Life and Death

I am still here.  My family member that I told you about that was diagnosed with a terminal illness a little while ago is not.  I have been out of town helping family and attending funeral services.  From being diagnosed to passing away, only a month has passed.  I suppose we should be happy that the suffering was minimal.  Better to be short than drag on for months, but it doesn't make it any easier when you think about the fact that they were fine the last time you saw them.  Whenever someone passes so quickly you hope that they know how very much you loved them, and you make sure that those that are left behind are taken care of and know your love as well.

Loss of a loved one is always a reminder of how precious life is and how we are not promised a long life on this earth.  When I think of the possibility of being taken from my family it reminds me of all the preparations, wishes, and plans that should be made and known.  No one likes to think of their own mortality, but one should always be prepared to leave their family with the least amount of upheaval.  Here are a list of things that everyone should have and they should be kept in one place:

 

Will: If you do not have one...especially if you have children...you need to get one NOW!  You want to make the unfortunate transition as easy as possible for your loved ones.  You do not want people arguing over your money, your children, and your other assets.  You also don't want your family to have to deal with the uncertainty of your wishes.  At most, they cost a few hundred dollars.  At least, you can get a simple one over the internet.  Consider adding a power of attorney.

Life Insurance Policies: Cheapest peace of mind that you can purchase for your family.  Most companies provide a small policy to cover funeral costs.  We have a policy that would allow me to take some time with the children before going back to work if I were to lose Levi, a policy that would more than cover childcare if he were to lose me, and a small policy on each of our children for $35 per month.  Keep in mind that you cannot collect on life insurance until you receive a death certificate which can take a couple of months.  Make sure you have an emergency fund.

Your Wishes: Make sure that your loved ones know your wishes.  Sure no one likes to talk about it, but it will help your family to know that they are giving you what you wanted.  Cremation, Burial, Open Casket, Closed, Church Service/Visitation etc. etc.  If your family knows what you want, then they are not having to make so many decisions while in grief.  Put it in writing if you want and place it with these important documents.  If you want to be buried...buy a plot. 

Access:  Not only will your loved ones need access to your assets but they will also need to know your passwords to everything from facebook to your bank account.  It is amazing how quickly medical costs can pile up.  You want your family to be able to pay for these bills and not be hounded by collectors.  You want them to be able to cancel memberships, etc. with ease.  Review this list yearly as passwords/memberships change.

It is a shame that the death of a loved one is often what reminds us what is truly important in life.  It is also a shame that it doesn't take long to get busy again and forget.  If I were to ask you what was most important to you, I bet it isn't a what at all, but several whos.

If I were to ask you what experiences have been your favorite, I bet it involves spending them with those you love.  Sure, we have to work and we have to scrub the toilet and other things that may not be fun, but when was the last time you called a family member to say hello, or had lunch with a friend, taken your spouse or your kids on vacation?  Do you have a bucket list?  I am sure that mine will change with time and age, but here are just a few things on mine:

1. Raise loving, happy, faithful children
2. Make sure my spouse never doubts my love
3. Take the kids to the Grand Canyon
4. Drink Wine in Italy after standing in the Colosseum
5. Visit all 50 states
6. Take the family to Disneyworld...again
7. Walk green fields in Ireland and enjoy a beer in a pub
8. Climb a mountain
9. Hike all the trails in the area I live
10. Parasail, ski, skydive, cliff dive, and any number of other wild craziness

What is on your bucket list?


 

Well ain't that a Pickle

Yesterday I got a text...a sweet text.  Makes a girl wonder if maybe someone is secret spying and is actually reading my blog.  But no, I don't think he is.  I got some very good advice yesterday from some very lovely blogger friends. See here.

I ignored it.  Don't throw things at me...I know what I should have done, but I just didn't do it.  I did thank him for my sweet text and told him how much it meant to me.  He seemed pleased and proud.  And that was pretty much the extent to our conversational skills that we practiced yesterday.

This morning he asked if everything was alright and it hit me.  I get upset when he is distancing and that is EXACTLY what I was doing.  GOSH DOGGIT...

WELL AIN'T THAT A PICKLE.

 

Finding the Words

 

So a few things have happened over the past few days that have been a learning experience for me.  Although I can't say that I have learned much because I still don't exactly know what to do.  I feel like I am in one of those social situations where you don't know anyone and you are unsure of the reaction of others, which is strange because I obviously know my husband. Awkward.  Or it's like showing up to a costume party with no costume or worse, showing up in a costume to a non costume party. Toga! uh, oops. Awkward. 

