Dance With Me

I am not sure there is much sexier than a man that can dance.  I surprised Levi with a Salsa lesson.  Levi and I have danced before so I knew he had rhythm and I love to dance, but neither one of us has danced Salsa before.  He did not disappoint.  My man has moves.  Once I got over trying to lead, that is.  I am sure you all are not surprised.  He kept having to whisper, "Stop it." in my ear...that alone was pretty sexy.

We had so much fun...we laughed, we worked hard, and we even had moments where we completely forgot there was anyone else in the room.  I wore a flawy skirt so when he spun me, it spun with me.  He later told me how he liked my skirt:)  It was an amazing workout, too.  The instructor showed us several turns and fancy moves and then we moved on to a mini Kizomba lesson.  Um...wow...that is hot!  I had to learn to channel my inner Latina...I am not Latina, but I feel like we all have this inner Latina somewhere inside that exudes sexiness...I am going to have to work on that, she's in there somewhere.

Here is a video of Kizomba (pronounced keezomba): (Pakito and Elisa Kizomba)

Notice his right hand...he is actually guiding her hip movement with his fingertips, forearm, and his hips.  Our instructor started the lesson by showing the gentleman how to move our hips in a figure eight motion using the fingertips and heel of their hand.  Ladies are supposed to lay there heads gently on the side of their dance partner's and keep their hips close to his so that she can mimic hip movement.  As you can imagine, things got a little steamy really quick.  It is a very intimate dance and went a long way to warming things up for later activity...wink, wink.  We really just learned the basic moves, but I think we are going to sign up for a Kizomba lesson.  Levi went into this skeptically but he ended up loving it too.

This is one of the songs we danced to...I am usually an alternative rock sort of girl, but if this doesn't get your hips moving then I don't know what will.  I love this Kaysha version of Diamonds better than Rihanna's:

What is it about dancing?  Is it the closeness? The intimacy of your bodies moving together? The music?  Your leader's strength and protectiveness?  You are safe in his arms, he will guide your moves, hold you close, and hopefully not step on your feet.  And there is just something about the small of your back...right, ladies?  Something about your man's hand gently guiding you on the small of your back...what is that all about?  It's like there are nerves there that send tingles to interesting places.  I am also a shoulders and chest girl...I think because it shows a man's strong areas and you are definitely up close and personal to their chest and shoulders while dancing.  Dancing...it's like sex...just standing up with clothes on.

This might go down as one of the best dates ever.  We may have found a new activity to enjoy together...we both were a tad nervous going in, so we had to push past that to really enjoy ourselves.    I can't wait for our next lesson or at least our next practice session.  Go dance!

 

Whoa...hold your bloody horses

I thought a lot about what to title this post...it could have been, "Be careful what you wish for" or "Isn't this what you wanted?" or "Reign in the freak out" or "Deep breaths and a glass of wine" or "What are you really upset about?".  It could have been called a lot of things, but I decided to just call it Whoa...that is what I was saying to myself before I lost my shit.

I am actually quite proud of myself for being able to say whoa and not lose it.  If this situation happened a couple of years ago then it would not have even been on my radar to say whoa and calm myself.  It would have ended with me feeling guilty and horrible and Levi feeling defeated.  What happened? Well, let me give you a little background in case you are new around here.  I want my husband to lead, not be so passive, and I want to surrender unhealthy control that I try to have over my life.  I have been trying to get him to make some family decisions that I have felt like are all on me.  One of those things is money.  We hardly ever have arguments about money probably because we hardly ever talk about money.

I recently tried to see if he would take over paying bills and making the money decisions partly because it makes me a stressed out, freaked out mess.  He wanted me to continue to take care of the money partly because I am the one who spends it.  I don't overspend mind you, but I am the one who shops for the family.  Groceries, kid stuff, clothes, car maintenance, etc.  He pretty much buys gas and the occasional lunch for himself.  He isn't a spender and I originally took over the bills because I was and it really helped show me how to manage money.  I am good at it.  He wants me to continue to take care of it.

When we were first married we came up with an agreement though about large purchases.  We had a couple friend of ours who would get into large fights because he would come home with big purchases without even talking about it first.  On a whim he would come home with a $3,000 TV for example and she would be left wondering how to pay for it.  We agreed if we were going to spend more than $100 on one item that we would talk first, unless it was a gift that we had discussed budget on.

Well, we had an issue at our house...not an "I have to fix this immediately issue" like a broken appliance or plumbing or something.  Levi took initiative on the issue and that was great!  I thanked him for taking care of setting up an estimate, etc.  So on my way home from work we spoke on the phone and he told me what the estimate was.  It was quite sizable at $500.  I said, "Okay, I guess we should call around for other quotes?"  He said, "Oh, I already told them to do it."  "Oh," I said and we talked for a few minutes and got off the phone.  They were already taking care of it when I arrived.  We had also been tentatively planning an anniversary trip soon...just keep that in mind and I will explain.

