I think I know what part of my issue is, but it is so ingrained in my personality that I am not sure how to go about fixing it. When I was in school I did just enough to get by. I would drive my parents crazy because I knew that I could spend the first half of the grading period skipping homework and not studying and the last half working my tail off and still make Bs. The bad thing is I was completely capable of making As rather easily, but I didn't try. Why didn't I try?
Yep, I was afraid to fail. I figured if I didn't try and failed then it was okay, because I failed because I didn't really try that hard. But, if I tried really hard and failed then I was a ... Failure with a capital F. I am not sure where this originated, but I just remember always being this way. I am really trying hard to instill in my kids to always do their best. If they fail at something that I know they are capable of then I don't freak out. I ask them if what they did was their best, what they can do better next time, etc. And yet I still have one that I can tell is going to struggle with this like I have, whether I like it or not. Amazing how they pick up the things you don't want them to. Ugh.
I am afraid of failure, but I am also afraid to be really good at something. What? Yea, whatever, I don't get it either, but it keeps me from reaching goals that I truly WANT to reach.
I am really good at setting goals. Lose 25 pounds, raise balanced children, be a better wife, take my vitamins, eat healthy, exercise, write a book etc. etc. Problem is: I am not very good at reaching goals. Is it laziness? Fear? Maybe. But I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about the things I am good at.
I am doing well at goals that are broken up into smaller segments such as raising children and being a better wife. These things are automatically broken up. I can't raise kids overnight and they reach milestones over time and are broken up into small goals already: eat solids, crawl, walk, potty train, teach colors/alphabet, Kindergarten, how to treat friends, how to resolve conflict and so on. Sure it is challenging and I am not always great at it, but somehow knowing that I have reached a little goal here and there keeps me going. And I am good at being a mom, perfect-NO, but good.
On the other side of things, I have had the same weight loss goal for more than a decade. A DECADE! Sure, I had kids in between and did always lose the baby weight, but can't for the life of me get past this. Yes, I have had thyroid issues and other things, but having this goal and not really working for it, giving up on it, obsessing about it is beginning to weigh on me. Pun intended...hahaha. It is overwhelming and I shut down.
So, what do I do now?
I like lists so I am going to try to puzzle out where I am at here with this goal.
What is holding me back?
-fear of failure?
-laziness?
-fear of reaching my goal?
-focusing on the negative instead of the positive?
-overwhelmed?
-giving up?
I think I need to switch gears. I have been in neutral for too long. I need to shift my focus in order to experience some success. Average Married Dad wrote a post about active and passive hobbies. I am really good at passive hobbies:) I love to read, write, blog, and listen to music. I have interests in active hobbies, but have not acted on them in quite some time. I could make excuses, but to be honest with you I have not made it a priority. Everyone else has been a priority. So, I am shifting my focus and instead of setting a goal of losing 25 pounds, for now I am going to set some goals in regards to an active hobby.
It sounds a lot more fun and less overwhelming.
I love to hike. I love photography. Hiking will help me to be healthier and lose weight, but I will also have some time to myself or time with my family depending on the day. I can photograph things on my hikes and can have fun with that hobby too. Hiking will inadvertently help me to lose weight too without some of the pressure of failing.
Step one: I have always wanted to buy this book called 60 Hikes within 60 miles of ___________. They sell one for most large cities. I am going to the book store today and if they don't have it then I will order it.
Step two: Begin planning first big hike, date, time, how far. Share these steps with Levi so that he can encourage me.
Step three: Walk in preparation at least three times a week around neighborhood pond.
Step four: After completing first big hike and sticking to the three times a week step for at least a month, write more steps and buy some cute hiking boots cause what woman wouldn't work a little harder for new shoes:)
I am very sorry if this post doesn't really follow a cohesive thought pattern...just how my brain works:) It is actually how I have conversations too, much to the consternation of Levi. I am also really bad about changing the subject or having half the conversation in my head and the rest out loud so hope I didn't lose you:)
For me, the first step isn't always the hardest.
It is continuing to walk.
Bea
Matthew 14:22-33
Bea, I love the positivity in this post. It sounds as though you have really thought through things. Goals are so much easier when they can be broken down into steps.
ReplyDeleteI think it's a great idea to shift focus from losing weight to hiking (which, of course, will help with the initial weight loss goal). Good on you! Wishing you all the best and cheering you on with your new goal.
Hugs,
Roz
Thank you Roz for your support:)
DeleteBea
First of all your thought pattern is perfectly clear. Not only that, it is expressed well and gives inspiration to the rest of us also seeking motivation to achieve a goal, so thank-you for the positive message, under perhaps the worry or fear of failing or doing well. I think the fear of success for me is true on many levels in that if you succeed and reach the top of the stairs there is more room to fall and fail next time. Whereas if you fail little steps you might still eventually make it up those same stairs, little by little. If that makes any sense. :-) Of course, not to say that there isn't always room for growth and more stairs ahead. Okay that might not make any sense, but it does to me, so I guess that is a start. :-) Anyways, I think you are finding a way to achieve success and I wish you luck with your goal. (I love photography too) :-) Hugs, Terps
ReplyDeleteThanks Terps for understanding my ramblings:)
DeleteSounds like a great idea, I was thinking it the whole time I read through this. Rather than obsessing about 25 lbs, set a different goal...
ReplyDeleteJust get the damn book already! haha.
Of course the highlight of the post was hearing how it went well when you got naked under the sheets and waited for Levi.
~Ponyboy
I got the book:) So glad you enjoyed the highlight...thanks for the idea! Hope you are doing well.
DeleteGood, glad you did.
DeleteI am well thanks...
~PB
Hiking sounds like a great goal in itself. Connecting with nature and calming the mind are both good things, and look!: you're doing something healthy at the same time and didn't even realize it! I also think that it's great to have goals, but making small changes to change the habits themselves(small food changes, regular exercise, new activities) so they are woven into your daily life provide some long-term sustenance to improvement. Pretty soon it's not a "diet" it's just how you eat. You aren't "exercising", you just live an active life. Sounds like Mind and Body are coming together! Make sure you post some photos coming out of your activities.
ReplyDeletehi bea, just thought i'd check in on ya and see how the hiking and photography is going. i can relate to your post a lot. :) good luck!
ReplyDeletehugs,
m.