 

I am trying to learn to think before I speak to my husband.  Problem is...I have no idea what to say...especially when he has done something that upsets me.  This chick looks annoyingly happy.

We had an opportunity, through his work, to go to someplace very cool for very cheap.  Unfortunately, he dropped the ball and didn't turn his name in in time.  He texted me to let me know and I said: bummer.  I then asked a few blogger friends what to do cause I was spitting mad.  My typical response would have been hurtful..."Thanks a lot" or "Great, thanks.", etc.  I am obviously trying to be less hurtful to my husband.  I got some great advice...He likely knows how disappointed he has made you...would it help if you said anything? Or did these wonderful people know what I was starting to realize...I would have been saying something just to be hurtful because I was hurt.  I was hurt that he didn't make it a priority.  I was hurt because he knows that we can't afford to go to places like this and he dropped the ball.  The thing is he got home and I could tell that he was upset.  He was talking about all these little things that he hasn't had time to do because things have been so busy.  He apologized for messing up and I said, "It's okay, maybe next time." 

I had asked him if he could text or email a little during the day...nothing big...just a little hi to let me know he was thinking of me.  I told him I thought it would help us stay connected since we don't get to spend much time together during the week.  He hasn't done that and a friend suggested that I should do it first...show him what I mean.  So, I have sent him a few texts or emails and tried to make them short and letting him know how proud I am of him.  Nothing.  I KNOW he is busy...but he can't respond?  I am a little frustrated by that. Just..."I love you too"...and I am talking like once every couple of days people...not every hour.

 

Last night we had practice, so I emailed him to remind him that we likely wouldn't be home when he got home and let him know where dinner was.  I didn't hear anything back and we headed off to practice.  We got home and he still wasn't there...no biggie...must have been a long day.  He calls at 7:45 and says he is still 20-30 minutes away.  Ok sweetheart...do you want me to warm up dinner for you?  He said no, it actually worked out really well that you had practice cause there was this bowling thing after work today and the boss really wanted me to go.  I wish I could describe his tone to you...it was like he was walking on eggshells.  The thing is...that just made me mad.  When he got home he was telling me that he had a great time.  He got a text from them that someone had beaten his score...I said you know, you could have stayed...you could have texted me to let me know and that way I wouldn't worry or think you were hiding it.  Now don't get me wrong...he doesn't have to call to ask permission.  I just would have appreciated if he had even let me know.

 

Instead he acted like I was going to blow up when I have told him repeatedly the last few weeks that he should schedule some "fun" time for him.  I was getting upset because he thought I would be upset.  I know...it doesn't make much sense to me either.  I am glad that he got to go out and get to know his new coworkers.  I wish he had been more sure of himself...does that make sense?  He probably thought that I was mad that he went...not the case...just upset that he would blame his boss, not just tell me beforehand...like he had to hide it, act like it was serendipitous that we had practice anyway (he wouldn't have been home for practice anyway), and be all better tell her gently or she might explode.  I might have exploded but it wouldn't have been for the reason he thought...everything he was doing was making it worse.

                    

I realize that these are little problems; that really they are insignificant in the big picture.  But they don't feel that way and they make me feel uncomfortable for feeling them.  I DON'T LIKE the way that I am feeling, but I can't seem to change it.  So...what happened this morning?  The world's fastest pmsing mason fixed the hole, for now.  It's easier right now not to say anything, not to share.  I didn't say healthier...just easier.

She Let Him Lead

Firstly, I have to say thank you.  I hit a blogger milestone...even though this blog is for me, I am happy that other people read it.  I finally reached 10,000 views...a small number for some of you, but I am very pleased:)

Secondly, we have six weeks of the long commute behind us and I think we have hit our groove.  I don't want to say too much or I might eat my words next week, but I am feeling better about where we are at.  Although, at the rate our house fixin' up is going, we might not be ready to sell for months.  Having to chase after three kids, keep up with the house and completing a project as simple as cleaning out a closet and painting it shouldn't take you a week, but it is what it is.

Thirdly, I am going to share a moment of our weekend in the third person.  Why?  Well, because I am turning pink even thinking about it, so here goes:

She returned home from the movie and her husband was sitting on the couch.  He was wearing jeans, no shirt, and was barefoot.  He revealed his sexy smirk and said, "Hey babe." 