So, the rational part of my brain sprinted across to where the control freak part of my brain was waking up all "I know he didn't" and slammed the door on that chick.  And then as she began to get more and more worked up, Ms. Rational locked it and explained that she would need to calm down before she would be allowed out.  So as Control Freak Chick pounded on the door and screamed, Ms. Rational pulled over a heavy piece of furniture in front of the door, just in case.

Levi arrived home shortly after and looked a little nervous.  Ms. Rational yelled for Ms. Put on a Good Face that she was on.  She did not want to explain yet until she was able to get Control Freak Chick to hold her bloody horses.  Ms. Rational leaned against the heavy piece of furniture while Ms. Put on a Good Face listened to Levi's explanation of the estimate.  Ms. Rational heard Ms. Put on a Good Face do what she thought was a pretty good, "Great!" as a response and prayed that would be it for a while.  Instead Levi kept throwing out the occasional, "I really think they did a great job." and a "I really trust this guy, he seems to know what he is doing."

Ms. Put on a Good Face looked nervously back at Ms. Rational who was face palming as Control Freak Chick screamed obscenities in the background.  "I don't think he is buying it." she said.  Ms Rational gave Ms. Put on a Good Face an encouraging nod and wondered how she was going to manage this, but thankfully Ms. Feed Me showed up and got busy on dinner.  Control Freak Chick sat down fuming but took a break from pounding on the door, Ms. Put on a Good Face relaxed a little and Ms. Rational got out her clipboard and got busy with evening tasks.

This morning after everyone had a nice long nap, things looked a little better.  Ms. Rational had sat down with Control Freak Chick and logically explained that maybe this was a good thing, that she had wanted more vacation time and she needed to let go a little or she was going to have an aneurysm.    Ms. Rational had figured out that maybe she was just worried about how the money was going to affect their upcoming trip and that we just needed to talk to Levi rationally about the plan instead of questioning his judgement as that would be counterproductive.  Ms. Rational explained that maybe it would be better if she spoke to Levi and let Control Freak Chick sit this one out.  She promised that she would address the mutual rule breaking and how that had set her off and would explain her worries and concerns with how to adjust the budget and tucked Control Freak Chick in for some much deserved rest.

Ms Rational propped up her feet and had a much needed metaphorical glass of Cab.  So now we wait and hope that our conversation goes well and Ms. Rational doesn't lose her confidence in handling the situation as that always seems to wake up Control Freak Chick.  Ms. Put on a Good Face can't hold it together for very much longer.

Blessed are the Peacemakers

Awww family...those lovely people that you might not even be friends with if you weren't sharing the same genes.  That sounds kinda bad...I do love my family.  And they are actually pretty functional instead of dysfunctional.  But even when you have a great family, there is still drama, someone is still having issues with someone else, and everyone plays a role.

I am the Peacemaker...the middle child duty.  I hate drama and conflict.  I typically avoid it like the plague, but with family sometimes it finds you hiding in the closet.  We have some strong opinions and strong personalities in my family and sometimes...well, sometimes they don't agree.  Here is where I usually come in and help everyone come to a compromise.  I have got everyone figured out...the proud, the stubborn, the lonely, the attention needer, the goody two shoes, etc.  Every family has them.

My mom says that I have always done it...even when I was little.  This year I did it again.  It was a minor issue...well, I thought it was minor, but some people were all up in arms over it.  But this year my peacemaker side almost collided with my mama bear side.  If my peacemaker hadn't been able to fix it, then mama bear was coming to the party...that would not have been pretty.  You other mama bears know what I mean.  It was a close run thing.  Because someone was being ridiculously stubborn, my kids might have missed out on something that they were looking forward to just because someone was being a spoiled brat.

It got me to thinking about all the roles we play in life.  I like everyone to get along, but am not much of a leader.  So although you would think that having more peacemakers in the world would be more peaceful...not much would probably get done.  If we had a bunch of happy go lucky social butterflies then everyone would be quite entertained, but again not much would get done.  If we lacked the highly intelligent but not very social leaders we would surely feel it.  Don't get me wrong...I am a highly intelligent peacemaker and sometimes social butterfly...wink, wink...but leadership...no.  We all have many roles but some come more easily to us than others.

The roles we play are important and family interactions give us a glimpse at why the world has issues.  I wonder how my family will interact when they are older.  I have a picture in my head of how I would like that to go and I am sure that I can influence it somewhat, but my children will have their roles and gifts and negative aspects too.  So will their spouses and their children.  Levi is a quiet, laid back and relaxed leader.  He is also a perfectionist and is hard on himself.  My oldest is a leader but also very opinionated.  My middle child is the comedian but often uses it to cover up insecurity.  My youngest is a drama queen but also very loving.  I am a peacemaker but can also be a bit of a smarty pants.

