What's Wrong?

What's wrong?  That dreaded question.  Shouldn't I just be happy that Levi cares enough to notice that there is something wrong?  You would think so.  But I feel a bit like this:

 

No, this doesn't really do it...too predictable.

 

 

How about this: (Although this certainly ages me doesn't it?)

 

 

No, that looks like too much fun...what I am feeling is not fun.

 

 

This might be better...

 





 

 

Quietly simmering.  For you science nerds out there...potential energy...and not the good kind.

One more ingredient in my bubbling pot and several things could happen...there could be a flare which could burn whoever dares to throw in that last ingredient (let us hope that it is not some random person like the checkout chick at Walmart), or the whole thing might just explode taking out whoever is nearby, resulting in an ugly aftermath of hurt feelings and guilt.  Double Double, Toil and Trouble....etc.  A little steam is let loose occasionally out my boiling bubbles.  But then he asks me What's Wrong?

 

I am not sure what bothers me more...that he couldn't take a guess or that I can't seem to explain what's wrong.  Sometimes my answer is I don't know.  Could I think of a few things to list off?...sure.  Are my reactions right now fitting the stressors?...I think not.  All of that only makes me feel ridiculous for feeling what I am feeling, which makes me hold everything in, which really gets my pot boiling.

 

 

Is there a pressure release valve somewhere around here?  Will someone please flip it then!?

 

My attempts at reaching this:

 

 

Not happening.

 

I know, I know...this is temporary...we will be past this soon.  I have also started taking some medicine for my little thyroid issue so maybe that will start to help.  Having so many things to do and having hypothyroidism sucks.  I am exhausted and irritable often, and then do things like burst into tears when I realize that someone left the fridge open all night long and all the food is ruined.  Or feel monumentally hurt when I show Levi what accomplishments in painting and getting the house ready for sale that I have done that day and he points out my "missed spot".  Or not speak to my husband during one of our children's sporting events because when I arrived 8 minutes late with our other two children and had been looking forward to an hour of fun, the first words out of my dear husband's mouth was "Well, it is almost half time..." (said in rude tone).  When I tried to explain why I was late, I was interrupted.  (Although my BCFs would be very proud of me...later in the day I told him how much that hurt my feelings.) 

 

And no...it is not all Levi's fault...he has done sweet things like when I was overwhelmed about what to cook for dinner he took us all out to eat...although, I will say that I think that he could be a little more emotionally supportive and taking his dishes to the sink or taking the trash out might help too.  I feel like there may be a bit of this going on:

 

 

What's wrong?

What's wrong?

What's wrong?

 

I'm stressed out, hormonal, feeling lonely, scared of the future, overwhelmed, feeling like I am doing everything myself, tired, guilty that I am not providing a happy and stress-free home, wishing that I was done painting, wishing that I had one day that I didn't have to do anything, wondering if we are doing the right thing, feeling fat and unattractive, feeling like I am at a distance from everyone and everything, wishing I could find my beach, feeling like I might be on the verge of some sort of mental breakdown, wishing I could find my happy place, battling with my fight or flight instinct and just wanting to throw my hands up, needing a break etc. etc. etc.

 



 

And what do I say?

 

What's wrong?

 

Nothing. 

 

 

Sorry...I know that I am complaining...just trying to release some of this steam in a healthy way.