"Hi," she said back.  They spoke briefly about the movie and he went about locking the house up for the night.  She went to get ready for bed, knowing that she might as well not put on her pajamas yet.  The air was thick with longing.  She knew what he wanted and she wanted it too.

He came into the room to her lounging on the bed.  She was a little nervous about the way he was looking at her...like he wanted to eat her up.  She wasn't completely comfortable with her body on display either.  Three children and age have a way of changing your body forever.  He appeared not to notice as he stared and took her in and removed his jeans.  He came to the edge of the bed and began with little kisses at her toes, her ankles, the inside of her knees.  She thought she knew what he was aiming for, but he moved on to place kisses on her hip bone, her belly button, a chaste kiss on each breast and then her neck.

By the time he took her mouth she was wet and ready.  He felt the change as well, and worked his way back down her body.  The kisses more intense.  He spent time pleasuring her and she was squirming in anticipation.  He moved quickly to allow her access to pleasure him and she took him in her mouth greedily while he sucked and licked her. It felt like he was touching her everywhere and she could feel herself getting warmer and warmer while she had absolute focus on him.

He worked his way backwards until he was kissing her deeply and then whispered, "Roll over."

She did as she was told and he proceeded to land a couple of playful swats on her behind.  A mournful moan came from the edge of the bed.  Oops, forgot to put the dog out of the room. 

He sent the dog away and when he returned he placed a pillow under her and began teasing her.  She could not see what he was doing and did not know when he was going to deliver a sharp smack, or play with her with his fingers, or kiss her and he kept at it, never following a pattern, always keeping her guessing.

After a last light smack, he slid easily home and began to torment her further with slow strokes.  She began to push back urging him silently to go faster.

"Tell me." he growled in her ear.

"Faster." she whispered and buried her face in the covers and held the edge of the bed as he acquiesced to her request.  He continued relentlessly and kissed the back of her neck, played with her nipples and praised her, praised her body.

He rolled her over and sat on his knees in front of her and slid easily home again.  She felt bolder now and grabbed his hand, sucked his thumb, and placed it where she wanted him to touch her.  He did not cooperate, but held his hand just above and said, "Tell me what you want."

Inside she thought...you know good and well what I want, but she meekly said, "Touch me."

He was not going to let her get off that easily, "How?"

He never stopped moving.  How was she supposed to think let alone speak.  "Circle it, please," she let out on a tormented whisper.

He finally relented and she tried to tell him just what she wanted.  Faster, slower, harder, softer.

He pulled away and laid back, "Come here," he demanded.

She happily complied, rose above him, and brought them both to heaven.

Laying there, entwined in the afterglow, he said, "Babe, you are incredible.  We just get better and better.  What have you changed?"

As she layed there with her head on his chest, playing with the hair on his belly, she said, "Hmmm, I don't know, but you aren't so bad yourself."  He couldn't see the small smile on her face.

She had lied.  She did know.  The only thing she changed was that now...

She let him lead.

As she heard his breathing change and could tell that he was asleep she lifted her head to look into her dear husband's face, thanked God for everything that lead her here, layed her head back on his chest and fell into a peaceful sleep.

Multiple Personalities

I have read a couple of blogs here lately where they describe the results of their Myers-Briggs Test.  If you have never taken the Myers-Briggs, which most people have at one time or another, it can be quite eye-opening or it could just be a good neck exercise from nodding so much.  NightSkyRadio and Delightful both shared their results. 

I have a problem...I must have multiple personalities:) I am totally kidding by the way..no need for concern here..just one me.  I know you all feel much safer now:)

I know in high school when I took this for career counseling that I was the "Protector" personality.  In college, when I took it for a class I was the "Supporter" personality.  So I took the test the other day...mind you I think it was a shortened test but my result was the "Confidant" personality.  So last night I took it again to show Levi and instead scored the "Mentor" personality with only a change in 5% between two indicators.  So I have concluded that I must have multiple personalities.  But don't we all:)

 

Some things change...some thing stay the same.

