Hotel Sex

Sometimes you just have to get away.  For Mother's Day, Levi got an overnight stay and breakfast at a local fancy hotel...you know the kind that actually has turn down service with a chocolate on your pillow.  Sneaky man...this present was as much for him as for me.  ~smirk~  I let him get by with it though, because he knows that sometimes I just need to get away.  We don't get to do this often...like once a year without kids, but it makes a huge difference for me...and hotel sex is just fun.  We sent the kids off to their grandparents' this weekend and checked in.

Being a stay at home mom has certain challenges...the biggest one for me is always feeling like I am "at work".  I have tried certain things to help this...completing housework between 9-5, taking a lunch break where I would watch tv or read a book to escape for a little while, doing something fun for me at least once a week like meeting a friend for coffee...but lets be realistic, shall we...sometimes these things don't work when you have young kids.  As the kids have gotten older, it gets better.  I have even left my 11 year old in charge of the 8 year old to run to the store and such.  I can't quite leave him with the 4 year old yet, but we are working up to that.  I hope when that happens that maybe a walk around the block BY MYSELF will work wonders on a woman's mood.  It was much worse when the kids were little...sometimes I would feel like the walls were closing in.  I was active and found moms groups and such, but there was always work to be done and it was always the same work you did yesterday.

I am not saying I regret it by any means, nor am I arguing for or against working or staying home...I truly believe that is a choice that each family has to weigh and decide what is best for them.  But just like working moms have certain challenges like having to run errands during busy times instead of at 10 on a weekday with the blue hairs like I do, stay at home moms have them too.  Levi thankfully realizes that.  I am sure hotel sex is a big motivator of course.

Hotel sex rocks.  I think because I can truly relax and focus during sex.  I am not distracted by the cobweb in the corner...when did that get there? Didn't I dust corners last...crap, a month ago?  I am not concerned about the kids hearing me and can truly live in the moment.  I am not thinking about the things I didn't get done today and the things that I have to do tomorrow.  I am not thinking that that noise is the kids coming down the stairs or did I remember to put the wet clothes in the dryer?

Hotel sex rocks.  I am also not as concerned with the time.  I am not thinking that we have to hurry through this because we both have an early morning or crap, I am going to be tired tomorrow if I don't get to bed.  He could even wake me up at 3 am and I wouldn't get grumpy because I knew that I could sleep in and there wouldn't be any little people needing my attention at 6 am.

Hotel sex rocks.  Hotels are awesome because I don't have to clean them.  I don't have to cook.  I don't have to make the bed, wash the dishes, clean the windows, scrub the shower, sweep the dog hair.  I didn't even have to pull back my own sheets!  The room is already spotless.  The linens are crisp and clean and they always have a ton of fluffy pillows.  I love fluffy pillows.

Hotel sex rocks.  We got to spend the entire day and night focused on each other.  We swam together without little ones vying for our attention or having to take turns watching the youngest.  We could talk and laugh and just sit in calm SILENCE.  We swam, drank, ate, and even hiked as the hotel had a jogging path that was beautifully landscaped.  We slept in and had an amazing breakfast.  It was like a mini vacation and we were both a bit sad to see it end, but I am still seeing the effects of this little getaway.

Hotel sex rocks.  We were going to try out one of Levi's "spices" he wanted to try, but he ended up surprising me with something totally different.  And it was INCREDIBLE...WOW...BY ALL THAT IS HOLY.  Yes it was that good.  Several times that good.  Levi even mentioned another thing he would like to try!  I have apparently awakened a sex god.

Hotel sex rocks.  Levi enjoyed his time too.  He says he can tell that I am focused just on him and US and what we are currently doing.  He says I am not "mommy" even if just for a day, but am his "wife".  Obviously, I need to work on this at home...being able to turn everything else off and be present with him.  We even talked a little about making our bedroom a welcome, relaxing, sexy place to be.  That is for another post.

