Femininity:Why?

So, I had wanted to publish all these posts in one week, but I had a crazy week and it just wasn't going to happen.  Here is the conclusion to my growth over the last year as it relates to femininity. 

I remember when we first got married that Levi would occasionally get frustrated at how long it would take to get ready to go out on the weekends.  At most, it was probably only and hour and a half.  As children came along it was difficult for me to squeeze in a shower, let alone really do all the "extra stuff", as I liked to call it.  As the kids are getting older, it is getting easier for me to take some time on my appearance.  I haven't heard Levi complain yet.  I haven't talked to him so I don't know if he even realizes that he used to complain about my going out preparation.  Although, that probably didn't have much to do with my lack of effort as much as the kids did. 

But husbands, here is some advice.  If you want your wife to work on her femininity, dress nicer, wear make up, fix her hair, etc. then you need to allow her the time.  That doesn't mean that she can take all day or that if you tell her reservations are at 6 and she doesn't start getting ready until 5:30 that you can't be irritated.  But if she needs to start getting ready at 4, then help a girl out.  Watch the kids, pick up the babysitter, and most importantly, compliment her efforts.  If she has just started trying to dress nicely for you and to be honest even if she always dresses nicely, she may be feeling very insecure.  She may wonder if the outfit she chose is appropriate or if her hair that she tried to fix in a new way is sexy or just a messy mop. 

If you don't say anything, and she has put forth extra effort

she will think negatively about the way she looks.

 

 

You are the most important mirror in your wife's life!  Whether she wants to admit it or not.  Don't take that lightly.  This is a very important way that you can love her.

 

Find at least one specific thing to compliment...not just "you look nice" or empty compliments. 

 

Some examples: 

 

"Babe, you look hot in that skirt." with a little butt grab for effect.

"Beautiful" while staring at her and holding her face.

"Can't wait to mess up that hair later."  wink, wink.

 

We will eat it up.  Right, ladies?

 

When I started surrendering, I began to look for obvious ways of handing over the pants in the family.  One of the things that I read from other ladies is that they would dress like the lady of the house and that would help them to remember who the leader, the captain, the head of household and the man was. 

 

Why am I trying to be more feminine?

 

I do it because God told me to.

 

 

 

I don't go to church every Sunday, but I live by faith.  When I asked what I could do to make our marriage better...I have no doubt in my mind that he led me here.  He leads me still.

 

 

 

I do it for Levi.

 

 

He seems happier and more attracted to me when I dress like a woman.  It doesn't mean that I always do, nor does he expect it, but he appreciates my efforts.

 

 

I do it for me.

 

 

 

 

I feel better about myself when I am "put together".  Even when I wear my jeans, if I have jewelry, a little makeup, and my legs are shaved, then I am going to feel better than if I just rolled out of bed to put them on.

 

I do it for us.

 

 

 

 

Dressing and acting more femininely reminds me to be submissive.  It reminds me that I truly do want Levi to lead and helps me to remember to give up the control and criticism cycle.   It makes me feel vulnerable...in a good way, which then leads to me being a good wife, help meet, and first officer.  When I act in a more feminine way, Levi comforts and treasures me in a way that is different.  I am not sure that I can explain it.  I feel...cherished.

 

Applying these things to my life has been more important than losing that extra twenty five pounds that I need to lose.   Certainly, I will still work on that goal and part of the reason that I didn't try to dress up, etc. was influenced by my not liking how I look and wanting to hide in my sweat pants. 

 

This is a message for the ladies...if your husband tells you that you look beautiful...even if you don't think you look beautiful...believe him.  Say thank you.  Be coy and flirtatious.  I have learned over this last year that my ignoring or denying Levi's compliments was disrespectful, disheartening, and unattractive to him.  I was insulting his taste.  I was saying that I didn't trust his opinion.  I was pointing out imperfections that he didn't see.

 

I have learned a lot this year and will be telling you more in the coming weeks as I near my one year blogiversary.  I still have a long way to go, but I feel so amazing about how far I have come.  I think back, and if someone had told me last year that I needed to be more feminine...I would have spouted off something about how I don't have to dress like a woman or act like one, yet I would still be expected to be treated like one.  But if I had been honest with myself, there was a part of me that felt like I wasn't being true to who I was supposed to be.