Why do I Surrender?

Why do I surrender?  People have noticed.  My kids have noticed, friends have noticed, and my husband has surely noticed.  Everyone so far has been very supportive.  Do I feel different?  Yes.  But not in the way that "the world" would tell me I should be feeling.  I don't feel powerless.  I don't feel oppressed.  It is very difficult to describe the changes in our marriage so I have decided that occasionally I will give you a little before and after of an incident or moment in our marriage.  Part of it is for me.  I need the reminder every so often of why I am doing this too.  There are days that I certainly fall back on old habits.  If I can keep the memory of the things that have made a difference then I will be more likely to continue doing them.  Some may be small things like the one that I will share today and some may be big things.  Hopefully they can help someone else "see" how life can be.


Before: (before will be what would have happened had I not begun to make the changes I have-so this didn't really happen but I am not exaggerating...this would have really happened.)

Levi decides that he is going to put together the laundry room cabinet.  There are five children running around the house as our kids have friends over.  I am starting the dishes.

Me-"You are going to do that now?" said while pointing at running children and the dishes.

Levi-"Yea, I thought you said you needed this done."

Me-"Well, yes, but not now!"

Levi-"Well, this is the only time that I am going to have to do it," starting to get annoyed.

Me-"Fine."  I continue doing the dishes and the kids are running around everywhere and I slam things a little so that he "sees" what I am dealing with.

Levi pulls all the parts out of the box and finds the directions.  A couple of times he mumbles something about stupid directions are some such and I take it upon myself to "offer" help.

Me-"Do you need help?" said in a horrible tone while still finishing dishes. 

Levi-"No, I got it."

Me-"Wouldn't it be better if you held it this way?" said while grabbing said part.

Holy cow, I am sure you could tell how the rest of this went.  Levi would either have thrown up his hands and walked away and let me do it or he would have suffered through my direction.  The dishes were not finished.  I felt annoyed and righteous.  Levi felt emasculated and irritable.

After: (so this is what really happened)

Levi decides that he is going to put together the laundry room cabinet.  There are five children running around the house as our kids have friends over.  I am starting the dishes.

Me-After seeing that Levi means to put the cabinet together, "Hey guys, why don't y'all play upstairs for now so that you are out of Levi's/Dad's way."  I see that the kids make it upstairs.  I give Levi a quick kiss and say thanks for putting this together for me.  I am going to do the dishes, let me know if you need help."

Wander off to the kitchen and do the dishes.  Now before you think that my mind is silent...think again.  I have made changes to my attitude and what comes out of my mouth but I was still thinking to myself that now was not the best time for ME to tackle this project.  But then I told myself that my husband worked all day, took a walk around the neighborhood with five kids and was building this cabinet for me.  So I told my inner shrew to shut the hell up.

Levi pulls all the parts out of the box and finds the directions.  A couple of times he mumbles something about stupid directions are some such and I take it upon myself to offer a beer.

I call from the kitchen, "Hey babe, would you like a beer?"  Now inside my head I am thinking...maybe I should have just done this myself.  Hey, I am not perfect and I didn't SAY it.  I am working on the thoughts but old habits die hard!

Levi-"That would be awesome!"

I take him a beer and finish the dishes.

Levi-"Can you hold this a sec?"

Me-"Sure."

Levi-"Ok, thanks...I'm good."

I go to sit on the couch and relax.

Levi finishes and I help him put it in the laundry room and then give him a huge sloppy kiss with a huge "You're my hero smile". 

Me-"Thanks, Babe...you rock"

Levi-While slapping my rear walking out of the laundry room, "I am going to rock something later:)"

I felt accomplished(by completing the dishes and not being a shrew) and excited about my new cabinet.  Levi felt (I am assuming cause I didn't ask him) accomplished and horny. 

So there is my first before and after.  I don't know how he lived with me before but I sure am glad he is still here for the after:)