So if you haven't figured it out, I am encouraging you to have some hotel sex.  One of the best dates that Levi planned for us was a surprise hotel stay a couple of years ago.  He had taken care of everything (except remembering my medicine...fyi...in case you are planning this...bring your spouse's meds and a few toiletries) and it was a complete and total surprise.  He had checked in on his way home from work so we ate in the hotel restaurant and then he took my hand and led me to our room.  SHOCK AND AWE!

I still have that little secret smile whenever I think of our time this weekend...then the kids will ask...Mom, what are you smiling about...UM!  NOTHING!

Back to the real world...

Moderation

I grew up Presbyterian...we have kind of a joke amongst Presbyterians in regards to vices.  Everything in moderation.  Hey, I am not saying that it is right.  I live in the South so this is very different than our Baptist and Catholic friends.  Shoot, Baptists around here couldn't even dance until recently.  Levi grew up Catholic and was lost in the tradition of it all.  We seem to gravitate to bible churches now.  I am not religion bashing and I am not going to get into a moral argument...just explaining where I am coming from.

I had "the" confrontation last night (after a couple of glasses of wine...moderation, remember).  I needed to talk to Levi about something I knew he was doing, that he didn't know I knew he was doing.  It really wasn't about what he was doing...but how much he was doing it and how it was making me feel.

I hate confrontation!  I think you could gather that by my last post.  I took a few deep breaths and just blurted it out and then tried to be very quiet...and sip more wine.

Let me give you an example.  We can probably all agree that fast food is not good for you, but every once in a while it probably wouldn't kill you...maybe.  But let's say that we noticed that a loved one was enjoying fast food every day.  The cumulative unhealthiness of fast food every day for a few weeks could really do a number on you and affect those around you.  You would probably want to confront your loved one about the amount of fast food they are sneaking and begin to wonder about YOUR cooking.

Are they not happy with my cooking?  Does my food not look appetizing?  Am I not offering enough home cooked meals?  These fast food places pay big money for awesome advertising...those burgers look incredible and everyone looks so happy eating them...but that really isn't what you get when you go through the drive thru.  It is a dressed up burger...not real.  Instead, you get food that you can become addicted to quite easily and can detrimentally affect your health, your ability to get up the stairs, etc. You may become used to getting your food so fast that eating healthy isn't worth the trouble.   I am using this purely as an example by the way...in case you haven't figured that out.

He told me of course he is happy with my cooking.  I quietly asked if there was something that he wanted me to cook that I hadn't been and if that is why he was enjoying fast food so much.  He admitted that he was probably enjoying fast food a little too often, apologized for the way it was making me feel, and then surprised me by saying that my cooking has been incredible, but he wishes we had more time to be together...just us...isn't that my line?  We are always so busy and surrounded by little people that we rarely have time to just enjoy each other.  It may have made meal time less satisfying.

We had an amazing conversation and I even brought up some recipes that I would enjoy.  He in turn shared some recipes and talked and laughed and shared more than I think we have...EVER.  I am surprised at how wonderful our conversation was...I was expecting defensiveness, anger, excuses...I don't know...anything but the conversation that had us feeling closer than before.  We have a long way to go in our communication, but we talked about some ways that we can bond without kids so that cooking feels more natural, more exciting, and we can add more variety.

I hope that he enjoys fast food a little less often and doesn't continue to try to hide it from me.  I was very careful with my words and spoke more of how it made me feel like he didn't appreciate my cooking or that he was unhappy with it, rather than condemning him for eating so much fast food.  He will have to come to terms with his drive thru habits himself.  I can only do so much.

I think he may feel more comfortable...he was actually nervous bringing up some recipes he felt were adventurous and in my head I was thinking...ha, you call that adventurous, you haven't seen some of the recipes I want to try!  I didn't say that of course but did give him a couple of the things that sound fun and yummy to me.

