earth) and then it is usually time to start heading back home. I would guess that my constant worrying does not allow Levi or the kids to fully relax either. I suppose part of it is the amount of money spent on the vacation makes me nervous that any of it be ruined by unforeseen circumstances.
4. I didn't really travel as a kid: My parents never really took us anywhere. We would visit family of course, but not really much else. I look forward to traveling right up to a few days before when the trigger is pulled and my control monster gets loose. I want everyone to have a good time so I worry about anything going wrong. I want my kids to remember these trips forever and give them something I didn't have as a kid. Is my trigger being pulled because I need to practice traveling? Hmmm. Maybe I should try lots of day trips. Plus the kids seem to have fun doing the simplest things like playing on a playground or the hotel pool after you have spent a crazy amount on a vacay.
5. Apparently we share Spring Break with Canada...I think I was vacationing with half of Ontario and they are not afraid to drive a very LONG distance! But thanks Canada for all the awesome licence plates we got:)
6. I worried and nothing happened: So I worried for nothing. Now, don't get me wrong...it was good I was prepared...I had all the medicine I needed and even had to take a kiddo's temperature on the way home and had a thermometer, etc. But the worry, the upset stomach, and all for naught. It was difficult to relax and just enjoy...partly my constant need to count my kiddos in the crowd, stress and worry over money spent, and partly because it doesn't come naturally to me. I have to think about relaxing...I seem to live in a stressed state without even realizing it.
7. I need Levi to not shut down. I need him to tell me to calm the heck down. I need him to tell me that everything is going to be all right and he will help to take care of everything that comes our way. I need him to tell me to relax, that it's okay, that everyone is having a great time, that I am not responsible for everyone's happiness.
8. Family vacations are awesome...but so are vacations with your spouse: We were able to get away last fall and had an amazing time and we were able to get away to have dinner on our own to celebrate this time, but it wasn't quite the same. I was worried about the kiddos and we were exhausted. It was nice and we were able to have a lovely dinner, but not quite the same as getting away on our own. The great thing about family vacations is I hit close to 16,000 steps on my fitbit every day:)
9. I need to figure out how to reign in the monster. Yep, that is pretty much it on that one...haven't figured it out yet. Anyone? Bueller?
10. I think sometimes that Levi likes my control monster, cause he can relax and she does everything: Ouch, but true. So what do I do to help him understand so that we can all enjoy the vacation or am I doomed to let the control monster out of her cage every time we travel?
My husband shuts down because it is easier than trying to fight the monster, which is the exact opposite of what I need him to do. I am "right" so everyone else is, by default...well, "not right." I did catch myself on multiple occasions and managed to bite my tongue before saying something insanely rude...which is better than previous occasions when I did not even realize that what I was doing was wrong.
Things I learned from this vacation:
1. I need to ask for help: Oh, I am a stubborn woman. This is ridiculously hard for me but I need to learn to do it and not be ashamed that I was unable to perform a task on my own. For example, when we get ready for vacation I: plan the vacation, book the doggie hotel, make sure the kids have enough clothes, make sure the kids have things to do in the car, pay the bills, prep the van (oil change, etc.), buy supplies, pack everything and everyone except Levi, clean the house (cause I hate coming home to a messy house), ask the neighbors to check the mail, pack snacks and drinks, AND I NEVER ask for help. Maybe if I learn to ask for a little assistance then my control monster will not be freaking the heck out!
2. This is a little off subject, but I will never complain about my gas prices again...the rest of the country pays entirely too much for gas!
3. If I could just chill...I would have a lot more fun: I get anxious before traveling...very anxious. Like maybe someone should hand over a Valium. My stomach gets upset and I worry about everything. What if the car breaks down? What if kid 1, 2, or 3 gets sick? What if we get in an accident? What if someone gets lost? etc. etc. ...ad naseum, etc. I really don't settle in on having a good time until around day 3 or 4 (even in the happiest place on earth) and then it is usually time to start heading back home. I would guess that my constant worrying does not allow Levi or the kids to fully relax either. I suppose part of it is the amount of money spent on the vacation makes me nervous that any of it be ruined by unforeseen circumstances.
