Safe

 

No, no, no...not that!
This:

 

Or  

I tell Levi often that when he holds me I feel safe.  Men, I think, are often confused about what we mean by that.  It isn't just physical strength.  For me safe means accepted, loved, wanted, needed, desired, secure, protected, and feelin' the warm fuzzies:) 

We all need varying amounts of safety and security in our relationships.  I can only speak as a married woman since that is what I am and I can only state my opinion as that is who I am.  I can tell you the times that I felt safe and secure and the times that I have or do not.  I suppose here lately I have been feeling a bit insecure about how we are doing.  I am sure that it has a lot to do with our current situation, lack of face time, and may also be affected by some health issues that I am having. 

The following goes against what I was taught growing up, but I truly believe that for me some of this is innately feminine.  I am learning that letting my femininity shine allows my husband's masculinity to prosper.  Although, I am still figuring out what femininity means to me.

Protected

Levi certainly isn't running out to slay dragons in real life, but he certainly slays metaphorical ones for me.  It is very difficult for me to tell you that I have a huge need to feel protected.  I am sure that we could argue about the reasons why it is so difficult for me to share that and why I feel weak when I say it, but I think for now, I will just stick with: it is what it is.  Men aren't the only victims of the new world view.  The world view that may work great in the workplace but wreaks havoc on marriage.  But the bottom line is when I feel protected then I feel more safe and secure in my relationship.  Here are some ways that Levi makes me feel protected.

One way is just him being there.  I feel safer when he is around.  Levi is not a large man...he is stronger than me, but we are the same height.  None of that really matters...when he is beside me, I feel safer.  When he is sleeping next to me, I sleep better.  If he isn't there, then every noise strikes fear into my psyche and I wake up constantly.  Once when Levi was out of town, I came tip toeing out of our bedroom with a mag light flashlight because I could swear there was someone at the back door and it was the darn ice maker.  His presence is enough to help me feel protected and I sleep like a baby...I slept through a horrible thunderstorm the other day.

Another way he can make me feel protected is one he is hit or miss at.  I feel protected when he is concerned for my safety.  I have a friend whose husband does not let her go somewhere (get groceries, gas, etc.) at night or in bad weather by herself.  Although it annoys her a bit, she has admitted to me that it makes her feel cared for.  Levi has occasionally said something about me waiting until the next day to do something, but if I push to go, he relents.  Since he does not read my blog...I will say that sometimes I am nervous about going places and wish he would insist on me waiting...then I would not feel guilty about not going...he would in essence release me from my guilt.  Doesn't make sense to me either, but there it is. 

He does care that I often forget or allow my phone to die.  He gets rather annoyed with me when that happens, but otherwise doesn't say much.  I know it bothers him and I don't mean to forget, but it happens rather often and I should probably work on that.  He is very concerned that I will be stranded and not be able to reach him.

He can be protective when he feels like I am engaging in an unsafe activity, although, I don't often view them as unsafe.  Such as climbing the counter to reach something instead of using a stool, putting my hand anywhere near the disposal, climbing a ladder, mowing in my flip flops, etc.  I am stubborn and not exactly graceful so he might have a tiny little reason to worry.  I often try to do things that I am not physically able to do because I don't like to ask for help, I like to be able to do everything myself, but I need him to tell me: "Move woman, let me get it."  That makes me feel protected.  I once spent two hours trying to fix something on my vacuum cleaner because I was too stubborn to wait for help and then I couldn't do it anyway.  After two hours and a cut finger, I still had to ask him to fix it...which of course he did in five minutes.

Another way that I feel protected are the subtle body language things that Levi does.  If we are walking along a street he puts me to the inside, if he needs to guide me he places his hand at the small of my back (sexy), he opens doors for me.  Am I completely capable of not falling in the street, opening doors, etc.? Yes, but I like him to do these things.  They make me feel protected.  Do I expect them? No.  But I get the warm fuzzies when they occur.

 

 

Silence feels like Indifference

Another way that I feel safe and secure in our relationship is when I have his undivided attention and this is a tricky one because it needs to be initiated by him to work.  If I do the initiating in this then it doesn't help as much and here lately I am getting crickets.  He is a man of few words, my dear Levi.  But sometimes silence feels like indifference and I am left drifting.  I want him to want to be with me.  And I am not speaking sexually...he has no problem wanting me then:)  I want him to care what I did that day, or want him to take my hand or snuggle on the couch.  I want him to tell me about his day and what he wants to do on vacation.  You know when you first get together with someone and you spend hours talking about your dreams, goals, and who knows what.  I want that....I know, I know...hours is not realistic...I just want 20 minutes a day.  Is that too much to ask?  Maybe, but when it does happen...I float...hmmmm...how to explain that....like I feel lighter, and better able to face the world when I know that he wants to know me.

 

Don't listen to what I am saying, but figure out why I am saying it

So this really isn't fair...poor, poor man...how often do we wish our men would see what we are really trying to say.  I have a tendency when I am stressed, nervous, or worried to harp on something and sort of, well, FREAK OUT!  My poor Levi has not quite figured out how to handle this one and quite honestly, I am just now realizing myself what I need in this situation. 

I need reassurance...plain and simple.  I need him to tell me, "Stop, come here."  I need him to take me in his arms and say, "Everything is going to be alright."  "We will figure this out...together."  I need him to recognize that I am scared and stop the tirade before it gets out of hand.

 

And in This Corner

I need to know that Levi is on my side.  There are some battles that I must fight myself, but I need to know that Levi is in my corner, that he will be my cheerleader when I am facing adversity and be willing to step in and say, "Enough." when he feels that I need it. 

I need him to recognize when I have said "yes" to too much and suggest that I scale back.  I need him to recognize when I am exhausted and still trying to keep up and help me out. 

One of the hottest things he ever did for me happened one day when he arrived home from work to me cooking dinner while a little one was wrapped around one leg, arguing with the oldest over homework and trying to get the middle child to do something.  He came in and went straight to the bedroom.  I kept thinking, "Seriously, do you not see that I need help?!"  He came into the kitchen a few minutes later, removed the little one from my leg, and grabbed my hand...I was thinking, "Hello, I am trying to cook dinner here...you cannot seriously think...."  My thoughts were interrupted by the sight of my bathtub filled with warm bubbled water and he told me to get in and he would finish dinner and deal with the kids.  After I got over the guilt of relaxing...I enjoyed the bath immensely:)  He knew that I was about to lose it and gave me what I needed...he is not often this perceptive.

This post sort of got away from me and I am sure that as soon as I hit publish I will think of even more ways that I feel "safe" as that always seems to happen to me.  How do you feel "safe"?

Oops..forgot to add this video...I love this song:)  I hope you like it too.