I am very pleased with how the conversation went and can't wait for more like that.  I know they may not always be pleasant, but I have a bit more confidence now and I hope he does too!

Confrontation

I have made an observation, often when I am preparing for confrontation.  I seem to fill with frustration and aggravation due to some unmet expectations and inability with articulation.  The infuriation builds until my husband is likely to feel some deprivation of ejaculation.

I find myself lying down at night with exhaustion and prostration.  I have an inclination to fill with indignation about my perception of the disputations occurring in my imagination.  Levi comes to me with affection, hoping for an assignation and a celebration of our love.  Instead of capitulation, I have a continuation of irritation.  I slow my respiration and attempt some meditation.  I wonder if my frustration is hormone fluctuation or maybe indigestion.  I just can't seem to find my motivation.

I know that I should have a conversation about my continuation of the frustration I am feeling and the explanation I deserve for his secret fascination, but Levi has now showed indication that he has fallen into hibernation.  Then my body is in oscillation trying to get comfortable and deal with the fallen expectation of said confrontation.

The words are stuck in formulation and I can't seem to bring them to proper enunciation.  I know the confrontation is necessary, but my heart is having palpitations just in its contemplation.  The implication of this altercation has me ill in anticipation.  The temptation to ignore the speculations is great, but I know the confrontation must occur.

I am unsure how he will take the revelation of my declaration of his secret.  I waited until I had affirmation for the accusation and that it hasn't reached ANYTHING close to devastation...YET, but must be brought up for mutual examination and consideration.  I am trying to keep my mind from its own fabrication of explanations.

I accept with resignation the need for confrontation, at least for alleviation of the cumulation of stress and shorten the duration of anticipation as that is often worse than the confrontation itself.

I hope and pray that the diction and inflection of my words produces proper reception and prevents a horrible altercation.

Too Spicy?

Levi is a salt and pepper man.  Salt and pepper are important in all dishes of course but there are other spices that I would love to add to the dish.  We could try some oregano, cumin, or maybe even some cayenne every now and again...even cinnamon mmmm.  Nothing too spicy!  I don't want to dump the whole jar in, but just a shake here and there.

 Levis says, "But salt and pepper is so good, do we really need anything else?"

"Well, no, but it might be nice to try something new every once in a while?"

My attempts at adding some spice every so often has been met with a certain lack of enthusiasm.  It makes one quite nervous to introduce any new spices to the dish.  There have even been times that I have spent extra time and effort preparing the dish and I think Levi just wishes that we could stick to the salt and pepper.

So what is a wife to do?  The salt and pepper is great, of course, but cannot be the only spice Levi ever wants to use, can it?  I am a bit timid in talking about spices.  I am blushing as we speak, in fact. He seems equally uninterested in speaking about possible spices we might both be interested in.

I am scared to mention that certain spices might interest me.  What if Levi thinks I am aiming to be a master chef or something?  What if he thinks I don't enjoy the salt and pepper anymore?  What if he thinks I am a freak?...it's just oregano for goodness sake!  But I am not sure that I could ever bring up spices again if he thought that or reacted badly.

I love salt and pepper, but when you have salt and pepper all the time things begin to taste the same.  If you had to have the same dish every time then you wouldn't get too excited about it.  I don't want Levi to think that I am tired of salt and pepper by any means, after all, I only want to enjoy these spices with Levi.  How can I get him to understand that spices are a good thing?  Any thoughts?  I am slightly embarrassed that Levi and I can't seem to talk about spices very well after 14 years of marriage...is something wrong with us?

Where you go, I'll go

When I became determined to follow my husband's lead, I expected him to jump at the chance.  I expected an enthusiastic...Finally!...to escape from his lips and for him to immediately take up those "pants" and run with them and I had my running shoes on, ready to go.

Well that isn't exactly how it has happened.

I was there with my running shoes on, stretched out, feet on the starting blocks and ready to follow wherever he might lead us and then...

nothing happened...hello, all the blood is rushing to my head over here!

