Right now my confidence is shot. I am not sure where it is and what happened to it, but I am not happy with my image in the mirror right now. I like me as a person, but am not happy with what I look like at the moment. I know that my husband finds me attractive, but to be quite honest it doesn't really matter right now. If I don't find myself worthy of his attention then I find myself in this blah place where sex really doesn't interest me much. This weird roller coaster isn't monthly so I really can't blame the hormones either. We had sex in the morning one day and I seriously kept worrying about my husband's view the whole time because...gasp...it was light outside!
I am an average woman. Since no one has actually seen me (ok, maybe like two of you), then you know that I am not fishing for compliments. I will never be a 10 and that is okay, but I do not believe that I am where I need to be. My weight loss struggle is foremost in my mind, but it will take a while to see results on that front. I know that I need to lose 25-30 pounds, but since I can't wake up tomorrow and have that happen in a healthy way then I need to do something else to help me feel less discouraged. I have been very negative about myself to myself lately and it is only making me feel more negative and I continue to sink into that wallpaper that I talked about. So I decided to make a list of physical things that I do like about myself. Maybe if I focus on that and the small things that I can do immediately then I will begin to get my confidence back and find my mojo again.
What I do like (physically, like I said, I like myself as a person so I won't go into personality traits):
Smile - I have been told that I have a nice smile, nice full lips, and straight white teeth (my mother would say "You better!" after all the money she spent on braces:)) I wore braces or retainers for 7 years!! Of course that was before they had all this cool stuff that doesn't take as long. Sometimes I can still taste the glue...ewww. My friends would tell you that I smile all the time so I do have laugh lines, but I figure those are better than frown lines any day.
Hair - Although I get rather frustrated with my hair, I still recognize that my hair is a pretty color.
Curviness - Although my curves are a bit too large at the moment, I am thankful that I am proportionate. I do have a waist.
Ankles-Ok, I know this one is weird and maybe I read too many historical romances about well-turned ankles, but I have a friend who hates her ankles and she has told me that my ankles are perfect. My calves slim down and my ankles are slender....no cankles here, other than when I was pregnant, but I couldn't see my cankles then so it didn't matter:)
Levi's favorite part - since they are my husband's favorite then I suppose I can count them in the parts I like, although I wish they were as perky as they once were. I can't help but think of Sixteen Candles Long Duck Dong's new American girlfriend and when the grandparents proclaim that Samantha has "gotten her boobies." Classic.
Complexion - Although I wish I could tan, my complexion is clear.
I think making this list is already making me feel better...
What I can do now:
What I can do now:
Exercise - With all the moving and having three kids home all the time I have not had time to do much exercise, but I am trying to sneak it in when I can. Even though I won't see results right away, I know that it will make me feel better and more confident.
Eating Well - Ditto. I have done really well with that this week as I have finally had time to plan meals and shop.
Grooming - I am in need of a haircut, manicure, pedicure, and brow wax (no one notices the brows but me since they are so light). I know that I feel more confident when I am well groomed.
Closet - My closet is in sad shape. I very rarely buy clothes for myself and it is showing. I think I feel guilty because I stay at home and am not "making the money" and if I do go out shopping then I usually come home with stuff for everyone else and not me. Levi has never made me feel badly about clothes and often encourages me to go shopping if I need to, so this is my own guilt not someone else making me feel that way. I need to get over that, set a budget, and go get some clothes.
Maybe if I can start on this list then I will find where I lost my mojo and will feel more comfortable in the bedroom again. Maybe not. But it couldn't hurt, right?
Well I would certainly agree whole heartedly with your assessment of yourself. I'm jealous of your 'boobies'. And well of course your creamy white skin, and beautiful hair ( not from a bottle). Not sure about your ankles..I have stupid bird calves, that reside below thunder thighs, that make me wonder how a klutz like me can defy the laws of physics! But I digress.
ReplyDeleteI have often said, it is too bad we can't see ourselves as others see us. But here is the REAL thing- that man you are married to, he desires Bea the woman who is his wife,and who he loves. If he was blind, he'd still desire his wife. That is how it goes. And while we see our flaws, and how Map Quest has nothing on the lines etched in our tummies from weight gain and pregnancies, they see us.
Lets put this a different way, when you look at Levi, do you see his physical 'flaws'? Is that what jumps out at you when you snuggle up to him at night? Give him the benefit that he only sees the woman he loves, like you see the man you love.
Okay that is all...
love willie
I love reading this stuff, cause it just shows how we are all so much the same, no matter where we live. My wife and I are exactly the same, she doesn't like her body, I want her to get more aggressive blah blah...
ReplyDeleteHere are my thoughts, sorry it's so long...
1.) It's normal for a guy to want a chick to initiate, and it's normal for her to not feel comfortable. Guys get turned on by a chick who is sexually aggressive, and "wanting it." The whole "lady on the streets, slut between the sheets" saying.
Funny enough, most women and their sexuality seem to be responsive, meaning when they get approached for sex their response whether positive or negative will be to that approach, but it may not come on it's own as much as it would for a guy.
Here's my suggestion, take baby steps. I'm sure Levi would love it if you stripped naked, straddled him and went to work. But maybe that's not your comfort zone, start with something small. Maybe text him or tell him you want to have sex after the kids are in bed. Or maybe just get naked and get under the sheets for when he comes to bed, I dunno, whatever is a small step for you. Then when you see his positive reaction (and it will be) you may feel more comfortable to go a little further next time.
2.) Body image issues are tough. I love what Willie said, and I think it's very true, it's too bad we can't see ourselves how others see us. While it may not help, I think it's true that Levi focuses on all your hot/sexy qualities, otherwise he wouldn't have married you. Maybe some time each day to focus on yourself will help. Whether it's going for a walk, taking an exercise class, getting a massage etc...
And as an aside, I'm sure these two things aren't just related in terms of confidence. Exercise releases endorphins and I think increases testosterone which will make sex more appealing, and I am also pretty sure that the more sex women have the more interesting it becomes. Again, that whole responsive thing.
Good luck!
~Ponyboy
I very easily could have written this myself, almost word for word. I love your process of listing the aspects of your physical self you like - I know that it is not always easy to look in the mirror and find the positive and not be critical of oneself. I am not sure I could make a long list. I like my smile...and I like my eyes...I am okay with the smile lines - I smile all the time and spent years developing them :-)There it's a start. Thanks for inspiring me to look for the positive and feel good about myself. I hope you find your confidence. I am sure your man will appreciate any qesture you make for he sees you only with love and to him I am sure you will always be beautiful. I know it is true of my man. Now we just have to believe what they already know...that we are beautiful. :-) Hugs, terpsichore
ReplyDeleteGood for you for making a positive list. I love that it is helping you feel better. Keep it up.
ReplyDeleteMy husband insists I'm sexy. I insist he needs his eyes examined. What I wouldn't give to see me through his eyes!
Hey Bea...Very proud of you for making a "What I do like" list and you have quite a bit on it! With Levi's help, I'm sure you will be able to comfortably give him what he would like.
ReplyDeleteSending lots of positive energy your way.
Blessings,
Cat
I like your list Bea. That was a really good idea and thank you. I'm not going to write mine out but I need to do the same.
ReplyDeleteI'm like you...subtle and not real "come here, I want to jump you right now." I just can't seem to do that, but I think MM would love it.
If only we could see ourselves the way they see us. humm...
Hi Bea, I think your list is a really good idea. Start there and keep going. Maybe make a list of all the things you do or could do to be a bit more forceful with Levi, then just you go girl!!Good luck ,love Jan.xx
ReplyDelete