I have 5 posts that are sitting unfinished in my drafts. This isn't how I typically write. I usually have a thought or issue and sit down to type it all out at once. I check spelling and hit publish before I chicken out. Having these unfinished posts is driving me a bit batty. I am not sure why I thought that because I was finished painting the house (I actually still have a couple of doors-so that isn't even finished) that I would have a little more time to write...which I truly enjoy. That is not how things have worked out.
Our house went on the market last week and in a matter of days we had almost 20 showings (with three kids and a dog was...well, you can imagine), the kids had dentist appointments, swim practice and a campout, 5 offers came in, the dog got sick and we had two vet visits, our youngest finished her year of school, the boys had events to attend and we had several meetings with our realtor. I haven't had any time to finish anything.
Have you seen this?:
I will admit that I have closure issues myself. Apparently it is in my personality type. I hate when people don't say goodbye, I hate if I have unfinished projects, I hate when a conversation gets interrupted and you can't finish because you can't remember what you were talking about. I hate getting to the end of a puzzle and realizing that you are missing a piece. And apparently I hate having unfinished blog posts in my drafts...so much so that I have almost just deleted them all. I hope that I will be able to finish soon.
But all this need to finish got me to thinking..We aren't really ever "finished" are we. I am reminded that my need to be "finished" and my obsession with it is not allowing me to enjoy where I am at. We are going house shopping today and I am already worried about everything going just right instead of looking forward to the adventure of finding our new home. I am a planner by nature and not only does it drive me crazy when things are unfinished, but I also hate having to change my plans. But I am reminded that someone has my six. I am reminded that someone has a plan, a plan that is not my own, a plan that will be prosperous and plans for a hopeful future (Jeremiah 29:11). I love this video when God is laughing at Evan about "his" plans.
I probably will always be a planner and will hate to leave things unfinished, but I will remind myself to be patient because God is not finished with me yet. That he is the potter that will make something beautiful out of the lump of lifeless clay that I started as. I will remind myself that he leads me to where he wants me to be even when I don't realize that I was being led. It is more than okay that I am not finished. It means that I am exactly where I am supposed to be.
So, I will wait and see. Oh, don't think I won't plan and worry and have some freak out moments...but what do you expect?...after all, He's not finished with me yet.
I have written before about how I love the show Renovation Realities (here). Levi and I were watching a couple of episodes the other day that started a great conversation. The first one we watched was a kitchen remodel. Apparently, they wanted to try to sell the cabinets that they were removing from the kitchen. Now, they started the show explaining that they bought the house and were remodeling the whole thing and living somewhere else. The husband said that they needed to hurry and finish so that they could stop having two house payments. If you looked at their old kitchen, it wasn't awful, just a bit boring. And after watching it, I can with 100% accuracy tell you who doesn't want to live in the house while they remodel it. I would bet the bank on it.
So, they begin taking down the cabinets and she has something to say every 5 seconds while she stands next to him: "Be careful" "Ugh, Don't scratch the cabinets" "Ooooo be careful" sighing loudly (I have never done that!) and so on. Her voice was ridiculously whiny. You could tell that she thought her husband was an idiot and that she could do it better. He was doing just fine by the way. This woman drove me nuts. I felt so sorry for her husband and at the same time was wondering why he didn't tell her, "Enough" or as I read about here, "You done?" Or even a, "Let me know when you are done and we can continue here," and walking away. Later, when she happened to be right about something she was trying to tell him, he was in no mood to listen. I can't say I blame him...I was telling the TV to shut up! Levi reached over at one particularly annoying part and hit mute. I am not sure how the man didn't just walk out. How horrible to be constantly barraged with comments that make you feel like you must not know what you are doing. I asked Levi, "Please tell me I wasn't that bad!" He smirked, patted me on the leg and said, "Not quite...she is pretty horrible."
The next episode was completely different. They were also remodeling their kitchen but they had to move a wall and take the walls down to the bare bones. The wife was pregnant and was therefore a little overly emotional at certain points. They had to have an inspection and did not pass...they convinced the inspector to hang out for an hour so that they could finish the things that they needed to do to pass inspection. They had to fill something with nails and insulate the walls. She had to run to the store to get the insulation and you could tell when she got back that she was starting to stress out, but she pulled it together and helped her husband insulate the kitchen.