At first, I thought, okay, I'll give him a little time...after all, I stole those "pants" and he hasn't had them on in a while...maybe ever.  Give the man a break, right?

So, I shook out my muscles, after all, I was getting leg cramps in the starting blocks...

I tapped my fingers on my thighs trying to contain the energy...

tapped my toes...ran in place a little...

put my flip flops on as it was obvious we wouldn't be running anywhere soon...

And I might have thrown the running shoes across the track in a fit of metaphorical temper...

became frustrated...

stewed...

have I mentioned I am not a patient person...

Then I would slip up...he would try to lead and I would fall back on old habits...give my reasons why I thought my way would be better and he folded.

I would apologize and secretly kick myself for not giving him a chance.

So I would wait again...

determined to wait patiently THIS time...

twiddle thumbs...

Agh! would you just lead already!!

afraid it would never happen...

During this process I was told, in their own words, by three different male bloggers that have taken the lead in their marriages, that my husband will not lead just because I want him to.

At first, I was like, "Say what?  Doesn't every guy just want to lead and have his say?  I thought that was like a guy's dream come true or something?

God knows I am a stubborn woman and needed to hear this several times from several people over a period of months in order for it to sink in.

Now that I started this whole thing though, I don't want to give up.  I NEED him to lead now.  Not because I can't do it myself (I've been doing that for years), but because something happens when he does.

I like the person I become when my husband leads and I follow.

I feel softer, loved, less stressed, and a contentment I can't explain.

But those pants sit there a lot...

waiting for their owner...

waiting, waiting....

And then I realize something as I stare longingly on the pants...

I am focusing on the pants...

Um, the pants that aren't mine...

Oops.  Well crap! Focusing on those pants was really like I was still fighting for them.

I should be focusing on my own clothing.

So I put on my girl pants, skirt, shorts, whatever.

And focused on those...and a funny thing happened...I heard him.

My husband is a loving, extremely intelligent, funny, and a QUIET man.

I am...well...not quiet for sure!  But, when I started focusing on my own "clothing" choices instead of those darn pants that I thought Levi should put on...I heard him.

He is leading...quiet as a mouse at times...but leading.

So I started listening, and following, and that girl is back...the one I caught glimpses of.

The soft one, the content one...and weirdly enough I feel prettier, too.

We still aren't running anywhere...Levi's pace is more like a sedate mosey.

So I put on my flats and try to show him that I will go where he goes.  I will not leave him or abandon him to go it alone...and isn't that what we all need anyway...someone to do this life thing with.

I got your back babe.

Minimalism: Media

10 VHS tapes.   Yep, that is how this weeks project started.  I chose our media for this weeks attempts at realistic minimalism partly because my son asked me, "Hey mom, how was it that you used to watch movies when you were a kid...those big black things, right?"  I told him we had little ones too...(remember those Beta machines?)  Geez...nothing like your kid making you feel ancient to encourage you to get rid of some of your antiquities.  I will say though that the only VHSes we had left were in fact Disney and with the genius of that company, only allowing you to buy their videos when they are out of the "vault", I did not want to get rid of them at first, only to not be able to replace them for ten years.  Then I realized looking at them that the kids had not asked to watch any of those movies in years and yes, sadly, we do have a VHS player...it's one of those DVD/VHS combos.

I started making a pile of other movies the kids had not watched in forever and a couple of them that drive me absolutely batty!  Like those stupid Wonder Pets!  Oh my gosh there is this one on there where they help a puppy get outside the house so he can go potty and then they all have to go in the yard...the kids kept begging to act it out.  My attempts at convincing them that they were not a duck, turtle, or hamster fell on deaf ears.  Ugh, and that song...Wonder Pets, Wonder Pets, we're on our way!  I quickly hid that one at the bottom of the pile just in case the kids wander into the room and declare that I can't possibly get rid of that movie because it is their absolute favorite! (Note: they have not watched this movie in a couple of years, but that won't matter because as soon as I want to get rid of it, then it is their absolute favorite!)  Speaking of the potty, since my children are all potty trained then I can also get rid of this equally annoying Potty video!!!  Hallelujah, Amen!