4. I didn't really travel as a kid: My parents never really took us anywhere. We would visit family of course, but not really much else. I look forward to traveling right up to a few days before when the trigger is pulled and my control monster gets loose. I want everyone to have a good time so I worry about anything going wrong. I want my kids to remember these trips forever and give them something I didn't have as a kid. Is my trigger being pulled because I need to practice traveling? Hmmm. Maybe I should try lots of day trips. Plus the kids seem to have fun doing the simplest things like playing on a playground or the hotel pool after you have spent a crazy amount on a vacay.
5. Apparently we share Spring Break with Canada...I think I was vacationing with half of Ontario and they are not afraid to drive a very LONG distance! But thanks Canada for all the awesome licence plates we got:)
6. I worried and nothing happened: So I worried for nothing. Now, don't get me wrong...it was good I was prepared...I had all the medicine I needed and even had to take a kiddo's temperature on the way home and had a thermometer, etc. But the worry, the upset stomach, and all for naught. It was difficult to relax and just enjoy...partly my constant need to count my kiddos in the crowd, stress and worry over money spent, and partly because it doesn't come naturally to me. I have to think about relaxing...I seem to live in a stressed state without even realizing it.
7. I need Levi to not shut down. I need him to tell me to calm the heck down. I need him to tell me that everything is going to be all right and he will help to take care of everything that comes our way. I need him to tell me to relax, that it's okay, that everyone is having a great time, that I am not responsible for everyone's happiness.
8. Family vacations are awesome...but so are vacations with your spouse: We were able to get away last fall and had an amazing time and we were able to get away to have dinner on our own to celebrate this time, but it wasn't quite the same. I was worried about the kiddos and we were exhausted. It was nice and we were able to have a lovely dinner, but not quite the same as getting away on our own. The great thing about family vacations is I hit close to 16,000 steps on my fitbit every day:)
9. I need to figure out how to reign in the monster. Yep, that is pretty much it on that one...haven't figured it out yet. Anyone? Bueller?
10. I think sometimes that Levi likes my control monster, cause he can relax and she does everything: Ouch, but true. So what do I do to help him understand so that we can all enjoy the vacation or am I doomed to let the control monster out of her cage every time we travel?
Monday, February 17, 2014
That's amore!
I had intended to send this post out Friday, but my schedule has changed a bit and I have been unable to write or read much in the blog world for a few weeks. I am telling you...FOR REAL...the next time someone asks me what I do all day, I think I may hit someone for the first time in my life. I will catch you up on the Bea Life in a later post but wanted to share my Valentine's Day thoughts with you.
I am saddened for men everywhere that they have had to dedicate a special day for us to give them steak and blow jobs. If you hadn't heard about Steak and BJ Day then google it...they even give tips. Oh my! It is to occur March 14th and they have felt the need to have this special day because they work so hard on Valentine's Day. Since when is Valentine's just about women? And shouldn't we be giving enough bjs that they don't feel the need to dedicate a holiday to it?
I will say that although I received beautiful flowers Friday, I feel the need to interject my views on the commercialism of Valentine's before I go on. The only time I receive flowers is Valentine's or perhaps Mother's Day and the cheapskate in me cringes....every...time. You can pay three times as much for flowers on those days and half the time they don't look as good and don't last as long. I would much prefer getting flowers for no reason at all than on a major holiday. I don't mean to sound ungrateful...they were pretty, but I guarantee there was no thought put into them. He felt like that is what he had to give me so he did. I tried to tell him one year that he didn't have to give me flowers, explained how expensive they were, and even told him that I would rather have flowers for no reason at all. This obviously fell on deaf ears...oh well...I graciously accepted the flowers and on we went.
....back to Steak and BJ Day...so I don't understand how Valentine's day became only about women and what our men could do for us. I thought Valentine was gender neutral? I no longer have any expectations on Valentine's Day and that way I am pleasantly surprised no matter what happens. I just try to give Levi the best day ever.
So I decided to give my love his steak and bj ON Valentine's Day (among many other days as well). He is my Valentine after all and I know what he likes and want to show my love for him!
I had grand thoughts of a candle lit dinner for two....yeah right!! We have three children...that wasn't going to happen...at least not on Valentine's Day. I tried to plan as nice of an evening as possible for Levi. I shaved, applied make up, wore a flowing skirt and jewelry and his favorite heeled knee high boots:
He said, "All of it was perfect."
And THAT my dear friends is AMORE!
