This Room Needs Attention

"This room needs attention."

This is what Levi said to me yesterday while we were getting the kids ready for bed.  I gave a noncommittal hmm, as I was in the middle of wrestling pajamas on a wriggling three year old.  The room in question was the bathroom that our three children share that also happens to be our guest bathroom.  We quickly became busy with the bedtime ritual and neither of us said another word.

I thought on it later and instead of the reaction I was expecting of myself...something along the lines of feeling irritated, making excuses, and thinking: well, if it is bothering you so much, why don't you clean it...I surprisingly wasn't upset at all.  In fact, I knew that that bathroom had not been cleaned in a week and was getting kind of nasty.  For those of you who can't imagine how gross it had gotten in a week's time and may not have three little ones using the same small bathroom, it may have looked something like this:

 
Add some toothpaste on the sink, beach towels and swimsuits thrown haphazardly over the tub, close the cabinet doors and add a step stool with a wooden boat made at camp on it...oh and pee on the floor, as my boys still somehow miss the toilet, and this would be pretty darn close.

I knew that I needed to make it a priority to clean it today as it would embarrass us both to allow guests to use it.  I knew that we have had a very busy week and I had not been on the kids to accomplish their chores which included a wipe down of the toilet seat and sink every other day.  But I was still surprised at myself that I wasn't upset by his proclamation. 

He said it calmly, without negative inflection, just a statement of fact.

His normal reaction to something about the house that is bothering him would be to sigh, huff and puff loudly while he banged things around a minute and walked away...very passive aggressive and unattractive, and usually would cause me to be very irritated and wouldn't exactly foster closeness between us. 

I have friends whose husbands have reacted in similarly negative ways such as: "This house is a wreck...what do you do all day?"  "Is this the best you can do?" "When are you going to take care of this mess?"  All of these men are good men and are probably just trying to express something that is bugging them, but it all seems to insult and automatically puts their wives on the defensive.

"This room needs attention." 

You are right...it does.  Guess what room I made sure the kids and I cleaned today?  I need to tell him that I really liked the way that he told me that the messy bathroom was bothering him and I can't wait until he sees that it is done and sparkling. 

It is amazing to me sometimes how it is the little things we say to each other than can

make a world of difference.

Hmmmm...the kids are going to have to hold it until he gets home. Just kidding...they can go outside.