I am able to get rid of a couple of movies of ours as well for a grand total of 18 movies!!  I even alphabetize ours, but not the kids as that would be ridiculously silly and short lived.  We actually don't have too many movies...my parents have an entire wall of movies that they probably never watch twice.  I remember as a kid going to Blockbuster and begging to be the one to stick the movies in the slot and choose a movie for this week's movie night.  Now we just see what is on On Demand from the comfort of our couch.  Not quite as exciting, but it at least saves gas.  I also remember to recycle all of the cardboard covers for the movies that have them...partly because Levi finds them extremely annoying and superfluous...also his view on pricey greeting cards, but I digress.  Pretty soon, we will just be buying digital copies of our movies and the BluRay will be a thing of the past and our children will be the ones feeling old...Ha!

I organized the few Xbox games that we have...can't get rid of anything in that pile.  I also organize the kids Leapster and DS games and throw out some directions that I am quite sure that we don't need anymore...like how to install batteries into your controller.  I find a couple of Leapster games to donate.  I attempt to organize the bane of my existence...the Skylander basket.  People complain often at the pain that occurs when you step on a rogue Lego or Barbie shoe...they have obviously never stepped on a Skylander.  My boys for a while there wanted to collect them ALL...darn brilliant companies that have figured out how to suck us dry. Because of course in your quest to have the kids save up and collect them themselves, they come out with a new Skylanders game with a new collection of figures to collect...and then if that wasn't bad enough, they do it again!!  Of course, they hardly ever play it as they are too interested in playing that cheap game with 80s graphics that has no end and no winner...Minecraft!  Levi told me a funny story from Cub Scout camping where all the kids knew what obsidian was...at least that silly game is teaching them something along with preparing for the zombie apocalypse...wondering what subliminal messages I can convince the creators to add in the next mod update.  Oh, how fickle are our children.

I cleaned out our random electronic drawer that holds a couple of extra remotes(remember when we didn't have one...now we have six, no matter how many times they swear they have made a "universal" remote...we still can't get less than three), little DMV video tapes from our old school video recorder, walkie talkies, Monster cleaner and a rag for cleaning the TV screen (remember when we could just use Windex?), and those two random things that we can't figure out what they go to so we can't git rid of them until we figure it out and we probably don't even have it anymore.  (deep breath...sorry for the run on)

I opened the cabinet with our remaining CDs and close it again as I decide that that may have to be a separate project.  We got rid of a bunch when we moved and we eventually want to save the rest on our computer and keep a very rare few for posterity.  I did pull out an old cheap 35mm camera that I used in college.  I guess I will donate it, but I can't imagine anyone wanting it...do they even sell film anymore?  This project is making me feel medieval.  Kind of like when my kids ask if they had cars in the 70s when I was born.  What are they teaching these kids in Social Studies?

I start to feel accomplished and then remember that we have a Wii in the play room...Gosh doggit.  I go through and find a couple of games to donate and wonder if I can get Levi to ditch the Guitar Hero...will have to ask him...when the kids aren't around as again...well, you know...hmm...maybe the getting rid of it incognito will work for him too...eh, better not.

Any real minimalist is probably now horrified at the amount of things we still own.  I think there is probably a healthy balance for us between this:

which has all the warmth of a hospital waiting room...and this:

which quite honestly just gives me the hibbie jibbies.  I got the kids to clean their rooms once by making them watch hoarders...questionable parenting practice, I know...but desperate times call for desperate measures.