I am saddened for men everywhere that they have had to dedicate a special day for us to give them steak and blow jobs. If you hadn't heard about Steak and BJ Day then google it...they even give tips. Oh my! It is to occur March 14th and they have felt the need to have this special day because they work so hard on Valentine's Day. Since when is Valentine's just about women? And shouldn't we be giving enough bjs that they don't feel the need to dedicate a holiday to it?
I will say that although I received beautiful flowers Friday, I feel the need to interject my views on the commercialism of Valentine's before I go on. The only time I receive flowers is Valentine's or perhaps Mother's Day and the cheapskate in me cringes....every...time. You can pay three times as much for flowers on those days and half the time they don't look as good and don't last as long. I would much prefer getting flowers for no reason at all than on a major holiday. I don't mean to sound ungrateful...they were pretty, but I guarantee there was no thought put into them. He felt like that is what he had to give me so he did. I tried to tell him one year that he didn't have to give me flowers, explained how expensive they were, and even told him that I would rather have flowers for no reason at all. This obviously fell on deaf ears...oh well...I graciously accepted the flowers and on we went.
....back to Steak and BJ Day...so I don't understand how Valentine's day became only about women and what our men could do for us. I thought Valentine was gender neutral? I no longer have any expectations on Valentine's Day and that way I am pleasantly surprised no matter what happens. I just try to give Levi the best day ever.
So I decided to give my love his steak and bj ON Valentine's Day (among many other days as well). He is my Valentine after all and I know what he likes and want to show my love for him!
I had grand thoughts of a candle lit dinner for two....yeah right!! We have three children...that wasn't going to happen...at least not on Valentine's Day. I tried to plan as nice of an evening as possible for Levi. I shaved, applied make up, wore a flowing skirt and jewelry and his favorite heeled knee high boots:
Works every time...he loves these boots:)
Then I made Filet Mignon wrapped in bacon...hello, what man alive does not love bacon...with baked potatoes and green beans. I served red wine...of course, we had a table for five, but whatever...he still seemed to enjoy the meal. The kids helped me make cookie brownies and we had that for dessert. It would have been nice to enjoy a movie together, but instead we watched Beauty and the Beast (it was the four year old's turn to pick) and I had to take off the boots for a while! The day I decide to wear knee high boots we got a warm front...ugh. So we cuddled on the couch and Levi ogled the cleavage as we and the rug rats watched our flick. (I gave him a magazine of his favorite sport and some candy too) We get the kiddos off to bed and due to a horrible head and chest cold, my attempts at the bj part of the evening were laughable. At least I had the sexy voice like Phoebe in that episode of Friends...when I wasn't hacking something up, of course! We ended the night content in each other's arms and he praised me for his thorough spoiling.
I responded with, "Oh, really, which part...trying to cuddle with kids jumping in our laps, watching a G rated movie, or my sad attempts in the bedroom due to not being able to breath through my nose?"
He said, "All of it was perfect."
And THAT my dear friends is AMORE!
Friday, January 24, 2014
Wishing you a Joyful Christmas
I know, I know...Christmas is over and way to far in the future to think about...unless of course you are a craft store. Some of us are just coming out of our holiday hangover....shoot, some of us still have Christmas lights on the house. (Levi's job, as I don't do roofs or attics:)) But I have to tell you that for Levi and I, a joyful Christmas starts in January.
No, I am not one of those people who has all their gifts bought by August, or who plans every detail down to the minute, although I envy them sometimes. But Levi and I set the budget for Christmas in January and then every month we put money aside to pay for it. Then when Christmas rolls around we can focus on joyfully giving and not stressing out because we have to charge everything and know that we won't have the money in January to pay for it.
I am not telling you all of this to make you feel sorry for me. I am telling you this so that when you say that you can't do this then I can call BS. If we could do it, then so can you!
It took us two years to pay off our medical bills. TWO YEARS! But that Christmas was Joyful...why? We could give small presents that we knew we weren't going to spend the next year trying to pay for. I remember getting my youngest a Little People set, opening it up and wrapping each individual piece so that he would have lots of toys to open. He was in heaven. They were so little that they did not notice. Levi and I did not give each other anything and our siblings and parents got very small gifts...like ten dollar gifts.