She didn't argue. She didn't berate him for not knowing that the walls had to be insulated. She just jumped in and did what needed to be done. They passed inspection and the wife got a little emotional...her husband took her face and said, "We are going to be alright....it's ok." She immediately calmed and you could tell that she melted a little. What a difference! That could have gone differently if he were to blow her off or be too alpha at that point. She just needed to know that everything was going to be ok. By the way, the face holding thing...that is hot.
Like Bob says about his Three Little Birds:
It got me to thinking about my three year old daughter. She is me reincarnated...she is that kid that your mom hopes you have that is JUST LIKE YOU. And sometimes she loses it. This girl can throw a ridiculous tantrum over the most ridiculous things. I am a no nonsense, natural consequences kind of mom. If you throw a fit, you will throw it somewhere else cause I don't want to hear it. So when she starts up (usually after I have told her no about something) I will give her a chance to cut it out and if she continues then she gets carried to her room (cause otherwise she just drops herself to the floor and I don't want to drag the child) and told that she can come out when she is done. It is amazing to me how quickly she can turn it off. And she always comes out cute as ever and says, "Mommy, I stop now:)" It's enough to drive me insane.
There are other times though that I can tell that she is tired, hungry, an emotional wreck and really upset about something. Those are the times that I will pick her up and cuddle her and tell her that everything is going to be fine. (and then I usually distract her with something else) There are a few times that I have guessed wrong...like the time that she screamed in her room so long that she just fell asleep...in hindsight we had had a very busy morning and she was probably just overtired (apparently mommy was too:))...or the time I kept trying to console her and then had to put her in her room anyway, but I typically have the wisdom to know the difference. After all, she is just like me.
So Levi and I were talking about this, and I shared with him that sometimes I just need him to tell me everything is going to be alright and that I will calm down. Here lately I have been quite anxious about everything going on in my life (low thyroid doesn't help either). There are times that he handled this anxiety well and other times not so well. There are times I handled it well and not so well. When I get anxious I can't let it go...I don't get down on Levi anymore, but I just question everything. For example, recently our pilot light went out on the water heater. Levi relit it...no big deal. Except with all the anxiety about the house we were laying in bed and I just couldn't let it go. We were spooning and I just kept saying things like: "But why would it go out? Is that a fire hazard? Do you think it will break? I don't want to have to replace the water heater before we put the house on the market!" Finally, Levi turned my face, gave me a big kiss, put his hand on my boob and said, "It's fine, now go to sleep." And I did. If he had said, "Are you done?", I think it would have made this situation worse. I think I would have felt like he didn't care and I would have still been anxious.
Now what I am talking about is different than an argument with merit...you can learn how to properly argue with your spouse here: http://www.averagemarrieddad.com/?p=2032 with Average Married Dad. I am talking about female drama. Sometimes we just can't help it...it's in our hormones or something.
My thought is this: If the freak out is coming from anxiety over a situation or a heart worry, then saying, "Are you done?" and walking away will backfire. On the flip side, if the freak out is directed at you and over something ridiculous and things are being spouted at you that are not going to help until things are calm, or you can tell that someone is just in a mood, then saying, "Everything is going to be alright." will backfire.
Levi and I were sitting around yesterday after the kids went to bed talking. He asked if there was anything in particular that I wanted the kids to get me for Mother's Day. Levi and I are very practical gift givers...if there is something that we want that is a tad pricey then we wait for a holiday. I know...not very romantic or spontaneous, but neither of us have "Receiving gifts" as a love language (from Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman) and we are both very frugal with money.
So I said, "Hmmmm, well, I need some new shoes and I think I want a Magic Bullet."
I wish that I had had a camera ready. I wish that I could recreate the look of shock on my husband's face! Priceless.
He replies, "They have "magic" ones? You want the kids to get you that!?" said in disbelief.
I just busted out laughing.
What I meant was this:
So that I can make my smoothies without pulling out the blender and having to clean the bulky thing.