Okay, so my house has never been quite as bad as the last pic, but it can get a bit cluttered which drives Levi crazy and if I am quite honest with myself stresses me out too.  So thanks for going on this journey with me to become at least a little more minimalist.  Although I sometimes wonder if having one of those shipping containers to live in would be a whole lot less to clean, I know that in reality I would feel claustrophobic and unhappy in that environment.  

kinda cute though, like your very own clubhouse

To each his own of course, and who knows maybe someday small spaces won't make me freak, but I doubt it.  But I do want to limit the "stuff" that we accumulate not only to kick the clutter to the curb, but to save money and be able to spend more time and energy on the things that are important.  Namely Levi and those little rugrats that make me feel old...and those things I want to do...hike, learn to salsa, travel, and all the other things I haven't thought of yet.  

By Royal Proclamation: Unplugged

We just got back from a relaxing few days on a free vacation.  Oh, those are the best kind, are they not?  We were invited to be families' guests at their timeshare on a lake nearby...for free.  Um, let me think, well, I don't know, ARE YOU SERIOUS?  Of course we said yes and helped with meals and such, but the rest of the stay and most things on site were free including free activities.

As we were getting ready for our trip, Levi made a royal proclamation.  The King says...No Kindles, no DSes, no computers, and phones for emergencies only (he did have to check in with work a couple of times...joys of being the boss).  Yikes!  I knew when he made his proclamation that it was a good one, but part of me was thinking of my sanity.  Selfish, I know, but sometimes I just need a little peace and quiet, and a house full of three kids does not lend itself to peace.  Sometimes, I will put on a movie, or TELL them to go play their video games.  Now before you rail on me, I don't do it all the time and the kids actually have screen time limits for summer and no video games during the week in the school year.

I got to thinking about our typical preparation for vacations.  Charge three Kindle Fires, two DSes, one Leapster, two phones, and one computer...for a weekend getaway.  That is a bit ridiculous.  Okay, I will admit to you that I wasn't exactly enthused about his decision, but stood behind it none the less.  I even stood behind him when he broke it to the kids...smart place to be.  They weren't too thrilled.  We did allow them to bring one movie each because we knew that we would get some rain.  We told them to bring some books and choose some board games.  This seemed to mollify them a bit and they know that once we make a decision then that is that, so they grumbled a bit, but it wasn't that bad.  I suppose since we watched a few movies and some soccer that we weren't 100% unplugged but we watched these things as a family so it was better than sending everyone off on their own devices.

When we arrived and put away our things, we headed off to bed, as it was late.  The next morning we enjoyed putt putt, swimming, and ice cream.  We played games, ate, watched a movie while it rained and then took a hike.  The next day we played tennis, swam, played on the playground, archery, shuffleboard, horseshoes, ate, played some more board games and watched a movie.  The last morning we played tennis again before packing up (they really liked that) and let the kids watch another movie as we cleaned up and got the cars packed. Three movies...I know, but we have three kids with very different tastes (Pirate Fairies and Clone Wars don't mix well) and we had PLENTY of active time in there.  I am pooped.

But a strange thing occurred and I did not realize it until we were on our way home.  NOT ONCE, not once did the kids ask for or complain about their lack of video games.  They even had an arcade there and other than a quick game of free air hockey (from someone who abandoned their game when the kids were checking the arcade out), they didn't ask for quarters or ask to hang out looking at all the games.  It was a pleasant shock to be sure.

This may be the start of a family tradition...VACATIONS...UNPLUGGED.

Here are a few pics:

Sunset over the lake.

Horseshoes...yes, we stink...note the horseshoe outside the wood to the left...yep, that was mine.

It was fun anyway.

Now archery is another story, this was one of mine...I rock, and I am humble too.  

Things got quite competitive on the range.

This is a little toad the kids discovered on the putt putt course.

Little things you wouldn't notice if you don't slow down!

I made my eight year old get my ball:)

Something about being truly present with the ones you love is really special.  

I hope you can UNPLUG AND PLUG IN with your family too!