My goal is to teach them how to resolve conflict...but I hate conflict, so I haven't really been giving them the chance to have any.  Why?, cause I can see it coming a mile away...Levi is amazed at this ability.  Mommy vision...he calls it.  I can gauge a child's mood and just know what is coming.  I will often be heard telling one kid or another to think about what they are about to do.  Levi looks at me all confused and the kid sighs and stomps off.  He is like...what just happened?

This year I am going to work really hard on letting them have some conflict and helping walk them through it without fixing it for them.  Because sometimes I wonder if my adult siblings and parents and siblings in law are even capable of resolving conflict on their own sometimes.  I don't mean that to sound egocentric on my part, but you wouldn't believe some of the stupid crap that they would have let be major issues.  I think that may be a big problem in the world...people don't know how to problem solve, compromise, and can't see how something they do or say can make someone else feel.

I think I have done my children a disservice sometimes and thankfully still have some time to resolve that.  I am going to try this year not to jump in so quickly to make everyone happy and problem solve for them.  It is hard to hold mama bear back sometimes though...she doesn't like her kiddos to hurt, but we learn things when we hurt, right?  And I think some of those things can be important...why is so and so mean, why I am not good at such and such, why do I do that when they mess up.

Hopefully in 20 years or so we won't be arguing about which house, what to eat, and why won't so and so ever change.  Who am I kidding? I am sure we will, but hopefully we will be able to resolve it without making it a major issue.  Wishful thinking?...

What's your role?  Your gifts?...here's to rocking your gifts in the new year:)  And hopefully getting along with your crazy family!

Highs and Lows

As I reflect on my year while I sit in front of my fireplace with a cup of coffee, I realize that it has been one heck of a year of highs and lows.  Overall it has been a good year and a meh year all at the same time.  I try to convince people that I am a realist, but I lean heavily toward the optimist side.  In fact I am probably an optimist pretending to be a realist.  So even when certain things have been meh, I try to see the silver lining.

I have noticed that during the school year it is difficult to find time to write...it is much easier in the summer time.  But I have had so many things that I have wanted to blog about and just haven't found the time.  I really want to try to write more as it helps me to digest my life.  It may mean that my posts may be shorter and not as exciting, but I think it helps me process so forgive my lack of editing.

I like to end on a good note so I will start with the meh:

1.  Health...I am still dealing with a body gone haywire.  It is a work in progress and there have surely been ups and downs.  I am currently dealing with Perioral Dermatitis and can't wear make up or use any sort of moisturizer until it clears...it's been a few months now and is finally starting to improve.  I feel older than my years and it ticks me off.  My mood has been meh and I don't know why.

2.  Communication...Levi and I still communicate in fits and spurts.  I suppose it will always be that way, but I still think there is room for improvement.  We both still misunderstand, take offense, and get defensive when we shouldn't quite often...Or we sit in silence a little too much.

3.  Stress...Levi has had some difficulty with his job...the kind that makes you want to throw up your hands and so &*%$ it.  It has caused him to bring home "work" to me and the kids and stress boils over and causes conflict.  He is working on that and has switched positions to start. Although he got a raise, we lost a perk that is hurting a bit financially.  I have been a little stressed after going back to work part time and learning to adjust our routine and still paying the bills on my own.

4.  Bedroom...We started out the year very well, but here in the last few months the well has gone dry.  It is totally me and I am not sure what to do about it but I am working on it.  I really think I have a hormonal issue as many things some cyclical.  I am going soon to check my thyroid levels again because I am just so tired.  These days I would rather sleep than get it on and when we do, it is just meh.

Silver Linings:

1.  Health...I have lost another 10 pounds so that would be 20 pounds in two years...yes, it is slow, but steady and it feels awesome when my pants are falling off:)  I am eating better than I ever have and I am exercising.  Levi can't walk through the room without checking me out...boy does that feel good:)

2.  Vacations...We had some great vacations this year...a trip to Disney,  a few days unplugged lakeside, some overnight dates with Levi that have been QUITE memorable.

3.  Firsts and Excitement...I photographed my first wedding, attended my 20 year reunion, went back to work part time and LOVE it, posed in lingerie in front of a stranger for a once in a lifetime present for Levi, celebrated Levi's 40th birthday, realized that I have been writing this blog for two years and have come a long way, have been working really hard on connecting with Levi, have started to write for a travel blog and am hoping to turn that into becoming a part time travel agent.

4.  Home...I have been really working hard on getting rid of "stuff"  that we don't use around the house in order to spend less time taking care of and cleaning stuff and more time doing the things that we enjoy doing with each other.  It can be a struggle not to compare or want things I don't need so I am working on that.