The time of year that I will take extra care with my appearance is here. I will shower with scented body wash. I will take extra care to wash my hair and massage my scalp and not do the typical five minute dash before the kids have a chance to destroy what I just spent all day cleaning.
I will shave my legs...my whole leg...not just the bottom half. I will realize that I have been using a very dull razor (for probably months) and change the blade. I will yell at anyone who dares to open the bathroom door and let the cold air in. I will painstakingly (and carefully since I now have a new blade) trim and shave my bikini area.
\
I will buff my heels and soles. I will trim, clean and paint my toenails. I will be embarrassed that I let my toenails get so bad that there is no longer any polish on my last two toes and not because it chipped off, but because they have grown that much since I last bothered to paint them. I will get over it and choose a bright, bold color. I will curse when I mess up the polish on the wall I just stubbed my toe on.
I will brush my teeth, floss, and pull out the mouthwash (is this stuff still good...does it go bad?) I will use scented lotion on my whole body. I will pluck my eyebrows and give myself a facial. I will put on makeup. I will wonder where the hell that new line by my eye came from.
I will wear matching bra and panties even though no one will see them but me. I will choose something to wear that is comfortable and flattering. I will wear flip flops for ease of removal.
All to hear: Mrs. Bea, you may put your feet in the stirrups now.
Yes, it is that time of year again. Time for my annual visit to the gynecologist. For men reading this...you will probably not understand my neurosis in regards to my appearance before my annual exam. Women, however, know exactly what I am talking about. So for you men, let me explain...I am not attracted to my ob/gyn...he is old enough to be my father, but he is the only other person in my life that sees me completely naked. Oh, sure, they give you a ridiculously thin sheet (cough cough...piece of paper) to cover yourself with and only uncover what they are dealing with at any given moment, but even though it isn't all at once...they see you naked and poke and prod things that only your husband pokes and prods at. It seems silly, but for some reason you want to look your best. I have friends who see female doctors and they still follow the same routine. Now, I don't go to extremes and vagazzle anything, but I want to be clean, trimmed, and Dear Lord not smell, in any way, remotely bad.
(No, this isn't me, but trying to show paint clothes...not what I first got when I googled paint clothes and got very distracted by the people with clothes painted on them...geez)
As I was getting ready for this appointment, I began to wonder why I don't often go to this much trouble to please my husband visually. Now, don't get me wrong I try to shave, keep the bikini area where he wants to visit on a regular basis, and put on makeup occasionally. But I very rarely go to this much trouble for the man I love. I had been improving but with all the home improvement going on, my primping lately has involved a shower and scraping the paint off my fingernails and wondering how I still have paint in my hair. I want to be attractive for my husband and spend some time looking good for me, too:)
Why do I spend so much time getting ready for a 10 minute doctor visit, or a trip to the mall, or a once a month date night? Why, on most days, do I aim for looking good enough to visit Walmart? Why do people try to make you feel badly and label you vain if you spend what they deem too long on your appearance, which seems to be anything longer than 10 minutes? Why do people try to make you feel badly if you want to look nice for your spouse?
Something I have time to ponder while I wait two hours because my doctor had to go deliver a baby.
The good news: no kids allowed:) Ahhhhhh...silence is golden. Just me and the preggos.
Right after I got married, I had a friend who was having difficulties with her fiance and wanted to know if she should get married. Why do people always ask me the heavy questions? Yikes!
I didn't feel like, as a newlywed, that I had the wisdom yet to give this sort of advice so I told her what my mother told me: if you are marrying him expecting him to change...he won't. So make sure that you can live with the things he does that irritate you. If you can't accept them, don't get married. Well, she got married, he didn't change and unfortunately less than 4 years later, they divorced.
I feel like I have a bit of wisdom that I could have given her then, but only after having lived it. If you want marriage advice about having a successful marriage, ask someone who has one. Don't ask the single person in the next cubicle whom has never been married and complains about the opposite sex all the time, or for that matter the newlywed who is still in a state of bliss from her honeymoon. My brother used to ask me dating advice when I have been married for 13 years and haven't dated anyone but my husband for 16 years. I can honestly say that I am not an expert in the field of dating dear brother, maybe you should ask someone who is.