Some very interesting observations from my personality tests:

All my personalities fit in with the protectors or the visionaries.
My feeling and judging scores do not change (thinking and perceiving apparently not my thing)
My extroverted and introverted scores change with my sensing and intuition scores
When I read these four personalities I can see myself in each of them
I don't see much of myself in the other 12 personalities
Counselor is a suggested career choice in every one of my personalities which is what I have always wanted to do.
My personality has "changed" depending on my life stage, experience, and mood. (not surprising)

Some shortened descriptions:

ISFJ - Protector or Defender

make decisions with their heart, gentle and empathetic, warm and caring, strongly dislike conflict, get satisfaction from closure, dependable and trustworthy, treat others with respect, work well when they know what is expected, dislike change, takes criticism personally, can neglect their own needs, good at listening, eager to serve, good at handling money, loyal, trustworthy, cherish deep connections and seek lifelong friendships, have a hard time standing up for themselves, responsible

ESFJ - Supporter

practical, realistic, social, responsible, take comfort in routine, focus on their family and close friends, love people and bringing them together, likable, willing to make sacrifices to benefit others, dislike change, focused on other people's needs, excellent money management, service oriented, honors commitments, takes the blame for others, interested in how others see them, has trouble with conflict, likes to create a warm and friendly environment for all, share themselves freely and generously, structured, seek closure, approachable

INFJ - Confidant/Counselor

devoted, focused, empathetic, defines love in terms of emotional intimacy and shared values, great need for connection, long to be known and understood, love to learn, whole existence is wrapped around growth, interested in theoretical and abstract concepts that can be applied to people and relationships, has trouble with conflict, difficulty receiving criticism, holds back, good listener, good verbal and written communication skills, honors commitments, insightful, understanding, peace-loving, independent

ENFJ - Mentor/Teacher

relationships are at the center of their life, idealistic, care about establishing meaningful connection, greatest desire is to praise, nurture and understand, protective of people they love, like to bring out the best in others, inspire others to learn and grow, seek reconciliation and healing in conflict, thrive while helping others, blames self when things go wrong, can harbour hurt feelings, can read others motives and feelings with accuracy, loyal, honors commitments, excellent communication skills, get bored with too many details, thought process is abstract and focused on possibilities

So what's yours?  Today that is?:) You can take it here.

 

Thankful for Bas

Our song:)  I love your HOH comments and ideas Bas and although you have not commented here in Bealand before:), I love reading your blog and you always have a way of making people smile.  And everytime I hear our song it makes me think of you across the pond:)

Face Time

I think he finally gets it.  I just want time...face time...time where we aren't fussing at kids, completing a project, talking about money or kid issues.  I want time where we are alone and can just talk...about anything.  Time that I have his undivided attention, time that he cares about what I am saying and isn't more interested in the game on television.  Time where we can laugh or cry.  Time when I can share a problem or listen to one of his.  That is what I have been missing for the last few weeks...TIME.

I was very excited because we were supposed to have an awesome date this weekend.  Unfortunately, it did not work out the way either of us wanted.  The thing is we were having this nice dinner and I was willing to move past the disappointment of our changed plans, but he just couldn't let it go.  I told him that I was having  a blast and that it didn't matter what we did, but he just kept harping on it.  I tried to change the subject, be upbeat, and joke around in a sexy way...he just kept going back to it.  I kept thinking that if I thought the words loud enough that he would just LET IT GO.

I was hurt.  I tried not to let it bother me, but it felt like because he didn't get to do what he wanted that it wasn't enough just to be with me.  And I just snapped.  We were on our way back to pick up the kids and I just couldn't listen to it anymore.  I would have been fine knowing he was upset, but it was pretty much all he talked about the whole night.  After his moody date last weekend, our Valentine's Day and this date...I had just had ENOUGH!

"Was it not enough that we had a nice dinner.  I was trying to have fun and I think I would have been able to if you hadn't complained the entire time about how you wish you had been doing something else!  How do you think that makes me feel?!  I just want the opportunity to be out with you...we wouldn't have to be doing anything!  I just want YOU!"

I will say that my voice was quite loud and I wasn't proud of totally losing my temper, but he got very quiet and then replied, "I ruined it didn't I, because I just couldn't let it go."  I wish that I had been able to explain it without hurting his feelings. But, HE GETS IT.

So, Sunday night after the kids got to bed we had:

face time

uninterrupted time

paying attention to only each other time

and we laughed

and we showed our love for each other

not in our words

but with our actions

we listened

we joked

we talked

we laughed

we planned

we had amazing CONNECTED sex

and it was EXACTLY what we needed

and he gets it

he understands that I just want TIME...FACE TIME with him

Because I LOVE HIM

and I don't care what we do

we could just sit at home like we did Sunday

curled up on the couch TOGETHER.