So I am not really leaving you with any resolutions for the new year...I just need to keep doing what I am already doing and making progress like a turtle.  Turtle speed seems to work best for me so I will take it month by month...and although I certainly have goals and a picture of where I want to be, I will focus more on "just keep swimming" as Dory would say.  So here is to the new year and hope that you all just keep swimming toward your ideals as well.  The path may be a bit foggy but I trust that there is some sunshine waiting to greet me.

Merry Christmas

I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas!!  Here are my favorite Christmas songs of this year:

Cloverton's Hallelujah

Mamacita, Donde Esta Santa Claus

Dinner and a Movie Again?

We know we are supposed to continue dating our spouse to help ensure a long and happy marriage...we know this right?  Tell me you know this...

Okay, but does this happen to you?

Wife: I think we should go out this weekend.

Husband: Hmm. (or some other unintelligible mumble)

Wife: Babe, did you hear me?

Husband: Sounds great, let's do that.

Wife: Cool, what do you want to do?

Husband: I don't know, what do you want to do?

Blah, blah, blah...we all know how this conversation goes and then what do we all end up doing?  Yep, dinner and a movie.  Tell me I am not alone here:)

Levi and I have been working hard on doing something besides dinner and a movie.  We try to take turns planning dates but I will admit to you that the planning still is more me than him.  I am learning to be cool with it...the more I do, the more he seems to do even if I still am doing more.  Still following me here?

So I found this website and wanted to share with you all because I think it is AWESOME!!  A bit cheesy, but so fun.  And isn't that what we all want...a little more fun in our lives with our spouse?

www.thedatingdivas.com

They have all sorts of ideas and free printables.  Most of their ideas are FREE.  We love free around here...they do have some things for sale, but hey, we all have to make a living, right?  They have a ton of free date ideas too which is something we could have desperately used early in our marriage when we had no money.

Levi and I are not doing Christmas gifts for each other this year but we are stuffing each other's stockings and I found some cute certificates and date ideas for him to use during the year.  They also have cute ideas for kids and family time.

Hope you find something that works for you!

Average Married Dad Book Review

I am constantly looking for unique gift ideas as we do not need more stuff in our house and I am going to share some ideas with you this week before Christmas in case any of you are struggling with this as well.

Okay, so in case you haven't figured this out, I am not a dad, or a man for that matter, but I like to read the male perspective.  It helps me to relate to my husband...like studying a difficult subject, I immerse myself in it...well, I still don't 100% "get" my husband (and probably never will), but I am getting better...I would give myself a B+.
If you are looking for a gift for the man who has everything I highly recommend Alex Peck's new book (writer of Average Married Dad blog):
Average Married Dad's Guide to Health, Wealth and a Sexy Marriage (there is a link on his blog)

He says his audience is 30-40 somethings but I really think that this book can benefit 20 and 50 somethings as well.  In fact, I really think that any man that is about to get married should read it!  Then they should keep it to look back to as a reference.

The book is broken up into 5 sections: Health and Wellness, Marriage, Financial Matters, Parenting, and Putting it All Together.  I have always gotten overwhelmed at the wealth of information on the internet about eating right and exercising and how it often contradicts itself.  I found AMD's research to be thorough and explanation to be easy to understand.  His message isn't to go join some ridiculously priced gym or some famous person endorsed eating plan, but is brilliant in it's simplicity.  Anyone can do this! He also bravely talks about your mental and emotional health and how stress can negatively impact your life.

I have always tentatively explored blogs in the "manosphere" and often do not return.  AMD's blog is different in that he shares the realism of male/female relationships and interactions without the bitterness that is often seen.  It is obvious that this man loves his wife and kids and he is not carrying around the "I hate women" chip on his shoulder.  The section on marriage gives a man a sense of what his wife will find attractive and how he has been misinformed all his life.  He delves into some difficult subjects such as divorce, sex, infidelity, porn and how self-improvement goes a long way towards creating a happy, healthy relationship.

In his section on Financial Matters, he shares his personal story about some of the financial mistakes and pitfalls in his own life and lays out a plan for financial success.  His ideas on staying out of debt, making good consumer choices, and saving for the future I found very interesting.  I will admit to you that while reading the investing section, my eyes sort of glazed over, but Levi has found this section to be very informative.  Obviously Levi does the investing in our house...Thank the Good Lord above!!!

We have very similar views on parenting and I enjoyed reading about parenting from the father's perspective.  So many of the books that I read focus on how to mother your children, but don't focus on the father's very important role in the your child's life.  He also discusses how parenting must change as your child ages and the lifelong lessons that need to be taught.

His Putting it All Together section is really just a sum up of the book.  I think it is worth the investment and recommend reading his blog as well.  His audience is probably mostly men but he never discourages a female perspective.  I assume that most of my readers are female...so buy this for your man:)  It would make a great Christmas gift.