What do I wish I could tell my friend now? Marriage is hard. Those little things that slightly irritate you now...will drive you bat shit crazy in a few years if you don't do something very important.
Accept them.
Accept the fact that you can "love" and be with a person and not "like" everything that they do.
To clarify, I am not talking about abuse, alcoholism, etc. etc. I am talking about those little things that drive us all nuts like leaving your shoes all over the place, not being as OCD as you are in the cleaning department (which is one of the things my friend was upset about...the slobiness of her fiance), ignoring you when they watch sports, not being able to see something of theirs that needs to be picked up that they just walked right by, and the list goes on. I would have told her that she needed to
accept it
or
talk about it
or it would fester and get worse.
Levi used to do something that drove me nuts...actually, he still does it; it just doesn't drive me nuts anymore. What's changed? I flipped the acceptance switch and I stopped taking it personally. This is his problem, not mine. What can I do to help him? Because throwing my hands in the air and grunting as I walk away is probably not helping.
Levi does not like to make mistakes...EVER. It's completely unrealistic. I don't know if it is because he is the oldest in his family, a perfectionist, afraid that I will not think him worthy or a combination of all three (or even something completely different). We are all going to make mistakes. I grew up a complete klutz. Ok...I am still a complete klutz, but I think that this helped me learn to laugh at myself a bit. When Levi makes a mistake he is nowhere near laughing it off. This irritated me when we first got married, but over the years it got worse. And I am going to be completely honest with you: It is unattractive. There, I said it. Getting all upset and down on himself when he makes a mistake makes me not only irritated, but chips away at my attraction to him.
Here lately, with my attempts at being a better wife, I have come to realize something. I can't change how my husband reacts to something, it is probably so ingrained in habit as to be a part of his personality, but I CAN influence it in a positive or negative way.
We borrowed a pressure washer from a friend in order to make our house and driveway sparkle for our upcoming move. He started it up and we took turns (cause I had to try it...that looked like fun!). Then, it ran out of gas. We pulled over the gas can and filled it up, but, oops, we overfilled it and now the darn thing won't start. Levi is quite upset, calls himself an idiot, stomps around the garage, trys to start it so many times I am concerned that he will make things worse, and I could feel myself starting to get upset. Was I upset that he had overfilled it? NO. I was upset because he called himself an idiot in front of his daughter, upset with myself and guilty for how unattracted to him I was at that moment because he was being down on himself. I didn't know what to do. I never seem to know what to do in these situations, but I stood silently for a moment, took a deep breath and decided to not take it personally and thought: what can I do that will not hurt his ego, but will help him see what he should do? I wanted to try to be a helpmeet.
I very quietly said, "You are not an idiot. I wish you wouldn't say that."
He said in a blustery way, "What?" like he really didn't want me talking to him in that moment.
I said, "I said you are not an idiot. I don't like it when you say that about yourself. It is not true." in a much more forceful, firm, loving way.
He looked up at me, as he was now sitting next to the pressure washer grumbling about how he shouldn't have overfilled it and he should have stopped, and seemed...flabbergasted. I wonder now if it was because he expected me to be upset or disappointed in him cause he overfilled it. Since I had his complete attention, I said, "We can't undo what we did. What can we do to fix it?"
He got up, and after thinking a moment got a cup to drain some gas and after a few tries and a few more drains we got it to start. Before he started to pressure wash again, I gave him a big kiss, smiled, and said, "Thanks for fixing it babe." I then took our toddler back inside and let him finish.
I know this may not seem like a big deal to everyone else, but this was BIG STUFF at our house. I didn't think before how he may have taken my reaction to mean something other than what it was. My typical reaction may have made him feel like I was upset about his mistake and not the way he was handling it. Now I have something I can do to help. I feel empowered instead of helpless and guilty.
Do I think I will handle it perfectly every time? NO. Everyone makes mistakes:)
You know you don't really understand how dark a movie theater is until you walk from it into the bright sunlight of day. Everyone squints and grabs for their sunglasses in the hopes to save themselves from damage to their retinas. Well, I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel and it looks to be quite bright. (Let's hope it's not a train, shall we:)) The darkness is clearing and I am beginning to focus. Yes, it is cheesy, but I couldn't resist: My future's so bright, I gotta wear shades.