Two years later after several promotions, living frugally, tax returns, and savings...we had not a single thing on our credit cards. That is for a different post as it took a lot of work, but Christmas remains a joyful time, because every year in January we adjust the budget and are able to give JOYFULLY. We also now save for our Home Owners Association fees as they are due in December. We save for our car insurance and pay that every six months instead of paying the monthly penalty and we save ahead of time for vacations instead of charging them and then not being able to relax and have fun.
Saving for Christmas has spread into every area of our spending and now when the car breaks down, or the fridge stops working the hit doesn't hurt as badly and we can be JOYFUL. So since my goal this year is to CHOOSE JOY, then I wanted to share this JOYFUL habit with you so that you can have a JOYFUL CHRISTMAS this year.
Monday, January 20, 2014
A Child's Wisdom
The following is a conversation with my 4 year old daughter after hearing this song in the car:
My daughter: "Mommy, is he talking to his mommy?"
Me: "No baby, he is probably talking to his girlfriend. They sound like they might break up."
My daughter: "Why?" (her favorite question these days)
Me: "Sounds like they aren't talking to each other," said distractedly while driving.
My daughter: "Why not?" seeming completely incredulous.
Me: "Because it is hard sometimes"
My daughter: "No it's not! You just open your mouth and talk," she said with complete and absolute certainty.
Me: After a thoughtful pause, "You are right, baby." While thinking...if only life stayed as easy as when you were four years old.
My daughter: "Mommy, is he talking to his mommy?"
Me: "No baby, he is probably talking to his girlfriend. They sound like they might break up."
My daughter: "Why?" (her favorite question these days)
Me: "Sounds like they aren't talking to each other," said distractedly while driving.
My daughter: "Why not?" seeming completely incredulous.
Me: "Because it is hard sometimes"
My daughter: "No it's not! You just open your mouth and talk," she said with complete and absolute certainty.
Me: After a thoughtful pause, "You are right, baby." While thinking...if only life stayed as easy as when you were four years old.
It just isn't that easy...but it should be.
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
A Good Year
I realize that it is January 15th, but I have been so busy that I have not been able to share my reflections of 2013. Forgive my lateness...I will work on that this year...lol.
I love January. It is always a busy month for my family, but I love buying my blank calendar and it staying so neat and tidy for a couple of weeks before it is covered in commitments, appointments, and the inevitable scratch outs. I also love January as it is the perfect time to look over the previous year and put it behind you.
You can look back on it with fondness, with indifference, or you can slide into the New Year wondering how in the world you survived.
Last year was a good year.
I know you are thinking...uh, Bea...then what was all that whining about? You all in blog land get to here all about my woes that I tend to hide from those in my life. You get to hear about all the negative stuff and help me figure out how to turn it into action to make my life better. It can probably lead you to believe that I am a negative person, although I am not.
When you are in the midst of stressful situations, it is very difficult to see anything but the stress, especially when they last several months...and last year was very stressful.
The beginning of the year was a VERY stressful time for our family as Levi had a four hour total commute every day to work, a dear family member passed away, and we put our house on the market.
The last half of the year was spent moving into our new home and settling the kids and ourselves in all our newness...which sounds exciting, but I don't handle change well. All of this was done on a thyroid that was only half working and trying out all the medicines to make it work better.
Sounds rough, but when I look back on my years, there are very few that I would consider "bad years". I am learning as I approach middle age to find the JOY in everything. To APPRECIATE everything.
Sure, we have had better years, but we have had worse years too.
This year I will try to live joyfully...I have a very good example to follow.
My grandmother is the most amazing person on this planet. She stands around 4 feet and is a rather round woman. She has stark white hair, glasses, tiny little feet, and has a tendency to wear the gaudiest costume jewelry. She is in her 90s and still lives on her own.
People are drawn to her. I wish I could explain this better. She attracts attention without trying no matter where we are. At a restaurant someone will stop at the table just to compliment her earrings, or someone will run to a door to open it for her, or some guy will go out of his way to flirt with her...much to the consternation of the whole family. She doesn't have money...living off of Social Security and her late husbands pension that I can guarantee you isn't much. People will be walking along ignoring everyone in their path only to go out of their way to talk to her. College students from her former apartment complex would take her out dancing and everyone calls her mom. Children, mine included sit at her feet in wonder as she tells stories. Young and old, rich and poor, any color...they are drawn to her like she is the most beautiful thing on the planet.
Our whole family stands around scratching their heads in wonder. Of course we love her, but it appears that the rest of the world does too. We just can't seem to figure out why...we know her, but what is it about her that draws strangers?
I have figured it out...JOY AND LOVE. She is a walking billboard for joy and love. She almost always has a smile on her face and she loves everyone. She has certainly not lead a charmed life either. Born during the depression, spent most of her life poor, her husband died in her arms at a young age, she has lost her brother and two out of her four children. She had to work very hard most of her life with very little money to show for it and she is full of JOY. The JOY that can only be somewhere deep inside and glows so brightly that it is seen on the outside.
I hope that I am just like her when I grow up...although it would be nice if I wasn't quite so round:), but if I could be like her then I wouldn't even care. I realize that it is only the 15th, but so far this has the makings of a good year. I have a beautiful home, loving...although sometimes exasperating husband, amazing children, and we are blessed with great friends and family. So as I think about my resolutions for the new year and write out that $1,000 check to fix my broken car...No matter what happens this year I am going to choose...
JOY.
I love January. It is always a busy month for my family, but I love buying my blank calendar and it staying so neat and tidy for a couple of weeks before it is covered in commitments, appointments, and the inevitable scratch outs. I also love January as it is the perfect time to look over the previous year and put it behind you.
You can look back on it with fondness, with indifference, or you can slide into the New Year wondering how in the world you survived.
Last year was a good year.
I know you are thinking...uh, Bea...then what was all that whining about? You all in blog land get to here all about my woes that I tend to hide from those in my life. You get to hear about all the negative stuff and help me figure out how to turn it into action to make my life better. It can probably lead you to believe that I am a negative person, although I am not.
When you are in the midst of stressful situations, it is very difficult to see anything but the stress, especially when they last several months...and last year was very stressful.
The beginning of the year was a VERY stressful time for our family as Levi had a four hour total commute every day to work, a dear family member passed away, and we put our house on the market.
The last half of the year was spent moving into our new home and settling the kids and ourselves in all our newness...which sounds exciting, but I don't handle change well. All of this was done on a thyroid that was only half working and trying out all the medicines to make it work better.
Sounds rough, but when I look back on my years, there are very few that I would consider "bad years". I am learning as I approach middle age to find the JOY in everything. To APPRECIATE everything.
Sure, we have had better years, but we have had worse years too.
This year I will try to live joyfully...I have a very good example to follow.
My grandmother is the most amazing person on this planet. She stands around 4 feet and is a rather round woman. She has stark white hair, glasses, tiny little feet, and has a tendency to wear the gaudiest costume jewelry. She is in her 90s and still lives on her own.
People are drawn to her. I wish I could explain this better. She attracts attention without trying no matter where we are. At a restaurant someone will stop at the table just to compliment her earrings, or someone will run to a door to open it for her, or some guy will go out of his way to flirt with her...much to the consternation of the whole family. She doesn't have money...living off of Social Security and her late husbands pension that I can guarantee you isn't much. People will be walking along ignoring everyone in their path only to go out of their way to talk to her. College students from her former apartment complex would take her out dancing and everyone calls her mom. Children, mine included sit at her feet in wonder as she tells stories. Young and old, rich and poor, any color...they are drawn to her like she is the most beautiful thing on the planet.
Our whole family stands around scratching their heads in wonder. Of course we love her, but it appears that the rest of the world does too. We just can't seem to figure out why...we know her, but what is it about her that draws strangers?
I have figured it out...JOY AND LOVE. She is a walking billboard for joy and love. She almost always has a smile on her face and she loves everyone. She has certainly not lead a charmed life either. Born during the depression, spent most of her life poor, her husband died in her arms at a young age, she has lost her brother and two out of her four children. She had to work very hard most of her life with very little money to show for it and she is full of JOY. The JOY that can only be somewhere deep inside and glows so brightly that it is seen on the outside.
I hope that I am just like her when I grow up...although it would be nice if I wasn't quite so round:), but if I could be like her then I wouldn't even care. I realize that it is only the 15th, but so far this has the makings of a good year. I have a beautiful home, loving...although sometimes exasperating husband, amazing children, and we are blessed with great friends and family. So as I think about my resolutions for the new year and write out that $1,000 check to fix my broken car...No matter what happens this year I am going to choose...
JOY.
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