We are almost done preparing the house and it will be ready to go on the market in a couple of weeks. I can definitively say that when I grow up, I don't want to be a painter, but my baseboards look amazing...if I do say so myself. And I have a lot of freaking doors for such a small house. My realtor is going to think that I am crazy, but I am going to count doors in our next house:)
A couple of the kids' activities are winding down in preparation for summer. We are beginning to really look hard at where exactly we want to start looking and have narrowed it down to several small areas. It's exciting and scary, but I feel like I am in a better place to handle it.
Who knew how much your thyroid and vitamins can affect you? I look back on the last 6-7 months and wonder how I didn't notice how low I was. It's like I have come out of the theater to a bright sunny day. I am beginning to lose weight, am happier more often, able to handle stressful situations without totally losing it, and the doom and dread feeling is fading.
I got lost on the way to take my oldest to an activity. I was trying to avoid a huge traffic jam and thought I knew my way around it on the side roads, but I got turned around and ended up here:
My phone map wouldn't update...stupid (3G piece of)...phone...and we were going to be late. I HATE being late. And before you think that it couldn't have been that bad and that I must be exaggerating, I must remind you that I live in a VERY large city. The area that I was lost in is one they write songs about and one that I could get pulled over in just because I drive a halfway decent car. The cops would wonder if I was lost or up to no good. I drove very quickly back towards the interstate and told my oldest that we were going to be late. His response: "Ok, mom." I glanced back and he was reading his book, completely oblivious to the danger we just drove through and honestly did not care that we were going to be late. What the heck was I worried about then...other than being carjacked of course? I immediately relaxed and found my way to our destination. We were only 15 minutes late and missed nothing. A couple of months ago I probably would have totally broken down. I was able to (in the words of my oldest) "Just chill."
I know the next couple of months are going to be quite busy and stressful hoping we sell the house and hoping we can get into one in this seller's market. I think I am going to buy me one of these hammocks and imagine myself in our new backyard...just chillin'.
John 1:5 The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.
I have recently been given medication for hypothyroidism. I hate taking medicine, but I knew after some of my symptoms became difficult to deal with that I would need to see a doctor. And call me shallow, but my hair was falling out. I consider my hair to be one of my best features and thankfully I have been told that it will grow back. I had also put on 10 pounds in 6 months and it was not coming off.
I have to take several vitamin supplements because my calcium and vitamin D are very low. This may be a case of the chicken or the egg as the thyroid helps to regulate these vitamins. I have medicine for acid reflux as well and have been plagued with digestive issues for years. I am cold and tired and have difficulty dealing with stress and going back over some of my posts, one may wonder if I am depressed. And did I mention I hate taking medicine?
So, I am taking the stupid medicine, but I wanted to find ways to naturally boost my thyroid.
I asked the doctor if there was anything I could do...her response...lose weight and reduce stress (and take thyroid medicine).
Well, shit...that's helpful.
Chicken....Egg...considering that the stupid gland made me gain weight and is making it difficult to deal with stress...
Ok, enough with the sarcasm...but I was about ready to smack the woman. I have started some research and I have a feeling that some dietary changes are in my future and considering I live in the south where everything is deep fried, dipped in ranch, smothered in cheese, incredibly portioned or otherwise awful for you...this is going to be a challenge.
A common theme to my research:
Decrease Sugar/Carbs
Increase Protein
Consider a Gluten-Free Diet (my gastro thought I might have Celiac's but I tested negative)
Probiotics
Anti-Inflammation Diet
Practice Relaxation (apparently the thyroid is a stress sensitive gland--hahahahaha...ok, sorry...I just find that humorous right now)
Vitamins (Especially D, Omega-3 and B - apparently my vitamin D is low enough to contribute to hormone pathway disruption)
Considering some of my favorite foods include bread, tortillas, or pasta...I am in trouble. Reducing stress is probably not going to happen for a few months:) so I will focus on the food.
If anyone has any cookbooks, websites, etc that they can share...I would greatly appreciate it.
